Birds & Bees for a 5yo

[Valerie in Chicago]

It finally happened... DD1, who is 5yo, today asked how babies get into a mommy's belly and how the doctor gets the baby out.

 

I groped frantically around the car for a shiny object, but couldn't find one. So I changed the subject.

 

I don't mind telling her the truth. But I would love some insights from those who have been through this already about how to approach it in an age-appropriate way. Somehow, I don't think, "Mommy & Daddy went skiing and then had a bottle of wine -- you're a vacation souvenir!" is the way to go here.

 

Thanks in advance!

[Ria]

Just tell it like it is. Use animals as examples, and be explicit. The male has a pen*s puts sperm in the female...you get the idea. Give the facts...sperm and egg. It is what it is. My kids all knew about this stuff by age 4, and it was just life. Then again, we had rabbits. LOL!

Ria

[gardening momma]

Just tell it like it is. Use animals as examples, and be explicit. The male has a pen*s puts sperm in the female...you get the idea. Give the facts...sperm and egg. It is what it is. My kids all knew about this stuff by age 4, and it was just life. Then again, we had rabbits. LOL!

Ria

I don't care to start with the sexual language this early. That's one reason why my kids won't be going to public school. My guess is that the OP wants to know how to give a little info without giving too much...saving the rest for when the child is older, and a more appropriate age.

 

You might talk that explicitly with your kids, but we don't all want to do that.

[Sharon H in IL]

Agreed. Thank goodness I had heard a Dr. Laura discussion about it or I'd have been more nervous than I was. My 4yo asked in the car. I checked to see if he had the abstract information, and yup sure enough, he wanted details.

 

The fact that I was driving was actually good. 'Just the facts, ma'am.' was my approach. The Daddy and the Mommy get very close, and he puts his . . . . . into her body's opening called the . . . . . and it feels really warm and close and good.

 

The sperm and . . . tra la la. [insert the rest of the microscopic drama]

 

Sometimes, the woman's body has produced an egg that is ready for a sperm . . .

 

And nine months later, there you are.

 

We read books about the hen lays the egg and the puppy is born, before introducing books about humans.

[Joanne]

I don't care to start with the sexual language this early. That's one reason why my kids won't be going to public school. My guess is that the OP wants to know how to give a little info without giving too much...saving the rest for when the child is older, and a more appropriate age.

 

You might talk that explicitly with your kids, but we don't all want to do that.

 

"Hey, baby! You're a hottie. I want to do you!"

 

That is sexual language.

 

What was suggested to you in terms of telling your kids is *biology*. Knowledge of biology, procreation and accurate terms does not sexualize children.

 

In fact, studies show that children who are given *real* and *accurate* information are better equipped against predators.

[emeraldjoy]

We too have just told it how it is using the proper names and language for everything. No big deal really and then they treat it as no big deal. Just basic anatomy. I do not think 4 or 5 is too young.

 

Sometimes I wonder if too big of deal is made or if the information is "hidden" or delayed too long, then some maybe not so healthy curiosity forms....I just wonder...don't know for sure.

 

I am sure there is a good book or website.....

 

Emerald

[Ria]

"Hey, baby! You're a hottie. I want to do you!"

 

That is sexual language.

 

What was suggested to you in terms of telling your kids is *biology*. Knowledge of biology, procreation and accurate terms does not sexualize children.

 

In fact, studies show that children who are given *real* and *accurate* information are better equipped against predators.

 

Ah, Joanne, you understand so well! Yes, as a biology major, this is exactly what I meant. Biology is biology. Procreation happens, and kids want to know about it. Facts are facts.

 

The sexual language stuff comes later.

 

Ria

[newlifemom]

We begin answering the ? of how dc got into the belly by stating God put you there. I do not think that is a lie b/c every child is a gift from God. For some of my dc that was all they wanted at 5. For others, well they wanted more info. Which I explained again simply enough but not too much detail. I like Dobson's approach. Tell the truth but not too much detail. Most 5 year olds, who live nowhere near a farm don't want the nitty gritty. God put you there is enough. My 3rd wanted more. If you live on a farm, different story. You're seeing everyday. BTW, we haven't given real names, but we don't use baby names for parts either. We call them private parts and no one looks or touches except for doctors when there is a problem.

[LibrarianMom]

I told my daughter that all ladies have a "baby hole" in their bottoms where the baby comes out. She didn't ask too much about daddy's role. The baby hole also came in handy when I was buying feminine hygiene products and asked what's that. Believing in honesty as the best policy (for the most part), I told her that each month a mommy's body gets ready "just in case" she is going to have a baby. If she isn't going to have a baby, blood comes out of the baby hole. Her response was "That's gross!"

[hornblower]

I think books are quite helpful. For one thing, they give you a script. For another, if you read them together, you're both facing the same way & that takes the pressure off if you think you'll start blushing :001_smile:

And lastly, if you leave it about, it lets the child choose whether to pick it up or not & satisfy their curiosity to whatever extent they need to. Some kids just want a quick answer & they want to move on, others really want to think about it & delve into it more deeply.

 

It's So Amazing by Robie Harris

Where Did I Come From by Peter Mayle

 

were our faves.

 

With my first child it helped that I had a home birth with the 2nd. She saw quite clearly where baby brother came from - in fact, she helped cut the cord. :D

 

We're matter of fact people & teach biology quite simply. Having birth, breastfeeding and anatomy books all around is also very helpful.

 

Birth is an awfully wonderful thing.

[kalanamak]

There is a reason it is called the birds and the bees. Actually, I like to start with Sticklebacks, after the unicellural organisms dividing. A pitch for good fathering! And...no touching. First her, then him, in a nest. 8 days later, babies. (I particularly love how the male only likes nice FAT females :lol:)

 

Some of the nature scenes of various sea creatures each releasing an egg and sperm really de-sexualize it and make it a rather clinical fact. From there I worked up. Birds are brief and fluttery. A bee carry the pollen on their very unerotic legs. Next came anatomy books that have the urinary and genital tracts. Wee making and what those little knots are in the scrotum are treated as just one more organ system. We have gotten far enough that I think when he asks "the question" about how people do this, I can explain it in a very unerotic fashion, which is what a 6 year old needs.

 

I use all the techincal terms. After all, if kiddo is learning ziggurat, natron, military dictatorship, femur and manidible, then "natal cleft" or "perineum" isn't far behind (NO pun intended).

Best of luck!

[cillakat]

I agree wholeheartedly with Ria. Stick with biology and it all works out well. It wasn't so long ago that virtually all young children would have a good understanding of the mechanics of intercourse, pregnancy, birth and lactation because of our our proximity to animals.

 

Now we're very far removed from the basic biology; the mystery and secrecy haven't served us well in this realm.

 

I was an early reader as a child and knew by age five, the mechanics of procreation. For my kids, I wanted the same thing. I wanted the basic terms and understanding out there before they decided it was to 'embarassing' to talk about.

 

So, from early on they knew (as it came up naturally) about menstruation, that sperm from the daddy joined with an egg inside the mommy's uterus to grow into a baby, that the baby came out of the vagina,......later around 5 or so: the pen * s/v*gina connection to the sperm egg (keeping it really basic), that the *mommy* has the baby (the doctor doesn't 'get it out'). They also know about tampons, pads and menstrual cups.....

 

My mom never opened the door for honest discussion, which to me was a sign that I couldn't ask her questions in this realm. I got what info I needed from books, thankfully, rather than peers. But a lot was missing by not having the values system that would come up with a familial discussion versus simply science based text.

 

But again, for me it all goes back to the fact that for all of human history, we lived in very close proximity to each other and to animals and that animal reproduction would a part of ones memory bank from the youngest of ages.

 

Within that framework of openness, it's easier to add religious and moral values.

 

All the best,

Katherine

[CalicoKat]

Just tell it like it is. Use animals as examples, and be explicit. The male has a pen*s puts sperm in the female...you get the idea. Give the facts...sperm and egg. It is what it is. My kids all knew about this stuff by age 4, and it was just life. Then again, we had rabbits. LOL!

Ria

My mother's chickens and barn cats were very helpful in their indescretion. :D My dd's comment, "Oh you mean mating, like gma's chickens?" Yup, enough said.

[Valerie in Chicago]

I appreciate the support & suggestions! I remember as a small kid being told, "you pray for a baby and God answers your prayers." That satisfied me until about 4th grade when everyone seemed to know something that I didn't. So more questions at home. Then came the books, which were very helpful. I wanted the straight dirt on things, so my mom made sure that I got it. I've always appreciated the honesty! (one girlfriend of mine got NO info at home. absolutely none.)

 

DD1 is not one to be put off. She's the type to ask again and again and *again* about something. So it looks like I'll grab some books and see if I can approach this like the rational, mature adult that I play in front of her.:D

 

Thanks for the insights!

[Joanne]

Since your child seems to want direct and you are comfortable with it, here is wording I suggested in another thread for a slightly older child:

 

 

EXPLICIT WARNING:

 

 

 

"Son, when a husband and wife get together in private, their bodies want to be close. When they hug and kiss, the husband's penis gets hard - it's called an erection - and it feels good for both people to put the hard people to put the penis in the wife's vagina. It feels so good that the penis ejaculates a white substance that has sperm. The sperm swim inside the wife to meet the egg her body released. That's what's called "making love" and it's God's/Nature's design for making babies and for married couples to show private love."

[gardening momma]

Now we're very far removed from the basic biology; the mystery and secrecy haven't served us well in this realm.

It has served plenty of people well.

 

My mom never opened the door for honest discussion, which to me was a sign that I couldn't ask her questions in this realm.

There's a big difference between waiting until the child is older and not giving the child any information at all, at any age.

[lighthouseacademy]

My son had asked a few questions at about 5-6ish. He witnessed his sister's birth so he knew how they got out but he didn't know how they got in. So, ds asked dh how baby got in and dh said that when 2 people are married and love each other very much, they have special time together and the sperm from the dad joins the egg in the mom and then the baby grows. He was satisfied. Fast forward, he got a hold of my Usborne Encyclopedia of Science and read about the biology of it- he found it fascinating, just like he finds it fascinating that we have 2 sets of teeth and the deciduous teeth fall out leaving the permanent teeth behind. To him it is just the way things work. We have always used correct terms and we are modest in our home in our dress and speech, but to him it is like the fact that our heart beats and our lungs breath. No big deal. Don't get me wrong, at first when I realized what he had read I was a little upset because I figured we would have a discussion, but for us it worked. He asks dh questions when he has a desire for more detail and we always answer exactly what he asks without giving more detail than he asked for.

[cillakat]

Oh! and books I like on the subject....

 

for young kids I like Dr. Ruth's book.....I do change the language as I go to align it with their questions (ie not giving them more than they really wanted to know)

 

for slightly older 7,8,9 I like Marc Brown's book _What's the Big Deal?_ Change/add language as needed to fit one's own religious/moral framework.

 

A good adult book is _Everything you Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About S*x (and were afraid they'd ask)_ Worth checking out from the library.

 

:)

Katherine

[Carrie12345]

My dds haven't been very curious about details, but I have found discussing reproduction with them to be so much easier than with ds. He knows the technical details (thank you, dh) but the girls, well, I guess they're in between the very basic and the detailed info.

 

They have vaginas, so I found it easy to explain how babies get out. They didn't exactly *believe me at first!:lol: As far as how babies get in, right now it's left as the idea that a daddy's body and a mommy's body work together to make an itty bitty egg grow into a baby, just like a bird's egg, but inside.

 

That seemed to be more than they were interested in when it came up. I plan to go into a bit more detail sometime soon. Espcially now that they're fascinated by the proper names for body parts.;)

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

At 5, dd knew it all from a biological standpoint. She knew about how her body was going to grow and change, sperm and egg, the correct terminology, etc. She's a smart kid and asks a lot of questions, and I will never give her "cutsie" answers to serious questions.

 

Now, at 7, she knows the whole deal. We talking about dating, boys in the back seats of cars, birth control, infidelity, and whatever happens to come up- usually from something we've seen on TV or something a friend said about a situation, etc. She talks a lot more now about her body changing and asking questions about that and taking care of herself. She's been to a recent gynecologist appt. with me and stayed up at my head end, but still got the idea this was nothing to be afraid of.

 

I think it is going to depend on the kid as to what you tell and don't tell and when. There is no magic age, and I could imagine a kid being a little freaked out if they aren't ready. My dd is mature for her age and I know she won't go off and try to teach her friends what she knows. She knows these are things that are discussed between parents and children when kids are in elementary school.

[ChristusG]

I just answer the questions as they come along....I answer what she asks and nothing more. My oldest is 4 years old, by the way.

 

She has asked how babies get out of the mommy's tummy. I have told her that babies usually come out of a hole near the mommy's bottom. But sometimes, the doctors have to cut the mommy's tummy to get the baby out (she has seen A Baby Story on TLC and that's why she asked about the c-section part). She has yet to ask how a baby gets into mommy's tummy....but she does know that God makes everyone, so maybe that's why she has not asked.

 

She has asked where she was before she got into my tummy. I told her that she was with God.

 

She does know all about a woman's period. She's walked in on me in the bathroom opening a tampon. So I just explained that it is something that all women have when they get into their teenage years. She asked me if it hurt (she equaled blood with hurting) and I told her that no, it did not hurt. I said that sometimes my tummy area hurts, but it does not hurt to have a period.

 

But so far, that's all she's asked.....and I'm glad LOL!