Mother's Sabbath, anyone?

[AnnE-girl]

I'm not adding CC to the headline because I think this could be used by secular moms too.  I'm reading Holly Pierlot's "Mother's Rule for Life" and I really like the idea of setting aside a couple Saturday's a month as time for myself.  Does anyone do this?  How does it work for you and your spouse?  DH insists that he would be fine with it, but part of me worries that he might feel a bit resentful.  

 

Also, what do you do for your day off? I'll be starting my half-marathon training, so I'll definitely have my long runs on those days.  I might add library trips that will be partly for school {so much easier to search for books without "helpers" who want to look at other things}, but also time to read. Lunch/coffee out by myself sounds good too, but I don't want to spend too much.

 

For those who are Catholic, do you go to confession as she recommends too?  I've gone more in the last couple years as a catechist than I had in a long time, but it's still only a few times a year.  I like the idea of going more often though.

 

Thanks in advance for your input  :001_smile:  

[Jean in Newcastle]

So does dh commit to keeping the kids away from you for the day?  'Cause that would be my biggest problem - kids constantly wanting my input on things.  Dh too for that matter.  

[Guest]

I don't do anything on a regular basis but there are times when I tell DH that he is in charge and I'm going out for a few hours.  Keeps me sane (ish).

 

I go clothes shopping (or any shopping other than grocery), watch a movie, go to lunch with a friend, whatever I want.

[Tsuga]

My mom takes my kids twice a month. She doesn't live nearby. She does that. It is awesome. So awesome.

[73349]

We sometimes do Mommy's Day Off on Saturdays, but not regularly.

[AnnE-girl]

So does dh commit to keeping the kids away from you for the day?  'Cause that would be my biggest problem - kids constantly wanting my input on things.  Dh too for that matter.  

I would either have to leave or he would have to take the kids out.  They won't leave me alone enough otherwise either.  Or I wouldn't be able to really let go if it seemed like DH needed help with them.  He's fine on his own, but it's hard to pretend that I'm not there.

 

I can't figure out how to multi-quote, but I think it will help me to have set days because by the time I usually admit I need a day off, I've already gotten pretty crabby.  And if it's not on the calendar, it's easier to put it off if it seems like an inconvenient time. 

[Mnemosyne]

I don't do anything on a regular basis but there are times when I tell DH that he is in charge and I'm going out for a few hours.  Keeps me sane (ish).

 

I go clothes shopping (or any shopping other than grocery), watch a movie, go to lunch with a friend, whatever I want.

 

This is what I generally do. Every couple Saturdays, I'll go out for about 4 hours - whether it's to read and drink a coffee, get some personal errands done, whatever. It's nice to get some time to myself. Every Thursday the kids are also in daycare on post for a couple hours - but that's more for me to get work done than to relax. Having a Saturday to myself occasionally is nice. And of course, if DH wants a day to himself, he gets that as well. He prefers to go shooting with the guys on his days 'free'.

[Sherry in OH]

Once a month or so I put 'Mom's day out' on the calendar.  I don't do anything exciting, mostly I end up running errands on a Saturday by myself, but it lets dh know I need the time.  Dh gets a couple of hours to himself most Sunday mornings.

[Guest]

Susannah Wesley trained her kids that when she had thrown her apron over her head, she wasn't there.  Must've looked funny, but then again, I might be picturing it wrong. 

 

I have a friend who trained her kids to leave her alone if she put on a sign that said, "Mama's not here."  

 

I get it.  My dh did a great job taking care of our kid and so on when I wanted a day off.  But the thing is, I did not always want to leave my house.  Sometimes I wanted THEM to leave, so I could be in my house alone.  That might be something to think about as you decide what to do.  

 

:0)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Susannah Wesley trained her kids that when she had thrown her apron over her head, she wasn't there.  Must've looked funny, but then again, I might be picturing it wrong. 

 

I have a friend who trained her kids to leave her alone if she put on a sign that said, "Mama's not here."  

 

I get it.  My dh did a great job taking care of our kid and so on when I wanted a day off.  But the thing is, I did not always want to leave my house.  Sometimes I wanted THEM to leave, so I could be in my house alone.  That might be something to think about as you decide what to do.  

 

:0)

Now I need to get an apron.  I think it would be hard to read under there though. . .

[AnnE-girl]

We actually have a running joke in our marriage about saying "pretend I'm not here."  Pre-cana retreat was led by a couple who seemed to be taking passive-aggressive digs at each other when talking about how their Christian marriage worked.  It was very odd to listen to as an engaged couple when they were supposed to be a good example for us to learn from.  One of the low points they mentioned was when they had three kids under three and the husband was working long hours while the wife was home full time.  He finally got home to a wife trying to juggle miserable sick kids, but he had more work to do, so he told her to pretend he wasn't there without even letting her have a bathroom break.  That story sparked a lot of discussion.  We both agree that we can take a better break when we're not trying to have time to ourselves when we can still hear everything else going on.  I took the kids to the library yesterday so DH could at least watch some of the Packer game in peace.  Unfortunately, the library closed before the game was over, but it was something. 

