If you could help *steer* your child toward or away from a particular field...

[stupidusername]

My main thing is to steer my kids away from thinking that their job has to be the way they find their calling and fulfillment. It's great when it works out, but I've seen too many people in unhappy jobs that feel trapped by them when the solution is probably to look for a way to find fulfillment in other ways. I think the key is to find something to do that you can live with and not pin all your happiness on something so completely out of your control as what job you can get.

 

This. 

[AMJ]

For awhile, my son wanted to become a Navy Seal. I told him absolutely not.

 

Now, all of my kids are strongly pulled toward the arts. I think they're talented, but so are a bajillion others. It's such a tough, tough field to break into. (And I'm talking about many aspects of the arts, not just acting.) How we've handled it is by letting them go that direction as long as they have a "fall-back" direction as well. So one of them is at the very early stages of screen-writing and film directing, but has a degree and solid job experience in business. Another is working toward a degree in advertising design but with a double major in marketing. Another would like to become a film makeup artist, but is pursuing a degree in something else (don't know what yet!) at the same time. Another is a singer-songwriter, but is also an entrepreneur. Etc.

 

In the end, their artistic goals may just become hobbies, but I think they have good options to fall back on. If they didn't, I'd be worried.

That puts me in mind of Vienna Teng, who started her musical career when she was working in computer science. She then went on to develop her musical career while pursuing advanced studies in business. Definitely not someone who will have to rely on her musical ability, or rely on others to take care of her financial matters for her. This is one good example I show to my girls from time to time of someone who kept her options open while also pursuing what she loved.

 

I also happen to be rather impressed with Mayam Bialic, the actress who played Blossom when she was younger, and who now plays Amy Farrafauler in the Big Bang Theory. She is a genuine neuroscientist. Also a cookbook author.

[stupidusername]

Like someone else said, I don't believe in sugarcoating the realities of the job market. There are certain fields, like art, acting, film, music and dance, that are saturated with young, talented people seeking work. 

 

There are other fields, like physician, PA, nurse practitioner, plumber, electrician, or petroleum engineer where jobs are plentiful relative to the number of applicants. 

 

I agree with the person who advised not trying to find life fulfillment through one's job. Unfortunately, most jobs are not all that interesting. There is a reason work is called "work" and not "fun."  For most of us, a job is simply a way to pay the bills.

 

I encourage my kids to be realistic in their expectations. The advice to "pursue your dreams!!" regardless of the labor market seems to me to be incredibly poor advice.

 

[AMJ]

Very much agreed. I had very little steering and I wish I had gotten more. I don't want to push my kids into or away from anything in particular, but I want them to go into fields with their eyes open and with thinking about the future. No one ever helped me think about what might be the end goal of education. It was just, go to college. Nothing beyond that. I want my kids to consider what's the goal, what's the purpose, what's the career... or if the career isn't likely going to happen, is it worth it? I don't have a path in mind - they have to find that. The guidance is about giving them the whole map so they can draw their own route on it instead of doing it blind.

 

Agreed.  (And I love your last sentence!) 

 

I'm another who never got any advice other than "get a degree".  This, I think, is because my sister and I are the first generation in our family to actually get college degrees.  However, it also turns out that due to the time and culture we were growing up in and the schools I chose along the way I kept running into the situation of not having any good advice on pursuit of studies or what would come after college, and no idea what to ask or of whom to ask it.

 

So it really is a sore spot to me to have taken out so much student debt and fought burn-out and family drama-trauma for so long (11.5 years to complete the bachelor's, what with all of the time I took off to try to save up -- futilely -- some money for school) just to end up with a degree that couldn't get me anything more than low-paid seasonal work of no guaranteed duration and no benefits.  I ended up going back for an additional year of school to get a few classes in something else (Geographic Information Systems), which happened to be just the right thing to do at the right time to get me in the door working data management and mapping for a corporation.  I thought I would never settle for a sit-still office job, and only thought it would be for a year or three while I got myself established in my true field.  Thirteen years later I acknowledged that that job gave me the security (added family income and steady medical benefits for the kids and me) to persist through DH's job hopping, which led to his current position, level of pay, and prospects for further advancement in his career.

