What if schools taught kindness? -Article

[treestarfae]

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_if_schools_taught_kindness

[Chris in VA]

That's lovely. I teach preschool, and incorporate most of those suggestions without another curriculum, though. I'm not sure it has to be formalized that way, and I don't think anyone needs to pay for a curriculum to do it.  I find it a little irritating, if I'm being completely honest.

[Nan in Mass]

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_if_schools_taught_kindness

 

Nice!

I like this part: "Teaching kindness is a way to bubble up widespread transformation that doesn’t require big policy changes or extensive administrative involvement."

 

Nan

[Nan in Mass]

That's lovely. I teach preschool, and incorporate most of those suggestions without another curriculum, though. I'm not sure it has to be formalized that way, and I don't think anyone needs to pay for a curriculum to do it.  I find it a little irritating, if I'm being completely honest.

 

My first thought was "Don't all teachers do this?" also.  But then I thought, well, they seem to when the children are very young but then it seems to drop off when the children are older.  Maybe having a more formal curriculum would be a way of encouraging the teachers of older children to continue to emphasize these things?  I'm not a teacher, so I don't know, but I've always thought that conflict resolution should be taught every year in school.  Maybe this would meld into the anti-bullying teaching that seems to be happening now?

 

Nan

[ajfries]

I think the better question is, what if PARENTS taught kindness?

[Chris in VA]

I do agree, Nan, that direct instruction of these social skills drop off. I think they'd have to expand the curriculum to be more age-appropriate as older kids would need something a little less...cheesy isn't the right word--it's not cheesy for younger kids at all, but I can't think of a good descriptive word.

God knows we do need more kindness, that's for sure.

[Nan in Mass]

I do agree, Nan, that direct instruction of these social skills drop off. I think they'd have to expand the curriculum to be more age-appropriate as older kids would need something a little less...cheesy isn't the right word--it's not cheesy for younger kids at all, but I can't think of a good descriptive word.

God knows we do need more kindness, that's for sure.

 

Buddhist? LOL?

I agree with the need for a curriculum change for older students.  It sounds like one of the advantages of their curriculum is its all-pervasive-ness.  I think you'd want to keep that part.  I wonder how the shambhala school does it?  My niece went there for awhile and I heard it was something that was emphasized (as compassion).

 

Nan

[Chris in VA]

Haha--no, not Buddhist :D . I'm just thinking how my dd's friends would react if they were to have to group all around someone and say those things. I don't think they'd be comfortable, and not because they aren't kind.

 

Anyway...

[Nan in Mass]

Haha--no, not Buddhist :D . I'm just thinking how my dd's friends would react if they were to have to group all around someone and say those things. I don't think they'd be comfortable, and not because they aren't kind.

 

Anyway...

 

Yes, brainstorming more natural, informal things to say and practising them would appeal to me more, I have to admit.  But maybe they wanted to keep it simple for small children?  I think I might have picked phrases that were more universally kid-like?  Maybe the children translate the formal phrases into more kid-speak like ones after awhile?  I think perhaps teaching some awareness of the overwhelmingness of having all one's classmates cluster around when one has something wrong with one might be a good idea, too.  As an adult, often kindness involves removing oneself from a situation rather than clustering around to help.  But maybe that is part of the problem and that bit of the culture needs to change. : )

 

Nan

[Nan in Mass]

I don't think there is anything wrong with the phrases as goals to keep in mind all the time, though.  That part I think is a good idea.  It is just something about the phrasing...

 

Nan

[Tanaqui]

I think the better question is, what if PARENTS taught kindness?

 

Most children spend 900 hours a year in school, away from their parents. This is an enormous amount of their waking hours! It's not really that unreasonable, I think, for schools to teach good citizenship - including kindness - along with academics.

[ajfries]

Most children spend 900 hours a year in school, away from their parents. This is an enormous amount of their waking hours! It's not really that unreasonable, I think, for schools to teach good citizenship - including kindness - along with academics.

 

I think that they do, to the extent they are able. Perhaps if kindness were measurable on a standardized test and implemented into common core...

 

ETA: I'm sure no teacher enjoys having teenage Johnny Disrespectful in their class, but by that point, what are they supposed to do? For our household, the buck stops here (I say that having recently enrolled my 2 eldest into the local school).  If my kids are not kind, that falls on me. Surely, the teachers can only build on the foundation that is laid within the home.

