Advantages/Disadvantages Starting College at 17, 18 or 19

[Nscribe]

The thread asking if 18 is on the young side to graduate high school, in light of a redshirting, trend really has me thinking. Dd and I are seriously considering allowing her an extra year of high school. She would thus be 19 when beginning graduating/beginning college (but not by much).

 

Dd could actually go one of three ways. She could graduate at 17, which would be one year earlier than if she were traditionally schooled in our area. She could graduate at 18, which would be typical. Or, she could graduate at 19. Need-based financial aid is not a realistic factor (we saved when she was very young). She will graduate having completed Calculus under any of the scenarios. Graduating early would eliminate the foreign travel she could do, and mean less pre-college training in the performing arts and fewer performance opportunities. Graduating on time would mean a compromise of some opportunities in the arts and a max of 6-9 weeks of foreign travel. Graduating at 19, she could spend up to six months traveling abroad. She is not interested in a "gap year" because if she waited until 19 she would actually want to do the travel components the later part of her sophmore and early part of her junior year.

 

I started college young, and frankly the biggest challenge was employment sufficient to pay the bills. I paid my own way and it was very difficult those first two years to access jobs that paid enough not to have to stack several jobs to make it (scholarships paid 2/3rds of the tuition/and dorm fees).

 

I don't see many discuss adding a year when the reason isn't related to sports or maturity/more time needed academically. The biggest issue I see is potentially graduating undergrad at 23, as opposed to 21 or 22. With dual enrollments/other credit in high school and summer school in undergrad, this may not be set in stone either.

 

I am just really curious what the advantages/drawbacks people may foresee or have from experience are. We are in the midst of needing to set the course for the next two years so it will be very beneficial to see what the hive says. TY in advance.

[snowbeltmom]

The age a child is for his/her grade seems to be a "hot-button" issue for many on this board.

 

In my experience, just because a child is academically and socially ready to go off to college does not necessarily mean that is the best course of action. Especially, in a home school setting when it is easier to find academic challenges and meaningful "real-life experiences" than one would have in a traditional school setting.

 

The cut-off date for my school system is August 1st. Years ago the cut-off was September 30th. A friend's dd has a September birthday and went to K on-time. She graduated high school as one of the youngest in her class at 17, which was not a problem academically or socially.

 

However, her young age has cost her an opportunity in college. She applied for a prestigious internship this summer. She was told that they really wanted to hire her for the position, but they wanted to hire someone who is at least 21 years old. They encouraged her to reapply for the summer internship when she is 21. However, she won't turn 21 until she begins her senior year of college. My friend's dd plans to apply to grad school, and this internship would have been a great resume builder. Unfortunately, her age is going to prevent that from happening.

 

I have read of another stellar student who went to college at 17. When he applied to grad school, he was accepted on the condition that he take a gap year (because of his young age relative to the other students) before he entered the program.

 

I was talking to a parent this weekend who sits on the admissions committee for medical school. He commented on the fact that the age of the students accepted into the medical school has increased since "back in the day" when he applied.

[creekland]

The only downfall I can see is for the 17 year old... and for two reasons. The first is they are not legally adults yet, so a parent will need to sign more paperwork (not really an issue as much as an inconvenience). The second is due to the age of their peers - who will mainly be older and will have the "advantage" of one (or more) laps of the sun. Maturity happens a bit during the teen/early twenties. Always being a year (or more) younger isn't always a great thing socially. It won't matter later on (in their mid 20's+), but it does seem to matter in that 17 - 21 "going away from home" situation (if that's the college plan).

 

Academically, it's not really an issue. Readiness is readiness.

 

My middle son could have easily done 4 year U (academically) at age 16 or 17, but there was nothing at all wrong with him waiting until he was 18 either - and now he definitely feels he "fits in" with his peers. To me, that is a huge plus. He enjoyed his extra year(s) at home and has no regrets.

 

Waiting until 19 will not be an issue at all IMO - esp since she has things she'd like to do. Many others will be graduating at 19 due to being held back from K or having taken a gap year. She won't be alone.

[snowbeltmom]

Waiting until 19 will not be an issue at all IMO - esp since she has things she'd like to do. Many others will be graduating at 19 due to being held back from K or having taken a gap year. She won't be alone.

 

:iagree:

 

In fact, one of the elite all-boys school in my area has a cut-off of the end of March, no exceptions. My boys have friends who attend this school with April birthdays that will be 19 when they graduate. They obviously weren't held back or taking a gap year. Based on the colleges the kids from this school attend, being 19 at graduation is certainly not viewed in a negative light.

[Nscribe]

Creekland, the point you made about legal adult status did haunt me a bit as a younger student. It was things like, establishing an account with utilities and so forth.

