Help with co-op

[shadah]

My co-op class this semester has 3 special needs children in it as well as a very young four year old. I wasn't expecting this and honestly don't know how to deal.

I teach early reading skills through games, songs, and manipulaives. We cover left-right progression, phonics sounds, and blending.

How do I make this work with two diagnosed autistic children? I have no idea how to deal with the emotional and behavioral problems. I'm not talking about sensory issues, necessarily. My kids have plenty of those.

How do you deal with anger? Whining?

I don't know if I am being too blunt , but I am out of my depth. I love to teach. I want to do this well. I don't want to just endure this semester.

Ideas? Help?

[nature girl]

Since autism is such a wide-ranging spectrum, I think my first step would be to try to talk to the parents, get some insight into their children, and see if they can offer suggestions and tell you where there may be issues. I'd assume they wouldn't have signed their children up if they didn't think they could succeed. We have 3 kids in our co-op on the spectrum, and they all do very well with all the activities, I really haven't seen any issues. If they're having a hard day, the parents may keep them a bit separate from the group and/or take them out for a bit, but other than that they're just wonderful, curious kids.

 

Kudos to you for being concerned and wanting to do what's best for them and the group.

 

ETA: My daughter isn't on the spectrum, there are some here who can probably offer you more firsthand insight, but this is what I would do in your place as a first step.

Edited January 21, 2016 by Anna's Mom

[PeterPan]

My ds is diagnosed, and I don't put him places where the person can't handle him.  If I put my ds somewhere I usually observe for a while to make sure he's ok.  If something was NOT ok and his behavior was *not* expected behavior, I would expect to be told so we could provide more support.  Like in Sunday School they would bring in a 2nd person or assign a person who is familiar with him to give him extra support.  

 

Is there a co-op organizer you can go through to handle this?  Then the co-op organizer can say child needs more support and work through the options on how to provide it or remove the child if it can't be provided.  If the child really is unhappy there, it's not a kindness to him to leave him there without support.  It's just reality that things are hard, that people wish certain things could work out, that they wish they could do certain activities for their other kids and can't make it work with the SN dc.  And co-ops right now have these funky rules about everyone participating, no dropping off, which make it really hard when you have the kind of dc who isn't easily dropped off.  

 

That dynamic isn't pretty, but it also isn't your problem.  If you have a superior to talk with, that's who you talk with.  

[shadah]

Thank you for responding. I worried I had come off as rude. The co-op organizer has told me I can tell them not to come back. I can't do that until I at least try to make it work. I am insisting the mother be present. I cannot make her child stay in the room or prevent him from hurting himself. Hopefully, she can. She seems to expect me to deal with it.

I worry that my methods are over-stimulating. But, that is what my class is. I use homemade games and manipulatives to work on phonics sounds. We do group activities. We sing. Right now, all my materials are being crumpled, thrown, and drooled on. What can I use to teach that is appropriate?

[Lecka]

She needs to get him the help he needs. There is no way you can make this work.

 

This is reality I think.

[kbutton]

Thank you for responding. I worried I had come off as rude. The co-op organizer has told me I can tell them not to come back. I can't do that until I at least try to make it work. I am insisting the mother be present. I cannot make her child stay in the room or prevent him from hurting himself. Hopefully, she can. She seems to expect me to deal with it.

I worry that my methods are over-stimulating. But, that is what my class is. I use homemade games and manipulatives to work on phonics sounds. We do group activities. We sing. Right now, all my materials are being crumpled, thrown, and drooled on. What can I use to teach that is appropriate?

 

Really, parents and others are often in many different places on expectations, their understanding of their child's issues (let's hope these moms are listening to some good advice!), coping strategies, acceptance, and communication abilities. 

 

I think it's nice that you are trying to make things work out. Is this kid self-harming, or is the environment not safe for him because he's not able to handle the materials safely? Overstimulation can be a problem, but it's really up to the mom to select classes that are within his ability range as well. If he's not safe in the room, I think you need to be able to be straight with her and point out what is safe/not safe, and tell her that she is 100% in charge of his safety. If he cannot handle the materials you are using, she can bring something comparable for him and deal with it. You might need to give her a heads up about what activities you are doing for this to be feasible for her.

