S/o gun control: Fear of violence in the US

[Tsuga]

Do you walk alone on lonely wooded trails?  Because there are a bunch of them in my town, and I love walking in the woods, but I do get nervous walking all alone out in the woods, even in my safe little suburb.  So I don't go. :(

 

:(

 

I walk alone on lonely wooded areas. I really need to be in nature sometimes. My kids also walk to the park.

 

 

Re: domestic violence being separate from gun control... I don't get that.

 

Women are more likely to be killed in their own homes as are men. Most violence is domestic violence. 

 

There is a big difference between wanting to end violence (a pipe dream, though violence could be reduced) and wanting to lower the risk of dying at the hands of a crazy person, whether that's a narcissistic partner in the home, or an active shooter in one's school.

 

There's rational activities, like being aware, and then there are things that nobody can do anything about. I have plans for all kinds of situations, which don't really affect my daily life, but shooters do bother me. The one thing I could not have done anything about would have been my ex-H coming in with a gun. I would have died. I have a plan for a fire at the school, I have a plan for an earthquake. These plans reduce my chances of death.

 

The number one way to reduce my chances of death by firearm is to keep it out of my home. The number two way is to stay out of homes with firearms. After that? I need to reduce access to guns by people who are mentally ill.

 

http://www.apa.org/pubs/info/reports/gun-violence-prevention.aspx

 

Firearms, especially certain kinds, were designed to kill human beings and they are ultra-effective at that. The fact that they are the most effective and widespread tool for murder and manslaughter and accidental killings in the country makes it impossible, in my mind, to separate their regulation, from reducing death across society.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't know.  I don't quite see it that way, and I don't feel that way.  Do I have to sometimes modify what I do based on being worried about people bothering me?  Sure.  I won't go for a jog in the middle of the night.  I do avoid going places alone that are too removed from civilization.  I could claim I never want to do that, but I suppose that might be more that I know it's a bad idea so why bother entertaining the idea.  To be fair, my husband would not go for a jog around here in the middle of the night either.  So it's not just about being a woman.

 

And the last thing on earth I want to do is carry a gun.  I think it would be more likely to be used on me than the other way around. 

 

But none of this really stops me from living life.  I go out at night.  I just go to larger busier places.  Around here that's not a problem.  I don't worry about walking from my class to the car at 9pm.  The parking lot is well lit, there are other people around, and campus police drives around the parking lot all day and night.  In a better world, maybe that wouldn't need to be the case, but either way it didn't stop me from signing up for a night class. 

[boysrus]

I am pretty much always fearful when out and about in my town.  Just today as we were walking into a restaurant after church, there was a man walking toward us, talking loudly.  As he approached, we realized he was talking to him self and probably didn't realize we were there.  Every time I walk around downtown I am asked for money at least once, usually numerous times.  The last time I went to the Dollar General (probably two weeks ago), there was a sickly looking man sitting outside.  As we got closer to the store, he began to vomit.  As I was leaving TJ Maxx recently two women were having a loud altercation in the parking lot right near my car.  As for walking trails, my city has recently spent millions of dollars creating beautiful trails along the river.  I was very excited to use them until I saw drug deals being done and noticed the homeless gear.  I've since learned the woods near the trail is a "tent city" for sex offenders who have trouble finding housing.  My neighbor was recently tied up in his home while his car, jewelry and cash were stolen.  Like I say, all of this has happened in the last few weeks.

 

While thankfully I have not been a victim of violent crime, all of these factors lead me to be fearful of it. 

[LucyStoner]

I am not afraid of poor people or homeless people.

 

The statistics do not bear out that most homeless people are sex offenders or that most sex offenders find their victims while panhandling or sleeping in a park.

 

The other night a dude approached me for money in a grocery store parking lot. I gave him a couple of bucks and talked to him about where the safest places to sleep are around there and told him he could use my name if he wanted to go to a particular place where they hire homeless people.

 

Most of the time when panhandlers approach me, I say no and maybe chat or maybe not. Fairly often they are someone I know at least in passing.

 

Street drug deals in public places tend to go down without incident. The dealers don't want trouble anymore than you do. Riskier deals tend to involve robbery, large amounts of cash or drugs and private areas. Occasionally on my morning run I see a homeless person waking up or getting moved out of the park before it's crowded. Not dangerous.

