Would You Change Your Name?

[OneStepAtATime]

I think I would be a bit sad since DH and I worked so hard to come to an agreement on names and I really like the kids' names a lot but if they really wanted to change their name I would support them and try really hard not to seem hurt.  

 

On a side note, as a kid I used to wonder why Parents didn't get to choose just the first name and let the child pick a middle name for maybe their 10th birthday or something.  I thought it would be cool when you finally got to a double digit birthday to get to pick yourself a middle name.  :)

[Sarah CB]

I don't think I'd go so far as to change my name legally, but I could see myself changing it socially, definitely. My grandmother in law is ALWAYS called Rose, ALWAYS. I found out on her birthday that her name is actually Eunice, which she hates, apparently it was old fashioned even when she was born lol, and she has gone by her middle name of Rose since teenager-hood. I have another friend who changed her name socially to something completely different and unrelated to her birth names (first or middle). 

 

Having said that, I wouldn't be upset in the slightest if they changed it socially. I would be upset if they changed it legally, but that's because, in my experience for someone to legally change their name is usually a sign of a new identity, an independence from family of origin, a separation, a statement that the child who grew up as Sally is no longer Sally at all but Betty and the difference is more than just the name. Someone who just doesn't like the sound of their name usually just changes it socially or finds a nice nickname, I've never seen someone who just dislikes their name actually change it legally. If it truly was just a case of the child hating their name so much that they wanted a legal change, I think I'd be fine with that, I don't care about the name, what would carry the emotion and sadness for me is the circumstances under which it is changed.

 

And speaking of name changes, my husband used to work retail. A man came in, in a trenchcoat and all, to the game store my husband worked in. He needed to show his ID for some reason I don't remember, I think he was trading in games, and, no joke, his name was Righteous Paladin, right there on his drivers licence. There's name changes, and then there's name changes, lol.

 

My grandmother is always called Holly, but it turns out her name is actually Eleanor.  

[GAPeachie]

I am sorry you were kept from your biological family.

 

I think regarding your name--just change it and go for it. Write a short and sweet e-mail: "My name was given to me did not stick. My name for life was chosen with love by myself, my [insert family members here if you share the choice] and I will answer to that name. This is not an order or request: it is for your information. Love, Newname Lastname."

 

Everyone else can deal with it and get over it. Your name. We can help brainstorm. :D In my experience, Stephanies also work well as Genevieves or Guineveres.

 

So I was Stephanie Louise (my mother's maiden name) and I was told all my life that Louise was a family name and that there was one every generation in "my" family (mother's maiden name.)   I was coerced to continue to the tradition with my oldest daughter.  So if I change my name, I am going to have to explain why and then be willing to allow my oldest daughter to change her name too. 

 

And then I found out that the grandfather that I thought was mine, was really a step-grandfather.  I found out this past fall when I went digging for information about my biological father. 

 

My "uncle" is really my mother's step brother.  I was completely blown away and called and asked him point blank and he admitted the truth and quickly disconnected the call.  I thought the call was dropped and tried to call back and was sent to voicemail.

 

Hell, at this point I don't even know if my mother gave birth to me. 

 

Apparently she had zero plans to ever tell me.  Oh and she has always used her "step" family's information as my medical history. 

 

We've not had a relationship for 10 years this coming September.  She hasn't even met most of my children.  I don't live in my hometown anymore.  I've only hit dead ends when attempting to look for my biological father.  She contacted me on Facebook and told me to quit digging into her past.  She refuses to realize her past is mine too.  She will probably take that information to the grave. 

 

I'm still mindboggled that my mother has lied to me for all of these years.  As a child, I was tortured with impossibly high standards although she lacks integrity and good character.  I knew of these issues before I found out about The Big Lie.  Honestly, I think my mother is mentally ill.  I've protected my children from her for nearly a decade. 

 

When I married I dropped her maiden. 

Edited February 11, 2016 by GAPeachie

[Hoot]

I've always hated my first name. It's childish and, in my opinion, doesn't suit an adult at all. I wish I had thought to change it years ago when I finished high school.

