My dd's friend made a comment...need advice

[sheryl]

My 9 yo dd had 3 little girls over to play today from our street. They were playing dolls in her bedroom. One of my rules is that the door must remail OPEN!

 

I was in my bedroom just within ear shot...also door OPEN.

 

They were playing dolls and I thought I'd check on them. My dd has AG dolls and Bitty Baby. In her storage box is a collection of AG clothes, accessories and some of my dd's baby things that I couldn't part with so she uses them with B.B. like a bottle, bib, etc.

 

One of the girls looked at it like something strange, so I explained just what I wrote in the above paragraph. Then I went further to say that she'll have some insight to baby care "when she grows up, gets married and has a baby". * IN THAT ORDER*

 

These 3 girls go to the public school and the one my dd's age is obviously more "socially" mature (or street wise?) than my dd. She said, "Will she get married first before she has a baby?". :confused: All of the girls were huddled together playing dolls and eventhough my mouth fell open inside, :001_huh: I didn't show it on the outside, but I said, "Oh, yes, that's the only way to do it". Then I QUICKLY redirected their attention to something else and kept them engaged for a while to transition away from this exchange.

 

Question: How would you have handled this?

 

Thanks.

Sheryl

<><

[Mama Lynx]

While I probably wouldn't have said "that's the only way to do it," I would certainly have said something like "Oh, I certainly hope so!" or just, "Yes."

[Carrie12345]

My 9 yo dd had 3 little girls over to play today from our street. They were playing dolls in her bedroom. One of my rules is that the door must remail OPEN!

 

I was in my bedroom just within ear shot...also door OPEN.

 

They were playing dolls and I thought I'd check on them. My dd has AG dolls and Bitty Baby. In her storage box is a collection of AG clothes, accessories and some of my dd's baby things that I couldn't part with so she uses them with B.B. like a bottle, bib, etc.

 

One of the girls looked at it like something strange, so I explained just what I wrote in the above paragraph. Then I went further to say that she'll have some insight to baby care "when she grows up, gets married and has a baby". * IN THAT ORDER*

 

These 3 girls go to the public school and the one my dd's age is obviously more "socially" mature (or street wise?) than my dd. She said, "Will she get married first before she has a baby?". :confused: All of the girls were huddled together playing dolls and eventhough my mouth fell open inside, :001_huh: I didn't show it on the outside, but I said, "Oh, yes, that's the only way to do it". Then I QUICKLY redirected their attention to something else and kept them engaged for a while to transition away from this exchange.

 

Question: How would you have handled this?

 

Thanks.

Sheryl

<><

 

Honestly, I probably wouldn't have emphasized the point to begin with. I'd hate to think of how my son would feel if someone came right out and told him he was done wrong.:001_huh:

[mom31257]

I think you handled it as well as you could. Obviously, that isn't the only way, but it is the best way. Did your dd even catch what she said? Has she asked you about it? Sometimes things I think will be a big deal, really weren't because my kids didn't even pay attention.

 

We decided to have "the talk" with our dd last winter, before she turned 11. We wanted her to hear it from us, not other kids. She had studied reproduction some in her science last year, and we watched "The Nativity" movie, so I felt they were both good lead ins. She knows now that some people choose not to wait until they are married, and that's how we have teens pregnant, and why a friend her hers doesn't have a father around at all. She took it better than I thought she would, although, she doesn't want to have children now. I know she'll get over that, though.

 

We have the county with the highest teen pregnancy rate in our state, so I knew she would eventually be asking, so we addressed it. I'm glad I did, because she would be asking now with Palin's dd pregnant, since she is very interested in politics.

[keptwoman]

The reality is that that isn't the only way to do it. Lots of people have babies before they are married and not just teens. Children will most definitely come across people (such as me) who had children before they got married.

I don't think that you can hide from children that it happens but you can still explain that you believe that the best way to do it is to get married first and why you believe that is the best way.