[boysrus]

You are braver than I.  Stats may show these encounter aren't dangerous, but when it's just my children and me, my heart rate goes up every time.

[LucyStoner]

Maybe spend some time serving at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen. It's worthy work and it might lessen your fear. Fear is not the same thing as being cautious and aware.

 

Trust me, I am not an especially trusting or naive person. I am also not super brave. I'm just very familiar with my landscape. Knowing people from lots of backgrounds also helps keep me safe.

[boysrus]

I've served on numerous occasions, but I've always been surrounded by other volunteers and leaders.  I felt very comfortable in that setting.

[TranquilMind]

I have to say that I don't spend a lot of time worrying about whether or not I will be accosted. It's not something that impacts my daily life.

 

I do try to be mindful of my surroundings and to avoid obviously dangerous areas, but my dh and my ds would behave in the same way, so I don't think I do anything differently simply because I am a woman.

This.  I give exactly the same advice to the sons as well as the daughters.

 

Anyone can be a target.  Be wise, stay in crowds and move fast and be aware. Don't drink any drinks that you did not see poured or pour yourself.    What's wrong with this?

 

I don't see any of this as a "blame the woman" stuff.  It is simply objectively true that most women cannot as easily fight off most men, assuming the battle is physical.  If anyone has a weapon, all bets are off. 

[Mergath]

You are braver than I. Stats may show these encounter aren't dangerous, but when it's just my children and me, my heart rate goes up every time.

If you make an effort to chat with them, you'll probably find they aren't all that different from you, and not scary at all. ;) I've talked to quite a few homeless people in my time, and I'm still here. From what I've seen around here, a lot of homeless people were poor to start with, tried to move to a new place to look for work, and ran out of money halfway there. They aren't dangerous, just had shitty luck and are now trying to survive day to day.

[TranquilMind]

:(

 

I walk alone on lonely wooded areas. I really need to be in nature sometimes. My kids also walk to the park.

 

 

Re: domestic violence being separate from gun control... I don't get that.

 

Women are more likely to be killed in their own homes as are men. Most violence is domestic violence. 

 

There is a big difference between wanting to end violence (a pipe dream, though violence could be reduced) and wanting to lower the risk of dying at the hands of a crazy person, whether that's a narcissistic partner in the home, or an active shooter in one's school.

 

There's rational activities, like being aware, and then there are things that nobody can do anything about. I have plans for all kinds of situations, which don't really affect my daily life, but shooters do bother me. The one thing I could not have done anything about would have been my ex-H coming in with a gun. I would have died. I have a plan for a fire at the school, I have a plan for an earthquake. These plans reduce my chances of death.

 

The number one way to reduce my chances of death by firearm is to keep it out of my home. The number two way is to stay out of homes with firearms. After that? I need to reduce access to guns by people who are mentally ill.

 

http://www.apa.org/pubs/info/reports/gun-violence-prevention.aspx

 

Firearms, especially certain kinds, were designed to kill human beings and they are ultra-effective at that. The fact that they are the most effective and widespread tool for murder and manslaughter and accidental killings in the country makes it impossible, in my mind, to separate their regulation, from reducing death across society.

I disagree with the bolded.  The number one way to reduce death by firearm is to be well-trained with your own, if you have one. 

 

To avoid homes with firearms that are locked up is just ridiculous.  Do you poll everyone who invites you over? 

 

I agree that mentally ill people don't need firearms at all.  It is some family member's responsibility (if known) to make sure that doesn't happen. 

[TranquilMind]

I don't walk on wooded trails. :D

 

(I'm not being sarcastic -- I really don't walk on wooded trails! I'm not particularly outdoorsy, but despite that, I have still contracted Lyme disease on three separate occasions, so I have sort of an aversion to places where ticks might be lurking!)

Me either!  Must avoid poison ivy at all costs. 

 

It has to be paved and not a high-pollen day for me to be out there. 

 

Wow, Lyme THREE times?  Goodness.  That's awful. 