Edited February 10, 2016 by ajfries

[wendyroo]

I think the better question is, what if PARENTS taught kindness?

 

I wish they offered something like this curriculum to help parents. 

 

When my kids are fighting, I often struggle with how to help them resolve their conflicts.  With them being 2, 4 and an autistic 6 year old, they all have a hard time with impulsiveness, communication and regulating their emotions.  I often find myself thoroughly exasperated with them and saying unhelpful things like, "You, stop that!!  You cannot hit your brother just because he says he is a superhero and you are a villain.  And, you, stop that!!  Telling your brother that he has to be a villain is bossy and unkind."

 

My mind does not think like their's, so it is not always self-evident to me how to teach them to be kind.  I would welcome a resource that helped me facilitate conflict resolution among self-centered, illogical, inflexible thinkers (who also happen to all be boys which adds an additional layer of misunderstanding between us).

 

Wendy

[Pam in CT]

re teaching such things at school vs at home

 

Most children spend 900 hours a year in school, away from their parents. This is an enormous amount of their waking hours! It's not really that unreasonable, I think, for schools to teach good citizenship - including kindness - along with academics.

 

Right, and also, it's not as if schools' reinforcement about compassion and conflict resolution takes away from what's happening at home, KWIM?  It's not like we're promoting USE VIOLENCE NOT WORDS at home...

 

I agree that some of the techniques in the article being a bit corny and artificial, and as well I have serious doubts about how much sticking power any 12 week program really has... but I do think school culture can do a LOT, positively or negatively, to create a good or poor environment for conflict resolution.

 

My eldest spent most of her primary years in a small Quaker school (we're Jewish), and they were very, impressively, committed to development conflict resolution skills... it was woven throughout the curriculum in very natural and organic ways, and they did use tools that -- if I tried to describe them -- would probably sound pretty corny and artificial, i.e. (from the OP article)

 

 

Another day, you might have found students in pairs holding Peace Wands, one with a heart and one with a star. The child with the heart wand speaks (“from the heartâ€); the other child (the “star listenerâ€) listens and then repeats back what was said. When there was a conflict between students, they used the wands to support the process of paying attention, expressing their feelings, and building empathy.

 

I mean, how goofy is that, right?

 

But the underlying idea, that when one person is speaking, particularly about something personal and difficult, the other person should just listen, without interrupting or yeah-but-ing, and truly try to hear the speaker well enough that the listener can summarize even if the listener still disagrees... well, I mean, whole book-length treatises and week-long training seminars are successfully marketed to corporations and non-profits and houses of worship on what amounts to the same skill, the power of active listening...

 

It's not rocket science to say it, but it takes an awful lot of practice -- including with people outside the family dynamic -- actually to get it, so having practice in school contexts, where kids spend so much time and bump up against people with different perspectives and relationships, is IMO a good thing...

[SparklyUnicorn]

What if people actually listened to the kindness talks?  I've had kindness "talks" in all stages of my life.  Doesn't seem to do much.  Even in church everyone acts all nice to you and then they practically run you down in the parking lot after mass (in my experience).

 

That said, I think plenty of people are kind.  I encounter kindness all the time.  For some reason it's the ugly behavior that I remember more or that seems more prevalent even though I don't think it really is. 

 

 

[Ausmumof3]

Lovely. I need to do more specific teaching on this kind of stuff instead of relying on in the moment.

[idnib]

Most children spend 900 hours a year in school, away from their parents. This is an enormous amount of their waking hours! It's not really that unreasonable, I think, for schools to teach good citizenship - including kindness - along with academics.

 

But that logic could be applied to so many things. 

 

I wish they offered something like this curriculum to help parents. 

 

When my kids are fighting, I often struggle with how to help them resolve their conflicts.  With them being 2, 4 and an autistic 6 year old, they all have a hard time with impulsiveness, communication and regulating their emotions.  I often find myself thoroughly exasperated with them and saying unhelpful things like, "You, stop that!!  You cannot hit your brother just because he says he is a superhero and you are a villain.  And, you, stop that!!  Telling your brother that he has to be a villain is bossy and unkind."

 

My mind does not think like their's, so it is not always self-evident to me how to teach them to be kind.  I would welcome a resource that helped me facilitate conflict resolution among self-centered, illogical, inflexible thinkers (who also happen to all be boys which adds an additional layer of misunderstanding between us).

