Autism and Christmas. What kind of gifts would your ASD child like? How do you handle the holidays?

[Tap]

Does your ASD kiddo handle the holidays ok? Any ideas that have seemed to help? 

 

i know one family with only one child and they stopped having Christmas all together.  He couldn't handle the anticipation and the stimulation was just too much for him. They tried so many ideas, and finally just gave up. Since I have other kids, I don't want to go that route but dd10 struggles take so much of the fun out of the holiday, that it almost seems better to just skip it all together.  (DD10 has violent/destructive tantrums when she is frustrated.)

 

 

 

For your kiddo.....what are some past 'hit' gifts or hopeful hits for this year. Any ages/stages or any level of Autism including Aspergers are welcome to comment.  (yeah, I know DSM-V)

 

 

DD10 struggles with the anticipation. So this year, I am going try to get decorations done early, so they are done and over with by Dec 1st.  The tree will be up within the week as will every decoration that will go up.  If it isn't done by next weekend, it isn't going up this year. I already started. LOL 

 

I'm trying to think outside the box they year.  I am tired of buying gifts and having them sit unopened. LOL  I bought her 3 Lego items for her birthday over a month ago (one from me, one from each of my teens). Lego is her current interest.  2 were opened.  1 very small set (50 pieces) I sat and built with her and it never got finished. She got bored/frustrated and walked off.  I am experienced at Legos so it wan't me LOL.  The mixed bulk set, has been used a couple of times with her brother, for a total of about 1 hour.  The medium sized,  200 piece birthday themed set....is unopened.

 

 It was August of this year, when she finally opened her MLP doll (that she asked for) from last Christmas, and only because I gave it to her as a suggestion of what to do on a trip.  Otherwise, I am certain that it would still be sitting on the bookshelf.

 

I love to buy presents and she likes to open them, but then does nothing with them.They sit unwrapped, but in their original, unopened boxes.  The past 2 years, we have waited until she went to bed on Christmas Eve, so I could give my older kids a few presents without her knowing.  That way on Christmas morning, there isn't the obvious discrepancy in gifts.  My older kids understand, but it is also hard on them to have to adjust family traditions that they grew up with, to accommodate her all the time.  (My older kids were 8 and 12 when she came to us as a baby).  I have tried practical things to make it look like more, but that fell flat.  Clothes are not a present to her. LOL Fun soaps/bath items are in the bath pantry.....unopened from last year. 

 

Experience gifts don't work here..  She can't handle anticipation, so something like movie tickets, need to be used immediately or she will have massive tantrums over wanting to go at 9pm on a random school night. when she suddenly remembers them.

 

I can't buy and then donate because she remembers every gift.  In fact last week, She asked for a cup of cocoa. Then she went digging in the food pantry for a candy cane she put in there, from last Christmas, that her bus driver gave her. I thought it was gone for sure, but she found it LOL, just where she said she put it. I know better than to throw away her things.  She just had a tantrum because I threw away 2015 Halloween candy, the same day she was going TnTing in 2016.  We needed the plastic pumpkin it had resided in, in my pantry for the past year. LOL  I was smarter this year. Her candy got moved to a zipper bag Halloween night and the pumpkin went into storage with her costume. Whew!  At least I don't have to look it for all of 2017. LOL

 

 

[WoolC]

Our Christmas decorations went up this weekend due to my aspie. We never decorate this early but an extended family member decorated early this year so when my son caught wind of that it was all over. Not worth the all day meltdowns from him waiting to pull out decorations.

 

I hear you on all of the anticipation and inability to wait for things. It seems like we are a bit on edge all the way from Halloween to New Years. The change in routine and excitement just drains my son's ability to cope. I'm not sure about the gifts. My son is into legos, crafts, dress up and playmobil but he plays with everything as soon as he opens it. Could you give collectible type gifts that she could display in the unopened box? If she keeps up with what she has it sounds like she is still enjoying her gifts, just not in the traditional way. Hopefully others will have some suggestions!

[luuknam]

Books? At least they can sit unused on the shelf without taking up too much space or going bad...

[Lecka]

Can you go out of your way to play with new toys? She may not have ideas about how to play with them. Maybe she would copy an older sibling who played with the toy and gave her some ideas. Maybe you will just need to introduce the toy so it is not "new" and gets to be part of the play routine.

[City Mouse]

Not really ASD, but my DS used to have issues with wrapped gifts sitting out for any length of time. We had "pretend" gift boxes that we would put everyday stuff (not new gifts) and wrap up so that he could "play" presents. I would wrap some for him, then he would wrap some to give me.

[luuknam]

Experience gifts don't work here..  She can't handle anticipation, so something like movie tickets, need to be used immediately or she will have massive tantrums over wanting to go at 9pm on a random school night. when she suddenly remembers them.

 

If you give her tickets for a movie on a set day, then you won't have the issue of her wanting to go on some random school night when she happens to remember them. It's unclear to me if she also has issues with being too excited for a week/day/hour before the date though.