 

But I am still afraid of what would happen if something happened to DH and he couldn't work anymore.  My actual work skills are very technology-based, and so they are getting stale quite rapidly while I'm not working a paycheck job.  Archaeology and anthropology (my degree) are, if anything, even worse now as fields in which to try to land full-time year-round employment, and that's even without benefits or enough wages to carry the whole family on one income.  There is just too much competition for too few jobs, and if you are tied to a place and can't move to wherever your chances are basically hopeless of finding anything in these fields.

 

Add to this my age, and if something happens to make me the sole income-earner of the family we will have an even tougher time.  I have no hope of finding an advance-able career track if I have to reenter the workplace now -- the companies, quite frankly, would rather hire younger folk who have decades ahead of them. 

 

If something happened to DH I would have to put the girls back into brick & mortar school, pull up some contacts of mine, and angle for a job with a contracting firm where I could get the training to update my technological skills and find work quickly.  Because of my age I would likely be working contract for the rest of my employable time, but we would at least be able to pay the bills.

 

Lack of employment options is my phobia.  I WILL advise my kids to carefully consider how they will be able to make a living while they launch their dreams.  I WILL advise them to make sure they keep some breadth in their studies, to expand their employment options should life take unexpected twists.  I WILL make sure they understand that the career does not define the person, and pray that they never tie their own personal identities to what they get paid to do.  I want them able to analyze and adapt to whatever life throws their way, and figure out how to chart alternate paths when obstacles arise or the path abruptly ends.

[Slojo]

Nothing. No steering -- I don't know what opportunities may come their way or what jobs will look like in 20 years. I'd focus on them being flexible and entrepeneurial about their careers.  The 19th Century Russian Lit person -- fine! Just get real about the limited market and get some digital skills, or take the foreign service exam and sign up for assignments in that region of the world,  Teach it on the side to retirees -- or go for one of five professor spots -- can't hurt to try, as long as you were realistic about it, and develop some other skills. Teach it on the side to retirees; etc... And I'm met too many art, history and dance majors that are terrifically successful, both in their fields of study and outside of their fields of study, or working in a field that is tangential to their course of study. The best social worker I know (my profession) has an engineering degree and went back for the MSW credential. I know a philosophy major that is an editor for a magazine. A business major who went back to become a school principal, a former professor who now works for a foundation, a lit major who raises money for blind children.

 

Mostly, I would encourage them to get as much of an insider's view of their potential professions as possible, and to understand the multiple paths that one can take in almost any given profession, including non-traditional paths within that.  And honestly, I would encourage them to develop enough of a skill set in multiple arenas that they could pivot/get a foot in the door/etc into another field or different angle on their field, if needed. Why couldn't a dentist retire his shingle, and manage general staffing operations for a small company?  Though it would take work, I can think of at least three other career options that are linked to what I do (and would encourage my kids to always know what their "back pocket" options are) in terms of skill set, but really in a different profession. I kind of think it's getting to the point where we all need to be nurse/plumber/accountant/yoga instructors anyway. 

 

Rather than steering, I'd want them to think about the life they want to live beyond work and how work facilitates that -- you want weekends free? predictability? fast-paced? flexible hours? time for family? high recognition? a lot of interaction with people? autonomy? to live a in a smaller (more manageable) city? Once you know that, maybe there's some professions that are totally out, but many professions/degrees offer multiple paths. But, as I see it, that's not necessarily about a particular degree, but understanding your options and challenges within a given path. If anything, I'd suggest being skilled enough in whatever you do to gain some flexibility, autonomy or leeway in one's profession to set at least a little bit of your own path.  For me that has been holding down a DC policy job from 500 miles away so I can live a sane life in the Midwest, and working far less than the typical full-time plus hours. I give up some things to do that, but am in the position that I can do that because I'm skilled enough (I realize not everyone has that -- but figure out what you can get when you are really good at what you do AND really clear about what you want out of life), and then go be good enough that you can set at least some of your own terms and have some options. 

 

 

 

 

[Elisabet1]

I would not want my child to be a teacher now days. It is an awful field to work in.

[lailasmum]

I'd steer them away from theatre. It paid fine in our particular area, stage management, and we were always in work but it was incredibly long hours, no respect for your personal needs and most people I know left by 30 for a second career.

[Laura Corin]

I'd steer them away from theatre. It paid fine in our particular area, stage management, and we were always in work but it was incredibly long hours, no respect for your personal needs and most people I know left by 30 for a second career.

