Rape Culture at Patrick Henry College

[Jean in Newcastle]

Yup. That's the big issue. I would not feel my dd was safe in an atmosphere where this was happening.

I wouldn't want my dd in an atmosphere where she was treated as a sexual object.  This might be in an atmosphere that is sexually repressive and unequal and penalizes women for speaking out.  But it might also be in an atmosphere that is not sexually repressive but for whatever reasons has a high incidence of sexual assaults.  The sexually repressive environment might lower my dd's chances of getting hit on by the one or two men acting out sexually but would put her in a vulnerable position if that were to ever happen.  The non-sexually repressive environment might up my dd's chances of being raped statistically but would put her in a more powerful position if she were to report it - maybe - most sexual assaults aren't reported in either environment.  So. . .  what to do?  I think I'd want to find an environment that is not sexually repressive or unequal but still has a low sexual assault rate.  And I'd want to educate her on how to lower her odds of being a target in any environment.  

[ColleenInWis]

 

 

UPDATE: Today, February 25, 2014, GRACE and BJU announced that their original agreement will be reinstated in its entirety. It’s a bittersweet victory that paves the way for hope in cases where there has been no hope that institutions are capable of admitting miscalculated decisions and changing course. Great thanks to all who fought for the BJU survivors both privately and publicly and hats off to the leaders of BJU for exercising humility in the end rather than stubbornness and pride.

 

From this blog:  http://hopefullyknown.com/2014/02/07/5-reasons-grace-bju-scandal-firing/?relatedposts_exclude=3849

 

News article here:  http://www.greenvilleonline.com/article/20140226/NEWS/302260018/GRACE-finish-BJU-review

[Jane in NC]

OK - I've done some googling in the last 5 minutes.  Our local state university listed 14 forcible sexual assaults last year.  They do not keep track of non-forcible things like harassment - at least not on the records I was able to bring up.  When I tried to google nation wide statistics on colleges I got vague statistics like "for every 1000 women attending a college there are 35 rapes a year".  I did not get a college by college report showing what colleges might have higher sexual assault rates but then I only googled for about 5 minutes.  I would assume schools that have higher sexual assault rates would have a higher rape culture.  (I realize the problem that PHC specifically has with it's culture in encouraging women to keep silent.)

Jean,

 

This might interest you.  All colleges that accept federal funds must report a number of statistics to the government.  If you look at the College Navigator site of IPEDS you can pull up colleges school by school to examine a variety of interesting statistics including campus security.  Rape statistics are never accurate since so many are unreported.  By IPEDS will clue you in a bit.

 

http://nces.ed.gov/collegenavigator/

 

(Off topic:  The IPEDS College Navigator was my go to site when I wore the college counselor hat.  It gives percentages of students receiving aid, average amounts, retention rates, degrees available--a wealth of information!)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Thanks, Jane.  I'm sure I'll be spending a lot of time with that navigator!  

[Jean in Newcastle]

Thanks, Jane.  I'm sure I'll be spending a lot of time with that navigator!  

[Jane in NC]

Thanks, Jane.  I'm sure I'll be spending a lot of time with that navigator!  

 

I surely did!

[ktgrok]

As long as people teach their children to watch out for rapists instead of for rape, rape culture is a risk. When people view rape as something that only rapists can do, rather than as a terrible potential that each and every person has within themselves, it encourages them to believe that as long as they avoid rapists, rape can't happen. Then when it does happen, people are stuck -- is their friend or loved one, a person they consider to be just like themselves, a rapist? Or was the act not rape? Caught between a rock and a hard place, the mind shuts down.

 

Sadly, many people rationalize away the action, and abandon survivors at a time when they need friends the most  --  the alternative,  that a person they viewed to be just like themselves was capable of so monstrous an action, is just too much to bear. In a world of rapists and honest men, to find that a man you have identified as your own is a rapist is to put cracks in the foundations of your own self. If the friend just like you is a monster, then what are you?

 

To my mind, this is one of the times when an education is truly put to the test. My heart goes out to any person who is forced to bear such a burden. I only hope that their education has prepared them to ask themselves some tough questions, and come to the right answers.

May I quote you elsewhere? That was such an astute stating of the problem.

