Anyone choose to NOT accelerate their child?

[Guest anninkc]

Hi and thanks in advance.  My husband and I have no experience with acceleration - it seems to be pretty rare.  Our daughter has just been recommended by her first grade teacher to move up to second-grade early in the year (Australian school calendar - just finishing first quarter of school year here).  The school counsellor has been involved and informally tested our daughter last week which led her to do a full wisc-iv test this week which went really well.  Our daughter can easily do everything available in the first grade curriculum in all areas of English and probably Maths.  Her first grade teacher has sent her up to second grade for reading/writing activities each day for about a half hour.  She has participated successfully and confidently in the higher class in a small group setting.  She is adamant, though, that she does not want to leave first grade, as she's only been in her class for a few weeks (school starts late January here).  I've just informed the school of her lack of enthusiasm for this plan, so the school have back-pedalled and advised it may be best to leave her where she is for now and simply offer extension in class. Prior to this our daughter has always been wildly excited about all things school/pre-school related, so I've never seen her react badly/negatively like this before.  She is a very happy, sociable child.  Also she's at the upper age limit in her class, having just missed the age cut-off by 2 weeks.  She's 6, nearly 7.  Personally my husband and I would love for her to move up academically, and also her teacher thoroughly recommended it.  It's very hard whether to decide to create havoc in our child's life by moving her, or leave her be knowing she will eventually be bored to tears (I know I was in high school). Of course we could wait a while and accelerate later (which school staff have now suggested), however I feel curriculum-wise, particularly in maths, I would hate for her to be significantly behind and have a difficult time catching up.  At the moment if she moved, her skills/knowledge would fit perfectly into the second-grade curriculum.  Anyone out there with experiences like this??

 

Thanks a lot.

[kiana]

If they can continue sending her up for english, possibly adding extension in mathematics, but leave her where she is, I think that that would a) allow her to gradually integrate into the higher class, paving the way for a transition at the end of the school year, and b) provide enough knowledge that she shouldn't have any significant gaps. Furthermore, I would be surprised if there were not 'summer math' workbooks available in stores as there are here -- she could go through a second grade one just to confirm she hasn't missed anything.

 

I think she'd be a lot more enthusiastic about moving up to join her new friends in the higher grade if she got to know them better.

[Dmmetler]

My DD was accelerated one grade while in school, with pullouts for math and reading once a week, and the school's suggestion was to place her in a grade 2-3 split for the following year, where she could do 3rd grade work. This would have put her 3 grades accelerated officially, and we chose to pull and homeschool her.  One grade ahead was a better fit for her socially and emotionally (and didn't really change anything academically). However, she started from scratch, so she was there at the start of the year with the new group, and while it was a different group of kids than she'd been with a year before, a decent number of the kids were new to the school as well, so she wasn't changing mid-term.

 

[sunnyday]

Yes, I have no intention of grade-skipping my children when they're this young. As long as they are not horrifyingly bored in school, I am okay with them underperforming. We can still do enrichment at home, but I can't give them more experience with navigating in the school setting.

 

Now, as the expectations in school and in homework start increasing for third grade and up, grade-skipping may be on the table, but socially I can't see it being anything but awful for my kids. I live in a tiny town, so there is never the anonymity of a new class comprised of all new faces -- in fact, you expect to be familiar with a greater portion of your grade-mates each year, so the unfamiliar face is increasingly an "odd man out" and it would certainly be even worse if he were in a class with kids who know he "should" be a year behind. My kids are also neither of them strong verbally (I am getting DS evaluated for speech, while I think DD is just shy) so I *think* they'd be intimidated by bigger kids. And like dmmetler said, a single grade skip probably wouldn't help the academic picture anyway (especially for my DD5).

 

Since this is a homeschool board at heart (although many of us do "afterschooling") may I ask if removing her from school altogether is an option, so that you can tailor her instructional level?

 

 

[SKL]

If you think you are going to accelerate her eventually, I think I'd try to talk up the change and get it over with sooner rather than later.  This will give her more time to form relationships with the kids she's going to be with for the long haul.

 

Under the facts you provided, I would probably accelerate unless she is a little immature.

 

Both of my kids are significantly younger than the others in their class, but socially, this has not been a problem.  We had some issues with focus and such with one of mine - the one who is not very academically advanced - but now she's doing fine for her grade.  Both say they would be very unhappy if they had to be in the lower grade at this point.

[Uff Da!]

nm

[bakpak]

No real experience, although I must have mentioned the idea to my daughter about possibly going to the next level classroom some next year, because she brought the topic up on her own and pushed back recently. Then she said she definitely didn't want to go to the 1st grade classroom. I listened to her and finally figured out she thought it would be really hard - that was her reason. I think it you showed that she's already doing that level of work it might help assuage the fears. Also, I would keep trying the integration (not full jump) and see how she likes it & the other students. She may just need time to adjust, and she's already potentially gone through a period of adjustment in her current classroom that may have been stressful for her for some reason, so imagining doing it again could see rough? I'd give her a time line (we'll talk about it again in 3 weeks) and see how that goes. Then no one in either class would be too surprised. If she decides not to move ahead, no problem. For the teachers, I've heard it's easier to have them stay in one classroom compared to having to keep track of a child running between classes. If you want her to move ahead, I'd play up the age thing too (it would be nice to be in the same class with kids your age).