[Tracey in TX]

For your daughter it was handled well. For the other girls, you don't really know what they've been taught or what their sphere of influence might be. Like PP stated it's not the only way to do it. In my home, though, it's the only acceptable way to do it.

[jail warden]

If your daughter caught the comment, I would think she would ask some questions.

 

My dh's cousin, to whom we are close, has a two yos and she is not married. The father was here a couple of times, but he was a real jerk and thankfully he's out of the picture. So all this to say, we've had to address this with our children. At this point they are almost 7 & 9 so I don't go into more detail than they ask for. I just told them that sometimes people like to pretend they are married when they aren't. This is not what God inteneded, however we all sin and we need to show mercy and still love her.

 

I think at 9, my goal, would be just to put little nuggets in her mind. Let her know in small ways that this is the way our family does things, I personally don't make a huge point of it just yet, I just work it in our converstions as they come up naturally.

 

HTH! I don't know if that's what you were looking for or not!:tongue_smilie:

[Unicorn.]

I think you handled it just fine. I had to sit down w/ my ds when he was in first grade, because a boy in his class told him what s@x was. Last month at my dd's(10th) b-day party, her just turned 9 friend dared her to "make out" w/ four boys! How does she even know what that means? I'm still mortified, and I'm really laid back about most stuff. (((Sheryl)))

[Jennifer3141]

While I probably wouldn't have said "that's the only way to do it," I would certainly have said something like "Oh, I certainly hope so!" or just, "Yes."

 

This one.

 

Because it isn't the only way to do it. It may be the way for you and I to do it but others walk another path. And those children are no less precious than your own.

 

Jen

[nmoira]

These 3 girls go to the public school and the one my dd's age is obviously more "socially" mature (or street wise?) than my dd. She said, "Will she get married first before she has a baby?". :confused: All of the girls were huddled together playing dolls and eventhough my mouth fell open inside, :001_huh: I didn't show it on the outside, but I said, "Oh, yes, that's the only way to do it". Then I QUICKLY redirected their attention to something else and kept them engaged for a while to transition away from this exchange.

 

Question: How would you have handled this?

I wouldn't have broached the subject at all. Assuming this was my belief (which, to be fair, it is not), I'd be mortified if I found out that the parents of one of children or someone the children were close with hadn't gone about having children the "right way."

 

Edited for clarity: I mean I would have been mortified to find this out after having spoken in that way.

[Zelda]

While I probably wouldn't have said "that's the only way to do it," I would certainly have said something like "Oh, I certainly hope so!" or just, "Yes."

 

I probably wouldn't have said anything while the other kids were there except, "Yes, she will." If I felt it had made some impression on my kid I might talk to her later.

 

I have ample evidence among my dh's family that you can actually do these things in any order you like (even if you are only 14) so I couldn't say, "That's the only way...". But I do give reasons why I think its the preferred way.

[abbeyej]

"Oh, yes, that's the only way to do it".

 

I'd have stopped with the "oh, yes". I think most kids these days will be aware that it's *possible* to have a baby without being married *long* before they're aware of the mechanics involved. If you say, "that's the only way to do it", they'll know you're lying. ;)

 

I'd have left it at a simple "yes".

[Mom to Aly]

I wouldn't have said the same thing, simply because you don't know who the other girls know; for all you know they may have a sibling who is pregnant out of wedlock, or who has had a baby that way (we are dealing with such a situation, a teen friend who is pregnant, and, actually, we just found out she had an abortion, so I'm trying to figure out what to say about that right now!).

 

But I think you said what came naturally to you, which is perfectly acceptable. If your daughter asks about it, you can always explain in more detail.

[Alenee]

In the interest of answering your question in context, since this was an "on the fly" answer...don't beat your self up about it. Of course it's the preferred way but as others have been so quick to point out, it isn't the only way. If it were my dd and I said something similar, I would sit her down later and talk about it.