I'm lonely as all get out...

[Aubrey]

I don't know what to do. Since school started, dh has been working, in school, reading, or sleeping. All. the. time.

 

There are some wonderful ladies here, but none that I'm *really* close to, iykwim. I'm kind-of an oddball loner type anyway, & I'd probably be fine if I had time to myself. But I don't have that, either, lol. A few days completely alone w/ some charcoal or colored pencils or something would be quite rejuvenating. :lol:

 

I also don't have a TV. We've got the internet (obviously) & one computer. Dh needs it for both school & work, so...sometimes I have to share.

 

To make it worse, when we do try to spend time together, we end up arguing about stupid things like when our dc can play w/ neighbor dc, kwim? And we don't have babysitters, since the thing w/ my ils, so everything has to happen after the dc's bedtime.

 

Help. Something's gotta give.

[Sarah CB]

I don't know what to do. Since school started, dh has been working, in school, reading, or sleeping. All. the. time.

 

There are some wonderful ladies here, but none that I'm *really* close to, iykwim. I'm kind-of an oddball loner type anyway, & I'd probably be fine if I had time to myself. But I don't have that, either, lol. A few days completely alone w/ some charcoal or colored pencils or something would be quite rejuvenating. :lol:

 

I also don't have a TV. We've got the internet (obviously) & one computer. Dh needs it for both school & work, so...sometimes I have to share.

 

To make it worse, when we do try to spend time together, we end up arguing about stupid things like when our dc can play w/ neighbor dc, kwim? And we don't have babysitters, since the thing w/ my ils, so everything has to happen after the dc's bedtime.

 

Help. Something's gotta give.

 

I'm sorry. :grouphug: No advice here but I know how you feel. Dh is away on business and could be gone for 3 weeks; possibly longer. He just left on Sunday and had been home for a few weeks so it hasn't hit me yet.

 

Can you get out some nice, fluffy reading from the library and escape to somewhere exciting that way? I personally enjoy a John Grisham novel from time to time.

[elegantlion]

Is it time to start another book? Sounds like you need some characters to get out and play around with. No, not the characters on this board, although they are fun to play with as well.

 

:grouphug:

[Laura in VA]

:grouphug: I'm sorry I can't offer any advice, but I know the wonderful gals here will! Just wanted to give you a :grouphug:.

[H.S. Burrow]

Big Hug Aubrey! I know it's tough. I can remember when my DH worked nights and I worked days and we never saw each other. And never had time alone together. Ever. And his retired parents were right. across. the. street. Of course, when this started happening for us our youngest was 3. I think I would have lost my ever-lovin' mind if I'd had a newborn. When our youngest was 5 - DH was still working nights - he started working on his MBA in a 2 year accelerated program. Six months after he started the MBA program he was promoted to days and I stopped working to stay home.

 

All I can do is offer virtual support and prayers and tell you that this season will pass. DH will finish school. I know that now it seems like it will take forever, but he will be finished before you know it. :grouphug:

 

Have some oreos and a glass of milk....calcium is good for new moms!

 

[8filltheheart]

Aubrey, I'm sorry. I know exactly how you feel. When we moved to Brazil, I didn't know anyone that could speak any English (no one except dh and our 4 children, at that point ages 7,5,3,1, and I was pregnant). Dh left at 6 am and didn't get home until 8 pm. Internet access was 6 cents/minute......I was really limited in how much time I could spend online. I depended on typing and reading emails off-line and logging in to send/receive them. I couldn't call internationally so I couldn't even talk to my family.

 

It was at that point that I decided I had to do something for me. I picked something that I had really wanted to do and I carved time for myself to do it. I needed mental stimulation or I was going to go nuts. For me, a passion had always been theology, so I took it too a different level and really started studying it seriously. Is there anything that you can do just for you?

[Jean in Wisc]

Sometimes life is that way. We can morn a bit...but then it is probably best to find a few things to do during those quiet times--a new hobby, revive an old interest in handcrafts or the night sky or...

 

Use this time to make yourself into the person you want to be. Allow it to be your teacher of patience, kindness, cheerfulness, poise...and hope that this will be a short-term problem rather than several year's worth.