[creekland]

:iagree:

 

In fact, one of the elite all-boys school in my area has a cut-off of the end of March, no exceptions. My boys have friends who attend this school with April birthdays that will be 19 when they graduate. They obviously weren't held back or taking a gap year. Based on the colleges the kids from this school attend, being 19 at graduation is certainly not viewed in a negative light.

 

 

Just FTR, by "held back" I don't just mean parents choosing to hold a student back on purpose. In many cases it is due to the situation like you mention.

[Nscribe]

 

Just FTR, by "held back" I don't just mean parents choosing to hold a student back on purpose. In many cases it is due to the situation like you mention.

 

 

Dd recently told an incredulous fellow teen, "it is not being held-back, it is chill'n and being let go" :coolgleamA:

[Barbara H]

I see a big range in maturity - some 17 year olds are more mature than some 19 year olds. It is not uncommon for students to start college at 17, 18, or 19 and it won't raise a big concern in any direction. It is very common at a lot of schools for students to attend for five or six years for undergrad and again age is not a big issue. I don't think there is a magic thing where people are all across the board mature at the same age. So, I really see it as a very individual decision based on her circumstances and she should be the main one making that decision. If anything I think it takes much more maturity to travel abroad than it does to be on most college campuses.

 

Just on the practical issue of being under 18, over 18 you may still be required to co-sign for a lease or utilities. That seems to be the most common scenario. While there are exceptions to that rule, most students who attend campus away from their hometown do better to live on campus the first year of college anyway.

[FaithManor]

The only downfall I can see is for the 17 year old... and for two reasons. The first is they are not legally adults yet, so a parent will need to sign more paperwork (not really an issue as much as an inconvenience). The second is due to the age of their peers - who will mainly be older and will have the "advantage" of one (or more) laps of the sun. Maturity happens a bit during the teen/early twenties. Always being a year (or more) younger isn't always a great thing socially. It won't matter later on (in their mid 20's+), but it does seem to matter in that 17 - 21 "going away from home" situation (if that's the college plan).

 

Academically, it's not really an issue. Readiness is readiness.

 

My middle son could have easily done 4 year U (academically) at age 16 or 17, but there was nothing at all wrong with him waiting until he was 18 either - and now he definitely feels he "fits in" with his peers. To me, that is a huge plus. He enjoyed his extra year(s) at home and has no regrets.

 

Waiting until 19 will not be an issue at all IMO - esp since she has things she'd like to do. Many others will be graduating at 19 due to being held back from K or having taken a gap year. She won't be alone.

 

 

I agree with this. The legal issue is something to consider. I was 16.5 when I graduated high school, completely ready for uni. Raring to go and mature enough to handle it would be an apt description. My cousin also graduated at 16 and was taking a full load at U of Michigan well before her 17th birthday.

 

This is what happened for us....the school medical clinic was more than willing to "look the other way" and allow 17 year olds who were close to their 18th birthdays to make their own medical decisions. They were a little scared of the 16 year olds. Our parents had a bunch of waivers to sign and my resident director - a lovely 25 year old gal - had medical power of attorney to authorize health care if my parents were unavailable by phone. This came in handy when I was knocked out and received a pretty good concussion during a rather energetic intramural volleyball match.

 

Every kid is a little bit different and every decision has it's own set of pros and cons. Had my parents forced a delay on me or had my aunt and uncle done that to my cousin, there would have been serious relationship ramifications. We lived in rural areas with no colleges or uni's nearby so commuting and then transfering was not an option. Staying in high school with no more challenging classes left to take would have made us very depressed since we were ready for the challenge. I couldn't progress any further in music where I was at, and my cousin had pursued all that was left for her in ecology and environmental science...she needed to move on or lose a lot of traction. My brother, on the other hand, while academically needy of a grade skip in middle school which would have put him out of high school early, was NOT emotionally ready for that. My parents were well aware that it might create a disaster for him since his maturity lagged behind so they refused the skip. As a matter of fact, I had to fight for my grade skipping because they assumed since it was a bad option for my brother, it would be the same for me. Thankfully, they changed their mind.

 

My sister is 13 years younger and by the time she hit late elementary/early middle grades, the school and eliminated the option. She was stuck and there were no accelerated classes for her either. She was miserable and at times, clinically depressed...I see this a lot in our local ps with kids are thirsty for more and are held back with nothing to challenge them. The girls seem to turn inward, and while a few boys might, many more of them decide school is a waste of time and make trouble. It's sad. At any rate, she wasn't allowed to graduate early and it had a very negative effect on her. The only highlight was that in her senior year, with absolutely nothing to do, my parents convinced the school to let her go to Africa for a semester and work in a hospital. This was a tremendous opportunity for her and she was fortunate to get the school to agree to it. Frankly, I can tell you that the school we were in then and the district we are currently zoned for would NEVER allow it to happen. A few kids do get to do the one year foreign exchange student program, but the options are limited and volunteer work is not an option.