 

My mother (second generation actor) said to me that I should go into acting only if it was the only thing I could possibly imagine doing.  I don't think that's bad advice.  I went to university rather than drama school.

 

L

[bettyandbob]

My mother (second generation actor) said to me that I should go into acting only if it was the only thing I could possibly imagine doing.  I don't think that's bad advice.  I went to university rather than drama school.

 

L

 

I remember an interview with Billy Joel that was something like that. He said he has young people ask him about music and tell him about back up plans. He said if you have a strong vision of a "back up plan" then being in rock and roll is not for you. Basically, when you can see your back up plan then you likely are not fully committed. Success in performing arts, I think, needs a deep, focused "I can't do anything else" commitment.

[stupidusername]

I remember an interview with Billy Joel that was something like that. He said he has young people ask him about music and tell him about back up plans. He said if you have a strong vision of a "back up plan" then being in rock and roll is not for you. Basically, when you can see your back up plan then you likely are not fully committed. Success in performing arts, I think, needs a deep, focused "I can't do anything else" commitment.

 

what happens when you have an "I can't do anything else" commitment to your career and then your career (music, acting, theater, dance, poetry, art, whatever) doesn't pan out? With the exception of the 1% who hit it big, the put-all-your-eggs-in-one-unrealistic-basket is a recipe for misery.

[stupidusername]

My mother (second generation actor) said to me that I should go into acting only if it was the only thing I could possibly imagine doing.  I don't think that's bad advice.  I went to university rather than drama school.

 

L

 

There are thousands of talented, beautiful actor-wannabes who are desperate to hit it big. At most 1% of them will be successful. A larger number than that will be victimized by unscrupulous casting directors who dangle the prospect of acting jobs in exchange for sex. http://radaronline.com/photos/casting-couch-horror-stories-photos-slideshow/photo/646905/

 

In Hollywood, many aspiring actors abuse drugs or alcohol to fit in and perhaps to numb the pain of sexual abuse or continuous rejection. http://radaronline.com/photos/hollywoods-addiction-23-stars-who-died-from-an-overdose/photo/553130/

 

A significant portion of jobs in Hollywood go to relatives and friends of successful directors, producers, and actors. http://www.imdb.com/list/ls059667034/

 

Those without very strong connections face an incredibly uphill battle.

 

Those who love acting, I believe, should pursue it in their local communities as a hobby rather than as a profession.

[stupidusername]

I would not want my child to be a teacher now days. It is an awful field to work in.

 

The benefits are excellent. The pay is decent. It is possible to supplement a teacher's salary by working over the summer or by working as a tutor (or both).

 

I personally think it would be fun to teach math or history and also coach cross country.

 

Why do you think teaching is so awful?

[stupidusername]

While STEM degrees certainly equip students with some very marketable skills, actual good, solid, long-term STEM jobs can be hard to come by. The US actually produces twice as many STEM grads, not counting those earned by foreign students, as there are available STEM jobs each year. Add in H1-B visas, outsourcing of R &D, age discrimination, shrinking governmental funding for research, and a massive overproduction of STEM PhDs, and the job market for actual STEM jobs is very difficult. Although at any given time, certain STEM fields will be very hot (e.g. petroleum engineering in the last several years). But given all that, a STEM degree combined with strong communication skills can lead to opportunities in lots of different areas.  By necessity, most STEM students have a strong work ethic and the ability to master massive amounts of new information very quickly, which can make them attractive candidates for a variety of jobs.

 

Well said, Frances. So many people assume that there is massive demand for STEM workers, but in many fields it simply isn't true.

 

Until wages in India and China are roughly equal to those in the US, the job market in the US is going to be crap, and there is probably nothing anyone can do about it. I am encouraging ("steering") my children to seek out jobs that can't be easily offshored or automated.

[Spryte]

Away from archaeology and anthropology. Away from any degree that isn't marketable, or has high competition for limited jobs that don't pay well. I've been there, done that, and have severely curtailed my options for life. I should have gone with the geology degree as I once considered, and minored in archaeology. 

 

This made me  :lol: .  I could have written it.  My work in the field did not lend itself to having a family, that's for sure.  Still, though, I have a deep love for it, and no regrets, though I am still paying off loans.  DS is fascinated by the field, and I try to guide him, not away from it exactly, but toward other things.  I just try to be honest about my experiences.  He would love it, he would excel, but it's not a good choice for him on many levels. And he has other loves and talents and interests that take precedence over this one.  If this were "it" for him, as it was for me, I'd help him get there, despite misgivings.

