Anyone else ever wake up

[shanvan]

in the middle of the night having a high school panic moment?  It happened to me last night.  I woke up for whatever reason and suddenly SAT prep, concerns about scores, and all the things we aren't getting to sort of paraded through my head.  It absolutely took my breath away.  How I ever got back to sleep I don't know.  Somehow I did, but geesh!  I hope I make it through Ds's high school years!

[Nan in Mass]

I was in a panic almost every day during the high school years.  If it wasn't college prep, it was driving or something else equally dangerous.  And then we added extra kids to the family to worry about.  (We just heard that our Ukrainian extra's work visa finally came through and he's safely out of the Ukraine. Talk about putting things in perspective...)  I felt (and still feel) like surviving each day is a triumph.

 

On the other hand, I don't think I would have had enough self-discipline to do even a mediocre job of homeschooling high school without that panic.  Sigh.

 

I recommend taking a familiar audiobook to bed with you every night.  And getting used to the panic and trying to use its energy rather than letting it freeze you into immobility.

 

Hugs,

Nan

[Hunter]

I used to wake up and cry. All. the. time.

 

The more my son succeeded and moved beyond his subculture's peers, the more people expected me to help him move beyond what was plentiful in our subculture.

 

The more I accomplished, more and more and more was expected. There was no success, ever. There was no done or place of rest. The bar just kept being raised exponentially.

 

I didn't know how to set boundaries, or define "good enough", until I got so sick and our finances became critical and my kid decided he didn't care about academics anymore no matter what it was possible for him to do. I buckled down with what I had at that point, triaged, and got him into the local junior college and sent him out to work. Some people said, "What a waste!" Whatever.

 

I did the best I could with what I had to work with. And "best" ends, not starts, with pain. Pain is self-neglect, and I did a LOT of that, and that is a BAD thing for children to become accustomed to seeing. It sets them up to treat others and themselves badly.

 

:grouphug:

[mom@shiloh]

I know that many people love TOG, but in my 20+ years of home educating it was the only program that made me regularly wake up in the middle of the night in a panic.  I still sometimes wake up panicking about other things, but that one gave me anxiety attacks.  I know.  Someone is going to come on here and tell me that I was doing it wrong.  Probably was. 

[margoargo]

Yes, but not as much as I used to. 

[regentrude]

I had those panic moments, often also in the middle of the night.

My panic was not about providing the actual education, I was pretty confident in that respect, but more about the logistics and the guidance counselor issues - not missing a crucial test, or some hoop to jump through. (It was exacerbated by the fact that both DH and I never went through the education system in those country and everything was completely unfamiliar - I had not even known what an SAT was)

 

What helped me was to read about other parents' homeschool success stories. I highly recommend the college admission threads on the college board. Seeing that other homeschoolers can figure this out was very helpful and reassuring.

My panic started subsiding when DD was done applying to colleges and I had managed to figure out testing, transcript, course descriptions and all those guidance counselor things. Now that she has actually been accepted into several good, and some fantastic, schools, I feel relaxed ;-)

 

Best wishes. These boards are great; I have received so much helpful advice and encouragement.

 

[G5052]

A friend of mine once told me that the worst years for her were when they were very young and then in high school.  

 

When they're young, you're trying to form their habits and routines on top of getting them reading and through basic math operations. And you're worried about this new homeschool thing, and if it was the right choice.  The relatives and neighbors don't help the situation.

 

Then in high school you have all the stress of high school subjects you may not be comfortable with, trying to work out their programs of study, keeping college/career plans in view, and of course teenage hormones and mom's premenopausal and menopausal issues.  And the relatives and neighbors may still not help.  

 

A friend who put hers into the local high school told me the same thing though.  She wakes up at night and sometimes cries when they can't see her, feeling overwhelmed with it all and the future.  She worries about how the bad science teacher is going to affect their future, and what they're going to do if they can't bring up the SAT scores.  

 

I cried this week after I made the advising appointment for dual enrollment, and then I woke up in the middle of the night dreaming that I forgot something at that appointment that would prevent us from ever doing that.  

 

If you are a caring, involved parent of teens, I think this is just how it is.  You're not alone!