[Chris in VA]

She may be too old for this--

I used to tell my early elementary aged son "Carrot Bear" stories. I made up stories about a little bear who would have the same experience as my son. For example, I vremember one where CB got to open a present on Christmas Eve. It turned out to be pajamas. The next day was Christmas Eve and my sons got to open a present early...guess what they got? My son actually was quite pleased and said,"Just like Carrot Bear!"

Maybe you could adapt this strategy. (My son is an aspie.)

[Tap]

If you give her tickets for a movie on a set day, then you won't have the issue of her wanting to go on some random school night when she happens to remember them. It's unclear to me if she also has issues with being too excited for a week/day/hour before the date though.

Good thought, but like you mentioned at the end... She will blow it about an hour before we have to leave.  And, I don't mean just a little whining...something will end up broken, or someone bit, or punched.  things severe enough that I can't just let her go anyway.   

 

If I try to be more vague, she will ask, every 15 minutes, every single day. 

Edited November 21, 2016 by Tap

[Plink]

What about sensory toys?  My Aspie loves the texture of clay, moon sand, and thinking putty.  She can either play with them during her free time, or I can bring them out when I see that she is getting overstimulated.

 

As she has gotten older, we have purchased sculpting tools, glow-in-the-dark sculpy, molds, and even a wheel.  Her skills have transferred to cake decorating, which is a fun bonus, so we registered for weekly classes.  The beginner Wilton materials would be a fun thing to wrap up, and the regular repetition of weekly classes (available at most craft stores) becomes a routine rather than an outing to be anticipated.

 

I don't know if this is gift worthy, but the destruction went down 10-fold when we purchased one of these.  She can bend it, twist it, or even bite it as hard as she wants to, and has permission to do so.  Life-saver.

Edited November 21, 2016 by Plink

[TeenagerMom]

Bedding?  In particular a weighted blanket comes to mind if she doesn't already have one.  Dvd movies, iPod/iTunes card (DS lives with his ear buds in to drown out the world), books, posters for her bedroom walls, collectibles (like vinyl POP figures, DS likes to have his collections sitting out),

[Tap]

What about sensory toys?  My Aspie loves the texture of clay, moon sand, and thinking putty.  She can either play with them during her free time, or I can bring them out when I see that she is getting overstimulated.

 

As she has gotten older, we have purchased sculpting tools, glow-in-the-dark sculpy, molds, and even a wheel.  Her skills have transferred to cake decorating, which is a fun bonus, so we registered for weekly classes.  The beginner Wilton materials would be a fun thing to wrap up, and the regular repetition of weekly classes (available at most craft stores) becomes a routine rather than an outing to be anticipated.

 

I don't know if this is gift worthy, but the destruction went down 10-fold when we purchased one of these.  She can bend it, twist it, or even bite it as hard as she wants to, and has permission to do so.  Life-saver.

Great idea on the sensory items, but she has had weekly OT since she was 2, gets OT in school and is in a classroom with an abundance of sensory items.  It has lost its usefulness/uniqueness to her. 

 

She has lost several chewy necklaces.  When she gets mad, things like that get ripped off and thrown (she will even rip off her clothes if they get in her way LOL). Unfortunately, they become a weapon sometimes. Her school has to restrain her daily and it is a chocking hazard during that, so she can only use them at home. Good idea to put a new one in her stocking though! In fact, if I can find them for a good price.....maybe a few LOL

 

Classes, appointments and the bus picking her up are all hard for her.  She will have a class at 4pm.  So at 3pm she starts asking to leave.  I explain that it will take 15 minutes to get there, so there would still be 30 minutes to sit in a chair and wait once we are there, before class starts, and then another hour for me to sit and wait for her her class.  She will insist we leave early, or throw a tantrum,  If we go 15 minutes early one day, then the next week it is 30 minutes early, then 45 minutes  and so on.  She can tell time and understands it well. Quite honestly, she would be perfectly behaved while waiting if she goes 30 minutes early.  I just can't build her never ending 'leave earlier and earlier' in to my busy day. LOL  She just really, really struggles with anticipation of times to leave the house or of events to come.   Even her bus driver has to wait for her for 5 minutes every morning (special needs bus) because she can't be ready too early or she gets destructive anticipating his arrival.  LOL He and I have a deal, that she doesn't put her shoes on until he pulls up out front, They get to school early every day, and sit on the bus for 10 minutes until the school opens, so he doesn't mind the arrangement. 

[Innisfree]

I know you've probably tried all the obvious things, but for anticipation about when to leave, would a written or visual schedule help? Maybe with an extra activity to fill the anticipatory time?

So, if the class is at 4, the schedule would say "Lego play, 3:00-3:30"; "get shoes on, brush hair, put on coat, 3:30-3:40"; "leave for class, 3:45."

 

Or would that just push the anticipation earlier?