[ktgrok]

We only have the girls' side of the story in both cases, but both have a big hole in them. The dry humper did stop when she asked according to her story. He's seriously dating-judgment impaired, but he did stop when asked. I really don't think regular cops would do anything in that case, I don't think my university would have taken that very seriously at all since the guy stopped when she asked.

The girl who voluntarily got in the guy's bed and fell asleep didn't accuse him of drugging her and didn't seem to be drunk or high at the time. But, she woke up several times and didn't even get up and go to her own bed or yell for help in a house full of people. That's more than a bit odd if you feel threatened and would raise red flags with non-PHC types too.

What would happen to these girls if a scumbag tried to feel them up on a subway or some slimeball cat called them? I think just about every woman has had those things happen to her at some point in her life. How are they going to handle more mainstream dating behavior where freaking out because a guy tries to go too far wouldn't be the best approach to getting him to back off and get herself home safely? Running around in a field freaking out because a guy behaved like a randy Chihuahua is not a good way to assure your personal safety.

The case that really reflected poorly on PHC's judgment was their handling of the threatening emails and texts. They're very, very lucky that guy didn't act on his threats and I'm sure that regular police would have gotten involved with that.

I'm not at all conservative, and if my dd told me that those things had happened to her I wouldn't flip out. I would reiterate that she shouldn't get in a car with someone she doesn't thoroughly trust and getting in a guy's bed is a strong indication that you'd like to get to know him better. I wouldn't be worried about her purity and I sure wouldn't be upset that she's a "used car". I'd just be worried about her lack of common sense. I think all the purity stuff leaches the self preservation instinct out of girls and makes guys less aware of social cues when dating (or whatever the heck they were trying to do).

 

wow.

 

I've been in two similar situations. Wonder if you think they were no big deal?

 

First was when I was barely 18. I went to college a year early. I was at a party thrown by the teacher of my acting class. Whole class was invited, all her classes actually. I had a friend there too. I got drunk, which was my bad choice. Everyone decided to play flashlight tag. That sounded fun! It was MANY hours into the party by now..started at noon and now it was dark out, in florida, in daylight savings. I was tired and inebriated, but was having fun. There weren't enough flashlights for everyone, so we partnered up. I was with the friend of the hostess's older brother...he was married and probably 30 years old. Seemed like a safe choice to my drunken mind..I mean, he was married!  Not some stupid college boy. WE hid behind some bushes right by the house, waiting to see if we got found. I passed out, exhausted and drunk. I woke up to him having sex with me. I started saying no, you're married! and he kept going, saying his wife had cheated on him, and he was hurting, etc. I kept saying "no, you're married!' as that was blowing my drunk mind more than anything, and he finally stopped and apologized, and then I went into the house and sat on the couch until it was time to go. I never reported it, because I figured people wouldn't care. 

 

Second was much later at 30 years old. Divorced, mom of one. Went out with some friends to have a few drinks when my son was at his dad's for the weekend. Had 1 beer, talking to a guy who I had met once before, friend of a friend. I thought he was kind of dorky, but was polite. I remember ordering the second beer. I remember nothing else after that, other than a vague memory of a car ride with some friends, and a few minutes on a couch. Then I woke up to him having sex with me. I was so out of it, I couldn't figure out what was going on, but asked if he was using a condom. I knew somehow that was important. I was sooooo tired and all I could think of was how I just wanted to go back to sleep. I did stop him when he started ttrying to strangle me, as some erotic act. And when I realized he was trying to have @nal sex I managed to stop him, because it hurt so bad., but even that took all my will power, I was so out of it. I'm positive he drugged me. There is no other explanation. I ended up going home with finger marks on my neck, and bleeding from two orifices. But because the details were so sketchy in my head I figured I must have agreed to sleep with him, and been drunk. It wasn't until I started putting pieces together, about 2 days later, that I realized I must have been drugged. By then it was too late to test for drugs, and without any evidence nothing would have happened, especially cause I didn't scream, whatever, I just kept thinking 'soon he will be done, soon he will be done...god he's ugly...he's got to be done soon". Turns out you don't think clearly drugged. The scariest thing to me is that I had friends at that bar, that say that I had disappeared with him for about 45 minutes at one point, before leaving in the car with people to go to whoever's house we ended up at. No one knows what we did, where we went, or what happened during that time. I have ZERO memory of that time. NONE. Oh, and that guy? He said the next morning, "we should make this a regular thing!" He had NO IDEA he had done something wrong. And all his/my friends swear he would never do anything like that, I must have it wrong. The only person I know that believed me, and said it wasn't my fault, is now married to me. 

