Tmhearn Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 How do you know when it is time to put on your big girl panties and suck it up, because you are just being lazy, self-indulgent, slothful, too sensitive, etc.... Or when it is time to actually ask someone else for help..... I don't post often, but I read on here a lot. I mean, I remember reading about 30 pages of the cupcake thread and being totally amazed that people had that much time on their hands to argue about whether kids should be allowed to bring cupcakes to school. (I certainly have an opinion, I just can't find the time to write 15 pages about it.) ;-) Also, since I do read here a lot, I have certain people in mind that I hope to hear from. Obviously, I don't want to call them out by name, in case they don't want to respond... But, I'm looking at you Rosie! Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 I don't know how to respond without knowing more about the circumstances...maybe a generic response would be: if you are so overwhelmed you just don't know how to move forward or just can't seem to make any progress, it's past time to ask for help. Probably if you are asking the question it is time to ask for help, because if the path ahead were clear you wouldn't need to ask. (((hugs))) if you need them... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 You do know that just one person didn't write about the cupcakes right. . . . we post, go make dinner, wash and dry our big girl panties, come back, laugh and post some more. . . .! Your serious question depends on so much. Is it something that really can only be done by myself? (Like my filing which would be too complicated to explain to someone else). Then panty up and do it! Is it something that doesn't matter who does it but doesn't take too much time? (Like cleaning my kitchen) Then panty up and do it. Is it something that doesn't matter who does it but takes a lot of time or energy that I don't have and I have either willing friends or the money to pay someone? (Like painting the house) Then ask for help. Is it something that needs an experts advice? (Like high blood pressure) Then ask for help. Some people tend to do more things on their own but if they find themselves getting too stressed by it, they need to delegate if need be. Or they may choose to eat that elephant one bite at a time while wearing their big girl panties of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 I am really bad at asking for help. Really bad. I should do it a lot more. My life and the life of my loved ones would be a lot better. I'm not good at standing up for my own needs, but I'm a tiger in standing up for my loved ones. My guess is if you're posting, you probably could do with some help. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's actually a gift to receive help…to let others help you. Of course…if you're looking for cupcake recipes, we totally can help. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Also consider where your gifts lie and where you are indispensable to the family. For me, toilet cleaning does not fit that parameters. So delegating some of those chores either to a cleaning service or a mother's helper or your children can free you up to do those things that are best done by you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5of5 Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Are you asking about help around the house, or help with something new to you and you are struggling with it? These are two very different situations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LLMom Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 I think a lot of moms (especially homeschool moms) are really bad at asking for help. Some of us feel like we have to be supermom, doing it all, and that asking for help is a sign of weakness. It is not. If you are overwhelmed or unsure, ask for help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tmhearn Posted September 29, 2014 Author Share Posted September 29, 2014 Thanks everyone for responding. Maize, that was very helpful. That is basically just what I was asking. Jean, it's basically what Maize said. I'm overwhelmed with life and mental health issues and having trouble getting through the day. Umsami, I always enjoy your posts. I think you are right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freesia Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Thanks everyone for responding. Maize, that was very helpful. That is basically just what I was asking. Jean, it's basically what Maize said. I'm overwhelmed with life and mental health issues and having trouble getting through the day. Umsami, I always enjoy your posts. I think you are right. If you are overwhelmed, it is time to ask for help. Even if the answer is that you need to put on your big girl panties, that is easier done if you have support. If the mental health issues are yours, are you getting help from a doctor or counselor? Have you considered medication? When I am taking care of my mild anxiety and tendency toward depression, I rarely have to think about "big girl panties" at all, because I don't feel like a "little girl" iykwim? I feel like while I may not *like* cleaning the toilet and am mildly irritated that dh, who helps in all other areas of housekeeping has only cleaned 2 in our entire marriage, I still just go do it bc it needs to get done. When I am depressed, it is harder for me to ask for help. It is hard for me to know what to ask for. I am feeling down on myself so I think it's "just me" and I need to get myself together. I can't get it together enough to figure out what to do. It is always okay to ask for help. Support is a good thing. Even if it is just a cheerleader telling you you can do it. Or someone taking something off of your plate. For instance, there are times I have real trouble making phone calls. Sometimes I just give a list to dh and he makes the doctor's appts. Sometimes he helps me to see that I can do it. Sometimes he supervises school so I don't worry about interruptions while I make the calls. It all depends on what I really need at the time. When I am overwhelmed I find the adage "Do the next thing" helpful. Flylady says to set the timer for 15 minutes and just work that long. Taking one thing at a time and getting things "off the list" can help and feels less overwhelming. Please make sure you reach out irl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Thanks everyone for responding. Maize, that was very helpful. That is basically just what I was asking. Jean, it's basically what Maize said. I'm overwhelmed with life and mental health issues and having trouble getting through the day. Umsami, I always enjoy your posts. I think you are right. Having trouble getting through the day = ask for help every time in my book. What form that help takes may vary with the situation, from professional help to family members stepping up to take something off your plate to dh (or whoever) help you figure out where to start. Actually I find the last - help figuring out where to start - is often enough for me. I sometimes get overwhelmed to the point I just don't know what to do. Dh helping me to step back and figure out what the first step should be can help make it manageable and then then next step and the one after that are not nearly so hard. Also, :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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