BlsdMama Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 If you've read it, please share your thoughts? http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1445273627&sr=1-1&keywords=boundaries Specifically, I'm trying to do the parenting thing well with an adult living at home and on the "gray" days, I want to have something to dial me back in from treating her like a child. Will this help? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 Yes it is a really good book and yes if you take it to heart it will help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 Yes, it is excellent. I think you will get a lot of info that you can apply to your situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RioSamba Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 It's a wonderful book. I've taught from it and people really find it helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 That book helped me a lot with my adult son living at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southern Ivy Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 We have used the methods in the book many times in dealing with my MIL. You could also try "Boundaries with Kids". I'm not sure if it's geared towards parenting younger, non-adult children, but might be worth looking into. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 I've used it as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted October 19, 2015 Author Share Posted October 19, 2015 Would it be worthwhile for DD to read? She has a hard time saying no to others.... at her own expense which is what has me so upset right now. Our agreement was no more than fifteen hours of work outer week but we've been flexible. Last week? Thirty five. She was utterly exhausted between activities, school, and work, and she has scholarships to keep, kwim? From what I can tell nothing is getting the short end of the stick except HER.... she was so wiped out. Then it comes out more like I'm upset with her than the situation. At the same time because she can't/won't say no, we try to compensate on her duties here at home, though admittedly they are small and minor. However none of us have much flex in this season to pick up after strangers, kwim? At the same time I appreciate her willingness to help people out in a pinch, but it's becoming too much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 It's likely to help her if she reads it... It will also help you help her by not taking up the slack that she creates with her accommodating nature. Boundaries will say that it's clear that she *can* be accommodating (with perceived-manageable consequences) because you are helping the consequences seem smaller than they actually are. Experiencing them full-force might be appropriate (depending on the finer points of your situation). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RioSamba Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 It would be very helpful, but it's even better when done with a group. Do you feel like leading a little group? In your spare time? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted October 20, 2015 Author Share Posted October 20, 2015 In your spare time? I don't understand the question. :P Nope. (See? I have boundaries.) ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 Very helpful for both of you to read. I would recommend it to pretty much everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 We could do an online group... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RioSamba Posted October 20, 2015 Share Posted October 20, 2015 I don't understand the question. :P Nope. (See? I have boundaries.) ;) You pass! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiara.I Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 It's excellent: for what boundaries are, why they're important, and how to figure them out, set them, and defend them. But it contains the WORST examples of prooftexting. I wanted to throw the book across the room, multiple times. It went like this: Here's what a boundary is. It's a really good thing. Boundaries. Even God has boundaries. See, here's a verse that proves it! <Er...no, that verse doesn't talk about boundaries...oh, never mind....> So I still recommend the book, but I had to gloss over the "here's where the bible talks about boundaries" parts. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 Absolutely. Horrible on the proof texting. I'd forgotten about that... Glossed it over, I suppose. Also, bad exegetical work about wives and hupotasso (submission). The authors should have just stuck to their actual area of expertise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 21, 2015 Share Posted October 21, 2015 One thing I appreciated about this book: it was validating. Made me realize *I* wasn't the problem. Well, my non-caving-in to the boundary-disrespecting people in my life was problematic to them, but there was nothing wrong with my feelings of being overrun. That made it worth reading. I didn't agree with everything in the book, but it was helpful in identifying what boundary-crossing looks like. Also, I appreciated the warning about how some might react to me after I became firm in establishing those boundaries. There was definitely some pushback and I had a plan to stand firm. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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