[HS Mom in NC]

I think you and whoever is taking care of your kids need to talk about it together.  Don't underestimate how challenging some kids might be if mom's at home but off limits.  If your spouse spends the entire time retrieving a kid who can't quite handle mom being home but off limits, it may be a huge drain on him. If you live where there's extreme weather, the options for taking the kids out of the house without expense might be a challenge. 

 

I have my own things I go and do.  I make time for my husband to go out and do things on his own too.  It's only fair, so have a detailed discussion of what "off limits" and "out of the house" mean to you. Will there be a meal involved? Who will prep it, cook it and clean up after it? Will there be travel time involved?  Who will get the kids ready before leaving? Will it be as needed or a standing date? Will there be a hard end time or will he put the kids to bed so being home later will be an option? Stuff like that.

 

My husband has a friend in the same industry he's in that he meets for a beer a couple of times a month for a few hours. Less frequently he has another friend he meets for coffee. He goes to a board game club (because I loathe playing board games)  one or two Saturdays a month for about 3-4 hours. He's an extremely introverted person, so I never do anything that interferes with his wanting to out to spend time with a friend. Sometimes he goes to see his sister (20 minutes away) who has a daughter the same age. Sometimes he goes to see his parents (10 minutes away.)  I often stay home by myself.

This year I'm going to join the local quilter's guild which meets from 7-9pm  on 2 Tuesdays a month.  It's a 40 minute round trip drive. They have a sew in on one Sunday afternoon a month. I'll food prep dinner and my husband will cook and the kids will do the usual clean up. I go to the local Symphony once a month, 9 months a year from 3 to 5pm that's another 40 minute round trip drive.  A boardie here is a friend of mine IRL and she's the concert master.  It's publicly funded so it could be free, but I make a donation each time I go. I have a Circe homeschooling friend that see every couple of months for tea at Starbucks and we talk books, philosophy, church stuff, parenting, family life, horses, crafting, etc. It's usually 3-4 hours long.

 

I don't go to the library with my homeschooled kid when I'm getting school books for reading aloud related to SOTW. I get 3 weeks worth, so it can be a few dozen and I don't have patience for keeping up with a kid.. When I do take the kid, it's just for books she wants. I do that when my husband is home (he works from home most of the time.) If he's working I let her watch TV or a movie or play with the neighbor kid here or across the street while I'm gone. At 9 she doesn't need a lot of supervision for a couple of hours.

 

My husband reads aloud to our youngest daily for about an hour, he plays board games with the two who like that kind of thing several times a week, he plays catch with the youngest, he's teaching the youngest computer programming for kids, he does science stuff with her, etc.  It's not a disruption to have just dad time, it's a normal part of life which makes it really easy for me to get away.  They love it.  I love it.

 

My husband has his own business, so when he has a hard deadline he works all of his waking hours, eats a little and sleeps a little.  That's perfectly fine.  That happens and it's nothing for me to ever complain about.  I can institute quiet time for a couple of hours in the afternoon or evening where my youngest has to be in her room doing something by herself. I can let her watch a movie for a couple of hours. During those times I can do my own thing and get a mental break.

[Tsuga]

 

Don't underestimate how challenging some kids might be if mom's at home but off limits.

 

Yes.

 

Honestly I don't think we could do this. I have to leave.

[rocassie]

I usually get a few hours during a week.  It might just be reading a book, taking a bath, or running to the library.  DH is really good about keeping the kids away if I'm at home, but it didn't happen overnight, and when they were really young it would have been miserable for everyone.  DH doesn't want as much time to himself, and when he is home he prefers doing things with the kids.

[Anne in CA]

My mom takes my kids twice a month. She doesn't live nearby. She does that. It is awesome. So awesome.

I intend to do this for my kids when they are adults with kids. My kids are all introverts and could use the time alone, I'm sure.

[Reefgazer]

I had no idea anyone else demanded a Sabbath for themselves; it's the joke among my friends and family that I will not do any work on Sunday.   It has more to do with me being lazy than with me being religious.  But every Sunday is a no-work/no obligation zone for me, unless there is a dire emergency.  I spend my Sabbath napping, reading the newspaper, reading, napping some more, snacking, napping, etc...

[JustEm]

I regularly get time to myself throughout the month. It may not be the same time every week but it happens. My parents take the kids often for me, currently they have an overnight at my parent's house once a week so I can just have my own day each week before this new baby comes. If I need time at home without kids and dh I'd able to watch them we just implement a no going upstairs rule. Upstairs is for mom and downstairs is for everyone else, or vice versa. This works well for us. We also try to emphasize to the kids that they aren't to come to me unless it's an emergency because mom needs her alone time now just like they need sometimes.

[marbel]

I used to schedule a mom's night out every few weeks.  I would put it on the calendar but often something would come up and I couldn't manage it. When my kids were young my husband often traveled or had evening meetings and such, so I couldn't depend on getting out on certain nights. But sometimes an evening or Saturday would be free and I'd go out. 

 

I also would have preferred that my husband take the kids out of the house but that was just hard to do.  Face it, it's just easier for an adult to leave than an adult and x number of kids.  (We have never lived near family so taking the kids to grandparents was not an option.)

 

Looking back I remember times of feeling desperate to get away from everyone, but now that I'm out of that stage it seems like it wasn't such a long time. But then I have only 2 kids and they are close in age.  That makes a difference.