[Catwoman]

I am pretty much always fearful when out and about in my town. Just today as we were walking into a restaurant after church, there was a man walking toward us, talking loudly. As he approached, we realized he was talking to him self and probably didn't realize we were there. Every time I walk around downtown I am asked for money at least once, usually numerous times. The last time I went to the Dollar General (probably two weeks ago), there was a sickly looking man sitting outside. As we got closer to the store, he began to vomit. As I was leaving TJ Maxx recently two women were having a loud altercation in the parking lot right near my car. As for walking trails, my city has recently spent millions of dollars creating beautiful trails along the river. I was very excited to use them until I saw drug deals being done and noticed the homeless gear. I've since learned the woods near the trail is a "tent city" for sex offenders who have trouble finding housing. My neighbor was recently tied up in his home while his car, jewelry and cash were stolen. Like I say, all of this has happened in the last few weeks.

 

While thankfully I have not been a victim of violent crime, all of these factors lead me to be fearful of it.

Are you truly feeling fearful, or are you just being cautious and trying to avoid going to less-safe areas when you are with your children?

 

I don't think most people would consider you fearful for avoiding a place where you know there is a lot of crime -- I would consider you to be sensible for choosing a safer alternative.

 

Do you feel fearful in places where the area is known to be very safe and where other women walk around with their children without feeling threatened?

[SparklyUnicorn]

I do get hit up for money a lot around here.  I sometimes give them money.  But only if I feel safe.  One guy approached me and I felt kinda cornered.  I told him to f*ck off.  If you act no nonsense they go away.  Otherwise, most of them aren't jerks and don't bother anyone.

 

 

[boysrus]

The problem is, the safe areas in my town are becoming fewer and farther between.  Most of these incidents have caught me off guard.  Then I have to cross another place off my list of place where I feel safe.

[SparklyUnicorn]

Did you have stuff actually happen?  Or is this just a matter of feeling uneasy? 

[boysrus]

Well, like I said originally, I haven't experienced violent crime myself.  Just the fear of it.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I am not sure why, but I am generally not afraid.  And believe me we've got enough crime.  I guess I don't see the point in being afraid all the time.  I don't go where I don't feel safe.  If I felt unsafe everywhere I might first explore that I might be having some anxiety issues or something.  Of course I don't know what it is like where you live.

 

 

[LucyStoner]

The problem is, the safe areas in my town are becoming fewer and farther between. Most of these incidents have caught me off guard. Then I have to cross another place off my list of place where I feel safe.

But what makes an area safe? Crime happens everywhere. By and large I need to take the same no nonsense precautions everywhere.

 

I don't consider visible poverty to be a sign that a place is unsafe for middle class people. I consider it a sign that it's unsafe economically for low income people and a visible reminder of our community's failure.

[boysrus]

I will say this.  My family did a lot of traveling this summer and never once did I feel threatened.  I walked around, sometimes by myself, sometimes just the children and me and felt completely free.  It was so refreshing to think, "I'd like to go to such and such place within walking distance and you know what, I CAN" Yes, it matters where you live.

 

[SparklyUnicorn]

And random crime (other than theft) is actually more rare.  Here we have shootings way too regularly, but I can't recall a single shooting that involved a stranger being shot.  It's usually gangs or drug related.  Not saying this should make someone feel safe and fuzzy, but just saying you have to try to put things into perspective. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

I will say this.  My family did a lot of traveling this summer and never once did I feel threatened.  I walked around, sometimes by myself, sometimes just the children and me and felt completely free.  It was so refreshing to think, "I'd like to go to such and such place within walking distance and you know what, I CAN" Yes, it matters where you live.

 

Yes this is a common thing.  When I visit unfamiliar places I have no sense of where the safe spots are or are not.  I even do nutty things like take walks alone in the dark. 

 

It's really kinda psychological though because certainly something COULD happen while on vacation in a strange place. 

[boysrus]

We have shootings nearly every day here.  I don't have the stats about whether they're stranger or domestic.

[SparklyUnicorn]

That does sound very challenging boysrus.

 

Any chance of moving? 

 

 

[boysrus]

Well, I've lived here all my life and both my husband's and my elderly parents are here.  This city certainly isn't what it used to be or what it could be now. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

Well that sounds like a pretty sucky situation. 

 

 

[Garga]

Well, I often feel afraid.  Well...not really afraid.  It's hard to explain.  I suppose I feel like a target. Like, if there was a hunt, then I know I'm the prey.  Mostly it angers me.  So, I don't feel afraid, but I do feel like a little bunny out in the woods surrounded by birdies and chipmunks...but the fox might be hiding in the grass.  I feel irritatingly alert.  It's tiring.

 

I don't curtail what I'm going to do too much, but I do a bit.

 

I'm sure to park under a light in a parking lot if it'll be after dark.  I look around at everyone when I'm outside alone (like in parking lots.)  I don't park next to vans that I could be dragged into when I'm in a parking lot.  I walk closer to the middle of the aisle in a parking lot so that again, I can't be nabbed and stuffed in a van as easily.  (I move to the side for cars coming down the aisle of course.)

 

I feel a bit of unease going into a bathroom alone in a secluded part of a store.  Too many movies where people are getting beaten up in bathrooms.  Why is everyone always getting beaten up in bathrooms?  Like in Antman, James Bond, Kindergarten Cop etc  :)

 

I keep all my house doors locked even when I wish I could open the front door so the storm door lets in light.  It's just so easy for someone to walk right into a home where they'll have lots of privacy to kill you.

 

I am very uncomfortable on outdoor trails alone.  In fact, I don't think I've ever walked a trail alone and I tense up when I'm on a trail with just me and the kids and a stranger passes by.  Especially a lone male.  I still go with the kids, so it doesn't stop me, but I don't like it.

 

I am super vigilant when we're in Baltimore.  Again, I don't not go...but I am extra watchful.  I will give eye contact and sometimes a nod to people we pass, including the homeless, but I feel the need to be watchful.  There was a rash of gangs randomly punching people by Harbor Place two years ago (not the whole looting thing...this was just some random gang initiation thing or something) and it seemed the point was to target tourists.  So, even in the "safe" areas, I want to be vigilant.  I volunteered 3x a week at a homeless shelter in Baltimore for a year, so I understand they're just regular people.  Except for the few who aren't--who are unstable mentally or high. (Like the one who groped my friend while she was volunteering at the shelter.  Just because you're volunteering at a shelter doesn't mean some guy who's high on heroin might not try something.)

 

On the one hand I know that the huuuuuge majority of people aren't going to hurt me.  But I feel ever-watchful for the few that would hurt me if given the opportunity.  I do my best not to provide the opportunity.

 

I'm glad I found my dh young because I would be nervous about dating now.  I would be concerned about DV or stalkers.  I would probably have pretty firm rules about meeting in public places for a long while before bringing a man home or going into his home.

 

The local mechanic drove me home in my dropped off car (You know--you drop off the car and then either wait for the repair or get someone else to drive you home. I'd drop the car and get ready to walk home 'cause I live close to the garage and he'd say, "I'll drive you home and then bring the car back here to the shop.") and I felt amazingly uncomfortable getting into my car with him driving.  He could have driven me anywhere.  I don't know this guy.  I *think* he was trying to be nice, but it wigged me out.  I was berating myself for getting into the car with a stranger the entire time. Isn't this how people end up dead in shallow graves??  I stopped going to him because I felt he didn't understand boundaries.  I hope he was just being nice, but he constantly offered to drive me home when I drop the car. It just felt too invasive.  I turned him down after the first time he drove me home.   

 

So, there you go.  I guess I'm one of the few who feel afraid.

[Garga]

I feel really bad that you feel like that. I can't imagine not feeling comfortable opening my windows and front door on a hot day or going to the bathroom in a store. That must be exhausting. 

 

Does your perception of constant danger change if you take a media break ? Sometimes i feel like hearing all bad stuff makes me more anxious.

 

However, I think your mechanic instincts were right.

 

 

I don't watch the news. It does get worse when I read Harlen Coben books, that's for sure!!  There are always sneaky bad guys in those books and people getting kidnapped or killed or something.  (But they are fun to read!)

 

I really don't know where it all comes from and I'm surprised more people aren't like me.  I guess I have issues and never even knew. 

[8circles]

I feel really bad that you feel like that. I can't imagine not feeling comfortable opening my windows and front door on a hot day or going to the bathroom in a store. That must be exhausting. 

 

Does your perception of constant danger change if you take a media break ? Sometimes i feel like hearing all bad stuff makes me more anxious.

 

However, I think your mechanic instincts were right.

 

I agree except for the mechanic.  I mean, I would never tell someone to ignore a feeling that something isn't right, but a mechanic driving someone home would be totally normal here.

[Paige]

Men are more likely to be victims of violent crime than women, but women and girls, for whatever reason, get more sympathetic press. 

