Where do your dc go when you're giving birth?

[PeterPan]

I THINK we've figured this out, but I was interested to hear what y'all would say. Dd (age 9) says she doesn't want to hear me moan like a cow and that she'll go to her grandma's if it's daytime or just head to the basement if it's later. Now obviously I don't plan on moaning like a cow, lol, but the later stages of labor aren't exactly pretty either. (This is a planned homebirth, btw.) Any comments on what your kids did? How do they react at that age? And do you think she'll respond the way she says, or will her tune change?

[Jami]

Well I've only had hospital births and so ds went to his grandparents for the birth of dd (child #2). And then ds and dd went to grandparents for the birth of dd (child #3). This time around I'm going to a birth center and we're 600+ miles from grandpa and grandma. So I'll probably have a few church friends on standby to either take the children or come stay over. Having them around during the birth, either in the center or at home, would frazzle me more than I can handle during birth!

[swellmomma]

They all went to grandma's. Of course that was only by fluke since the hospital sent me home saying it wasn't labour so I get ready to take them home, but my dad made me go back, I wound up having dd in an ambulance being transferred to a different hospital. So they nearly where with me on the livingroom floor. I had always planned to have them stay at grandma's though

[gandpsmommy]

I've only had hospital births, but my dd stayed with my parents and sister. We are a very close family, have a family bed, etc., but there's no way I could have handled having my dd around for labor and delivery. Dh is the *only* person I ever wanted in the room with me, other than my OB and the nurses, of course.

[Danestress]

Moan like a cow? What a funny little girl!

 

I think I would send her to grandmas, but try to plan for grandma to be "on call" so that they can both come by as close to the arrival as possible, if things are going well.

[keptwoman]

I've had hospital births, but when C was born J was there. We arranged a support person for him so that he could go for a walk or go get food if he wanted but he still talks about how special it was to be at C's birth. He stationed himself at the business end of events and watched C be born enthralled, he even cut the cord.

 

With M we had arranged for both boys to be at school for the beginning and them come to the hospital for the delivery, unfortunately she came really fast in the end and the boys just missed her arrival by about 3 minutes, but were still in time to cut the cord. They were both so disappointed to miss her arrival.

 

For your DD I suspect in the end she may like to be there, could you get a support person for her to be at your home with her to go for walks etc if she wants to get out, but encourage her to be there for the birth?

[Susan in TX]

For all of my homebirths the children stayed at home with us but they did not watch the birth. One time we sent them to play at the neighbor's. A few times I had the baby at night so they slept through the whole thing...until we woke them up so they could come and see the baby.

 

My last two were born at a birthing center and the children stayed home.

 

Susan in TX

[Jann in TX]

I had a planned hospital birth--no family in the area and my older girls were 9 and 11 and wanted to be there. They played cards at a table in the birthing suite with DH while I labored (luckily I go fast). I would have loved a home birth but my other births had minor complications so no MW would take me...

 

The older one wanted to 'watch' and the younger wanted to just 'be in the same room'--it ended up the other way around. The 9yr old was fascinated and the 11yr kept playing with the cards!

 

The birth had a VERY scarry part and my youngest was born without color and unresponsive (apgar of 1)... I really really wish they would NOT have been there for that part...no way of knowing in advance. Baby recovered but middle dd--now 15 still swears she will NEVER have a baby of her own--too much emotional investment...(I bet she will grow up and have at least 5 of her own one day!).

[Mom-ninja.]

I say have someone there for her if she wants to leave for bit or just to reassure her.

 

When my second was born my first ds was there (homebirth). He actually slept on the couch but woke up a minute after his brother was born. He was three.

 

Now, my boys are seven and four (they will be almost eight and five when baby comes) and they both say they want to see their baby born. They will be here, and I will have my friend come over to help with them.

 

MIL has offered for them to stay with her and I told her no. I told her they wanted to be there for the birth and that I wanted them there. She and FIL looked at me like I had two heads. Oh, well. I'll always be a freak to them.

[sweetfeet]

I planned a homebirth with my second and she was going to stay and watch or hang around, but decided that she'd rather go to Grandma's house. Which worked out for the best as I transferred at the last minute. We had prepared her with gentle books and age appropriate video but as soon as the midwives came and it was 'real' she begged to go.

[Sandy in Indy]

My dc stayed in another part of the house for most of my labor but couldn't stay away when it came right down to it. They were in the room, by choice, for transition and labor. (Even though both of them said they weren't interested in being there.)

 

I think your dd is old enough to know what she wants/needs during the birth. She'll be OK, really she will.

 

(And honestly, hearing a little moaning might be good for her. I think kids need to know that babies are not all grins and giggles.)

[abbeyej]

If it were me, I'd just make sure grandma was on call, and I'd leave it up to your daughter to call her if she would like to be picked up and taken away. If she's comfortable in the house, finds she's curious or just working on some project of her own or whatever, she can stay. If she decides she'd rather be anywhere but there, she can call grandma.

 

At her age, I'd just let her know she has options. I wouldn't worry about the specifics at all.

 

Ds was 2.5 when dd was born. The kids were talking today about when he saw her born, though I'm not sure if he truly remembers anymore, or if he has just heard the story enough times that it seems to be a memory. Still, it was a bonding moment for them. Dh just hung out in the house and did stuff with his dad, took a nap, and happened to wander into the room just as dd was born.

[anissarobert]

All three of my children were born at hospitals. (My dh felt more comfortable that way.) My other children were always with us in the birthing room. My oldest knows what it is like now, but still says she wants kids! My son was 4 when my youngest was born and it scared him a bit. He was actually going to hang out in the hall with grandpa, but my dad was late. They seem happy to have been included, but then I always seemed to have a crowd while giving birth. (mom, sister dh, kids, my grandmother was even there for the 1st.)

[susie in tx]

My oldest was 8 when our last was born. I didn't really want her, or anyone, around. So Mama Lynx took her and her siblings to her house. I called when the baby was about to be born. I honestly cannot remember if the girls were there during the birthing. I think they came in just after.

 

We have two levels to our current house. Right now, the plan is for the girls to be here during labor, but I don't know where they will be when I'm birthing. Mama Lynx MOVED, so she won't be around to help, unless I convince her to come and live with us near the time I'm supposed to give birth. I'm sure it will all work out in the long run.

 

If I had a dd that didn't want to be there, and right now, none of mine indicate that they would rather be somewhere else, I would make sure that I had a backup plan in case she needed to leave.

[tribemama]

Hi,

 

I am getting ready to have my 7th child (my second home birth - others where at birth centers). Anyway, with my last home birth my children were dd 8, ds 9, ds 5, and dd 14months (My ds 13 was across the country).

 

My children have always been present for the births or as much as possible. They are always free to be where they want to be during labor and birth.

 

My midwives have always given them jobs to do when the time came - which always made them very excited.(My ds who is 7 now is excited to be cutting the cord this time!) Who's going to cut the cord? Bring in the towels from the dryer? Help weigh the baby? Last time - who's helping with the 14month old? My ds who was 9 at last birth - didn't really want to be around is what he kept saying. I said that was fine, he could hang out in his room - play with dd14month somewhere - read a book. In the end, all 5 where right at the base of my bed pointing to dd14month old - "See there's the head!" There always tends to be a rush of excitement in actually meeting the new baby and seeing who has won the bet of it being a boy or a girl.

 

I feel(this is my opinion and my feelings these are not facts) that the other children should be around when a new part of their family is being added. One, they realize the work that is involved. After every birth the whole family is exhausted! Not just Mom and Dad and baby - everyone! Everyone had a big day - not just the Mom and Baby - everyone was working to help out. This was helpful in that when I wanted to sleep, we were all sleeping.

Second, they get to witness birth (in my opinion) how it should be. No bright lights, a laboring woman eating and drinking throughout, a midwife staying in the house (or husband if doing unattended) no medical equipment. I feel this is really important for my daughters. My daughter was shocked when she and I went to visit my sister in the hospital - "why are they treated like that?" (The hospital was actually great in my opinion).

 

If she doesn't want to witness you actually give birth(which might change as you are pushing the baby out - that's the most exciting part anyway) ask if its ok if she was in charge of bringing in the warm towels after the baby is born? Is she good at tying knots? Would she want to tie the cord off with string? If it is making her really uncomfortable - what about making snack trays for the midwife, you, and dad? Baking up some brownies or cookies? You could also let her know that if she is in the house during labor - that someone could always call to her to come see you push. Has she ever held a baby that was still warm and slimy right from mom? What a great picture!

 

I tend to sleep in early labor and then either shower or soak in a huge pool. I always want to give birth in the water - but I tend to get out for some odd reason. I do labor quietly for the most part. I also tend to get sick during transition - which is very short for me. I also push out babies very quickly. We watched many videos of women giving births at birth centers and talked it over with the kids and compared and contrasted my own reactions. Home births tend to be on a calmer note.

 

Well,

I hope this helps!

Tribemama

Mother to the Tribe

[Quiver0f10]

With our HB I had games, movies, art supplies all ready in the basement. I also made up a bag of snacks and juice boxes for each kid. Other than using the bathroom they had no need to come upstairs, unless they wanted to.

[PeterPan]

Thanks everybody! These are the types of stories I wanted to hear! It hadn't occurred to me that there were so many ways for them to feel included or find it special BESIDES seeing the actual birth. Thanks for sharing! :)

[Guest 4boys]

I do a lot of yelling during active labor and pushing *blush* so I need my kids to leave. I don't want to scare them! I had a home birth with Reid and it was oh so convenient that DH's brother and wife live next door on the same farm yard as us....so we just shipped them next door. And then my parents picked them up and they spent all week at Grandma and Grandpa's. It was lovely.

[tibbyl]

Children stayed upstairs. I requested that husband, midwife, and apprentice remain in den or kitchen while I paced around living room by myself almost until time to push.

[PeterPan]

4boys, you lucky dog. I wasn't allowed to groan or yell or anything. (think amish birth) Something about my cervix doing this but not that and that groaning was a form of pushing, aggravating it and could make it swell and cause problems. So I lay there while dh and SIL squeezed my hands, and of course we had hot wash cloths to help with the pain. It was kind of a weird experience, given that I had watched these ladies on videos being lionesses and roaring, hehe... But I did yell good and loud AFTER dd was born! In fact, they kept tell me to settle down, that I was scaring the baby, hehe... I don't think I cared at that point. ;)

 

So I don't know, maybe I'll be a yeller with this one or maybe I'll have to be silent again, don't know! :)

[Amy in NH]

Outside in the yard to do a craft project with an adult friend of the family.

 

Upstairs in the playroom, with the door closed, playing Lego.