 

My son likes his name, but if he didn't I would support his decision to change it.

 

Neither of our names has family ties.

 

Sent from my VS985 4G using Tapatalk

Edited February 11, 2016 by Hoot

[shinyhappypeople]

Well I did change my name (socially,  not legally) when I was a young teen.  My immediate family never got on board, but for 30 years now it's been one name for my friends and one name for my family.    I understand now that my mom felt hurt, which is partially why she's never called me by "social" name, except sarcastically.  However, I think on some level I needed the name change to differentiate myself from the victim I was (abuse survivor) to the person I wanted to be.  It made sense to my 14 yo brain :)

 

If one of my daughters changed her name, yes, I would feel sad and hurt, because a lot of thought went into choosing their names, but I hope I'd honor her feelings and go along.  It's just a name.

[lailasmum]

I have always hated my name so yes I would change my name if I could think of a good alternative. I dislike how my name gets shortened by my family, it's so twee but there is another short version I do like so I may use that at some point. I really dislike my middle name so that's not an option. I think my parents just had bad taste in names as my brother and sister have fairly awkward names too, particularly in combination with our surname. Our middle names have a family/friend connections but not out first names.

[GAPeachie]

Anyhow, back to the main question, I don't think I'd be hurt if my child wanted to change their name though I would hesitate to make it legal until they were an adult.  My oldest changed from Lainey to DeLainey recently at homeschool co-op and when she meets people. 

Julianne has been asked if she goes by Juli and she vehemently says, "No, my name is JuliANNE."  (my husband's grandmother would STROKE OUT if she was alive and heard anyone call her Juli... apparently there was an extra-marital affair with a Julie...)

Xander loves his name.  He only allows his parents to call him anything else.  :) 

 

Solomon goes by Soli some, but only with our immediate family.

 

Isaiah is too young to know that names can change.  He says he is, "Isaiah" or "Isaiah Sam-u-ell!" I don't know why he divides his middle name like that but he does. 

[TravelingChris]

I changed my name.  I had the same exact name as my mother though my parents always called me with a nickname.  NOt only didn't I like it, it was causing problems for me with banking and other things. So I legally changed it as a teenager to an alternate spelling of my first name and a new middle name.  I started using first initial and my middle name.  All my documents and social security card were first initial middle name.ABout two years ago, because of the Patriot Act, I changed my name legally to first letter, middle name.  That was because the state I am living in required my dl to be in the first name I had never used.  But my taxes, military id, social security, and all bank and credit records were with the name I used.  Now everything is the same.

 

My children like their names and don't want to change them. IF they did, I would be sad but accepting.

Edited February 11, 2016 by transientChris

[AK_Mom4]

My first name has never fit me IMO. It's an OK name, just not me.  I wouldn't other to change it at this point as it would be too much trouble.

 

My kid are welcome to change their names.  It will be on their dime if they do, though as I gave them what I consider to be adequate names.  

 

I would not be heartbroken or upset and would try to go along with the new name.

[LucyStoner]

I like my name.

 

I would feel somewhat sad if my sons felt the need to randomly change their name but I wouldn't be upset about it.

 

I will say though that, barring fleeing from an abuser, one only gets so many name changes with me. My brother has changed his legal names and his nicknames a lot. Round about the third time, I told him that whatever he picked next was it for me. He has subsequently tried to get 2-3 other nicknames to catch on but I still call him by that next name which is also his legal name. There were only so many times I could relearn his name.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I wouldn't allow my kids to change their name.  If they wanted to do so as adults they are free to (not like I could stop them).

 

I would not change my name.  I could not be bothered.

 

 

[Rockhopper]

I think it's interesting how many people don't like their names and would be glad to change them, but at the same time admit they'd be hurt if their kids wanted to change their names because of how much thought and love they put into choosing them. 

 

Do we think/know *our* parents put less time and care into our names? So we have a generation of people with bad names, just from thoughtlessness or worse yet intentionality?

 

Or will our kids someday feel the same way about their carefully, lovingly chosen names?