simplemom Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 This is my vent with FB: These prior posts are exactly why I don't like Facebook. From a couple responses, it seems the OP is being insensitive to unfriend an old friend she has no communication with. My social life got much more cluttered and complicated with a FB account. People from high school I had one class with years ago sent requests I ignored, then they didn't understand why I accepted requests from those in high school I was actually friends with. My niece came to town for the 1st time in years and I didn't know it. My niece said, "But I wrote it on my FB page." I don't hide my niece on FB, but I don't use FB to keep up with everybody's everyday life details. My good friend who I hide from the news feed (because she posts too many critical political posts) discovered I was hiding her when she saw a comment I posted on a mutual friend's post, yet that same day I didn't comment on a post about her dog dying. She is a close enough friend that I would have called and offered sympathy in the loss of her pet, yet I didn't know until I talked to her a week later. The list goes on, and I'm already in danger of hijacking a post, sorry. I sort of want to deactivate my account, I go back and forth, but there are some things I like about FB just as well as the things I dislike. To OP, you handled the situation gracefully, but if you hadn't replied that would have been fine too. It sounds like the person you "unfriended" has some weird attachment issues to not understand that some people don't keep up with the FB lives of everyone they once knew and liked personally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flyingiguana Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Partly, I don't think anyone has really figured out the best etiquette for facebook. What does it mean when party A does this? How should I respond? I've had some really odd interactions with people about fb. Things that would have seemed completely offensive in real life. People who won't accept my friend request because they only wanted to connect with people outside their actual current friend group? (She's fine talking to me in person.) If I'd taken that at face value, I could have been rather upset. And stopped speaking to her. And then there's the whole matter of how no one has EVER friended me on facebook. What's up with that? It makes me so sad... until I give up and friend someone, and they write back about how thrilled they are that I friended them because they were too afraid to do it. http://happyplace.someecards.com/20382/dowton-abbey-facebook-recap SPOILERS FOR SEASON 3! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted January 17, 2014 Author Share Posted January 17, 2014 I dunno I think I'd just friend her. What's the harm so long as she isn't totally annoying? If it means that much to her is it really extra work for you? It's a little late now though. I already replied to her PM that I decided months go to simplify my FB account. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I admit I dumped Facebook years ago though because I got sick of the drama. Yep, me too. One of the biggest favors I ever did for myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Everyone uses FB differently and those who are the "super likers" need to get that some of us aren't as comfortable with that, and might even find it a bit intrusive. Don't get me wrong, I hate Facebook, but how is it intrusive? We post things on FB because we expect that people will see them, don't we? And if we accepted someone as a friend, presumably, we don't have a problem with that person seeing our posts. Sorry, I'm not trying to be argumentative, but I'm trying to understand how one could see the "super likers" in this light. I mean, I have a few super likers on my friends list, and it makes me roll my eyes a little, but I don't feel like they're horning in on some private conversation I'm having. This is my vent with FB: These prior posts are exactly why I don't like Facebook. From a couple responses, it seems the OP is being insensitive to unfriend an old friend she has no communication with. My social life got much more cluttered and complicated with a FB account. The only thing that ticks me off a bit is the local homeschool board now announces most stuff via Facebook. If they mention it via the Yahoo group it's usually very last minute. I just can't bring myself to be involved with Facebook. This has always been my feeling toward FB. I'm an introvert, so my real-life social life is more than I can handle most days. Adding in all the drama--perceived or real--that FB generates is unpleasant for me. But if we're not on there, we won't see the vast majority of the things my HSing circles and friends post and we miss out on outings and classes and get-togethers. It's one of those things I consider a necessarily evil, but it chafes :glare: I fantasize about just letting it all go! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 This is my vent with FB: These prior posts are exactly why I don't like Facebook. From a couple responses, it seems the OP is being insensitive to unfriend an old friend she has no communication with. My social life got much more cluttered and complicated with a FB account. People from high school I had one class with years ago sent requests I ignored, then they didn't understand why I accepted requests from those in high school I was actually friends with. My niece came to town for the 1st time in years and I didn't know it. My niece said, "But I wrote it on my FB page." I don't hide my niece on FB, but I don't use FB to keep up with everybody's everyday life details. My good friend who I hide from the news feed (because she posts too many critical political posts) discovered I was hiding her when she saw a comment I posted on a mutual friend's post, yet that same day I didn't comment on a post about her dog dying. She is a close enough friend that I would have called and offered sympathy in the loss of her pet, yet I didn't know until I talked to her a week later. The list goes on, and I'm already in danger of hijacking a post, sorry. I sort of want to deactivate my account, I go back and forth, but there are some things I like about FB just as well as the things I dislike. To OP, you handled the situation gracefully, but if you hadn't replied that would have been fine too. It sounds like the person you "unfriended" has some weird attachment issues to not understand that some people don't keep up with the FB lives of everyone they once knew and liked personally. I don't think the OP was being insensitive at all. She is under no obligation to that woman at all IMO. My comments were only to address 'problems' that I don't really see as problems and suggestions on how to deal with those. In your case, how did your friend figure out she was hidden from your feed? You could have simply said, 'Oh I didn't see your post, I'm sorry about your pet.' Your niece not telling you and expecting you to see it on FB was rude....well depending on her age, inconsiderate...but no different than if she had said, 'but I told Aunt Rosie I assumed she would tell you!' When I first got FB I friended anyone and everyone I had ever known. Took me a while to weed through who I wanted to leave on my list...I took off nearly everyone from high school....no one asked me why....a few refriended me....of those few I might have accepted or not probably depending on the mood I was in. I just don't think it has to be as big of a problem as some people think it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Partly, I don't think anyone has really figured out the best etiquette for facebook. What does it mean when party A does this? How should I respond? I've had some really odd interactions with people about fb. Things that would have seemed completely offensive in real life. People who won't accept my friend request because they only wanted to connect with people outside their actual current friend group? (She's fine talking to me in person.) If I'd taken that at face value, I could have been rather upset. And stopped speaking to her. And then there's the whole matter of how no one has EVER friended me on facebook. What's up with that? It makes me so sad... until I give up and friend someone, and they write back about how thrilled they are that I friended them because they were too afraid to do it. http://happyplace.someecards.com/20382/dowton-abbey-facebook-recap SPOILERS FOR SEASON 3! That sounds like my son...he just now got a FB account and he only friended his dad and my mom and me and dh.....everyone else has to ask him. Insert eye roll. But he's 13. I did have one person unfriend me (and she told me I didn't ask) because she was only keeping out of town friends and family on her list....I thought it was odd, but then she left her husband and pretty much flipped her lid, so meh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 No one is obligated to be kind to anyone, on Facebook or elsewhere. Simple as that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 Well, since she sent me a PM I did write her back just now, telling her I hoped she was doing well and that I'd made the decision, months ago, that I wanted to simplify my FB acct and that it was nothing personal against her or anyone else, and certainly not my intention to make her sad. Yes, she said in her message she was "so sad". Kinda leaves me scratching my head as to why I am so important to her, after all these years. If I had noticed that someone unfriended me (and tbh I doubt I would notice) I would just shrug and move on...unless it was a family member or close friend. I think you did the right thing. You're not obligated to be this woman's friend. Period. You were very gracious to have bothered to respond to her email at all, and I think your message was very nice and polite. If she responds asking why you don't want to be her friend any more, please ignore her, because you don't owe her any further explanation. I absolutely understand why her constant and immediate likes made you feel uncomfortable. I would have felt the same way. Didn't you start a thread about her a while back, when you were trying to decide whether or not to unfriend her? I remember reading that thread and thinking that I would have definitely unfriended the woman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SproutMamaK Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 Don't get me wrong, I hate Facebook, but how is it intrusive? We post things on FB because we expect that people will see them, don't we? And if we accepted someone as a friend, presumably, we don't have a problem with that person seeing our posts. Sorry, I'm not trying to be argumentative, but I'm trying to understand how one could see the "super likers" in this light. I mean, I have a few super likers on my friends list, and it makes me roll my eyes a little, but I don't feel like they're horning in on some private conversation I'm having. From my perspective, while I don't delete people over it, it does make me uncomfortable if someone likes every little thing I post. If I post a status update about something funny the kids did, something big happening, etc, it's nice to see people "liking" it. If I post a picture of a