 

Wendy

 

Check out Superflex. My DS was in a social skills class and while he isn't on the spectrum, other kids in his class were and they all loved this curriculum. It was very handy for me to call out the characters when someone was behaving like one of them, and to get everyone to behave like Superflex (i.e., flexibly). PM me your email address if you want and I can send you a helpful PDF.

 

 

Right, and also, it's not as if schools' reinforcement about compassion and conflict resolution takes away from what's happening at home, KWIM?  It's not like we're promoting USE VIOLENCE NOT WORDS at home...

 

Not at all, but my hesitation is not that it's taking away from what's being taught at home, but rather what could be taught at school in its place. Plus, it increases the burden on teachers to take care of so many things that really should be handled by the parents. I would absolutely be in favor of school districts distributing it to parents or to non-profits who might take an interest in teaching classes on it.

 

ETA: This isn't my hill to die on or anything, I'm just presenting my initial reaction to the idea.  :)

Edited February 10, 2016 by idnib

[AimeeM]

I'm not sure about formalizing it as described in the article.

My children would have been (would still be) thoroughly creeped out by their classmates forming a circle around them if they were injured.

 

 

 

[Nan in Mass]

My sister taught at a Montessori school.  She taught middle school, an age where kindness typically isn't considered the teacher's business.  Conflict resolution was taught from the time the students were very young and peace was emphasized. It was pretty impressive to watch the students deal with each other and to see how the teachers stepped in and mediated problems.  SO different from my own public school experience.  My sister said it made the job of teaching easier, not harder.  It is different.  It was just part of everything they did.  It seemed artificial to me in places, but to my amazement, it worked.  It's why my sister stuck with Montessori for so long, despite being drastically underpaid and having to deal with yearly contract renewals.  I think you have to see a school with this sort of culture to really see that it is different.

 

Last year, I talked to a girl who was going to a Quaker college.  I asked her what was different.  What she talked about most was the decision-making process (a form of consensus) and the conflict resolution process.  She said it didn't seem like those things would be a huge part of college but that they changed the entire atmosphere of the place.

 

I don't know if this particular curriculum would work or not, but the idea of teaching conflict resolution, listening, self awareness, and paying attention to others feeling can work to make a school a safer, more comfortable place for the students.

 

Nan

[Pam in CT]

My sister taught at a Montessori school.  She taught middle school, an age where kindness typically isn't considered the teacher's business.  Conflict resolution was taught from the time the students were very young and peace was emphasized. It was pretty impressive to watch the students deal with each other and to see how the teachers stepped in and mediated problems.  SO different from my own public school experience.  My sister said it made the job of teaching easier, not harder.  It is different.  It was just part of everything they did.  It seemed artificial to me in places, but to my amazement, it worked.  It's why my sister stuck with Montessori for so long, despite being drastically underpaid and having to deal with yearly contract renewals.  I think you have to see a school with this sort of culture to really see that it is different.

 

Last year, I talked to a girl who was going to a Quaker college.  I asked her what was different.  What she talked about most was the decision-making process (a form of consensus) and the conflict resolution process.  She said it didn't seem like those things would be a huge part of college but that they changed the entire atmosphere of the place.

 

I don't know if this particular curriculum would work or not, but the idea of teaching conflict resolution, listening, self awareness, and paying attention to others feeling can work to make a school a safer, more comfortable place for the students.

 

Nan

Yes, this is the sort of atmosphere that my daughter's Quaker school was also able to achieve, through a lot of time and a lot of work.  And also the use of tools like that "peace wand" -- that sound artificial, but once the kids have internalized the habits through the tool, then they have the habits... and teaching other content is actually easier, because the atmosphere is different / more cooperative and teachers waste *less* time on classroom management than in schools that don't have such an atmosphere.

 

It's hard to describe in the abstract.... and I don't know that it's containable or marketable in a "curriculum"... but I do think that communication skills and conflict resolution strategies can be taught/learned, and it's a long haul, and kids (all of us, for that matter!) need LOADS of practice with different / different types of people...