 

I think I would be frank but kind to the mother and say, "I don't feel as though your child is safe in here because he's not able to handle these materials without hurting himself. What is your goal for you son in this class? Do you want him to socialize? Do you want him to learn what the other kids are learning? Do you want him to get used to a classroom and rules? I need you, first of all, to keep your son safe in this class. Beyond that, I would like to know how I can help you help him participate in a way that makes sense to both of us, but I structured this class for neurotypical kids, and I am not sure I can adapt it completely to suit his needs. I will be glad to help within limits." 

 

As for materials, is there a materials fee for the class? I don't think you should have to repair, replace, recreate, print out/cut out materials he destroys--it's enough work to do that all the first time around, much less to have to go back to previous lessons and do it again. He gets what the other kids get, and then mom is responsible for what happens after that. However, if you can laminate his stuff or something like that, i would maybe ask the mom if that would be all right, and charge her a fee to do that. Or, I would give her the stuff ahead of time and tell her where she can have that done. If the laminating defeats the homemade price point, maybe you can point her to some inexpensive but durable materials that do similar things--Montessori sites might have manipulatives, and Lakeshore Learning is a good place for that kind of thing too. She can pay the price difference and just take the materials home at the end of co-op.

 

As for anger and whining, I would have parents handling any angry outbursts if they want their kids there, and the outburst is out of proportion to peers or somehow more intrusive than those of peers. I would recognize though that some kids with SN whine just like NT kids whine--it may be the child's default setting. I have a friend whose son is my son's age and who has a similar cognitive profile and likely has the same diagnosis. This child's default is whining. Remarkably so. It's better, but if you don't know that, you can take things too much to heart when you interract with him. His parents have done a good job of cuing others as to how to handle that kind of thing.

 

In the future, maybe you can publish a list of prerequisite skills needed to participate in your class. It might help with kids who are a bit too young as well. I think it's also better than a blanket age rule (my son has SN but is also precocious and needed the mental stimulation of academics early). 

[kbutton]

Oh, anything you can do to help the kids know what is coming next during class might help. And keeping a consistent routine. Those adaptations are "free" even if they sometimes go against the grain of our personalities. :-) 

[PeterPan]

That's really concerning that she expects you to deal with her child's behavioral problems.  His behavior problems aren't your fault and the whole class sounds like a miss for him, like it's not within reach.  If she wants to come sit with him and help him have expected behavior and let him enjoy what he can, that's fine.  Like maybe there's no where else for them to be, kwim?  That would make sense.  But if it's just her dumping on you and wanting a break, that's a problem she has to solve with qualified people.  You are not being paid for this and are not trained to deal with the problems she is bringing in.  

 

You're not hurting her by being firm.  It's more just the ugly reality she has to face.  Sometimes it takes a while for people to connect with the resources they end up realizing they need.  

[ElizabethB]

I had an autistic boy in my AWANA class. He did much better when he skipped the singing portion, all the loud noise and dancing/movement aroundd him was so overstimulating to him. We had someone take him to a quiet classroom and work on verses during the beginning singing, and if the games got too overwhelming, someone would sit in the classroom with him and make paper planes with him, fun acticity during fun part. My son cannot do contact games because of a medical condition but is good around autistic kids, he could find geeky engineering things to do with him if they were both sitting out.

 

His mom really wanted him to do the worship portion, but if he did, he was toast. It was torture to him, not a good fun group activity. She was in denial about it, but he would hide under the table in a ball covering his ears and rocking back and forth. Then all the other kids would want to go under the table with him....

 

When we finally got permission to let him sit out worship, he could handle the rest of class much better.

Edited January 22, 2016 by ElizabethB

[Hilltopmom]

Our co op's guidelines state that kids of all needs & abilities are welcome, but that it is not a therapeutic environment & that our teachers (all parent volunteers) are not trained to provide special Ed services or therapies to children in the classes.

If children need more support, parents (or in some cases , therapists or aides) are welcome to attend to support their child but that they are responsible for attending to behaviorial needs during class.