 

So..now that i want to puke after reliving that, I guess I want to say that what starts as dryhumping a sleeping girl can easily escalate to more. We need to teach men to keep their hands to themselves unless they have a truly willing participant. As for it ruining my life no. But I had issues from both experiences. I don't want to discuss all of them, but can say that after the second one, where the guy thought asphyxiation was sexy, I was freaked out by anyone touching my neck for a long long time. Years. 

[Wheres Toto]

That College Navigator is very interesting.  I looked up my dd's school.  18,000 students, large, suburban, very liberal school.  Sexual assaults were in the 2 to 5 range the three years reported.   The biggest things were drug arrests and burglary.    From what dd says, and the emails I see they definitely encourage reporting any and all incidences, and have multiple ways of doing so.  There is also a state police unit on campus who handles all campus crime so they definitely aren't "mall cops".  I'm sure the actual number is at least somewhat higher but it's still somewhat comforting.

[CaffeineDiary]

Followup/related link:

 

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/slacktivist/2014/03/11/guest-post-god-is-done-with-you-pensacola-christian-college-and-sexual-violence/

 

Relevant to the part of the discussion here vis-a-vis the clearly true statement "Rape happens at secular colleges also":

 

That is what these extremely strict morality codes do at these colleges. They actively prevent the administration from seeing a victim’s situation clearly. Because the administration is more committed to enforcing the honor code than they are to helping victims, they are incapable of giving a victim the protection he or she needs to come forward about their assault. This is also compounded by their need to make sure that their reputation as a “safe” place for fundamentalist parents to send their children remains intact, regardless of whose lives they might destroy. At these colleges, students are terrified of explaining to someone — anyone, including the police — what they are going through because the risk of being expelled is constantly hanging over their head.

 

Not only do these honor codes make it impossible for the administration to respond to victims appropriately, they also make it impossible for victims to see their own victimization. In the dozens of interviews the author conducted with young men and women who had been expelled or shamed for their assaults, they repeatedly used words like “cowardice” and “shame” to describe their experiences. Because they might have technically broken some rule, they couldn’t see the abusive tactics used by their assailants that forced them into places and situations against their will. They blamed themselves for what happened instead of realizing that they were manipulated and coerced.

 

In the end, the honor codes at these schools actually have the exact opposite result of what was intended: instead of protecting students, the code actually makes these campuses an even more violent, hostile, unsafe place where victims are not allowed to speak.

 

 

Note from me:  assuming this effect is real, I'd be curious whether the honor codes at military institutions have a similar effect, or whether there's a cultural difference that is in operation here.

[ThisIsTheDay]

wow.

 

I've been in two similar situations. Wonder if you think they were no big deal?

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:  You poor thing.  I am so very sorry. How awful. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
 

[G5052]

Followup/related link:

 

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/slacktivist/2014/03/11/guest-post-god-is-done-with-you-pensacola-christian-college-and-sexual-violence/

 

Relevant to the part of the discussion here vis-a-vis the clearly true statement "Rape happens at secular colleges also":

 

 

Note from me:  assuming this effect is real, I'd be curious whether the honor codes at military institutions have a similar effect, or whether there's a cultural difference that is in operation here.

 

Yet another sad narrative.  I feel so bad for those students.  Their lives will never be the same, both for the violence they suffered and how it was handled by their college.  

[FaithManor]

Ktgrok :grouphug:  :grouphug: :grouphug:  I am so sorry!

 

The article on Pensacola made me want to puke!

[G5052]

Sorry to resurrect a painful thread, but Harvard too.  Even though we don't know both sides completely, it is still heartbreaking for the young woman. 

 

http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2014/04/harvard-sexual-assault-victim-letter-crimson