 

I'm impressed with how much the school is involved quite frankly, how they initiated this, and how they're trying to meet her needs, so that's a good sign :)

 

[wapiti]

In this particular case, if it were me, with her being so close to the cutoff especially, I wouldn't hesitate.  I'd do it ASAP.

[Guest anninkc]

Thanks for all suggestions.  This is no easy task.  I guess as time rolls on I am agreeing more to keep our daughter in first grade.  Not our top choice, especially as every year of primary school I may have to battle to find extension options for her within a regular classroom.  I would not consider homeschooling.  She is a social butterfly and absolutely loves going to school.  Not to mention I have a crazy toddler at home!

[EndOfOrdinary]

Have you asked her why she doesn't want to skip? Frequently, I forget that though my son might often act like a mini adult, he comes to some conclusions just like a kid. She is still 7, and might have made this decision for reasons we would find ridiculous. The reasons are no less real to her, but might not be as logical as you are assuming.

 

It might also help to have those communication lines wide open from the beginning. I am very fortunate that my son responded to communication demands from me even though he was initially hesitant. He was worrying about whole slews of things ranging from overwhelmingly out of his control (world poverty) to completely ridiculous (a spider he saw once in the vicinity of his bed that he couldn't find two days later and was sure somehow was hiding in his pillow). Sometimes his concerns are valid (feeling awkward with peers). But bridging that gap of discussion now means I hear about everything (a bit overwhelming for me sometimes). He does not talk to his dad this way, and has openly said he doesn't want to. His dad never pushed talking and Ds has flat out said he doesn't think my husband is interested in his thoughts. You may try asking and explaining that you want to hear from her about her schooling and her life.

[NittanyJen]

I would find out from her why she doesn't want to skip up.  Her answer may surprise you, and maybe you can work with her on it, or have a better reason to honor her decision for a year or so.  But at her age, she may have some "interesting" ideas informing her opinion on the grade skip that may mean parental intervention on the decision is the way to go; she sounds quite intelligent and self-aware, but still very young.

 

As to the homeschooling-- it is very true that homeschooling is a very personal decision and it is not for everyone!  Please don't feel a need to defend a reason to stay in school/not homeschool, as every family as the right to self-determine on that one, and it does sound as if your school is being very flexible and proactive about meeting your daughter's needs-- wonderful!  Don't ever use social needs as a reason to not homeschool, however, unless you are extremely rural :D.  Both of my sons have about quadruple the number of friends now as homeschoolers than they ever did when they were in the public schools, and our flexible schedule means we can spend more time with them as well, even though we are a very academically oriented family-- we probably spend more hours each week on school related activity than many, at least as many seem to self-report.  Homeschooling is the best social decision we ever made for our kids!

 

Best of luck no matter how you choose to resolve your situation :D

 

 

 

 

[BuddhaMama]

We decided to keep our daughter in 1st grade even though academically she is 2-3 years above her peers. Not the easiest decision... we continue to struggle with getting her challenging work. But she loves her friends, and we worry about peer pressure increasing with the older grades. 

 

Currently, we afterschool her in math at home (her strongest subject). She attends a gifted program at school 3 days per week for 45 minutes. She also attends an after school Book Club (reading enrichment) 3 times per week. 

 

Her school is also a French language immersion school (100% French instruction), so that itself is stimulating. Right now it's working for us!

[Mom2Two]

I could have grade skipped both of my children when they were younger and said no. This was after I put them in school after homeschooling them.   While they were ready academically, they did not have the social/emotional skills to do so.  It was the right decision at the time. 

 

When my ds was in 7th grade, the school wanted to accelerate him in science and math and again I said no-he wasn't ready.  Now in 8th grade I have allowed him to take three high school classes (Math, Science, and Spanish) and he is thriving.  It was simply the right time for him and he was mature enough to handle it.

 

^{Dd needed time too, she continued on and then when she was 16 she applied to a high school where they start college early and finish high school at the same time and was accepted.  She is doing great there and is very happy.  For my kids, I am glad I waited until they were mature enough and it had a positive outcome.  Now, if I would have done this when they younger, who knows?  They might have done well, but as stressed as they get about schoolwork, I am glad they were able to take it easy when they were younger.}

[FairProspects]

We have chosen not to accelerate for intensity/maturity reasons. Every time it comes up I seriously consider it, but ultimately it is just not a good choice at this point for this child. We look for smaller group activities that go more in-depth instead, even if it means cobbling together some scientist parents or random professors to teach monthly seminars on our own. I've been amazed at how many people will come out of the woodwork to join in when you put out some feelers and connect with others with the same goals.

[ApronMama]

We decided to keep our daughter in 1st grade even though academically she is 2-3 years above her peers. Not the easiest decision... we continue to struggle with getting her challenging work. But she loves her friends, and we worry about peer pressure increasing with the older grades. 

 

We have chosen the same route.  We after school multiple subjects and have been fortunate to find other gifted friends.  So far, its working out.

[mom31257]

We did not allow dd to skip a grade even though many advised it. We did not want her to be more emotionally immature than her peers. Even after we started homeschooling, we allowed her to be challenged but did not want her to graduate high school early. She did not skip any grades. She is 17 and a junior. It didn't hurt her, either. She just made a 33 on the ACT, which is in the 99th percentile.

[Kathy G]

We have decided not to accelerate several times.  We decided to homeschool, because it just worked better for us.  It came up several times, but each time we thought about it and decided not to do it.  My children play sports and they are NOT talented enough to play up levels.  They would have had to skip 2 grades to make it work anyway, so homeschooling seemed like a better fit.