theelfqueen Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 Ds14 has been playing clarinet since 6th grade. He was first chair all through middle school and has been taking private lessons. He was involved in both marching band and symphonic band until we pulled him out of PS. He had decided to give up clarinet already in December. We had even returned his rental. Then he was invited to play in the church orchestra once a month. We rerented a clarinet and got him back into lessons. So far the church orchwstra hasnt worked out, and he's no longer excited about it. Getting him to practice has turned into a miserable battle ... even after I bought him some new music he was excited about. Now he says he wants to quit and I can't decide. Should I make him stick it out til at least the end of the semester? Lessons and rentals are costing me cash and arguing with him about practicing is just a drag... but I kind of figure he should see it through at least to the end of the school year. If he were still in PS he couldn't drop it this far into the semester ... but then he's not in ps. And he doesn't realy need the music credit (and we can always shift to some music appreciation/music theory direction if we want to see it through... great course Music and the Mind and How to Listen come to mind) ... but I don't want him to think he just gets to quit stuff either.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corraleno Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 I would let him drop it. Unless it's a temporary thing, where you think he just needs to be pushed through a low point and will get back into it, there's no point in just postponing the end date — especially since it's costing money and causing arguments. FWIW, my DD played violin for 7 years (5-12). She was her teacher's star pupil and first chair in the youth orchestra. But she was bored, begging to quit, and it was like pulling teeth to get her to practice. Even if she acquiesced, her heart was clearly no longer in it. Math is one thing, but if an elective is making a student miserable, there's no reason not to drop it and find something else more interesting. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 My hubby who is a clarinetist rather play piano now. Sometimes there is a season when it comes to musical instruments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted February 27, 2016 Share Posted February 27, 2016 What we have done with our girl is to keep searching until we found a situation/ teacher/class that she found somewhat motivating. I felt it would be such a shame to have her drop and lose all those years of lessons. She actually didn't want to quit piano; she just didn't want all the stress that came with it. I would encourage you to try to get him back into a marching band or symphony with kids he likes. I can see why church choir doesn't sound very motivating for a teenage boy! I would not have wanted to do that myself. If after two or three months of searching you still find nothing then I think it would be appropriate to allow him to quit. However I would require that he replace it with another long term goal setting somewhat activity that also does not come with quick rewards, such as chess club, another instrument (maybe a new instrument might be exciting), math club, etc. :) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theelfqueen Posted February 27, 2016 Author Share Posted February 27, 2016 (edited) Haha. Careful now... I sing in the church choir :) He was invited to play with the orchestra that our church hosts about once a month..it is invitation only and an opportunity he was excited for. But then they didn't play in January due to conductor vacation... And he couldn't play in February due to a scout conflict. He has alao played bass clarinet and tenor sax, as well as guitar. Edited February 27, 2016 by theelfqueen 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 Haha. Careful now... I sing in the church choir :) He was invited to play with the orchestra that our church hosts about once a month..it is invitation only and an opportunity he was excited for. But then they didn't play in January due to conductor vacation... And he couldn't play in February due to a scout conflict. He has alao played bass clarinet and tenor sax, as well as guitar. I'd wait until he has the chance to play with them at least one time. I think that's a reasonable request for him to honor and he won't know if it's something he likes until he's done it. If after one gig he's not enthusiastic, I'd let him quit and just do his other instruments. Guitar and sax might make it easier to find small groups to join. T was in a homeschool string orchestra for a couple of years and ended up hating it. I thought she wanted to quit the violin but that wasn't the case. She just wanted to play in a different environment. (She was right about the orchestra being boring, even listening to their practices was mind numbing.) After just doing lessons for a while, we found another kid who wanted a fiddling partner. After that we found a small group of orchestra refugees that get together to play. It's worked out. T's not a great violinist but she's competent enough to play with other intermediate players and enjoy it. It gives her a reason to practice everyday and peers to share music with. It's not a prestigious youth symphony, but it's a worthwhile experience for her. I hope you find a group your ds likes to play with! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori D. Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 (edited) Ds14 has been playing clarinet since 6th grade. He was first chair all through middle school and has been taking private lessons. He was involved in both marching band and symphonic band until we pulled him out of PS. He had decided to give up clarinet already in December. We had even returned his rental. Then he was invited to play in the church orchestra once a month. We rerented a clarinet and got him back into lessons. So far the church orchwstra hasnt worked out, and he's no longer excited about it. Getting him to practice has turned into a miserable battle ... even after I bought him some new music he was excited about. Now he says he wants to quit and I can't decide. Should I make him stick it out til at least the end of the semester? Lessons and rentals are costing me cash and arguing with him about practicing is just a drag... but I kind of figure he should see it through at least to the end of the school year. If he were still in PS he couldn't drop it this far into the semester ... but then he's not in ps. And he doesn't realy need the music credit (and we can always shift to some music appreciation/music theory direction if we want to see it through... great course Music and the Mind and How to Listen come to mind) ... but I don't want him to think he just gets to quit stuff either.... JMO - stick it out. You'll thank yourself later on for having completed the Fine Arts credit NOW in 9th grade, so that you DON'T have to figure out how to jam 12 weeks of Music appreciation or something else into an ever-increasingly busy high school schedule at a later time -- esp. if it keeps getting put off until spring semester 12th grade… :eek: :svengo: And… It's only 12 weeks till the end of the semester! This is a great opportunity to practice finishing with excellence and a last good push to the finish line that is within sight, rather than straggling off into the underbrush and not completing the race. ;) As for attitude… Print off a page with the next 3 months listed on it and let him count down by crossing off each day at the end of practice. And for every day he practices with a decent attitude (doesn't have to be *happy*, just put in effort and NOT complain), award a gold star or token or something that he gets to redeem when he collects enough for something he'd like. I'd probably do a "double" reward system -- something small for each week to keep each week going well -- like go out for ice cream, or some other reasonable treat -- and also accumulate towards a big end-of-semester reward. Maybe cash, or a video game, or a laser tag outing, or … whatever floats his boat. :) Just like adults who persevere for the reward of the paycheck every 2 weeks, and the possibility of a bonus at the end of the year, we need to give our kids incentives to persevere, too. ;) Just my 2 cents worth! BEST of luck, whatever you decide. Warmest regards, Lori D. PS - just noticed your second post in which you mention DS plays other instruments -- as long as he does *something* now to finish up this semester to knock out that Fine Arts credit then dropping clarinet is not such a big deal. I do really like Chiguirre's point about at least getting to perform ONCE with the church orchestra, partly because he made a commitment to THEM, and that's a good, real-life lesson, too -- honoring our commitments. Again, totally JMO. :) Edited February 28, 2016 by Lori D. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 I read a book by an unschooling father a billion years ago. I wish I could remember who he was and the title of the book. I think it had a oil painting of an ocean scene on the cover? Anyway, this man who I can't name, but I think was pretty well respected in the unschooling crowd, talks about kids and hobbies like instruments or dance. He says that it is very normal for a kid to take up something like music/dance/whatever and then...change. As they grow, they change. Things that they were passionate about change. The author said this is very common in the early teen years. He says it's ok to let them quit when they sense it is time to. When this happened in his family, he had his kids put on one last concert for the family. A good-bye tour, if you will. After the concert, the instrument/dance was put aside. Sometimes the child would wait a few years and take it back up and sometimes not. Your case isn't one where your son has hit a difficulty in learning the instrument and has given up in frustration. It sounds exactly like what was outlined in the book. Your son has matured past his love of the clarinet. He may take it up again one day, or maybe not. The skills he learned on his journey are still valuable and it's probably safe to let him stop now. Since he hasn't actually performed, I think it would be ok for him to step down even in the middle of the semester unless the group is completely, totally depending on him. If he's just one in the crowd, I'd say it's time for him to close this chapter in his life. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie of KY Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 I think it is okay to quit things. If he has made a commitment, then it needs to be followed through before quitting. If you think he just needs to be pushed through a low spell, I'd push for awhile. Sometimes when you give them permission to back off, they will forever quit; other times they will back off some, but keep going at some level. Eventually you have to let them start making some of their own decisions. Sometimes a parent just needs to say this is a parent decision and you have to do it. The end. If you need it for a fine arts credit, I'd definitely finish that out before quitting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theelfqueen Posted February 28, 2016 Author Share Posted February 28, 2016 He is also doing drama this semester so that combined with last semester ' s instrumental covers fine arts credits pretty well 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
................... Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 well with the drama and the other instruments, it seems to me the only real issue is his commitment to the choir. I would have him play in the next event, but have a conversation with the conductor so that she/he is aware he would like to bow out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reefgazer Posted February 28, 2016 Share Posted February 28, 2016 My parents made me continue piano lessons when I hated it; I resented it for a long time and haven't had any interest whatsoever in picking that up again. I say let him quit; it's not like it's a core competency like reading or math. School this age gets so busy that some things just have to go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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