3 year old that doesn't have any interest in toys

[kbutton]

My son that didn't like playing all that much turned out to kind of need me to explain the world to him. This makes sense with what we know at this point. When he was really little, it came across as curiosity on his part except when things would go awry--at that point, he always needed some "missing" piece of information, and it was very clear when I didn't intuit what it was because he would be unglued. That might be something to watch for, and it could be broadly developmental or language-based.

 

If you take detailed notes about everything (including context), you will be doing him a wonderful service. Not everyone is willing to dig, and even the most well-intentioned professionals cannot supply parental intuition when it's not there. If you are willing to do this, you might purchase an inexpensive calendar just for this purpose so that you can write observations, milestones, etc. right onto the correct date. Then no one has to remember how old he was or what was happening--it's all right there.

 

As for whether he could be globally delayed or just speech delayed, there are many different possibilities. He could be delayed in one area, globally delayed, gifted but not meeting milestones of a "typical" gifted child with the same capabilities because of a developmental glitch. 

 

And yes, don't rule out apraxia simply because he can speak some. I have a fluent speaker who uses all the wrong motor processes to produce sound. A PROMPT therapist can help tremendously in assessing what's going on that way.

[AnthemLights]

Thanks Ottakee, I appreciate the vote of confidence.

 

Sarahmom- no way could I carry this child.  I am barely 5 foot and he is almost 40 pounds.  He's a big fellow.   :001_smile:

 

Farrar - the chair/book seems to be working well.  He likes to "sing" so he just holds open a book and "sings".  And yes it has saved my sanity quite a few times already.

 

Murphy - This is the same child that only sleeps approximately 7 hours a day, so he gets plenty of time during the other 17 hours to be around people and connect emotionally.  I don't think 5-10 minutes 2 or 3 times a day would be harmful.  (Especially since he is still in the same room).  And seriously, for the sake my own emotional well being I need some breaks here and there or else I will end up looking like this.  :willy_nilly:  :001_smile:

 

Zoobie - we have had one visit with someone from Child Development.  They ruled out anything more worrisome than just plain old speech delay caused by environment.  I had to look up apraxia and I am almost 100 % certain there is nothing like that going on.  He caught on how to play with things very easily.  The problem is that he just has no desire to.  

 

It seems he is happiest playing with things that aren't toys.  Yesterday he spent almost an hour raking the gravel in our driveway into patterns while I watched on the porch.  I would love to find something that would keep him that occupied inside.   :tongue_smilie:

 

I am finding lots of ideas from the links that some of you have provided.  And pinterest is a fount of information.  So I am hopeful.......

 

Thanks again everyone.

 

 

 

 

[monstermama]

What does he do outside in the dirt?  Just dig?  One of my son's favorite indoor things when he was younger was an under the bed filled with rice/beans/gravel and some measuring cups and those little CAT construction toys.  It was big enough to give him lots of room to play in but also kept the mess mostly contained.

[AnthemLights]

What does he do outside in the dirt?  Just dig?

 

Yeah pretty much.  He make holes, fills them back in again.  Makes piles, smooths them back out.  

 

One of my son's favorite indoor things when he was younger was an under the bed filled with rice/beans/gravel and some measuring cups and those little CAT construction toys.  It was big enough to give him lots of room to play in but also kept the mess mostly contained.

 

I was talking to my husband about all of this last night and he said he would make him a big indoor "sandbox" that we could fill with corn.  (My husband's philosophy:  Go big, or go home.   :thumbup1: )  Anyhow, if he doesn't get around to it any time soon, this would be a good alternative.  Thanks.  

 

[Spryte]

Have you looked up tot trays? There should be several sites, I think one is something like 1+1+1=1 ... Montessori type activities to put on trays. Put them on a low shelf and let him choose what interests him. Teach him to put the trays away. Then rotate them every week or so. Things like picking up Pom poms with big tweezers and color sorting them, or sorting little things into small containers. Water transfer activities (pouring), counting, colors, letters ... My youngest loved those. Plus sensory bins.

 

ETA: http://m.1plus1plus1equals1.net/search?q=Tot+trays

 

We used a lot of the printables, too.

Edited July 7, 2016 by Spryte

[AnthemLights]

Spryte, I haven't yet gotten him anything like that, but it's on my list of something that I think he would like.  It has occurred to me that he seems to like tools way better than toys.  Shovels, rakes, the barbeque tongs, ropes, buckets, etc.  I am going to focus on how to bring stuff like that indoors.  