[Miss Tick]

I have those kinds of nights and mine are in third grade. I guess I shouldn't count on it getting better anytime soon! Of course my panics are more socially-related right now, but you sound like the voice of my future. Ah, well.

[idnib]

I've had those night too. 

 

Last night, though, I had a fabulous dream in which everyone on the boards checked in about where they live and we all lived in my town!  :party:

[MtnTeaching]

I have a junior this year and YES, I have had several of these dreams.  Probably about once a week. Pure panic.  

 

I am freaked that I am going to miss something.  Scholarships, finding the right college with only a vague idea of a major, why oh why didn't I press harder for ds to keep up that reading list rather than us having to try to recreate what the reading fiend read, why didn't I do a better job at keeping up with course descriptions rather than having to recreate them now, what can I do to help him bring up his ACT score, how am I going to make sure he knows all he needs to know about living (and driving) in the great big scary world with just one more year here at home, GIRLS- yikes!!, how are we going to pay for this???

 

[shanvan]

I have a junior this year and YES, I have had several of these dreams.  Probably about once a week. Pure panic.  

 

I am freaked that I am going to miss something.  Scholarships, finding the right college with only a vague idea of a major, why oh why didn't I press harder for ds to keep up that reading list rather than us having to try to recreate what the reading fiend read, why didn't I do a better job at keeping up with course descriptions rather than having to recreate them now, what can I do to help him bring up his ACT score, how am I going to make sure he knows all he needs to know about living (and driving) in the great big scary world with just one more year here at home, GIRLS- yikes!!, how are we going to pay for this???

Someone should really make up a movie trailer for the homeschooling high school mom--and your post above would pretty much be the voice over!  It helps to know I'm not alone.  I'm trying to decide if it makes me feel better or more panicked that my Dh looked at me like I was nuts when I told him about my 'moment'.  He can't seem to grasp *why* I would be upset about any of it.  Either he is supremely confident in my abilities (and Ds's) or he is supremely ignorant of all that has to be researched and considered.  

[shanvan]

It doesn't help that I have one friend who has hired an outside advisor to help her plan her Dc's high school and help with colleges, and another is advocating I go pay a financial advisor so Ds will have the best shot at getting financial aid--but then yesterday she said maybe it's too late b/c my Ds will be a junior next year.   :confused1:  I'm still trying to make decisions about classes for next year, write course descriptions for last year and this year, and figure out how to finish all we have started.  We really don't have money to spend on advisors etc.  I'm not sure I would want someone else telling me which classes my Ds should take.  I remember my friend feeling very pressured by the advisor she hired.  Financial planners-- I don't even know if they are really necessary.  Can't I find out all that info on my own?    I hope I don't have another 'moment' tonight!

[creekland]

It doesn't help that I have one friend who has hired an outside advisor to help her plan her Dc's high school and help with colleges, and another is advocating I go pay a financial advisor so Ds will have the best shot at getting financial aid--but then yesterday she said maybe it's too late b/c my Ds will be a junior next year.   :confused1:  I'm still trying to make decisions about classes for next year, write course descriptions for last year and this year, and figure out how to finish all we have started.  We really don't have money to spend on advisors etc.  I'm not sure I would want someone else telling me which classes my Ds should take.  I remember my friend feeling very pressured by the advisor she hired.  Financial planners-- I don't even know if they are really necessary.  Can't I find out all that info on my own?    I hope I don't have another 'moment' tonight!

 

FWIW, many of us have done it "on our own" (in quotes because the vast majority of us, including me, used those who have BTDT on the High School and College Boards for advice).

 

I would never consider paying anyone.  I doubt I'd be satisfied by their advice knowing I could do as good or better on my own with some hours put into research.

[MtnTeaching]

It doesn't help that I have one friend who has hired an outside advisor to help her plan her Dc's high school and help with colleges, and another is advocating I go pay a financial advisor so Ds will have the best shot at getting financial aid--but then yesterday she said maybe it's too late b/c my Ds will be a junior next year.   :confused1:  I'm still trying to make decisions about classes for next year, write course descriptions for last year and this year, and figure out how to finish all we have started.  We really don't have money to spend on advisors etc.  I'm not sure I would want someone else telling me which classes my Ds should take.  I remember my friend feeling very pressured by the advisor she hired.  Financial planners-- I don't even know if they are really necessary.  Can't I find out all that info on my own?    I hope I don't have another 'moment' tonight!

 

One thing that made me feel a LOT better was a discussion with my neighbor across the street.  Her dd is the same grade as my ds, but at the local high school.  She was telling me about a program that would allow her dd to attend a college in another state for the same cost as in-state tuition, if her dd wanted to major in something that none of the public colleges in our state offered.

 

Of course, I freaked a bit because I had never heard of this program.  I asked her if the ps counselor had helped her with that.  She said that he had absolutely not helped her dd with anything and was pretty much useless.  She and her husband were doing all the research for her dd and her college search, etc.  It is probably irrational, but I made me feel a bit better that as a public school parent, she was also having to do the same research I was.

 

As far as class requirements, ds and I looked at what his dream Ivy school (Dartmouth) would require from applicants and built his 4 years with that as a goal.  (Not that he is even going to apply to Dartmouth, but those requirements have made for an impressive transcript so far.)

[shanvan]

FWIW, many of us have done it "on our own" (in quotes because the vast majority of us, including me, used those who have BTDT on the High School and College Boards for advice).

 

I would never consider paying anyone.  I doubt I'd be satisfied by their advice knowing I could do as good or better on my own with some hours put into research.

This is how I think too, but my friend makes it sound like the advisor has all kinds of insider knowledge and is aware of things no one else knows about.  And, my friend can't share the info with me b/c the advisor has asked her not to.  I'm not sure I care, even if it is true.  Ds wants to be within commuting distance of whichever college he chooses, so that limits our choices anyway.

 

I sometimes find it difficult to turn off the outside voices like my friend with the advisor--not to mention another friend who is pushing her 12 year old to CLEP out of everything and keeps emailing me and seems like she is trying to convince me there is no other way to go.  I'd like to get really blunt, but she does have some good info at times.

 

Anyway, I wonder if it is time to take a 'talking about high school/college with friends' break in the same way that some people take a WTM board break.  Or maybe I'm just cranky from being sick and not sleeping well.

[MtnTeaching]

This is how I think too, but my friend makes it sound like the advisor has all kinds of insider knowledge and is aware of things no one else knows about.  And, my friend can't share the info with me b/c the advisor has asked her not to.  

 

 

Anyway, I wonder if it is time to take a 'talking about high school/college with friends' break in the same way that some people take a WTM board break.  Or maybe I'm just cranky from being sick and not sleeping well.

 

Wow, sorry to say it, but I would be wondering if she really was that good of a friend.  

 

I guess she did pay for the advisor, so it is her decision whether to share what she has learned, but that sounds a bit snotty after touting the advisor's insider info to you.

 

I agree with what others have said here, a search through the high school and college boards are going to be a gold mine for you.

[shanvan]

Wow, sorry to say it, but I would be wondering if she really was that good of a friend.  

 

I guess she did pay for the advisor, so it is her decision whether to share what she has learned, but that sounds a bit snotty after touting the advisor's insider info to you.

 

I agree with what others have said here, a search through the high school and college boards are going to be a gold mine for you.

I know.  I felt that way too, but I think she might have signed something and might feel like it is a matter of principle.  I don't know that I would make the same judgement call, but I guess I see her point. 

[regentrude]

This is how I think too, but my friend makes it sound like the advisor has all kinds of insider knowledge and is aware of things no one else knows about. 

 

What a load of bull.

PLEASE get your self over to the College board and look at the acceptance thread. These are the kids of homeschooling board members - of parents who figured out what they needed to know through doing their own research and exchanging information on these boards. I highly doubt the advisor has secret knowledge that surpasses the combined wisdom of the Hive.

[creekland]

 I highly doubt the advisor has secret knowledge that surpasses the combined wisdom of the Hive.

 

I agree.  This guy/gal makes their money by making people believe it though.  And most people don't have the Hive.  I feel like an insider when I can ask questions about (literally) anything on here and get "insider information" for free.  This place is a gold mine far surpassing any one person's information they might have.

