Feeling Very Stressed Out About "The Match"

[MeaganS]

As many of you know, dh is a 4th year medical student this year.  For the last month, he has been doing a rotation three hours away and we have seen him for only 2 days.  To make it worse, I haven't had a phone for a week because his broke and he had to have one for work, so I gave him mine and am now feeling very isolated.  And I had to take youngest dd to the ER a few days ago for nursemaid's elbow, which meant taking all three kiddos by myself.  I'm sure all of these things have amplified the stress of the looming Match.

 

I tend to be a person that doesn't get too stressed or frazzled.  I'm very much an "analyze the situation" kind of person.  This has served me well so far through the medical school process.  All of the important test scores we have to wait for, all the applications we've had to wait to hear about, none of it has rattled me yet.  Until now.  2 weeks ago, applications for residencies opened up and all of a sudden I am feeling super stressed out about the process.  In case you don't know how it works, I'll explain it as succinctly as possible.  Basically a med student applies to all the residencies they are interested in (dh applied to 40).  Then they wait to be invited to interviews by these programs.  So far, dh is doing well there too.  It is still fairly early and he has already received 9 interview requests, although only 6 of them are programs we would be happy with.  The other 3 are back-ups.  Then he goes to the interviews, which are usually late October-January.  In February, he will rank all the programs he wants to go to in order of preference.  In the meantime, the programs rank all the students they interviewed in order or preference as well.  Then, on one magic day, Match Day, March 21, every medical student in the country finds out if they got a residency and where, based on a complex computer algorithm that is designed to maximize preferences.  And the students are contractually obligated to attend that program.  And not all students match.  Anyways, it is like the perfect storm for stress!  My husband's future career hangs on one day's smart lottery.

 

So far every time he gets an interview request, I spend the next few hours researching what day would be best for him to go. Travel is on our dime, so I have to try to minimize costs there as well.  For example, he has two interviews in Ohio and we scheduled them back to back so that we'd only have to drive there once to save on gas.  Even so, we are expecting to spend several thousand dollars on the match process alone.  Then I research the program in depth to try to figure out how excited we should be for the interview.  Then I research the city to see if it is somewhere I would like to be.  Oh, and I have to basically hover my computer all day because as soon as the interview request comes in, we have to respond as quickly as possible.  Some of them send out more interview requests than they have interview spots and we don't want to miss out on the chance to interview.  Oh, and he has to match in a fairly good program because he wants to specialize in a competitive specialty and the better the program, the more likely he will be able to get a fellowship.

 

Anyways, I guess I'm just ranting here because I have seriously no other place to talk about it. It is a very unique experience and I am feeling very blessed that my dh has made it this far in the process, but I hate the unknown and the fact that everything we have worked for is hanging on this.  Before dh started medical school, I had lots of people tell me not to do it unless it is truly what dh wants to do to be happy.  I 100% agree with this now (and he still has 6+ years of training left).  It isn't worth it otherwise.  It just feels like a very high-stakes gamble, and although I know it isn't completely, there is a lot of risk involved.  If you made it this far, thanks.  I don't really know what I wanted with this post so much as to talk about it a little.  I already feel a little better, so thank you!

[JudoMom]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

 

Gosh, that sounds stressful!  Knowing a huge change is coming but not know what it will be is so stressful.  And having to shoulder it alone, at least for a time, would make it even worse.  

[Twigs]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

:grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Forget-Me-Not]

Hang in there! What specialty is he looking at?

 

My DH is 9 years post-res. I remember that awful "we don't know where we will be this time next year" feeling too. And my DH also did a bunch of out of town rotations his 3rd/4th med school years and was away a lot. Thankfully we didn't have kids then.

 

It will be okay ((hugs))

[MeaganS]

He's looking at Internal Medicine, which isn't too competitive, but he wants to do a gastroenterology fellowship, which is.  From what we've learned, he pretty much has to match at a university program, which significantly decreases his options.  Luckily, he's already heard from 2 of our top 5!

 

[creekland]

I don't really know what I wanted with this post so much as to talk about it a little.  I already feel a little better, so thank you!

Share away - it's good stress relief - and interesting for some of us to read. ;)

 

Best wishes for a great assignment!

 

And I'm glad some choose to go through the rigorous process as we need great folks in the medical world... thanks!

[zoobie]

I'd be going bananas too! It's so completely out of your control. Good luck! I hope he gets a good match.

[NicAnn]

Wow I didn't realize that's how it works! Good luck!

[Sugarfoot]

:grouphug: It will get better, but then it will get stressful again. But then it will get better. 

 

My oldest was born during DH's 2nd year of residency, and my 2nd was born during his second year of GI fellowship. He's been a practicing gastroenterologist for around 13 years now.

 

My DH loves his specialty, but it does take awhile. If that's what truly interests your DH, it will be worth it. Let me know if he has questions about it, and I'll pass them on to my DH.

 

Hang in there!

[kroe1]

Oh, we have BTDT so many times with multiple family members.  My DS was the worst.  He only put down one place for his match.  We nearly had a heart attack when we found out.  If he didn't get it, then he would be forced into a transition year.  It was a huge wait for us.  Match day at his school was held in an auditorium.  It was taped in real time so parents could watch from afar.  I wanted to barf waiting for DS's name to be called.  If he wasn't called, I knew he would be transitioning.  He was called almost at the end.  That was the longest moment of my life!  The rascal then told us that he had known he was getting that residency spot all along because the director had told him months before.  Good thing I didn't have a weapon in my hand at the time.

 

Yep, you will get through it, but I know how hard the waiting is.  Fortunately, many of us avoided the match all together by getting accepted as 3rd year students.  Part of the benefit of doing away rotations is getting one's face in front of possible residencies.  That helps a ton.  Your DH should do very well since he is doing away rotations.  And internal medicine is an easier residency to get into with a ton of good fellowship opportunities. 

 

 

[Belacqua]

So if not all students match, what happens to the ones who don't? Minnie mentioned a transition year; what does that entail?

 

Sounds fantastically stressful (but kind of exciting, too). I wish you all the very best of luck.

[MeaganS]

He's been a practicing gastroenterologist for around 13 years now.

 

My DH loves his specialty, but it does take awhile. If that's what truly interests your DH, it will be worth it. Let me know if he has questions about it, and I'll pass them on to my DH.

 

Hang in there!

That's interesting about your dh being a GI.  My husband truly does find it fascinating.  It started with an amateur love of food science which morphed into digestion and he gets really excited about it.  It has been handy too because my dad was just diagnosed with colon cancer and had to have his colon removed this month as well.  My dad is pretty young (50) and it has been nice to have my dh extra interested in the process and able to explain some of it to me.

 

Oh, we have BTDT so many times with multiple family members.  My DS was the worst.  He only put down one place for his match.  We nearly had a heart attack when we found out.  If he didn't get it, then he would be forced into a transition year.  It was a huge wait for us.  Match day at his school was held in an auditorium.  It was taped in real time so parents could watch from afar.  I wanted to barf waiting for DS's name to be called.  If he wasn't called, I knew he would be transitioning.  He was called almost at the end.  That was the longest moment of my life!  The rascal then told us that he had known he was getting that residency spot all along because the director had told him months before.  Good thing I didn't have a weapon in my hand at the time.

 

Yep, you will get through it, but I know how hard the waiting is.  Fortunately, many of us avoided the match all together by getting accepted as 3rd year students.  Part of the benefit of doing away rotations is getting one's face in front of possible residencies.  That helps a ton.  Your DH should do very well since he is doing away rotations.  And internal medicine is an easier residency to get into with a ton of good fellowship opportunities. 

Unfortunately, neither of us have doctors on either side of our family, so we are going through this process fairly blind.  Lots of lawyers and business men, but no doctors.  And I'm pretty sure that programs are now required to wait for the match before offering positions.  I believe that if they want to participate in ERAS, the matching application, then they are legally obliged to not offer spots and I believe almost all of them participate.  So lucky us, we get to wait until Match day to know.  Also, I would be crazy mad if dh only ranked one program. We had a friend who did that because he said the program told him he was a shoe-in and he didn't get in and had to scramble.  No way.  That's why dh applied to 40 programs. :)

[MeaganS]

So if not all students match, what happens to the ones who don't? Minnie mentioned a transition year; what does that entail?

 

Sounds fantastically stressful (but kind of exciting, too). I wish you all the very best of luck.

 

It is called "the scramble."  Basically, as soon as the match lists are open, they also publish a list of all the programs that didn't have anyone match in their spots and you call them up, do a quick phone interview, and hopefully get one.  Usually this is all within a few hours.  If you don't get one in your desired residency, you can maybe get one in another residency.  So, for really competitive residencies like dermatology, lots of people don't match at all.  They can choose to do a transitional year which some programs will give you credit for or change plans and do something else, like internal medicine if there are spots left.  They can also just sit out a year and do research or something and try again the next year.  Needless to say, you don't want to have to scramble.  Scrambling is a pretty big fear.  Luckily, Internal Medicine tends to have pretty high match rates.

[SharonM]

My dd wants to be a dr.

reading this is freaking me out.

Kudos to you for dealing with this.