Tears Upon Correction

[WriterMommy]

My DS6, 1st grade, sometimes spazzes when he is corrected.

 

This happens mainly in spelling and math facts. When he misses a math fact or spells something wrong in his phonics book, he gets very angry and shuts down. He refuses to see it as an opportunity to learn.

 

I don't pressure him to get everything right, and I don't get upset when he makes mistakes. I don't feel like this is something I've done to him, but some pressure he puts on himself. My question is: what can I do about it?

 

I don't feel like I can just not circle it when he answers 7+5 with 13. Math is math, it's black and white, right or wrong. If I wanted him to learn fuzzy math I would have left him in public school. He's in Saxon math 2 right now, and does well with it. Except that when he misses facts on the fact sheet, he gets mad. I don't try to time him on them; that leads to a day-ruining meltdown.

 

I want to be understanding. I want to do what is right for him. But what can I do? If he gets something wrong, I circle it, and we talk about it, and go over the spelling rule he forgot or the fact family he seems to need to practice. I feel like I'm very gentle about it. I don't think it's right to not correct his mistakes and let him develop lifelong poor spelling. I pulled him from school to give him a better education, not a worse one.

 

So can anyone suggest a way to get him through Saxon's math fact pages in peace? About how to practice missed spelling words or forgotten rules without the sky falling? I don't even want to think about how this attitude will affect him when we start diagramming sentences or editing his writing.

 

Help!

[Walking-Iris]

I'm going to be no help at all because I wouldn't even make a 1st grader practice math facts or study spelling words. LOL.

 

I wouldn't even mark a 1st grader's work, correct or wrong. Because personally I think a 1st grader needs the parent sitting right there working with them, and so nothing should ever be written wrong.

 

I never ever allow my children to write something down that is incorrect, to be checked and fixed later. At least not when they are young. I want them to learn to write it correct the first time and every time. 

 

I work those math problems with my 1st grader and we do them orally and he only writes a number down after coming to the right answer through talking, counting, rods, whatever. 

 

I teach my children how to spell and I never test them or drill them on spelling words, because we're learning the correct spelling the first time and every time.

 

And for those times he does have to erase and fix something (due to a reversal in numbers or whatever) and he gives me the grumps, i just tell him to just get it done and no arguing. 

 

But if you're giving a 1st grader a sheet of math facts to complete, and then checking them *after* and then having him fix those mistakes, I could see why he would get mad. 

 

1st grade is when a kid is typically trying to learn the concepts of how math works and why, and it may be too much to expect them to work off of just rote memory alone at this age.

 

1st grade is when a child is learning to spell and read, so I wouldn't expect them to remember spelling rules or study spelling words.

 

It might be best to approach any review you notice your child needs in a spirit of relearning or reteaching (possibly in another format than originally taught the first time) rather than as something done "wrong" and needing to be "fixed." That can be terribly discouraging to a child if kept up. 

 

 

[texasmama]

I had one like this.  He is much better now.  This is not uncommon for kids this age.  They are very concrete in their approach to things.

 

What I did was sit my ds at elbow and watch him work through math problems.  When he made a mistake, I pointed and said, "Let's look at this one again."  I had to not say the word "wrong" or the word "incorrect".  That was much more palateable to him.

 

With spelling, I switched to Sequential Spelling in the third grade, and ds used a small white board, correcting his own words as he went.  That eliminated spelling meltdowns.

 

Time and maturity help a lot with this, but that is what helped us through that hard stage.  My ds is still sensitive about being corrected and getting answers wrong, but he has much more tolerance for feedback than he did when we first started homeschooling.  This is six years down the road.  :)

[Rachel TX]

My 6yo hated to see corrections marked in red pen on her page. It was like shame. She would much rather have someone point to it so she can fix it and have a perfect paper.

[blondeviolin]

For math, I point to a problem and say, "Explain how you got this answer." Or "How did you solve this one?" I will often point to correct answers and require them to explain those too. Then they spot their error or I correct them in process.

 

For spelling, I point out the error and matter-of-factly remind them of the rule and allow them to fix it.

[shawthorne44]

Just an idea I read in Getty-Dubay Italic.  When a letter wasn't perfect it got a red dot near it.  Once it was perfect, it got a star.

 

 

[abacus2]

Good ideas here. I also talk to my daughters about the fact that we are working on learning new things. If they already knew all the answers, we wouldn't need to study it.

[WriterMommy]

Good input everyone. He would love it if I would let him erase it and fix it rather than me circling it. Come to think of it, why don't I do that? I used to work at a private school, and circling mistakes is just what we did. That way, you could remember you needed to work on it. It wasn't a big deal. But to my son it is.

 

Sometimes I think my time working in a school is my biggest roadblock to being a better homeschooler.

[Lilaclady]

I think in schools where there are multiple kids. It makes sense to mark or circle to keep a record but with just your son, I will just point it out to him and ask him to redo it or explain how he got the answer. I think sometimes homeschool kids feel more like they are under the microscope because it is only usually one and they have to get everything right but in a school environment, that will not necessarily be the case.

[IsabelC]

You could try explaining to your child that the marking is not to assess him, but to assess how well you selected and explained the work. If he gets 100%, that means, oops, you chose work that was too easy for him. If he gets 30%, that means either you set work that he wasn't yet ready for, or you haven't yet explained it so he could understand. If he gets around 85% ±10, you are doing well. You could even rope in his dad (or other respected adult) to ask him at the end of the day "So how did Mom score with her math teaching today?".

[Coco_Clark]

I have one of those. We work problems orally, and after he's gotten the correct answer I say "right" or "yes" and he only THEN writes it down. Sometimes I do (because of other children or what not) do ave to walk away from him while he completes a worksheet alone. At those times I have him bring me the sheet directly after he's finished and go over it right then. I put a really big star over the correct problems, and when I find an incorrect I say "this one looks like it tricked you". We always phrase it as "it tricked you" or "it was tricky", never "this is wrong". Both my kids take that better. I think it allows that it was especially difficult in some way and these days its even et with a level of respect and joy, "oooh, this one got me!" We then go over that problem orally, and when he gets it right I have him erase the old answer and write the new answer down, and then it also gets a star. In the end every problem is correct.

 

We do spelling in a similar oral way. It's difficult but I really think its developmentally appropriate at this age. We sound out the word together, with me at the white board and him in his notebook. Or if my arms are busy he writes but I make sure he is telling me aloud how he is spelling so that I can give out the rules he may be missing. This also gives the benefit of never writing the word incorrectly, which can ingrain that wrong spelling in their mind. Children really should never be allowed to see or write an incorrectly spelled word when it can be helped.

 

I also try to demonstrate in other parts of life that everyone needs to try again sometimes. I am a knitter so this often comes across as mentioning while knitting that I made a mistake and now must rip out some of my work to start again. I express the frusteration of this, but also that it is a natural part of the process. I mention that his dad made a silly mistake while building and now has a board a half inch too short. It happens to everyone, and we learn from it.

 

Ill also add that many wrong answers, and lots of frusteration can also be a sign that the work is too hard. This doesn't particularly sound like that, but there it is.

[stripe]

My problem is the older sibling who loves to find the younger's mistakes. 

[angelmama1209]

following. i have an 8 and a 4yo like this. yesterday my 4yo completely melted down and started beating herself up because i commented she circled her sight words in orange instead of purple. no judgement, no humiliation,  just an observation that she used a different color.