 

I have one that will be done with typical high school work by 15. He won't be mature enough to live on campus. He'll commute to a U of M extension campus for a little coursework to keep him busy, but we are looking at travel and volunteer opportunities to help him grow up and hopefully he'll be ready by 18, though we would not be opposed to waiting until he's 19. He is one of those kids who is academically brilliant and socially very, very shy to the point that he'd be walked on in the competitive environment of the programs he is looking at - astrophysics, engineering, and mathematics (thankfully NOT music....btdt and he would not survive that cut-throat major). We want the extra time to help him overcome this the best that he can.

 

Faith

[creekland]

 

Every kid is a little bit different and every decision has it's own set of pros and cons. Had my parents forced a delay on me or had my aunt and uncle done that to my cousin, there would have been serious relationship ramifications. We lived in rural areas with no colleges or uni's nearby so commuting and then transfering was not an option. Staying in high school with no more challenging classes left to take would have made us very depressed since we were ready for the challenge. I couldn't progress any further in music where I was at, and my cousin had pursued all that was left for her in ecology and environmental science...she needed to move on or lose a lot of traction.

Faith

 

I'm not sure how we would have handled it all without homeschooling. My guy would have been stifled in our school - and underprepared academically for his college. Homeschooling gives one a LOT of freedom - esp with the internet.

 

I'm also glad I went to a good public hs back in my day. I'd have been stifled too if there hadn't been an academically appropriate challenge.

 

I see kids at our school who could be doing so much more and I literally feel sorry for them (academically) stuck where they are.

[Penelope]

As a student back in the day, I saw plenty of idiotic behavior in college regardless of age. I don't know that 17 vs. 18 vs. 19 makes a huge difference there. I saw more of a difference between juniors and seniors than freshman. So maybe age 20-22 is where students are on average more mature. Or maybe by then they have just matured into bring on their own more, which happens regardless of what age it begins.

 

I like the idea of a gap year to gain some independence outside of a college setting, in productive pursuits that aren't all oriented around hundreds or thousands of 18 year olds being freed from parents for the first time.

[Alice]

I was 17 starting college, and didn’t turn 18 until second semester of the freshman year. It never impacted me. I don’t remember any issues with paperwork, etc because I was still a minor. However, I did have a full scholarship so didn’t need to work and lived on campus so no issues with rent or utilities.

 

I’m not sure the older age of kids going to medical school is indicative of medical schools looking for older kids vs. more kids being red-shirted and so being older, more people taking longer than 4 year to finish school and more medical schools looking for “alternative paths†meaning those who might have started as a different major and then switching to medicine or those who took some time off to do something else.

 

My kids will all graduate high school at 17 just because of when their birthdays are and when we started kindergarten. But we’re hoping they all have a gap year. This is less about being a certain age to enter college in my mind and more about having the freedom to explore opportunities outside of the formal school environment.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Like, Alice, I started college at 17 and didn't turn 18 until mid year. I don't remember any legal impacts either and I was living in another country from my parents so had to open my own bank accounts etc. The only impact I remember was that I wasn't legally able to drink and many of my peers were but by that time I was leaving alcohol (had a bad history with alcohol starting from when I was 11) and was able to just tell people no. I was sexually assaulted while at school but that was due to naivete from not having been taught and I don't think was specifically due to age, though it could have contributed. (By that you realize that I'm not blaming the victim but do see the benefits of having certain street smarts for safety sake.) I had no problems in academics and tutored 90% of my classes while taking them.

[Nscribe]

I see a big range in maturity - some 17 year olds are more mature than some 19 year olds. ...

It is very common at a lot of schools for students to attend for five or six years for undergrad and again age is not a big issue. ...

If anything I think it takes much more maturity to travel abroad than it does to be on most college campuses.

Most of the travel she would do would be with either us or her grandparents. She is mature, but the world is just different now. KWIM?

 

 

(thankfully NOT music....btdt and he would not survive that cut-throat major).

Faith

Because of her strong interest/talent with performing arts, she wants a school she can double major or major/minor. How do I say this...I think hanging with the performing arts crowd with the freedom of being away from home might benefit from a wee bit more time to mature? What do you think?

 

 

I'm not sure how we would have handled it all without homeschooling. My guy would have been stifled in our school - and underprepared academically for his college. Homeschooling gives one a LOT of freedom - esp with the internet.

This was a large part of the decision to homeschool for us in the first place. Things are changing so quickly even now in terms of how one can educate, these kids in high school today are living in revolutionary times in terms of the pace of change.

