prissygirls Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Something has to change. My 10 year old dd was identified with PDD-nos at the age of seven. She is very high functioning but behaviorally she is a hot mess. She seems to do better with other people. We belong to CC and she can keep it together there. But at home it is a hole different story. She hates doing anything school related. She does not want to study her CC memory work, hates her math, complains and whines all day long. She has worn my patience. She takes so much time and energy from my other three kids it seems unfair. She basically wants me to do everything with her..write her answers... Quiz her on vocabulary, CC work, etc. I just can not keep doing this. It is exhausting. I have a eight year old and a twelve year old that are dyslexic plus a kindergartener this year. Questioning putting her in school or unschooling her. She has a high interest in science and animals but will not go out of her way to learn on her own. She barely will read a book but is perfectly able. She basically is happiest when everyone just leaves her alone. She want to play endless games on line, watch you tube videos of my little pony, draw pictures, or sew. What would you do with this child? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 If things really are not working out at home then perhaps looking into local schools might actually be a good avenue to pursue, depending on what services and support might be available. Who did her evaluation at 7? Could there be other issues at work as well? Hugs. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prissygirls Posted February 2, 2015 Author Share Posted February 2, 2015 I had a neuropsychologist evaluate her. She could not get a good read on her intelligence as she refused most testing. I wonder about bi-polar as it does run in my family. She did diagnose her with depression at the time... But I see it as more of her personality. She has the "woe is me" attitude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terabith Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 My situation with my younger daughter bore an uncanny similarity, except that she was NOT keeping it together for other people, and it was a source of constant stress in our relationship. I finally decided that I had tried everything I could think of except for trying school, so I talked to both the public schools and a local Catholic school. Decided that the Catholic one actually had a greater likelihood of success due to the lack of constant standardized testing. I figured if it didn't work, we would have learned something and could just pull out. So far, it's worked way better than I had hoped or imagined. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Since you have a diagnosis, it's time to start learning how your child's condition affects her ability to learn and interact. She keeps it together in public because ASD folks aren't looking for attention when they meltdown, they are looking for relief from the horrendous emotional pressure building up in their brains. Pushing, comparing, failing to make accomodations and read your child's moods are all great ways to make things worse. Autism and depression are often comorbid. It is unfair to your child to attribute to character and lack of desire what is triggered by neurological disorders. If you feel you aren't up to the challenge (and I feel that way sometimes), check with your school system's special needs coordinator and find out what programs they offer. They may offer very little or they may offer a fully immersive program that would focus on the emotional issues- it will depend on where you are located. At the very least you should be seeing a professional for her on an ongoing basis so you can get solid information on how to address her individual needs. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geodob Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Their is something called: 'Oppositional Defiant Disorder'. Which I wonder if might be relevant? This specifically effects relationships with 'authority figures'. So that they will oppose/defy directions from anyone recognized as an authority figure. Though this is rather a reflex response, which they don't have volitional control over? Here's a link to one of many articles on it: http://psychcentral.com/disorders/oppositional-defiant-disorder-symptoms/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 It sounds like she needs a lot more structure. Terabith said catholic school, and that would be a prime example. What she's showing is she's not able to create her *own* structure, hence wanting you to be there to do it for her. Have you considered school? It should be one with structure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I agree with OhE, maybe your child needs a lot more consistent structure and support than you are currently able to provide for her? I don't mean rigid discipline and making her sit in one spot all day long doing clerical work. I mean a lot of structure and consistency, lots of scaffolding and support and positive reinforcement that remains kind of the same each day, something she can count on and work from. A school setting might be able to provide that. It would depend on the school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted February 3, 2015 Share Posted February 3, 2015 Since you have a diagnosis, it's time to start learning how your child's condition affects her ability to learn and interact. She keeps it together in public because ASD folks aren't looking for attention when they meltdown, they are looking for relief from the horrendous emotional pressure building up in their brains. Pushing, comparing, failing to make accomodations and read your child's moods are all great ways to make things worse. Autism and depression are often comorbid. It is unfair to your child to attribute to character and lack of desire what is triggered by neurological disorders. If you feel you aren't up to the challenge (and I feel that way sometimes), check with your school system's special needs coordinator and find out what programs they offer. They may offer very little or they may offer a fully immersive program that would focus on the emotional issues- it will depend on where you are located. At the very least you should be seeing a professional for her on an ongoing basis so you can get solid information on how to address her individual needs. :grouphug: :iagree: I have a 10 y.o. with PDD-NOS. He is gifted, so I am very fortunate that I have an intellectual avenue that helps us out when we hit roadblocks created by his differences. I don't want to minimize how much that has helped us limp along until we had answers. Our son was diagnosed at nearly 9 years old. But honestly, I literally flinched reading your OP. You are clearly very stressed out, and you need some outside help to understand what's going on. I have felt the same way myself, and I strongly encourage you to see what you can learn, who you can talk to that understands (including this board--we all care), and who can provide therapies for your child. I truly do understand, but you need someone to help you with this frustration so you can enjoy your child. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Does she like CC? (I don't think mine would survive CC.) Can you capitalize on her special interests instead of being exasperated with them? She probably needs some significant downtime, control over her environment and schedule (with help), protection for her personal space (her stuff, her room, etc.), and a lot of low-key, low stress activities if she is melting down. Definitely therapies (maybe OT, for instance), and possibly some meds (esp. if she has comorbid ADHD, anxiety, sensory issues, etc.). We are currently accessing these sorts of services as well as a behavioral tutor, and it's making a big difference. It also gives my son more 1:1 time with people who care about his success and can enjoy him. A lot of these kiddos have issues with handwriting, organization, coordination in general, getting their ideas out, certain types of thinking, etc. All of that can create strange academic profiles, simultaneous high and low performance in areas that would seem to be related, etc. Please don't unschool her either until you know what you are dealing with. This may be a place to start: http://www.amazon.com/School-Success-Kids-High-Functioning-Autism/dp/161821165X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1422938734&sr=8-1&keywords=school+success+for+kids+with+high-functioning+autism&pebp=1422938738377&peasin=161821165X 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 prissygirls, I was wondering how things are going. I've been concerned since you sounded so stressed and frustrated in your original post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prissygirls Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Things are looking better thanks for thinking of me. She started attending a small Catholic school close to our house. She loves it there. There are 9 other kids in her class and it is very family oriented. She is doing well and I have seen major changes from her already. She is wearing pants for one, which would have never happened before (sensory issues). also she is excelling at her school work. Making all A's And B's. The teacher does not give homework so I am totally hands off when it comes to school. It is helping with our relationship and I just get to be mom to her. We are both liking that. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black-eyed Suzan Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I'm glad things are better! I thought your original post was new at first and something that came to my mind was Dianne Craft's Biology of Behavior. It may be something you want to consider if there are difficulties in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Very good news! I really hope you get to enjoy her with these changes! Way to go! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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