 

Good luck. :grouphug:

 

Jean

[Mama Anna]

Dh and I hit a similar spot last semester and ended up on an "emergency" date. We put dd#2 to bed early, found a student friend to watch TV in our livingroom while we were gone, took dd#1 to her Awana class, and spent the time at an ice cream place doing some intense listening to each other. Seriously - I made us each write out questions we really needed to know about so that we would stay on-task when we finally had an interruption-free conversational opportunity. Like, "Are you still thinking of overseas work after your degree or will you be pursuing a PhD.?" Stuff that you'd think I would already be aware of . . . :confused: Dh had to reschedule some serious studying to do it, but he agreed later that it was definitely worth it.

 

Would that help?

 

:grouphug:

 

Mama Anna

[CalicoKat]

for these very reasons I enrolled in the community colllege to take a continuing ed class .

 

I'm taking a spinning class--as in wool to yarn--1 night a week for 6 weeks.

 

I think our dh's don't realize the need to get away from the kids and them, really anyone needy. And to talk with someone about something other than homeschooling, raising kids, or daily kid issues.

 

Because I've spent some money on the activity dh is less likely to see it as expendable because something has come up (vomit, he's tired, etc.)

 

I also discovered that the local yarn store has a standing weekly meeting at a local coffee shop in the evenings. I plan to go.

 

Do you have a hobby that you can indulge in? Local libraries are also a great resource for finding groups that might be into what you're into.

[TXMomof4]

Sometimes life is that way. We can morn a bit...but then it is probably best to find a few things to do during those quiet times--a new hobby, revive an old interest in handcrafts or the night sky or...

 

Use this time to make yourself into the person you want to be. Allow it to be your teacher of patience, kindness, cheerfulness, poise...and hope that this will be a short-term problem rather than several year's worth.

 

Good luck. :grouphug:

 

Jean

 

I believe you may have just inspired me. Thank you!

[Mom to Aly]

Aubrey--I am so sorry you are feeling this way! Have to ask--could a bit of it be post partum? Maybe there is something related to that that you could do? And, if I were you, I would just pamper, pamper, pamper myself.

 

Let your dc go next door to play with the neighbor dc. Put your baby down for a nap. Then relax as much as you can. Get that fluffy book (I HIGHLY recommend the "Shopoholic" series by Sophie Kinsella--so wonderful!), or a wonderful movie, or a hot bath, or something! Take the kids to Chuck E. Cheese, spray them down with Lysol, and send them out with coins--then you can dh can try to yell a nice conversation (they have a wonderful salad bar--don't ask how I know; I'll never tell ;) ).

 

Or go to the park, put the baby on a blanket, lay down yourself, tie a rope to the kids so they can't go far, and veg out! Well, maybe not quite, but you know what I mean! Give yourself a much needed break! And get dh on a weekend, and let him know you two need a break together. Splurge on a babysitter instead of dinner out. And get Taco Bell and eat in the car. As long as it is just the two of you, who cares.

 

I hope you feel better, very, very soon. Remember, I'm a single mom, with no car--I understand lonely better than you can imagine! Why do you think I'm always on these boards?

[anissarobert]

Aubrey,

 

Why am I on these boards at almost midnight? I know, dh is out of town again. I just wanted to offer some sympathy and :grouphug::grouphug:.

 

I agree with the other posters. So soon after giving birth, you need to pamper yourself.

[Alaska Mom]

I can't believe I'm actually going to suggest this - I will probably be shunned from this board :001_unsure:....but....when I moved to Alaska I went through what you've described, I felt very lonely, very isolated and away from my family and the rest of the world. What helped? ......I hate to say it!!! yep....television. I'm saying this because you specifically mentioned you don't have one. This wouldn't be my suggestion for marital issues, but for feelings of isolation and loneliness it may help some.

 

We never had a television hooked up, we just never wanted one. Then, on the morning of 9/11/01 I was going crazy. I hooked up our television and watched the events on a terrible "snowy" screen. I realized how much more connected I felt by being able to "watch" the events of that day - how could you imagine something like that without seeing it with your own eyes. I immediately order Dish TV.

 

We still are not tv watchers, my kids never watch any television - except two shows - American Idol (dh & I wait all year in anticipation for the new season to start!), and a rare America's Funniest Videos. But that's it, no other tv watching, they've never seen Seseme Street, or any of that. I now have an under cabinet television in my kitchen which is the only one I ever watch (for news). With things like the Olympics and now the election debates coming up, I just couldn't imagine not having a TV for those types of events. As much as I hate television programming, there are benefits to having one, and you will feel more "connected". Just a crazy suggestion.:grouphug:

[Aubrey]

I can't believe I'm actually going to suggest this - I will probably be shunned from this board :001_unsure:....but....when I moved to Alaska I went through what you've described, I felt very lonely, very isolated and away from my family and the rest of the world. What helped? ......I hate to say it!!! yep....television. I'm saying this because you specifically mentioned you don't have one. This wouldn't be my suggestion for marital issues, but for feelings of isolation and loneliness it may help some.