 

[Lori D.]

… She was telling me about a program that would allow her dd to attend a college in another state for the same cost as in-state tuition, if her dd wanted to major in something that none of the public colleges in our state offered.

 

Those are college exchange programs:

 

ISEP (300 schools in 50 countries)

NSE (200 schools in North/Eastern U.S., Canada, Guam, Puerto Rico)

WUE and WICHE (schools in 16 Western U.S. states)

 

:)

[MtnTeaching]

Those are college exchange programs:

 

ISEP (300 schools in 50 countries)

NSE (200 schools in North/Eastern U.S., Canada, Guam, Puerto Rico)

WUE and WICHE (schools in 16 Western U.S. states)

 

:)

 

Thank you!  She filled me in on it a bit, also.  But, I had never even heard of it before.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I've been having those a lot lately. Started two months ago with fretting that our move was overweight and we'd be paying thousands for what we shipped, then that it would all arrive broken and I wouldn't be reembursed because the paperwork was done wrong.

 

Now I'm worrying that I'm not preparing my kids well enough for college admissions or college classes, that they won't be able to do what they dream of because I decided to homeschool them. Or that they will bomb their AP exams. Or that they will take a cc math placement test and place well below where I think they should be. Or that they won't get into CC at all.

 

Doesn't help that I've been living in hotel rooms for almost two months.

[Nscribe]

Dd will be taking her first two AP exams in May and will likely take the ACT in June.  I know I will sleep better when it is done, because at the moment it is the not knowing what to expect at all that is stress inducing.  Although we have done standardized testing every year, I will rest better when I know how she manages this first round of high school challenge.  Feels a bit like diving blindfolded.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I think part of it is that there's no one else to blame. You can't point to tough or inadequate teachers or a poor counselor or an indifferent principal. All those fingers point back at you.

[Lori D.]

:grouphug:  Hugs, Shanvan. Yes, I've been there, too. I spent all of DS#1's 9th grade year panicking and running in circles.  :eek:  That was dreadful! And, really, if this is a JAWM post, then, I DO agree with you, and send loads of hugs. (And don't read any further in this post.)

 

 

 

I'm not at all being dismissive or glib, but I just wanted to share on the other side of this, too, in case it helps. :) A few things I've realized along the way in wearing this stressful school counselor hat:

 

1. The importance of self-forgivenness.

I'm not perfect, and I AM going to miss things or make mistakes. In fact, I just made a $500 "oopsie" this spring, in that we missed the deadline (which was back in Oct/Nov -- I didn't realize that) for applying for the transfer scholarship from the CC to the 4-year university that DS was eligible for. Yikes. I was extremely upset.

 

However, I've had to remind myself that I committed to forgive myself in advance, because 1.) I KNOW I have my DC's interests at heart and 2.) I KNOW that I truly am doing my best. When it comes to my family, I know I always give 110% of what I have to give. Yes, there are times when I have been burdened with depression or life circumstances so that I cannot do or be as much for my family as other times, but I always give all that I can even if the "total" at those times is less than at other times.

 

Like Hunter said in her post -- we're doing our best. Remembering that I am doing my best, and that I have committed to forgive myself those inevitable failures and lapses and mistakes releases me from the stress and sleeplessness. Wouldn't I forgive my spouse or children for a genuine mistake that they repent/regret, and work alongside them to help fix things if possible, or just sit in silent sympathy if that is what is most needed? Wouldn't they do the same for me? Then I need to give myself the same grace.

 

 

2. Permission to not know all.

Yes, sometimes it means we need to do some research and find out. But sometimes we don't even know what we don't know!  :tongue_smilie: So, it's okay. We do the best we can with the knowledge we have, discuss with spouse and DC, make decisions, move on. We have already promised ourselves (#1 above) that we'll forgive ourselves, knowing we made the best decision we could with the info we had at the time.

 

 

3. Permission to say "NO" and to simplify.

After that 9th grade year, I realized what was MOST important to us was accomplishing a small handful of goals -- and one of those was to NOT let our lives be run by the "tyranny of the urgent", or "keeping up" with what others were doing. Once we realized that neither DS wanted to go into a STEM field or attend a competitive school, we could say "no" to APs and SAT Subject tests. Once we realized that DSs would not do well with high intensity studying and testing, we let go of the idea of lots of credits via CLEP.