 

I feel mostly safe wherever I go. Sometimes I feel a little creeped out by a situation and I'll be more cautious but I don't recall changing my behavior because of a generalized fear of being a victim because I'm a woman. I think I'm less able to defend myself because of my physical size than the average man, but I'm also less likely to be attacked so it balances out.

 

I think violence is down in America overall and if we are in the midst of a slight uptake (don't know) I still feel safer here and now than is probably true of any of my female ancestors. I'm all for reducing violence even further, however, and I think the best approach is one that focuses on a culture of second chances, increased community bonds, better mental and emotional health services, and programs focused on teaching children self control and delayed gratification. I don't think guns, whether it's more of them or fewer of them, will solve the problem. 

[justasque]

I am pretty much always fearful when out and about in my town.  Just today as we were walking into a restaurant after church, there was a man walking toward us, talking loudly.  As he approached, we realized he was talking to him self and probably didn't realize we were there. 

 

While sometimes this kind of thing is because the person is mentally ill and talking to someone he sees and we don't, most of the time when I see it I realize (often belatedly!) that the person has one of those Bluetooth phone things clipped to their ear, and they're actually on the phone with someone. Now that I know to look out for that, I'm catching on quicker.  (The people with phones for some reason seem to talk *way* more loudly than the people talking to themselves!)

 

I am not afraid of poor people or homeless people.

 

The statistics do not bear out that most homeless people are sex offenders or that most sex offenders find their victims while panhandling or sleeping in a park.

 

The other night a dude approached me for money in a grocery store parking lot. I gave him a couple of bucks and talked to him about where the safest places to sleep are around there and told him he could use my name if he wanted to go to a particular place where they hire homeless people.

 

Most of the time when panhandlers approach me, I say no and maybe chat or maybe not. Fairly often they are someone I know at least in passing.

 

Street drug deals in public places tend to go down without incident. The dealers don't want trouble anymore than you do. Riskier deals tend to involve robbery, large amounts of cash or drugs and private areas. Occasionally on my morning run I see a homeless person waking up or getting moved out of the park before it's crowded. Not dangerous.

 

I find that it helps to know where I'm going, to walk somewhat purposely, and to not make eye contact with panhandlers.  If they do ask, I usually indicate "no" by shaking my head briefly, and continuing to walk with purpose.  (I am one of those people who can get sucked into situations where complete strangers start conversations with me and tell me all kinds of things (health issues!  infidelity stories!  religious revelations!  deranged ramblings about certain numbers!) and I can't seem to extract myself, so it's best for me not to even let it begin.)

 

When my children were younger, we did have a code word which meant "Mom sees something that may be unsafe because of a Bad Guy, so we need to get out of here without calling attention to ourselves, so do exactly what I say and don't ask questions or make a fuss - I promise I will explain everything once we're safe."  I used it very sparingly and always explained my concerns afterwards, in a matter-of-fact kind of way.

 

 

...The local mechanic drove me home in my dropped off car (You know--you drop off the car and then either wait for the repair or get someone else to drive you home. I'd drop the car and get ready to walk home 'cause I live close to the garage and he'd say, "I'll drive you home and then bring the car back here to the shop.") and I felt amazingly uncomfortable getting into my car with him driving.  He could have driven me anywhere.  I don't know this guy.  I *think* he was trying to be nice, but it wigged me out.  I was berating myself for getting into the car with a stranger the entire time. Isn't this how people end up dead in shallow graves??  I stopped going to him because I felt he didn't understand boundaries.  I hope he was just being nice, but he constantly offered to drive me home when I drop the car. It just felt too invasive.  I turned him down after the first time he drove me home.   

 

So, there you go.  I guess I'm one of the few who feel afraid.

 

If you felt uncomfortable, it may have been that this particular mechanic was up to no good, but this is a fairly normal (and quite nice) thing for mechanics in general to do. 

 

If you are a SAHM, might you be over-sensitive because you may not spend a lot of time in one-on-one interaction with men who are not your dh?   Generally speaking, I think we are more cautious with people who are of a gender, race, culture, socio-economic status, etc. that we don't often encounter.  When I am interacting with enough people of a particular stranger's variety in my daily life, I am less likely to see that stranger as a threat. 

[Greta]

I disagree with the bolded. The number one way to reduce death by firearm is to be well-trained with your own, if you have one.

The facts do not support such a conclusion. http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2015/01/good_guy_with_a_gun_myth_guns_increase_the_risk_of_homicide_accidents_suicide.html

[Greta]

I wasn't generally afraid of violence until I moved to Albuquerque. We had several bad experiences and close-calls our first few years here, and became much more cautious since then. There's a lot of stuff that we simply don't do because of fear of crime. And though it affects my husband as often as it does me, it affects him in a different way than it does me. He avoids a certain activity because he fears the car will get broken into. I avoid a certain activity because I fear something will happen to ME. I know that it is still statistically unlikely, but when you hear the stories of women being grabbed off the sidewalks and running trails that you walk on every day, within a mile of your home, to be raped in the arroyos in broad daylight, it dramatically affects your perception of your safety.

 

That said, however, I believe that guns are part of the problem of violence against women, and not the solution.

[TranquilMind]

The facts do not support such a conclusion. http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2015/01/good_guy_with_a_gun_myth_guns_increase_the_risk_of_homicide_accidents_suicide.html

Those "facts" are debateable.  No point going over it again though. 

 

Sure, I concede that mentally unstable people should not have guns. 

[MarkW]

I simply don't agree with the premise in the OP at all. I think there is a hyper-awareness, particularly among college aged Americans right now, of violence against women.

 

I'm sure that there are regional variations in the US.

 

I'll tell you that I spent my school years getting the crap beaten out of me on a near daily basis. In those days, the "advice" was to "be a man, tough it out, or fight back". 

Gender stereotypes harm everyone. 

 

I think men are more likely to have been physically abused by parents and other family members as well during their childhood. Can't find the stats I was looking at earlier... it sure held true for me. It's a wonder I made it to be an adult, but there were other considerations for me, like being deliberately poisoned by my mother for years (she was overdosing me on my prescribed medications for sympathy and attention.)

 

I think every time we as a country argue over who's got it worst, we defeat our own purposes. What we need to be figuring out is how to lift all boats. We're REALLY bad at that, as a nation, for the past many decades.

[MarkW]

Outside of wartime, no mass casualty event has ever been halted by a civilian with a gun. A gun in any home increases the likelihood that the owner or their family will be injured by a gun many many times more than the odds they'll ever be robbed while they're present, let alone the likelihood that you'll reach your firearm in time to stop an assailant. 

 

The fact is that if you do not require a gun in the course of your day to day activities, you will be very unlikely to be able to effectively wield it in self defense without hesitation or error. This applies to the majority of the population.

 

An assailant with a gun need not be a marksman. He or she only has to be intimidating and wield the realistic threat of injury or death. 

 

Now, the other side of the coin:

 

There has only been a marginal increase in school shootings over the past two decades as opposed to all of US history: since at least the 60s, or thereabouts:

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_school_shootings_in_the_United_States

 

I think what has largely changed (and this is opinion and certainly not an original opinion) since the 50s is that we have a 24 hour news cycle with flashy graphics and we plaster the names of these killers all over the television along with their kill counts like it's some sort of sporting event. This helps nobody and the only way it will ever stop is for it to stop driving ratings for the networks perpetrating this crap. (ie, you need to turn it off and so do you friends, neighbors, relatives, and etc.)

[Greta]

I simply don't agree with the premise in the OP at all. I think there is a hyper-awareness, particularly among college aged Americans right now, of violence against women.

 

I'm sure that there are regional variations in the US.

 

I'll tell you that I spent my school years getting the crap beaten out of me on a near daily basis. In those days, the "advice" was to "be a man, tough it out, or fight back".

Gender stereotypes harm everyone.

 

I think men are more likely to have been physically abused by parents and other family members as well during their childhood. Can't find the stats I was looking at earlier... it sure held true for me. It's a wonder I made it to be an adult, but there were other considerations for me, like being deliberately poisoned by my mother for years (she was overdosing me on my prescribed medications for sympathy and attention.)

 

I think every time we as a country argue over who's got it worst, we defeat our own purposes. What we need to be figuring out is how to lift all boats. We're REALLY bad at that, as a nation, for the past many decades.

Good points, Mark, and I am very sorry for what you went through.

 

ETA: I want to clarify that when one demographic group really does have it worse, that's something we need to examine and work to change. I wasn't trying to imply otherwise. Women are far more likely to be victims of sexual and domestic violence, and that is worth addressing. Men are more likely to be victims of violence overall, and that is worth addressing too.