[tm919]

My sister taught at a Montessori school.  She taught middle school, an age where kindness typically isn't considered the teacher's business.  Conflict resolution was taught from the time the students were very young and peace was emphasized. It was pretty impressive to watch the students deal with each other and to see how the teachers stepped in and mediated problems.  SO different from my own public school experience.  My sister said it made the job of teaching easier, not harder.  It is different.  It was just part of everything they did.  It seemed artificial to me in places, but to my amazement, it worked.  It's why my sister stuck with Montessori for so long, despite being drastically underpaid and having to deal with yearly contract renewals.  I think you have to see a school with this sort of culture to really see that it is different.

 

Last year, I talked to a girl who was going to a Quaker college.  I asked her what was different.  What she talked about most was the decision-making process (a form of consensus) and the conflict resolution process.  She said it didn't seem like those things would be a huge part of college but that they changed the entire atmosphere of the place.

 

I don't know if this particular curriculum would work or not, but the idea of teaching conflict resolution, listening, self awareness, and paying attention to others feeling can work to make a school a safer, more comfortable place for the students.

 

Nan

 

My daughters also go to a preK-K Montessori (Children's house level) and I agree, it is different to see how the children are expected to act in a conflict situation, and even at the ages of 5 and 6 they can resolve most issues on their own by talking it out. 

 

In the local public schools they do Open Circle -- I think it goes up to grade 6 and covers some of these skills.

 

As far as what was said above about it being taught by parents. It's true, it probably IS redundant with what many parents are modelling, but so are a lot of basic literacy skills... that doesn't mean that schools shouldn't teach it, because inevitably there are some parents who DON'T model these skills which impacts the whole class if their children don't just organically pick it up from elsewhere.

[J-rap]

Whenever I see those bumperstickers on cars that say, "My child is in the honor society," I think to myself, big deal.  I would rather it said, "My child is kind."  Not that those two can't happen together, but the emphasis just seems weird to me.

[Ausmumof3]

My sister taught at a Montessori school. She taught middle school, an age where kindness typically isn't considered the teacher's business. Conflict resolution was taught from the time the students were very young and peace was emphasized. It was pretty impressive to watch the students deal with each other and to see how the teachers stepped in and mediated problems. SO different from my own public school experience. My sister said it made the job of teaching easier, not harder. It is different. It was just part of everything they did. It seemed artificial to me in places, but to my amazement, it worked. It's why my sister stuck with Montessori for so long, despite being drastically underpaid and having to deal with yearly contract renewals. I think you have to see a school with this sort of culture to really see that it is different.

 

Last year, I talked to a girl who was going to a Quaker college. I asked her what was different. What she talked about most was the decision-making process (a form of consensus) and the conflict resolution process. She said it didn't seem like those things would be a huge part of college but that they changed the entire atmosphere of the place.

 

I don't know if this particular curriculum would work or not, but the idea of teaching conflict resolution, listening, self awareness, and paying attention to others feeling can work to make a school a safer, more comfortable place for the students.

 

Nan

I love this post so much! I think it's a bit like how homeschooling mums will say deal with the behaviours first, etc. because if you don't the school doesn't end up getting done. Conflict resolution skills are invaluable anyway and minimising issues is going to make the whole education process way more efficient.

 

I also hear the phrase often from teachers in better schools "it's not just about academics".

 

A common theme of so many of the alternative education resources we read is nurturing the whole child and taking care of the environment.

Edited February 11, 2016 by Ausmumof3

[Nan in Mass]

I think at my sister's school, the "peace wand" was a "talking stick".  Only the person holding the stick was allowed to talk.  They talked until they had said what they wanted to say and then passed the stick.  This takes some practice because part of making it work is knowing that it is impolite to monopolize the stick and not give others a chance to speak.  I've seen this done in some adult groups, also.  When I've tried it as an adult, it somehow enforced respect for the speaker and made me pay more attention to what I was saying when I had the stick.  Something about the formality, perhaps.

 

Nan

[Pam in CT]

(Of course the conch shell in Lord of the Flies was supposed to work the "peace stick" way too, lol, so it maybe takes more than a stick... :huh:  )  

 

A lot of good habits feel artificial in the beginning.  Until they feel normal.  

 

What I liked about the tool as described in the OP was that the listener was supposed not just to keep-quiet during the "listening" time, but also to "reflect back" what the speaker said in his/her own words.  That skill really is the essence of "active listening" as taught in all sorts of expensive corporate and non-profit training courses on communication skills.