 

Overall, though, I'm not steering the DC.  Our oldest is 23, and his (bio) mom did a lot of steering, trying to fit him into a STEM career.  It backfired, and led to extra time in college, though he's now graduated with a theater degree and working in his chosen field, happily.  Watching DSS try to fit himself into a STEM career for which he was not suited made me very motivated to help my kids find careers that fit, and help them succeed in whatever their chosen field.  

[Laura Corin]

Those who love acting, I believe, should pursue it in their local communities as a hobby rather than as a profession.

 

I disagree.  One of my closest friends has made a good career of acting - not going to Hollywood, not 'making it big' but using his talent and passion, whilst gathering supplementary skills.  He is very good at accents; can play several instruments, compose and sing (tenor and counter tenor); design and build sets; dance in period styles, choreograph .... and tile your bathroom when he's not busy.  He has been a very useful member of many small and large troupes, as well as building up a steady career in talking books, starting with volunteering to read books for the blind, then moving on to paid employment.  

 

So it can be done, but it's done by making yourself very, very useful: not just another pretty face.  FWIW, most people wouldn't pick him out for his stunning looks.

 

L

[bettyandbob]

There are thousands of talented, beautiful actor-wannabes who are desperate to hit it big. At most 1% of them will be successful. A larger number than that will be victimized by unscrupulous casting directors who dangle the prospect of acting jobs in exchange for sex. http://radaronline.com/photos/casting-couch-horror-stories-photos-slideshow/photo/646905/

 

In Hollywood, many aspiring actors abuse drugs or alcohol to fit in and perhaps to numb the pain of sexual abuse or continuous rejection. http://radaronline.com/photos/hollywoods-addiction-23-stars-who-died-from-an-overdose/photo/553130/

 

A significant portion of jobs in Hollywood go to relatives and friends of successful directors, producers, and actors. http://www.imdb.com/list/ls059667034/

 

Those without very strong connections face an incredibly uphill battle.

 

Those who love acting, I believe, should pursue it in their local communities as a hobby rather than as a profession.

 

Bolded added by me. Like anything it's about networks. A while back I read an interview in my alumni magazine with one of the writers of Scrubs. He said there was an unwritten code that once you start working in Hollywood if you meet anyone connected to William and Mary you give them a hand up (a couch to flop on, pass a script to someone, help them get a place to audition, etc). My friend's son is in LA and he uses what's called the Badger network -- he went to Wisconsin and it's helped him a lot.

 

In any field there are networks established and you have to know how to utilize them.

[bettyandbob]

what happens when you have an "I can't do anything else" commitment to your career and then your career (music, acting, theater, dance, poetry, art, whatever) doesn't pan out? With the exception of the 1% who hit it big, the put-all-your-eggs-in-one-unrealistic-basket is a recipe for misery.

 

My plan has always been to graduate dc from high school with the academic skills to pursue any direction they want. I have other friends with the same goals who have had dc enter the world of ballet professionally.

 

1. My neighbor's son took a heavy academic load through high school while training in ballet. He went to San Francisco at 18 after graduation and landed in a company. He was successful and able to support himself until his knees went after 10 years. Because of his strong academics in high school he was able to change directions easily. He's finished a degree in engineering at Stanford. Because he was a self support adult (age 29) when he started he got significant grants and graduated with no loans.

 

2. A couple girls at my dd's ballet studio are talented enough to make a real shot at a dance career. Their parents were of similar minds as my neighbor's. Both girls took calculus in high school (one took through calc 3). One of the girls is at a conservatory pursuing a degree in fine arts. The other is in NYC and doing well. If things don't pan out they actual have the building blocks in their academic background to know they are intellectually capable to start something new. They might have to start something new without parental help, but they are aware of that.

 

Some people have a passion and must take big risks. If they don't try they will never know. For some people "what if" can be a debilitating weight on their soul. I don't think insisting pursuing something "practical" from the get go is worth the long term expense of such a weight.

[Carolinagirl1]

I'll say what I think about mine and my husband's professions and then what I'd steer them toward/away from. First, my husband is a dentist and I know this was discussed previously upthread. Dentistry has its advantages and disadvantages. First of all, the young dentists graduating nowadays are coming out of school with 3 times the debt that my husband graduated with (which was a lot of debt when he graduated). Then, as mentioned previously, they have to either find another dentist to work for or start their own practice. If they start their own practice, the costs are astronomical. The dental equipment/supply companies charge sooo much! Then they have commercial real estate loans to pay on. It is an expensive field to go into in the first place. Then, you have to be a good business person. The overhead costs of running a practice are high! That said, we are comfortable and we don't have to worry about him working weekends or nights. He can make his own schedule and works for himself, which is nice.

 

I am a nurse. I loved working as a nurse. There are so many areas of nursing that you can go into. The hours are crappy depending on what area of nursing you choose to practice in. For example, a med/surg hospital nurse is going to be working weekends, holidays, and nights - which may be good for some, not for others. I hated nights. However, I could've chosen to work in a doctors office or a surgery center, or even an insurance company. Then, if I'd wanted to further my education, I could've gotten my masters or PhD, although, last time I checked, the prices for school had increased so much that it wasn't worth it for me to get my masters. I'd have been working my tail off just to pay back loans! The drawback to nursing is having to work for someone else. At this point, I don't know whether or not I'd go back to nursing. I am so spoiled by staying at home teaching my kids. I'd almost rather start a cleaning business or teach piano so I could work for myself. 

 

I don't want to steer my kids. However, I would love for them to get into a field where they can be their own boss and not be a slave to educational lenders. As much as we are trying to save for their college, I worry because the costs of a college education are just growing! I would love for them to own their own business without a bunch of business debt.

 

I know this thread wasn't supposed to be about mine or my husband's own careers, but they do shape my opinions on the matter.

[Farmgirl70]

 

 

So just being able to pay rent... I dunno. I try to show my kids my own mistakes. My step kids aren't so stupid to have chosen nonprofit or charity work or public service in the first place, but my own children may need more guidance. I've always been able to pay for an apartment. But paying for the children is a whole other ballgame.

I guess my husband and I were "stupid enough" to choose non-profit work.  In our home, we talk about choices.  We've not had a lot of money, but we do have a thriving network of rich connections, work we absolutely love, and lots of flexibility.  I'd do it all over again.  We encourage our kids to do something that they are passionate about, weighing the trade-offs.  (There are always trade offs).  Right now, DD is majoring in history and minoring in counseling.  She'll be able to get a masters in counseling if she decides to.  She'd like to start a non-profit that mentors teen girls.  DS1 is a physics major and math minor, and is not yet sure if he is headed to research or teaching.  He mostly is fascinated by learning in his field!  DS2 is a senior and not yet sure of what he wants to do.  We are trying to help him think about what he likes and what he does well at.  

[Tsuga]

If you live in a rural area, you can make the money work.

 

But we live near a city and our family is here. We'd move further out if we could but we can't at this point--too many roots, step parents, etc.

 

I knew there would be trade offs, but I didn't realize retirement and helping kids through college and buying a house, like, ever, would be part of that. I didn't think I'd be trading my children's prospects for the prospects of a non-profit.

 

I thought I'd be gardening in the backyard and driving a Toyota and camping for vacations.

 

I can't afford a Toyota, I work on the weekends instead of gardening, and we can't do the camping we want for lack of money.

 

That's not cool. Don't give up your life for that. Connections won't pay for you to have hip replacement surgery. They won't pay for you to take your French-learning child on a short trip to Paris. Connections won't pay for your kids' piano lessons, or art lab fees, or for an engineering kit for Christmas.

[lailasmum]

what happens when you have an "I can't do anything else" commitment to your career and then your career (music, acting, theater, dance, poetry, art, whatever) doesn't pan out? With the exception of the 1% who hit it big, the put-all-your-eggs-in-one-unrealistic-basket is a recipe for misery.

There are some tangents off these areas that are very transferable. I think it's really only performers that have quite such a high unemployment.Our family has a long history of backstage theatre and friends do this and in general you can get by always employed. It's not like every field associated with creativity is bad. It's just I think for many areas as well as being a talented performer/craftsperson you need to be a talented business person too and most creatives I know don't have that element so it goes wrong quickly. They need to know how to package and sell their talent. Which risks are worth taking etc. I originally did a photography degree with the intention of doing that but our business training was vague at best. 

[Farmgirl70]

Binip,  I know everyone goes through these things differently...we actually live in San Francisco, which vies for the most expensive city in the nation.  I don't feel that we've had to trade off the major things.  The kids have not been given every opportunity I would've liked.  On the other hand, they have been given so many that I did not anticipate.  Cities have lots of resources and they were able to have a really rich childhood.  They won't lack opportunity.  I'm just saying that working in a non profit can be a fulfilling career, and not necessarily a "stupid" move. 

 

It sounds like you've been disappointed.  I am sorry about that.

[Cammie]

There is no reason for law school to lead to lifetime debt. Pretty much any full time employment in law pays a living wage. Public service jobs pay less than the private sector, but the Federal Loan Forgiveness Program wipes out the unpaid balance after 10 years. Living within means with loan payments factored in is doable with a private sector job, and worst case scenario, there is a 25-year loan forgiveness program as well.

 

What if after two years as a lawyer you decide...not to be a lawyer any more?

 

What if you decide you want to be a stay at home mom for a few years?

 

What if you decide you want to start a business?

 

Sure, you can pay back law school debts if you stay a lawyer.  But if you are unsatisfied with that career, you may feel you need to stick with it in order to pay off those debts.  People I graduated with routinely had six-figure debts (undergrad and law school combined.)

 

The fact is that the existence of the debt changes many of the options that the law students thought they might have when they went to law school.  If I had a penny for every law student who wanted to work in "public service" but ended up in corporate work because of the debt load they had...I could pay off my debts!

 

[Cammie]

Well said, Frances. So many people assume that there is massive demand for STEM workers, but in many fields it simply isn't true.

 

Until wages in India and China are roughly equal to those in the US, the job market in the US is going to be crap, and there is probably nothing anyone can do about it. I am encouraging ("steering") my children to seek out jobs that can't be easily offshored or automated.

 

I can tell you that rising wages in those countries combined with the difficulties of doing business there (corruption, red tape, etc, etc) are starting to encourage many countries to rethink setting up shop abroad.  Professionals in India are very aware of the salaries for the same professions in the US.  And they are demanding salary increases.  They can hop from job to job quite easily.  So companies end up paying more and more to hold on to the trained people.  Quickly, the huge salary gap that made putting up with the difficulties of operating over here worth it is disappearing.  Many LARGE companies are silently pulling back their top levels of management to the US.

[raptor_dad]

Away from poetry. Towards anything else :)

 

I wouldn't steer away from poetry, just make sure you encourage options in the meantime...

 

Looking at bios of folks like Dana Gioia, http://www.poetryfoundation.org/bio/dana-gioia , can provide a model for combining a financially rewarding career with an authentic artistic life. If you want to go further back and more leftist, William Carlos Williams is another great example.

[*lifeoftheparty*]

.

[Slojo]

Binip,  I know everyone goes through these things differently...we actually live in San Francisco, which vies for the most expensive city in the nation.  I don't feel that we've had to trade off the major things.  The kids have not been given every opportunity I would've liked.  On the other hand, they have been given so many that I did not anticipate.  Cities have lots of resources and they were able to have a really rich childhood.  They won't lack opportunity.  I'm just saying that working in a non profit can be a fulfilling career, and not necessarily a "stupid" move. 

 

It sounds like you've been disappointed.  I am sorry about that.

 

Another vote for non-profit work being just fine. Like any profession, you have to know what your options are and be really good at what you do. Pay starts out low, but it is possible to shine in non-profit work and make a decent living. I think for non-profit work, you probably have to think management, administration or policy; or eventually hitch your wagon to the "brand-name" non-profits (United Way, Big Brothers/Big Sisters, etc). It's not without its stresses -- always threats of cuts, but sounds like that's happening in lots of places including corporations. One of my closest friends is a highly paid health industry executive and went through a stressful year "surviving several rounds of getting the ax"  -- those left kept their jobs but were so frazzled by the end of the year (four rounds of cuts) that it was beginning to not feel worth it. We've had stressful, lean times in my non-profit career, but nothing so cut throat and ruthless. I don't envy her job and job environment at all -- she's more financially secure, but less psychologically secure.  And hearing other people on this thread -- my (professional) life has been good if I measure them by some comments, all in fields that are supposedly more lucrative, prestigious and/or stimulating than mine is usually portrayed to be. 

 

I've been thinking about this steering topic, and can't get around this sentiment -- I'm not a big fan of "steering" (Advising, yes. Sharing one's own experiences, yes. Introducing kids to people in various professions, yes. Asking about Plan B, yes.) for this reason: EVERY profession that I might think for a minute I'd want to steer my kids into has had someone on this thread or in real life say, "Oh, don't go into _______. It's horrible for X reasons..." So what would be the point of steering a child into something -- it all sounds like either a crap shot no matter what you do (what field guarantees success/happiness or misery/failure) or really based on the individual - some people are just going to shine no matter what they do, so maybe focus on helping your kid be one of those people. In terms of steering AWAY - sure, there are educational/professional paths that would make me more nervous than others, but, at the same time, you never really know what's going to unfold in anyone's life. Steer? I don't know. Ask critical questions, encourage back-ups, cultivate biases for being multi-faceted and having many interests, absolutely. Add practical skills - of course. 

 

Maybe your professional dreams will work out, maybe they won't (helps if you have a couple of "dreams" that you could be satisfied with). Pick a general area with eyes as open as possible, know at least 3 or 4 paths you could take within that area, know what the top and bottom of the profession is in terms of salary/perks (and make the soundest early adult financial decisions possible), pick up some secondary skills, get as good as possible at what you do, and pray... That's the steering I would do. Not toward or away from a particular profession (save pole dancing, as someone else mentioned). I don't have a crystal ball, and even the "surest bets" may not work out for you. I know several women who have advanced degrees in STEM -- they aren't in the profession, so the highly-touted, marketable STEM paths -- didn't work out for them. Turns out they experienced a lot of hostility and bias against women. I know anthropologists who figured out what was marketable about their skill set, and make six figures (had to go outside of academia to do it, but they are highly employed  -- and, at this point, more employable than the STEM career acquaintances, because they were able to stay in the game). Want to be a professor - okay, talk to several of them about if it's worth it, know the pros and cons, have an exit strategy (knowing that once you leave academia, can be hard to get back in). Film major? Work all the angles (and maybe double major in something else), consider teaching at an independent school that still has a robust arts program - then work your way into administration -- there are lots of principals and head masters who were former gym teachers OR after a few years there, coach the kids of hoity-toity families into their dream school for big bucks; work as the assistant to the Dean of the Film Studies department (and take note of all those contacts); live with your parents (or your aunt that lives in NYC) for a while while working on small projects -- and be really, really useful to the household as the adult child living with your parents; work for a non-profit that exposes children to the arts, temp for a while... then after three years, if it doesn't pan out, dig into something else... Ask yourself, what ELSE do film majors do? Maybe you help nonprofits tell their stories, do political campaign ads, become a communications director for an organization, work in management for a film company, etc... maybe you finally pivot to something more practical, but you gave your dream a shot. Paleontology? Alright - maybe pair that with another science degree that's more current and marketable. Do fossil digs for families on the side (we've attended digs with someone who's made quite a living doing just this), and write some kids books about dinosaurs (they do this, too). Be the JK Rowling of dino fantasy lit. You never know.

 

You never know, and sometimes paths that don't seem fruitful are tremendously helpful down the line. My "you should go into something that pays well" social work degree has served me well. It's allowed me to do work abroad, to advise foundations, teach at the university level, publish, get invited to the White House, and many, many wonderful opportunities - and, with the exception of my first job, I've always been paid decently -- not rolling in it, and we certainly don't have all the details of paying for three college tuitions fully worked out, but we do okay for ourselves (and we are both in teaching/non-profit professions). I don't technically serve in a social work role currently, but it has been very helpful in my current role to be able to recognize and deal with "the emotional reasons why people make policy/political decisions" - it's been a tremendous asset in my career to have that bias toward understanding emotions especially since policy making has very little to do with evidence and a lot to do with "how people feel."  I've even met a social worker that works for the National Basketball Association - counseling 1st year NBA players deal with all the pressures of the sport. Bet she's doing just fine financially. And while that's not the lot of most social workers, my point is this -- steering away from this profession may not really serve a child well. It feels better to me to steer them towards certain attributes that would serve them well in any profession -- flexibility, a particular set of ethical standards, finding ways to demonstrate a broader skill set than you were originally hired for, communication skills, being curious about other disciplines and bringing in aspects of those perspectives into your own, etc... 

 

Maybe I should do a spin off thread...