 

We have a range of academic LDs in kids attending, but aren't prepared for things that can't be easily modified (things read aloud, etc)

 

I actually am a special Ed teacher, but most of the parents are not, & our classes just aren't planned for kids with severe behavior or academic needs. We do have other social options & field trips that work better for kids with more needs.

[Lecka]

I cannot make her child stay in the room or prevent him from hurting himself.

 

The autism spectrum is very, very broad, and this statement only applies to some kids on it. 

 

But -- this sounds like a safety issue to me. 

 

It is also the kind of thing -- as much as people are nice people and have good intentions, it takes special training and experience to be able to address these issues.  The learning curve is just too steep.  Like -- do you have 10 hours to spend watching training modules on the Internet?  Can you go and observe someone trained in handling this, and have a chance to be observed and critiqued?  Do you have time to spend a day or two attending a training seminar? 

 

I hope, hope, hope there are some kinds of resources available in your community. 

 

Here is the thing, too.  Does the mother somehow have this knowledge and experience?  Does this mother wake up one day, and she has learned all these techniques etc. by osmosis somehow?  She may not know the best ways to respond, herself.  She may not know why her son is bolting and self-injuring.

 

At the same time ----- if there is another boy who is just whining, I don't think there is any reason he couldn't attend the class successfully with his mother. 

 

I hope you can be kind to this woman, though, and not make her feel bad or feel like her son is not welcome.  I do not know the best way to have that conversation. 

 

A lot of times people say things a little at a time, and let parents reach their own conclusion, instead of being blunt.  Maybe if you required her to come, she would see for herself after a couple of sessions, that it is not a good situation.

 

I think a nice thing to do, might be to ask around and see if anyone has a connection with someone who has a child who has been in whatever program is available in your community.  That could be really nice, if it turns out that there is something, and she could hear good things about it (hopefully). 

 

It is also possible ----- maybe the child acts very differently in the home environment, and the parent just has not seen these behaviors.

 

However ---- there is another possibility, too.  B/c, I was told this or given this advice.  Basically ----- the idea that my son is just spoiled by me, and if I just left him, he would do fine, he would figure it out.  Do you know what I mean?  That sometimes people say things like this, and there are stories of a nervous mother who was concerned about her child, and oh, after 3 mornings at pre-school, the child was doing great in pre-school?  So the mom just needed to drop him off those 3 times? 

 

She may be thinking or hoping this.  If this is the case ----- she thinks she should be leaving him, b/c maybe her overprotectiveness is causing the problems.  She thinks she has spoiled him and so he just has to be given a chance to be away from her. 

 

I had this thought process, and it is the kind of thing, the only way to know that this is not the case (when hearing it IS the case for so many kids) is to hear "no, it's not you, we are seeing the same problems, the answer is not just dropping him off at the class." 

 

It might not be that at all, but it could be that. 

 

She also might need to be able to say "the co-op teacher said blah blah" to be able to say that to her husband or her mother or her sister, if any of those important people in her life have been telling her "just drop him off and he will be fine, you will see." 

 

B/c there ARE kids who go to pre-school or co-op classes and are potty trained in two weeks after not making much progress at home.  It is something people may be saying to her, and she might need the confidence boost. 

 

I am not really sure how you would convey that, but if you could be as nice to her as possible, I think that would be great. 

 

If there is another child who does not have these behaviors, I think it is great for you to look for strategies.  These are not things where I think it is reasonable for you to address it, though, b/c it can be complex and someone with training needs to figure out what the best approach is for the child. 

[Plink]

Oh, I am so sorry that you were placed in such a horrible position. First, I'd ask to have the child who is too young for your class removed. I know the parents probably think he is capable and will be offended, but as the teacher you know that he isn't capable of sitting still and participating in class properly.

 

Second, talk with the parents very bluntly. Your request to have them in class should help. If their child is in distress, immediately ask the parent to remove them from the room and return after they are calm. This isn't a punishment, it gives the child time and space to re-set emotionally so that they can participate.

 

Don't feel guilty!!! (And I say this as the parent of an autistic child) Your class will only be successful if you gain control of the outbursts. Nobody learns if the classroom is in chaos.