girl's night out and some person who does not know any of these people except me likes it.... uh, ok. If I post a picture of a pretty sunset and they like that, too, it's a little odd. If I post a comment about a situation totally unrelated to this person and they like it, after having done all the above... ok, now it's just overkill. It feels like someone has just gone from being a "friend" to being a "fan". I get the emotional picture of a lonely person latching on to anyone who has any form of contact with them going I LIKE YOU A LOT PLEASE I THINK YOU'RE SO AWESOME PLEASE BE MY FRIEND I PROMISE I'LL BE WITH YOU NO MATTER WHAT. It's just... awkward. Especially when you realize that really, you barely even know the person. It's not about privacy, persay. I don't mind them seeing what I post. But it feels like they're trying to force some sort of "I love everything about you!" relationship that just does not exist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted January 18, 2014 Author Share Posted January 18, 2014 I think you did the right thing. You're not obligated to be this woman's friend. Period. You were very gracious to have bothered to respond to her email at all, and I think your message was very nice and polite. If she responds asking why you don't want to be her friend any more, please ignore her, because you don't owe her any further explanation. I absolutely understand why her constant and immediate likes made you feel uncomfortable. I would have felt the same way. Didn't you start a thread about her a while back, when you were trying to decide whether or not to unfriend her? I remember reading that thread and thinking that I would have definitely unfriended the woman. You have a good memory! That was quite a few months ago, maybe last spring. Other posters explained to me how to hide my posts from her, so I did that. Then this fall I unfriended her, because really what's the point of having a FB friend when you never see each other's posts and are not close IRL and unlikely to ever see each other again? It wasn't meanness on my part, as a couple people here suggested. I was trying to slip quietly out of her life and then she contacted me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted January 18, 2014 Author Share Posted January 18, 2014 ok, now it's just overkill. It feels like someone has just gone from being a "friend" to being a "fan". I get the emotional picture of a lonely person latching on to anyone who has any form of contact with them going I LIKE YOU A LOT PLEASE I THINK YOU'RE SO AWESOME PLEASE BE MY FRIEND I PROMISE I'LL BE WITH YOU NO MATTER WHAT. It's just... awkward. Especially when you realize that really, you barely even know the person. It's not about privacy, persay. I don't mind them seeing what I post. But it feels like they're trying to force some sort of "I love everything about you!" relationship that just does not exist. Yes, you hit the nail squarely on the head. It felt like she was following me around, like a groupie, like my fan. She may not have meant it that way, but the words in caps above describe exactly how it seemed to me, made all the weirder by the fact that when she lived here, we were not that close and went months without any contact...and we lived very close geographically. Think walking distance. I think Facebook just makes things weird sometimes. It can give an illusion that you have a gazillion close friends when that isn't the case. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 I just have to comment that I think it is odd that anyone would think it odd or intrusive that others "like" their stuff on fb. If you have something private on fb, you should PM it or post it to a private group, etc. If you post it "on your wall", it is generally understood that it is there for ALL your "friends" to see and comment on. By posting it, you are inviting comments. Otherwise Folks "like" it to show that, "Hey, I saw this, and I think it is pretty/cute/funny/horrible/etc, (whatever emotion the post was intending to elicit). It takes no time at all to "like" a post. It's as quick as clicking "delete" on an email (or unfriend on a fb friend list!) . . . I probably am one of the over-likers, lol, so there you have it. When I am on fb, if I see something that someone posted, I often click LIKE for the above listed purposes. I figure it makes (most, obviously not all) ppl feel good when they see that their friends noticed their post and appreciates it. I posted a pic of my mid-renovation bathroom tonight, and the dozen likes it got made me feel happy. Then I posted a link to the new Roomba 800 that I am hoping dh will get me for Valentine's Day, and the likes and comments (funny and supportive) on that post made me feel good, too. It's just a tiny chit-chat social touchstone with various friends that I don't get to see often enough. Seems harmless and makes the world go by just a bit smoother and more cozy, IMHO. I probably liked a dozen posts today, and I commented on a couple, too. :) So, anyway, my advice would be, if you don't like someone well enough to enjoy their likes and comments . . . then unfriend or block them. I've done it myself, but I did it bc someone irritates me (politics or socially awkward) . . . and, I, too, don't accept friend requests from vague acquaintances, but only from ppl who I genuinely want to relate to. I actually like all my fb friends. :) And, I'm sure I've been blocked or unfriended by some folks, too, but I haven't noticed. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted January 18, 2014 Author Share Posted January 18, 2014 I just have to comment that I think it is odd that anyone would think it odd or intrusive that others "like" their stuff on fb. If you have something private on fb, you should PM it or post it to a private group, etc. If you post it "on your wall", it is generally understood that it is there for ALL your "friends" to see and comment on. By posting it, you are inviting comments. Otherwise Folks "like" it to show that, "Hey, I saw this, and I think it is pretty/cute/funny/horrible/etc, (whatever emotion the post was intending to elicit). It takes no time at all to "like" a post. It's as quick as clicking "delete" on an email (or unfriend on a fb friend list!) . . . I probably am one of the over-likers, lol, so there you have it. When I am on fb, if I see something that someone posted, I often click LIKE for the above listed purposes. I figure it makes (most, obviously not all) ppl feel good when they see that their friends noticed their post and appreciates it. I posted a pic of my mid-renovation bathroom tonight, and the dozen likes it got made me feel happy. Then I posted a link to the new Roomba 800 that I am hoping dh will get me for Valentine's Day, and the likes and comments (funny and supportive) on that post made me feel good, too. It's just a tiny chit-chat social touchstone with various friends that I don't get to see often enough. Seems harmless and makes the world go by just a bit smoother and more cozy, IMHO. I probably liked a dozen posts today, and I commented on a couple, too. :) So, anyway, my advice would be, if you don't like someone well enough to enjoy their likes and comments . . . then unfriend or block them. I've done it myself, but I did it bc someone irritates me (politics or socially awkward) . . . and, I, too, don't accept friend requests from vague acquaintances, but only from ppl who I genuinely want to relate to. I actually like all my fb friends. :) And, I'm sure I've been blocked or unfriended by some folks, too, but I haven't noticed. :) I don't find it odd that people like my stuff on FB. I do it myself. What I found odd was that this particular person liked almost every single thing I posted, almost immediately, and I hadn't seen her for a decade or so and we were never close friends. She also wrote on my wall once at Christmas, I miss you so much my sweet friend. It was just odd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 I haven't read the other replies. I would not be honest with her. It doesn't sound like she did anything wrong, and it sounds like she feels sensitive and sad about this. I would say you are just using Facebook for closer friends and family. I would wish her the very best. I would not mention anything about how she liked your pictures or statuses too quickly, or that she creeps you out. There is no real way to word that nicely & I think it would hurt her feelings badly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted January 18, 2014 Author Share Posted January 18, 2014 I haven't read the other replies. I would not be honest with her. It doesn't sound like she did anything wrong, and it sounds like she feels sensitive and sad about this. I would say you are just using Facebook for closer friends and family. I would wish her the very best. I would not mention anything about how she liked your pictures or statuses too quickly, or that she creeps you out. There is no real way to word that nicely & I think it would hurt her feelings badly. I already replied to her, and no, I didn't mention anything about her likes, etc. I told her I was cutting back on FB and I hoped she was doing well. I had no desire to hurt her feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 I don't find it odd that people like my stuff on FB. I do it myself. What I found odd was that this particular person liked almost every single thing I posted, almost immediately, and I hadn't seen her for a decade or so and we were never close friends. She also wrote on my wall once at Christmas, I miss you so much my sweet friend. It was just odd. Is it possible that she is new to fb or for another reason has few fb friends? She might just not have much "in her feed", so she responds more to your stuff than if she had 300 friends, a dozen games, or dozens of liked pages cluttering her feed. Personally, I really ONLY have ppl (and a small handful of local groups and pages) I am interested in showing up in my feed, as I hide/block all games/apps/etc from my feed (and don't play them myself), and I also hide friends who post boring or irritating stuff in large quantity. The stuff I enjoy seeing are friends daily life photos/posts (my kid did this! I ran 10 miles! I accidentally ate an entire pan of brownies! etc.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrairieSong Posted January 18, 2014 Author Share Posted January 18, 2014 Is it possible that she is new to fb or for another reason has few fb friends? She might just not have much "in her feed", so she responds more to your stuff than if she had 300 friends, a dozen games, or dozens of liked pages cluttering her feed. Personally, I really ONLY have ppl (and a small handful of local groups and pages) I am interested in showing up in my feed, as I hide/block all games/apps/etc from my feed (and don't play them myself), and I also hide friends who post boring or irritating stuff in large quantity. The stuff I enjoy seeing are friends daily life photos/posts (my kid did this! I ran 10 miles! I accidentally ate an entire pan of brownies! etc.)She's not new to FB and she has hundreds of friends. I've limited my feed, too, now that I know how to do it. So helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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