 

Whew! What A relief to let go of having to devote brain power, energy, time, and resources that I'd been channeling towards things that just weren't realistic for us. That freed us up to focus time and attention to do our best on the things that DID fit in our goals -- practice/prep for PSAT, and one each SAT and ACT test; eventual dual enrollment; learning to write well; getting DS with LDs through higher math -- and not just barely, but to the best of our ability; make time for some career exploration…

 

The "no"s of other people will be different from ours, because every student has different goals, plans, abilities, etc. But just realizing you have the FREEDOM to say NO to a lot of things helps you simplify and de-stress, since a whole lot of things can be removed from your plate that way. NO, not interested. NO, not helping us reach our goals. NO, does not fit for us at this time (or ever for this student)...

 

And remember, saying "NO" allows you more time, energy and resources for your "YES"s. 

 

 

4. Realize that NO is very rarely completely irreversible.

And in case you're like me and DO have a hard time with finalities and second-guessing and "But, what if…??!" … If our DSs decide to do a complete 180˚ later on -- they can! They have the credits needed for solid entry into a majority of schools -- I made sure of that. And if they ARE missing something, they can always take a class or two to fill in and THEN apply. Really! Look how many people on this Board alone are going back to college right now, at the age of 30, 40, 50… It can be done.

 

SO many students radically change their majors a year or two into college. They just take an extra year or two to complete a degree in what they DO discover they want. SO many students drop out in the freshman year, not really ready for college. They go and work, experience life, figure out what they want to do, and THEN come back to college, if that is what is needed.

 

It's okay to change your mind or reverse course.

 

 

5. Mistakes and "misses" often lead to unexpected opportunities.

I know that definitely sounds "Pollyanna" and like the end of a Hallmark movie.  :tongue_smilie: But really, I am seeing that it's quite often true! People meet their future spouses, or find unexpected careers that way.

 

 

6. Nothing is wasted.

I'm really hanging onto this one right now. DS#2 is finishing year 2 at the CC, and has decided that he does NOT want to go into Interpretation for the Deaf, which was the Associate's degree he was working on. All but 1 class from this year will NOT transfer in any way, because they were all very specific to the Interpreting program... sigh...

 

So, they don't transfer -- but who knows what information, or skills, or contacts, or character trait that was developed, or something else that came as a result of one or more of those classes will help DS in other ways later on…

 

 

Now the trick is jumping back into the fray of college and career counseling and helping DS find his new path…  :eek:   :laugh:

 

 

Hugs to all who are experiencing stress and sleeplessness as you wear that administrator hat…  :hat:  Warmest regards, Lori D.

[Elise]

:grouphug:  I'm so glad we're all in this together!

 

There is just so much to juggle and keep track of.  I have two in high school, and I find myself stressing about my 9th grader just as much as my 11th grader!  I have to keep track of who needs to be where and when, who needs to register for classes and what, when the next standardized test is....This year we overdid it with tests: PSAT, SAT, three SAT II's, COMPASS for University placement, NLE, NACLO, and now my girls have 4 AP's between the two of them in a little over two weeks.  Ack!  I wish I could say that I'm looking forward to summer, but I have course descriptions hanging over my head, plus the school profile, plus the Counselor letter.....My almost-two-year-old is a piece of cake compared to this!

[Lori D.]

There is just so much to juggle and keep track of.  I have two in high school, and I find myself stressing about my 9th grader just as much as my 11th grader!  I have to keep track of who needs to be where and when, who needs to register for classes and what, when the next standardized test is....This year we overdid it with tests: PSAT, SAT, three SAT II's, COMPASS for University placement, NLE, NACLO, and now my girls have 4 AP's between the two of them in a little over two weeks.  Ack!  I wish I could say that I'm looking forward to summer, but I have course descriptions hanging over my head, plus the school profile, plus the Counselor letter.....My almost-two-year-old is a piece of cake compared to this!

 

 

Yikes!  :grouphug: