Dd8 lacks PASSION and I'm burning OUT!!

[Linda...inOwasso]

We just completed our first full year of home schooling in May and while it was successful in many ways it leaves me feeling unsatisfied.

 

I've worked very hard to research the best curriculum for dd's learning style, then to study the material and finally to present the material to dd in an interesting manner with plenty of enthusiasm.

 

Dd completes her work, albeit haphazardly. She does the bare minimum required (never an ounce more). I feel as if she merely *tolerates* her lessons and doesn't really care whether she does well or not.

 

Frankly, it's driving me crazy. I don't expect her to love every subject, but I'd like her to care enough about her work to try her best. She has a lacksidasical attitude about her extra-curricular activities also. Do some dc just have this type of personality?? Or can anyone recommend something I could do to help her develop a passion for something!!!

 

Thanks so much!

[Rebecca in VA]

Just wanted you to know that I sympathize. It's so hard when a child is resistant, or just doesn't care. I can live for weeks on just ONE compliment, but my kids never give me any.

[Jen500]

Could the work she's doing now not be challenging enough? Maybe she's bored. Or, is there something she'd really like to learn about? My boys always put lots of effort into topics that were their idea. Just tossing out some ideas.

[G5052]

They've never enjoyed school, and will do a sloppy job at it unless I expect more of them. My older one (11) is getting a little better about this, so it could be a maturity thing. I always shake my head when homeschool moms talk about how motivated their children are and how much they love homeschooling. It's been a struggle the whole way with us (since PK).

 

My children do enjoy nature studies and field trips, but they don't do any additional study on their own unless I organize it.

[runningirl71]

We just completed our first full year of home schooling in May and while it was successful in many ways it leaves me feeling unsatisfied.

 

I've worked very hard to research the best curriculum for dd's learning style, then to study the material and finally to present the material to dd in an interesting manner with plenty of enthusiasm.

 

Dd completes her work, albeit haphazardly. She does the bare minimum required (never an ounce more). I feel as if she merely *tolerates* her lessons and doesn't really care whether she does well or not.

 

Frankly, it's driving me crazy. I don't expect her to love every subject, but I'd like her to care enough about her work to try her best. She has a lacksidasical attitude about her extra-curricular activities also. Do some dc just have this type of personality?? Or can anyone recommend something I could do to help her develop a passion for something!!!

 

Thanks so much!

 

My kids have been the same way! In the past, I've planned/researched/studied what I think would be a good fit for my kids, even let them participate in the planning and picking out, only for them to be resistant when the time comes to actually DO the work. My middle, Daisy, can STILL be unmotivated/lackadaisical. I try and talk to her a lot about this and attitude. When it comes down to the wire, I really don't care how much she gets done, as long as she is doing her best work. I tend to give ALOT of work, so I've had to back off. For instance, I had a goal of how much math I wanted her to get done. But, my goal wasn't a good one for her. We had to really slow down in math this year, so she will be continuing on/finishing up her book from this past year before moving on. When I told her that we weren't going to rush through it, but I really wanted her to master the concepts, even if it meant going slow, she felt a little burden lifted off her. I tend to push and push, but she isn't that personality that does well with pushing. It just gets her stressed.

 

What helped me with concentration/motivation was reading up on Charlotte Mason methods of short lessons. Your dd is still really young! Do you think it could just be her age?

 

I don't know if this is helpful or not, so :grouphug: to you! I do understand, and yes, it can be frustrating!:)

[Pongo]

I can sooooo relate. I am having the same problem with my 10 yod dd, and we just started school a week ago. I myself have been struggling if I should post or not, I don't want to whine:glare:

 

She has ALWAYS been a stellar student and well, with the start of this year and without any enthusiasm at all she is dragging through her work. Currently, it's everything I can do not to poke out my eyes because she has been doing math for 2 HOURS!!!!

 

Not much help, I feel your pain:blink:

[Miss Marple]

I have yet to find a PASSION in any of my boys. I don't think this is at all unusual for an 8 year old. When my boys were around that age, I would allow them to choose school or work. If they did a poor job of school, they got to do work instead. I told them that menial labor jobs were all that they would ever be qualified for if they didn't develop a work ethic (which included working in their school subjects). Usually they considered the work to be worse than the school.

 

I remember years ago thinking that homeschooling would develop brilliant, passionate children who all loved one another (and their mother), who never quarreled, always did their work with a smile-even requested more, were neat and clean, mannerly, and exceptionally talented at something because homeschooling allowed time to develop talents. I don't believe that anymore. I have yet to see a homeschooling family where that happens.

 

It's a process and involves a lot of angst on the part of the homeschooling parent. But I am grateful for the time I have been able to spend with my boys to develop our relationships. I actually really like my boys - they're a lot of fun - sometimes they can be horrid just like other kids.

 

I have found that taking classes outside of our homeschool helped create a better work ethic. They wanted to impress someone other than me. I also set standards for each boy based on what I knew of his abilities. If those standards were not met, privileges were withdrawn. I also tried to work this with a positive twist by attaching rewards with good performance. This was usually something that he had wanted for a long time such as a trip to the zoo, a new computer game, etc. I have been known to bribe my boys - and none have become axe murderers yet :-)

 

Best wishes to you as you continue this journey. It is rewarding, but it is also challenging.

[Elm in NJ]

All my boys are like that but my 13 year old is getting a wee bit better. My 9 year old and 7 year old boys would rather play all day. I have to spend the whole day on top of them if I want to see any work done well.

 

Elmeryl

[runningirl71]

I remember years ago thinking that homeschooling would develop brilliant, passionate children who all loved one another (and their mother), who never quarreled, always did their work with a smile-even requested more, were neat and clean, mannerly, and exceptionally talented at something because homeschooling allowed time to develop talents. I don't believe that anymore. I have yet to see a homeschooling family were that happens.

 

:lol::lol:Oh, how we can have such romantic notions, even about home school!:lol::lol: I've thought these things in the past too. And, with each year of school I've told myself "This is the year it will happen!" Well, I'm NOT thinking that this year!!:)

 

ETA: This will be my 9th year of homeschooling!

[Guest]

But the myth of the 'perfect hs family' lives on and tortures the rest of us!

[Linda...inOwasso]

Just reading your posts has been so refreshing! Cynthia... I think you nailed it: *I* had these romantic ideas of how wonderful homeschooling would be and how fabulous my children would be and while there are many positives of homeschooling, I see now that there's no way reality could've measured up to my expectations.

 

I honestly thought by modeling a passion for learning, my dc would choose to spend their free time reading a good book, playing math games, or asking for my help in researching something of interest to them. But, that's just not the case.

 

LOL, I think the honeymoon phase has worn off and I'm going to have to come to terms with the fact that my kids are just plain normal! :)

[mamato4]

I remember years ago thinking that homeschooling would develop brilliant, passionate children who all loved one another (and their mother), who never quarreled, always did their work with a smile-even requested more, were neat and clean, mannerly, and exceptionally talented at something because homeschooling allowed time to develop talents. I don't believe that anymore. I have yet to see a homeschooling family were that happens.

 

 

I heartily agree with Cynthia!!!:iagree: I came into homeschooling with this preconceived notion of how it will be like. Not that we shouldn't have dreams and goals about it. But when we become so discouraged with it because it's not meeting up to what we dreamed it "could" be, then we need a reality check.

 

My ds only does what is required and not an iota more. That would be pure torture for him! But dh and I see it as an opportunity to work on his character. Most of the the time, I get so frustrated with him and his lack of desire and initiative. Then I tell myself that one of the reasons we homeschool is also for character training. Now if he had been going to ps, I would probably have just not care as much since I don't have to deal with this. But I homeschool, and am more aware that this is something that needs to be worked on.

 

Here are some things that I do. "I" show enthusiasm myself. I remember my college Biochemistry Prof who was lecturing about membranes and all of a sudden she says, "Isn't this exciting?!" And amazingly enough, it did make me study harder to find what out what was so "exciting" about it!

 

I keep modeling curiosity and finding out the answers. When we read books aloud or we find something outside, I'll admit I don't know what that word means or what that insect is and I ask them to help me find out the meaning in the dictionary or the nature guide. One of my dd has already picked up on this and is always the first to get the dictionary or guide book. The rest of the brood is still a work in progress.

 

And speaking of another homeschooling myth, my dc are very quiet and shy. They are not the outgoing and can-speak-to-anybody people. This has been my burden. If you could see the looks I get when my children only answer with a word (politely, of course), or are quiet in group settings..............

 

OK, didn't mean to hijack your thread with my complaints. But I just want to encourage you to keep at it. Expect excellence from her even if she does it without the passion. Don't let this make you settle for mediocrity or so-so work. As she matures, it will get better.

 

God Bless,

Anna

[Another Lynn]

I've hit "reply" 3 times and cancelled each time trying to figure out what I want to say.... We'll see if 4th time is charm.

 

We're not one of those families who have it all together (I say as I look at our totally cluttered family room, a kitchen where all the dirty dishes will not fit in the dishwasher, etc.). We have hundreds of habits that need work. My kids would love to play starwars legos on the computer and watch BOOM on tv all day if I let them. BUT.... there are those times when they love what we're doing. There are those times when.... ds re-read Chronicles of Narnia 3 times and then took every toy animal in the house to re-enact the big battle with the white witch.... when we read about the civil war and ds built lincoln log forts and fortifications and set up army men for battles.... when we read about pickett's charge and he used his math u see blocks to represent the different regiments and re-enact... when we read Burgess Bird Book and drew pictures of birds (and now my kids excitedly tell me when they see a red-winged black bird because they know how much I love to see them).

 

Much of our passion here is history - and a lot of it has been battles (can you tell my oldest two are boys, LOL!)

 

Last year we almost lost all passion. For us it was a combination of a very sick pregnancy and trying to do Classical Conversations. It was too much. And as it was 2nd ds's K year - it was way too much "filling the bucket" and not enough "lighting the fire." My hope is to make this year different for *him* in particular. He does not inspire as easily as my oldest. He doesn't beg for the next chapter (and the next and the next) like my oldest. But a week or so later he will say "Mom, remember that story where.....?) So my plan is to just keep the good books coming and they will eventually do their job of stimulating the mind and inspiring the soul.

 

I say all this to tell you that even the little passion we have does not make us perfect, does not make us example-setting intellectuals (hardly!!!) - they would choose building mud pies in the slums over holidays on the beach (to quote CS Lewis) anyday. So *I* keep fighting for the beach holiday and hope eventually they will too. (*How* to do it and what philosophies and methods is of course very individual - and probably a whole different thread.)

[runningirl71]

Just reading your posts has been so refreshing! Cynthia... I think you nailed it: *I* had these romantic ideas of how wonderful homeschooling would be and how fabulous my children would be and while there are many positives of homeschooling, I see now that there's no way reality could've measured up to my expectations.

 

I honestly thought by modeling a passion for learning, my dc would choose to spend their free time reading a good book, playing math games, or asking for my help in researching something of interest to them. But, that's just not the case.

 

LOL, I think the honeymoon phase has worn off and I'm going to have to come to terms with the fact that my kids are just plain normal! :)

 

Well, you are ahead of the game! *I'm* just realizing it isn't going to happen after 9 years!! LOL! But, I have three GREAT kids and am thankful for that!:)

[melmac]

:iagree: You and your dc sound normal to me. :)

 

:lol::lol:Oh, how we can have such romantic notions, even about home school!:lol::lol: I've thought these things in the past too. And, with each year of school I've told myself "This is the year it will happen!" Well, I'm NOT thinking that this year!!:)

 

ETA: This will be my 9th year of homeschooling!

[Peela]

Just reading your posts has been so refreshing! Cynthia... I think you nailed it: *I* had these romantic ideas of how wonderful homeschooling would be and how fabulous my children would be and while there are many positives of homeschooling, I see now that there's no way reality could've measured up to my expectations.

I honestly thought by modeling a passion for learning, my dc would choose to spend their free time reading a good book, playing math games, or asking for my help in researching something of interest to them. But, that's just not the case.

LOL, I think the honeymoon phase has worn off and I'm going to have to come to terms with the fact that my kids are just plain normal! :)

 

I nearly burned out trying to make school fun for my kids. No, they don't get excited about school. When people ask them if they like their work, they roll their eyes and say something like "it's school, what do you think? ". BUT, they do love to homeschool, because of the other things they get to do. They do have passions, just not academic ones! They tolerate their schoolwork and get on with it (and thats a goo thing, and it hasnt always been the case!).

However, *I* still get really excited about what we do. And thats got to count for something! I no longer expect them to be especially enthusiastic, but I still love to read aloud to them, to discuss books, and they do ask questions and show some interest. They are not depressed, just not particularly enthusiastic.

Your dd is young. Maybe its her personality. Maybe she just hasn't found her passion yet, and maybe it will be nothing to do with anything you think. I would never have thought Scouts would end up being the centre of our universe, lol! But it actually is! School is just what we get through so we can go to the next Scouting activity/ camp, according to the kids.

But at 7 or 8 or 9 , there was no sign of this future that is unfolding. I didn't have a clue what their passions would be, then.

[Ellie]

Dd completes her work, albeit haphazardly. She does the bare minimum required (never an ounce more). I feel as if she merely *tolerates* her lessons and doesn't really care whether she does well or not.

 

Frankly, it's driving me crazy. I don't expect her to love every subject, but I'd like her to care enough about her work to try her best.

 

Well, why do you think she should love schoolwork? She's only 8. She sees no purpose in schoolwork. She just does it because you say she has to. It means nothing to her, and that's why she doesn't care enough to "try her best."

 

Children want to learn; they just don't always want to learn the things their parents want them to learn, when the parents want them to learn it.

 

That's where unschooling fits in.:D

 

Even if you don't do anything so radical as unschooling, seems to me you have to decide whether you want her to do the schoolwork you have planned and tolerate her not loving it, or look in a different direction for her genius and go there.