[Spryte]

Spryte, I haven't yet gotten him anything like that, but it's on my list of something that I think he would like. It has occurred to me that he seems to like tools way better than toys. Shovels, rakes, the barbeque tongs, ropes, buckets, etc. I am going to focus on how to bring stuff like that indoors.

He sounds a lot like my DD at that age. I found a lot of strangely absorbing things at the dollar store. Her very favorite was a plastic salt shaker. I got those little plastic cupcake toppers that have seasonal figures on top - ghosts for Halloween, etc - and she would poke those into the holes on the salt shaker. :) She also loved mini brooms and tools, and "work" things.

 

Good luck!

[Pronghorn]

I used to be able to judge my daughter's level of attachment anxiety by how much she played. On days she didn't touch the toys, she was really too anxious to do it. Then I'd give her some intense interaction to fill her up, and that would free her to play.

 

You might look up Stanley Greenspan's concept of "floortime." If you did something like that, followed by a brief time when you had to fold clothes or something, he might be able to play alone briefly. I would not push playing alone without the therapeutic foundation being laid down right before it.

Edited July 7, 2016 by Pronghorn

[AnthemLights]

He sounds a lot like my DD at that age. I found a lot of strangely absorbing things at the dollar store. Her very favorite was a plastic salt shaker. I got those little plastic cupcake toppers that have seasonal figures on top - ghosts for Halloween, etc - and she would poke those into the holes on the salt shaker. :) She also loved mini brooms and tools, and "work" things.

 

Good luck!

 

Exactly.  And thanks for mentioning the dollar store.  I should check that out first because I have tons of ideas running through my head but to do them all....well, it could get kind of expensive.  I bet they would have some cool stuff.  

[Audrey]

Sounds like there's more than is typical going on with him.   As others have suggested, he may need continued interactive play so he can learn how to play with toys.  You may need to offer toys to him repeatedly.   Or, maybe he's not a 'toys' kind of kid.  You might have try different things to see what interests him.  I wouldn't discount his love of outdoor play or try to limit that, though.  That's important play. 

 

My ds, when a toddler, was not terribly interested in toys either.  His first preference was to be outdoors, climbing things, digging in dirt, making mud castles or snow forts, or collecting leaves, rocks, kittens (not a joke -- they all loved him).  When not outdoors, his main interest was drawing and, to a lesser extent, painting.  He was not at all interested in colouring someone else's pictures, though.  He just wanted to draw his own. 

 

I hope you have success finding what works for him.  He's lucky to have you.

[blondeviolin]

Do you have a high chair? I know he's a bit old for one, but sometimes I stick my toddlers in a high chair with a tray and then dump like a cup or two of flour and they go to town while I make dinner. And when they're done playing, I vacuum it up. (Don't use a wet washcloth; that's a big mess. :eek:)

[kbutton]

Spryte, I haven't yet gotten him anything like that, but it's on my list of something that I think he would like.  It has occurred to me that he seems to like tools way better than toys.  Shovels, rakes, the barbeque tongs, ropes, buckets, etc.  I am going to focus on how to bring stuff like that indoors.  

 

 

Have you looked up tot trays? There should be several sites, I think one is something like 1+1+1=1 ... Montessori type activities to put on trays. Put them on a low shelf and let him choose what interests him. Teach him to put the trays away. Then rotate them every week or so. Things like picking up Pom poms with big tweezers and color sorting them, or sorting little things into small containers. Water transfer activities (pouring), counting, colors, letters ... My youngest loved those. Plus sensory bins.

 

ETA: http://m.1plus1plus1equals1.net/search?q=Tot+trays

 

We used a lot of the printables, too.

 

 

 

What does he do outside in the dirt?  Just dig?

 

Yeah pretty much.  He make holes, fills them back in again.  Makes piles, smooths them back out.  

 

One of my son's favorite indoor things when he was younger was an under the bed filled with rice/beans/gravel and some measuring cups and those little CAT construction toys.  It was big enough to give him lots of room to play in but also kept the mess mostly contained.

 

I was talking to my husband about all of this last night and he said he would make him a big indoor "sandbox" that we could fill with corn.  (My husband's philosophy:  Go big, or go home.   :thumbup1: )  Anyhow, if he doesn't get around to it any time soon, this would be a good alternative.  Thanks.  

 

 

 

My kid who liked all this kind of stuff, including a sandbox at his Montessori preschool, had a compulsion to dump things outside the container, every.single.time. It was no fun for him to dump it into the sandbox or whatever container he had (if he played in the flower beds, he'd sometimes dump the dirt into the yard, though he was a little better there than with the other stuff). It didn't matter what he was dumping (sand, water, bubbles, beans, etc.). You might try a mini version of the corn thing before getting something big just to see how he'll do. If he still dumps, and you don't care, I guess you could put a great big plastic tablecloth underneath so that it's easier to clean it up.

 

Montessori activities really are awesome for these kids. There are a lot of do-it-yourself blogs. It doesn't have to be all Montessori playthings--our preschool used lots and lots of "found" items to create materials with the same goals (in addition to the traditional stuff). 

 

A lot of kids (whether they are neurotypical or not) like to figure stuff out. Work is a good way to do it--you use a rake, and stuff moves around. You wipe a surface, and it gets clean. They like that kind of feedback, and it sometimes translates into very cool interests and skills. I am still not sold that your little dude is neurotypical but delayed simply because bright and gifted kids are often identified late because they compensate well. I wouldn't borrow trouble, but I'd for sure raise enough fuss and hovering that it will be remembered in the future if something else crops up.

[AnthemLights]

My kid who liked all this kind of stuff, including a sandbox at his Montessori preschool, had a compulsion to dump things outside the container, every.single.time. It was no fun for him to dump it into the sandbox or whatever container he had (if he played in the flower beds, he'd sometimes dump the dirt into the yard, though he was a little better there than with the other stuff). It didn't matter what he was dumping (sand, water, bubbles, beans, etc.). You might try a mini version of the corn thing before getting something big just to see how he'll do. If he still dumps, and you don't care, I guess you could put a great big plastic tablecloth underneath so that it's easier to clean it up.

 

Montessori activities really are awesome for these kids. There are a lot of do-it-yourself blogs. It doesn't have to be all Montessori playthings--our preschool used lots and lots of "found" items to create materials with the same goals (in addition to the traditional stuff). 

 

A lot of kids (whether they are neurotypical or not) like to figure stuff out. Work is a good way to do it--you use a rake, and stuff moves around. You wipe a surface, and it gets clean. They like that kind of feedback, and it sometimes translates into very cool interests and skills. I am still not sold that your little dude is neurotypical but delayed simply because bright and gifted kids are often identified late because they compensate well. I wouldn't borrow trouble, but I'd for sure raise enough fuss and hovering that it will be remembered in the future if something else crops up.

 

Thanks for all your input, kbutton.  I will definitely keep all this in mind.  When he first came to us he had so much going on behaviorally that I was really worried that he might be on the spectrum.  But he has improved so much in so many areas that I have hope that all the things that caused me to worry will take care of themselves with lots of love and positive attention and just plain old interaction.  We have an appointment with Early Intervention in a week or so.  I am looking forward to talking to someone more experienced than I am.  

 

He is actually somewhat of a clean freak.  Playing outside he keeps the gravel separate from the mulch separate from the grass.  I never even had to show him. So I am hoping he will be the same way with something like an indoor "sandbox."  Maybe it would be best to start small though.   :001_smile:

[Melissa in Australia]

I have been thinking about this thread quite a bit.

A lot of children who have experienced trauma are functioning on high alert, ready for flight or fight at any moment. This affects their ability to do imaginative play.when we first were placed with the twins we were asked constantly if they were doing imaginative play yet. By case manager, psycologest and other therapists. As it can be indicator of the child feeling safer. It took probably a good six months before they started any sort of imaginary play and close to 18 months before they would play with anything for longer than 7 minutes. Occasionally now they will stay on an activity for 10 minutes.

 

 

 

 

Argh, my computer has crashed and I am trying to write on a tablet. It keeps changing what I have written to something elseðŸ™

[Melissa in Australia]

I have been thinking about this thread quite a bit.

A lot of children who have experienced trauma are functioning on high alert, ready for flight or fight at any moment. This affects their ability to do imaginative play.when we first were placed with the twins we were asked constantly if they were doing imaginative play yet. By case manager, psycologest and other therapists. As it can be indicator of the child feeling safer. It took probably a good six months before they started any sort of imaginary play and close to 18 months before they would play with anything for longer than 7 minutes. Occasionally now they will stay on an activity for 10 minutes.

 

 

 

 

Argh, my computer has crashed and I am trying to write on a tablet. It keeps changing what I have written to something elseðŸ™