 

We never had a television hooked up, we just never wanted one. Then, on the morning of 9/11/01 I was going crazy. I hooked up our television and watched the events on a terrible "snowy" screen. I realized how much more connected I felt by being able to "watch" the events of that day - how could you imagine something like that without seeing it with your own eyes. I immediately order Dish TV.

 

We still are not tv watchers, my kids never watch any television - except two shows - American Idol (dh & I wait all year in anticipation for the new season to start!), and a rare America's Funniest Videos. But that's it, no other tv watching, they've never seen Seseme Street, or any of that. I now have an under cabinet television in my kitchen which is the only one I ever watch (for news). With things like the Olympics and now the election debates coming up, I just couldn't imagine not having a TV for those types of events. As much as I hate television programming, there are benefits to having one, and you will feel more "connected". Just a crazy suggestion.:grouphug:

 

LOL--yes!! You understand! It's just these first couple of mos, when I'm nursing constantly, & I can't do anything else. Last night, dh needed to do about 3 hrs worth of paperwork for his job (on the computer), & he seemed to think I'd be fine just sitting & watching him do it. He was surprised that I went to bed early instead.

 

He said he thought I'd scrapbook or something. Well... sure, if I weren't holding a baby, lol. After the feeding, the burping, the changing & patting...sure. *Then* I could do all kinds of things. But in the meantime, *at least* TV (or the boards!) makes a difference in how I feel, kwim? (Yeah, you do!)

 

It will probably be better in a couple of mos, when both babies are a little bigger; it's just hard to trust that & wait for it. Fwiw, I'm feeling a little more cheerful this AM. Thanks, everybody, for listening!

[Danestress]

Got me through a rough spell when my twins were about 4 months old. I got a P and P on CD and it really got me through it. I would sit on the double bed in the nursery with boys boys and just surrender to the experience of caring for them all day. The recording was awesome. I loved it. It's a great memory!

[3lilreds in NC]

LOL--yes!! You understand! It's just these first couple of mos, when I'm nursing constantly, & I can't do anything else. Last night, dh needed to do about 3 hrs worth of paperwork for his job (on the computer), & he seemed to think I'd be fine just sitting & watching him do it. He was surprised that I went to bed early instead.

 

He said he thought I'd scrapbook or something. Well... sure, if I weren't holding a baby, lol. After the feeding, the burping, the changing & patting...sure. *Then* I could do all kinds of things. But in the meantime, *at least* TV (or the boards!) makes a difference in how I feel, kwim? (Yeah, you do!)

 

It will probably be better in a couple of mos, when both babies are a little bigger; it's just hard to trust that & wait for it. Fwiw, I'm feeling a little more cheerful this AM. Thanks, everybody, for listening!

 

I know what you mean, too. After Abbie was born, I did a Bible study with some friends, and part of it was a time study. I realized that I was watching TV 40 hours a week, and I cried - I was so sad that I had let myself get into that habit! Then I realized - I watched TV when I was nursing the baby! It was, literally, a FULL TIME job! I was amazed. I did feel better when I realized that I wasn't just zoning in front of the TV for no reason, LOL. I am pretty sure I watched a lot of Noggin with Emma, but still, the noise was nice company.

 

I realized that I was truly a mom of small children when we went to see a Star Trek movie and was mortified by the violence. When the scariest thing you see in a day is Blue's Clues, your reference for those kinds of things changes a bit. :D

 

Could you get some audiobooks from the library or something? Voices to keep you company? I don't know how much listening you'd get done with the two babies and two older dc, LOL, but it might be worth a try. Just a thought.

[Tammy]

and relax for the evening. I bet that will work :-)

 

Tammy

[Rosie_0801]

Yeah, I'm with you. The thing that "has to give" is his job. He's quitting at the end of the year, when his contract runs out.

:grouphug:

Rosie

[Heather in the Kootenays]

:grouphug:

 

I remember feeling so isolated with babies. :grouphug: