What do your family reunions look like? Who plans them and how?

[Veritaserum]

My family works like this: Mom contacts each kid to find out good dates. Then she sends out a mass email to everyone with the dates, times, locations, and activities. She also includes a sign-up sheet for who will bring food/supplies for the various activities. We sign up. Then we show up with our kids and stuff. Reunions are generally long weekends.

 

My husband's family works like this: MIL sends out a mass email with questions about dates and activity ideas. I respond. No one else does. MIL calls people and takes notes on what dates work and what things they want to do. MIL sends out a new email asking for input. I respond. Maybe one other person does. MIL calls people. Finally we have dates that work. MIL sends an email with the dates. She's still asking for activity ideas. I respond (repeating myself). She calls people. MIL sends out a mass email with a tentative itinerary and asks for input. I respond (noting any activities that won't work well for parents with small children, for example). MIL calls people. Repeat. For MONTHS.

 

My husband's family's reunion starts in two days and lasts a week. It's local to us (thank goodness!). Wednesday night we are having dinner as a group and then we will have a family meeting to finalize Monday's group activity. MIL has asked us to come willing to be flexible. I feel like that's targeted more at parents of young children than anyone else. Probably me in particular. The childless want to go to a (mediocre) amusement park that isn't young-child friendly (those of us with toddlers and preschoolers would be missing 75% of the rides). Plus my pregnant SIL wouldn't be able to ride much of anything. I suggested an alternative that has options for all ages. I don't care if we use my idea or not, but I really think that the needs rather than just the preferences of all members should be considered. My pregnant SIL and I would probably just stay home with our toddlers rather than sit in the sun all day. Even though the reunion is a week long, only Wednesday night, Saturday afternoon, and Sunday afternoon are currently scheduled as full group activities. I think that's a bit...odd. The BIL and SIL who are pushing for the amusement park are also leading a no kids camping trip to a different part of the state.

 

Tl;dr I do not understand the way my husband's family plans things. Logic and order aren't strong suits. My husband thinks we (I) should compromise on everything and I don't think that's reasonable.

[lavender's green]

When I was growing up my mom's family always did a gigantic annual reunion.  I think they still do it, but I'm not driving 1600 miles round-trip with two kids under 3 for that.

 

It was always the third Saturday in July or something like that, so that people couldn't complain that a date hadn't been set until it was too late to make plans, or that someone felt excluded on purpose because of their personal schedule.  Of course, people still managed to make it complicated.  "What if July begins on a Saturday?  Does the first still count as a Saturday?" Um...yup.  "What if July begins on a Sunday?" :001_rolleyes:

 

The reunion itself was only one day long, with a pig roast and pot luck for dinner.  Everyone brought a dish or two, and donated some money to the uncle who bought and cooked the pig.  There was no worrying about repeat dishes because there were about 100 people and always plenty of variety, even if three different people brought brownies and pasta salad. 

 

It was always held at the same spot, some land held jointly by my grandma and her siblings.  No complaining about it being held too far away from you and being excluded: you shouldn't have moved so far away from Mom/Grandma!  Anyone could camp there on the land, so costs were negligible except for gas, and many people stayed the whole weekend.  No scheduled activities except for the big dinner.  There was usually plenty of stuff to do with 100 people around!  And it didn't drag on for days and days unless you chose to continue camping there.

 

They arrived at this system through many decades of trial and error.  I'd be pretty irritated about your DH's family reunions too!

 

ETA:  I think a certain great-aunt was the Final Authority on decisions about the reunion and said the prayers, and the uncle who roasted the pig had final say in food matters, including the exact timing of dinner.  The matriarchs of the family, my grandma and her many sisters, kept their own broods in line!  But basically by the time I was old enough to remember anything, the system ran itself.  Always third Saturday in July, at X location.  Pig roast for dinner, bring a dish and a donation.  You're welcome and encouraged to camp on-site. 

[sbgrace]

When I think of family reunion, I think of the extended family sort. I mean the kind where you meet someone who flew across the country, or where you talk to people you only see at reunions. This kind only happens on my husband's side of the family once a year.

Someone organizes location and sets the date well in advance (6 months? a year? I don't know, but I knew that date a long time ago!) We get an invite with RSVP. Everyone who attends pays a set amount for venue and meat, the rest of the meal is pitch in. This is always at a park with meeting facility and lasts just that day. They may do other things informally. We travel to this, but only a drive. I imagine those who fly in do more together and stay longer.

 

The sort of thing with MIL sounds more like immediate family (parents, siblings, and their family)?  We've went on week-end vacations like that with my family very occasionally. My parents usually suggest the locale and pay for lodging for everyone. We just go with the flow in terms of where we go and what we do.

 

I do think it a bit odd to plan a family week that includes certain groups going camping without the rest. Maybe they are thinking of it as 3 whole group get togethers with options for activities for people to join or not join? If I saw everyone at an event or two, I'd be happy with that personally. A week of relatives, even those I get along well with, wears on me.

[Gil]

Extended Family Reunions are usually short notice but get big quick and often feature a brief but intense brawl and sometimes someone--usually, but not always my Drunkard Uncle Rowdy or one of his Screw Up Adult Kids being arrested. I skip Family Reunions as often as possible.

[Cera]

Our family reunion is fairly large...it encompasses everyone related to my great grandmother (who had six kids).  We are still a surprisingly close family though given the number of people involved.

 

It is always held the second weekend in August at a state park that is central to the three major areas in New England that our family spread out to.  Every year a name is picked from a hat and that person is in charge of renting the space for the next year and sending out reminders (everyone contributes money).  The main activity is a full day get together on Sunday.  We rent a portion of the park, everyone brings a dish and people drift in and out to catch up in between enjoying all the activities the park has.  Some people come in to the area earlier and make it a vacation but most live within 3 hours and come just for the day.  

 

It works out perfectly because it is low pressure and anyone who wants to can plan to attend as far in advance as necessary (since the date is a given).  

[Veritaserum]

Both scenarios (my family, dh's family) refer to immediate family (my/his parents, my/his siblings and spouses, our kids and nieces/nephews).

 

We live near dh's parents, but dh's siblings are driving or flying in from other parts of the country.

 

Dh was the only person in his sibling group with kids for about ten years and there were lots of activities I missed out on due to lack of last minute childcare and activities that don't work with kids. Like, no, I can't get a sitter in 20 minutes and no it wouldn't work to take four children under the age of six to a paint-your-own pottery studio. Ultimately, I'm annoyed that one particular SIL (no kids due to infertility) constantly pushes for not-kid-friendly activities and complains if I suggest a more suitable alternative.

[J-rap]

If you mean gatherings with your parents and siblings and siblings' children, then they just kind of happen for every holiday and special occasion (a special anniversary for my parents, a going-away-party for my brother when he goes on his lengthy expeditions, etc.).   It's always at my parents' home because they live in a very central location for everyone and it's a big enough home, and everyone chips in to help.  (Or sometimes if the weather is nice, then at a park.)

 

Gatherings often occur accidentally too, because of their central location and proximity to an international airport;  it's the perfect overnight stop and sometimes it just happens that a lot of us are there at once!

[Amira]

Instead of trying to schedule a time for everyone to come, we wait until one or two of the the far-flung people happen to be coming to town at the same time and then everyone else tries to join in. That happens infrequently. Other than that, we seem to plan a big reunion where everyone comes in and knows a year in advance about once every ten years. The person who lives the furthest away or has the most difficult time traveling gets the most say in when it happens.

 

Personally, I like getting together with everyone and not having many planned activities. I like to just let the cousins play with each other and the adults can hang out. Dh's family likes to plan all kinds of activities, but they're never adult-only, but everyone is married with children, so that makes a huge difference. I'd probably get tired of kid-oriented activities if I didn't have any.

[kewb]

My family-we don't do family reunions.  Of course, we also cut off whole branches of our family tree at a time so the amount of family i speak with totals 10 people.  So a holiday dinner suffices as a reunion.

My husband's family-his step sister has one every summer.  Usually the last weekend in July.  She sends out a mass email.  This is the date.  Whoever can make it attends.  

[KungFuPanda]

My family is too huge to consider 'excursions.' People with 30 first cousins don't generally do amusement parks. Even if it's just my siblings and me, that's 15 kids ages 3 to 20. Our reunions are yearly, always the same weekend, and at the old homestead which is pretty isolated. Kids play in the grass or explore the woods. Sometimes they swim in the creek or hike to the mill (that the family almost has restored and running again). Everyone brings food. Some people play music. Reconnecting in a roller coaster line would seem odd to me. I could see my brothers camping, but their kids camp from birth so it's an all-ages activity to them.

 

Planning 'activities' would not fly with this bunch. We'd ignore your emails. When you attempted to start the sack race nobody would stop talking long enough to get it together. Anything of that sort is completely spontaneous and kid generated. The kids might start up a ball-game, and adults might gradually join, but there's no way it's happening according to any schedule. If you tried to get us to commit to an itinerary you'd be frustrated and we'd be annoyed and it would never happen.

[Carrie12345]

Ours are one day events. Actually, more like part-day.  1:30 - whenever.  The first Saturday after January 1st.  At my aunt's house.  I could list everything that everyone brings every year, too, but it's late and I'm tired.  We've done the same exact thing for so many years (changing the location once since my birth) that there's nothing to fuss about.  My aunt puts a reminder card in her Christmas card most years, but nobody seems to notice if she forgets to or sends them out late, lol.

[Melinda S in TX]

My family doesn't do reunions.

 

Dh's family, on his father's side, does reunions.  They have it in the same state park, in July every year, and they rent most of the cabins on one cul de sac.  Same cabins every year.  The first person to arrive gets the keys to all the cabins.  They have been doing this for so long that if someone says uncle so and so's cabin, you know exactly which cabin they mean.  We check in Monday afternoon and check out Sunday at lunch.  Everyone mingles around and does whatever they want.  Mostly everyone visits or plays games.  Some fish, swim, or go out in the boat.  Noone heads off for entertainment.  Everyone does go to Charlie's for catfish one day while we are there.  One uncle always gets a pickup truck of watermelons and passes them out.  Friday night is always a big potluck meal.  Sunday morning we have a church service all together before packing up and heading back home.  Cabins are rented two years in advance when you turn in the keys.  No one really plans it.  They have been doing it this way so long that everyone knows what's going on.  If you can't make it that week, they don't change it.

[Carrie12345]

Both scenarios (my family, dh's family) refer to immediate family (my/his parents, my/his siblings and spouses, our kids and nieces/nephews).

 

We live near dh's parents, but dh's siblings are driving or flying in from other parts of the country.

 

Dh was the only person in his sibling group with kids for about ten years and there were lots of activities I missed out on due to lack of last minute childcare and activities that don't work with kids. Like, no, I can't get a sitter in 20 minutes and no it wouldn't work to take four children under the age of six to a paint-your-own pottery studio. Ultimately, I'm annoyed that one particular SIL (no kids due to infertility) constantly pushes for not-kid-friendly activities and complains if I suggest a more suitable alternative.

 

Oh, just siblings, parents, and kids?!?  Yeah... that wouldn't fly with us.  We've never called that a "reunion", though I guess it technically is. My mom and I chit chat about what to cook and a few sights to see.  I was the only sibling with kids for 11 years, but my siblings actually like kids so I never had a problem there.  I cannot imagine my family expecting me to get a sitter while on a family vacation!  My family members ARE my sitters if dh and I or a sister and I want to go out one or two nights!

 

Dh only has 1 sister, so a "reunion" is driving out to grill burgers.

[Erin]

Reunion for me also means extended family; aunts, uncles, third cousins....  So, on both sides of my family:

 

They're a three-day weekend, every 2 or 3 years (one family is 2, the other 3). 

My folks' generation is the one "in charge" and the responsibility for planning rotates amongst each of the cousins' families.  As soon as one is over, the next family in line knows they're in charge of the next one.  There will be a meeting hall of some sort, motel rooms reserved in a large block (for which each family will pay their own) and probably near some sort of campground as well for those who wish to do that instead.  

 

The first evening is a light and easy meet-and-greet at a local VFW, meeting hall in a rented venue, etc.  The second day will have assorted activities like water sports, games, golf, and so on.  There will be a group lunch catered in.  Supper will also be catered and followed by something like karaoke, a dance, a money-raising auction, and joking and talking into the wee hours of the morning.  

Sunday will have a "church service" of some sort, usually presented by the host family.  Lunch is again catered (3 meals total) and the afternoon is for more games, winding down, trading addresses, cleaning up, and getting photos.