[Jennifer132]

My ds11 was diagnosed with mild autism when he was five. He has made huge strides though, so I can't speak to the tantrums at this point. I will say the kind of gifts he likes are sensory based. So like sand art or an oil timer, or a book of those visual illusions. He'd probably really enjoy one of those swings kind of envelops you and that hangs from the ceiling, but it's out of our budget...and he's a fact kid, so he loves books with lots of random facts or logical fallacies or something like that.

[Tap]

I know you've probably tried all the obvious things, but for anticipation about when to leave, would a written or visual schedule help? Maybe with an extra activity to fill the anticipatory time?

So, if the class is at 4, the schedule would say "Lego play, 3:00-3:30"; "get shoes on, brush hair, put on coat, 3:30-3:40"; "leave for class, 3:45."

 

Or would that just push the anticipation earlier?

Nope, because she will whip through every thing and then declare it is time to go, because everything is done! LOL   She will say, it must be time to go wait for class to start, because...well, that is the next thing on the list. LOL 

 

We have tried so many different things, especially since she rides the bus daily, has therapy 2x per week and sometimes a lesson too (volleyball, swimming etc).  I WELCOME new ideas and love that you suggested this, because that is what makes this board great.  But alas, BTDT. 

 

We just have a firm rule, that we don't leave early.  If she has a violent tantrum (some anticipation stress is expected), she doesn't get to go.  If it happens 2x in a month, then we stop that activity for the time being (even if it is pre-paid).  She lost swimming in the summer, and  Volleyball in Oct. We will try again in January (I wait about 2 mths before trying again when she loses something).

[Innisfree]

For Christmas specifically, I wish I had more to offer. The whole holiday season feels "on edge" for us too. There's just too much excitement (and we don't even do anything all that exciting, lol).

 

One thing that I do think helps us is that we've always stuck to a very, um, archaic definition of Christmas. For us, it begins on Christmas Eve, not before. This is how it's always been, and the kids are sufficiently rigid that they think the rest of the world is wrong starting early, not us wrong starting late. The tree goes up and gets decorated on Christmas Eve, presents appear under it overnight, then they get immediately opened the next morning. Then there's vacation from school and playing and good food, but no more surprises, so no more real anticipation, just relaxing and fun. At least, that's the theory. It mostly works, I think, but somehow a degree of stress seems inevitable. Whether one could institute this with a kid who has always had Christmas stuff start earlier, I'm not sure.

[Tap]

Bedding?  In particular a weighted blanket comes to mind if she doesn't already have one.  Dvd movies, iPod/iTunes card (DS lives with his ear buds in to drown out the world), books, posters for her bedroom walls, collectibles (like vinyl POP figures, DS likes to have his collections sitting out),

I sold her weighted blanket, she didn't use it. 

 

We do movies on Netflix etc, typically because she ruins them when she is upset.  I am loading some music on her phone tonight, so that one is something I will do for Christmas too.  She uses in on the bus because the other kids cuss so bad (special needs bus for kids with behaviors).  She prefers to listen to music, instead of them.  

Things can't be on display because they get smashed.

Edited November 21, 2016 by Tap

[Plink]

Have you bought her a punching bag or a speed bag yet?  Not that you want her to get any stronger, but maybe having a specific place in the basement where she can beat something to bits without consequence would be something she'd enjoy (wrong word, but you know what I mean).

 

We have a swing in the basement for our Aspie too.  She absolutely uses it on holidays - it gives her a safe place to escape and re-center herself.  

 

(((hugs))) You are in a tough spot.

[Tap]

Have you bought her a punching bag or a speed bag yet?  Not that you want her to get any stronger, but maybe having a specific place in the basement where she can beat something to bits without consequence would be something she'd enjoy (wrong word, but you know what I mean).

 

We have a swing in the basement for our Aspie too.  She absolutely uses it on holidays - it gives her a safe place to escape and re-center herself.  

 

(((hugs))) You are in a tough spot.

Funny you mention that ....LOL

 

We have specifically avoided having her do anything that will encourage, or hone her ability to punch.  She is 10yo, but 5;2' and 160 lbs.  She is a powerhouse of muscle, but doesn't really know how to use it to her advantage yet.  Once she does she will be able to KO a teacher with one well placed punch.  

 

Last week at her OT, the OT and I needed to set her new goals, so we gave dd 20 minutes of free time in the gym while we talked (normally gets 20 minutes but is playing with the OT at the time ). We were in the gym, but not engaged with her. DD took one of large 3 foot long, 12 diameter foam rollers and propped it up in another thing and made it into a punching bag.  She punched it a few times, realized the plastic hurt her knuckles. So, she went and got the neoprene hand weights, wrapped them around her hands (like gloves) and kept punching it for several minutes.  We were finished at that time, so we left, but her OT and I were just standing there looking at each other like 'OMG'.  

 

We don't allow violent movies and games at our house, due to age and issues.  But, she spends each weekend with her bio-dad.  (she is biologically my great-niece) My guess is, that she got it from there.  I don't think he tones down what he watches when she is around. 

 

So, while I agree that I think she would really like it.....I don't really want her practicing quite yet.