 

I like the idea of a gap year to gain some independence outside of a college setting, in productive pursuits that aren't all oriented around hundreds or thousands of 18 year olds being freed from parents for the first time.

Someone in the other thread asked, "how would they spend that extra year?" That really seems to be the question.

 

My kids will all graduate high school at 17 just because of when their birthdays are and when we started kindergarten. But we’re hoping they all have a gap year. This is less about being a certain age to enter college in my mind and more about having the freedom to explore opportunities outside of the formal school environment.

One part of this for us has been Grandparents. Dd is really blessed with a couple who are just amazing people, providing her daily with examples of how living and learning goes well into your late seventies and 80's. Their example reminds me that we wind up living many lives along the way. While the education she receives from her interaction is not formal, it sure is valuable.

 

----

I saw a bit on TV today with Thomas Friedman talking on a panel about MOOC's (especially Coursera). It especially sent my thinking spinning further. He noted how rapid the rate of change in education will be at this point. It really is hard to know what to do for those who are coming of age in this period.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

The thread asking if 18 is on the young side to graduate high school, in light of a redshirting, trend really has me thinking. Dd and I are seriously considering allowing her an extra year of high school. She would thus be 19 when beginning graduating/beginning college (but not by much).

 

Dd could actually go one of three ways. She could graduate at 17, which would be one year earlier than if she were traditionally schooled in our area. She could graduate at 18, which would be typical. Or, she could graduate at 19. Need-based financial aid is not a realistic factor (we saved when she was very young). She will graduate having completed Calculus under any of the scenarios. Graduating early would eliminate the foreign travel she could do, and mean less pre-college training in the performing arts and fewer performance opportunities. Graduating on time would mean a compromise of some opportunities in the arts and a max of 6-9 weeks of foreign travel. Graduating at 19, she could spend up to six months traveling abroad. She is not interested in a "gap year" because if she waited until 19 she would actually want to do the travel components the later part of her sophmore and early part of her junior year.

 

I started college young, and frankly the biggest challenge was employment sufficient to pay the bills. I paid my own way and it was very difficult those first two years to access jobs that paid enough not to have to stack several jobs to make it (scholarships paid 2/3rds of the tuition/and dorm fees).

 

I don't see many discuss adding a year when the reason isn't related to sports or maturity/more time needed academically. The biggest issue I see is potentially graduating undergrad at 23, as opposed to 21 or 22. With dual enrollments/other credit in high school and summer school in undergrad, this may not be set in stone either.

 

I am just really curious what the advantages/drawbacks people may foresee or have from experience are. We are in the midst of needing to set the course for the next two years so it will be very beneficial to see what the hive says. TY in advance.

 

I'm close to someone who turned 17 as he entered college. He's commented on a couple issues. There was a wide age/experience gap between him and his classmates. He was a pretty young looking teen. And it wasn't the easiest to be on a campus with 20+ year olds. He could not legally drink all the way through graduation. This mostly meant that he did not drink, which was probably for the best. However, it could have also put him into a position of feeling pressured to break the law in order to fit in at parties. He was also not old enough to get an ROTC scholarship freshman year. Fortunately, he was able to get a 3 year scholarship as a sophomore, but these days 2 & 3 year scholarships are very rare.

[Nscribe]

I wonder how much of it would all depend in part on which college as well? Younger at big state U versus younger at small private LAC?

 

I really don't have a strong general feeling about college and start ages. I have seen too many of those situations where right for one kid is not right for the other. It has made me really trust that families generally make the right decisions for their own kids. Within my own family it went all sorts of ways, me very young, sisters right on "time" and brother redshirted. We all did very well, all were able early, but it just suited some to sprint, some others to cruise.

 

There have been some great tidbits in the responses. TY, keep it coming!

[creekland]

I was 17 starting college, and didn’t turn 18 until second semester of the freshman year. It never impacted me. I don’t remember any issues with paperwork, etc because I was still a minor. However, I did have a full scholarship so didn’t need to work and lived on campus so no issues with rent or utilities.

 

 

I think the majority of the inconveniences of paperwork with minors is due to the changing times. There wasn't nearly as much ps paperwork parents had to do back in "my" day as there is now either - or paperwork at the doctor's office or for sports or, well, pretty much anything.

 

Still, that's all an inconvenience more than an issue IMO. Paperwork can be signed as needed.

 

Academics is not an issue really. Some are academically ready at a really young age and others a little bit older. When they're ready, they're ready whether 14 or 20.

 

Maturity differs too (rather than one age is "it"), but life experience via laps around the sun tends to go up with more laps. Many lessons we learn are "life" lessons rather than academic. This is the reason we opted to wait until 18 rather than sending my guy off earlier. I have no regrets. He'd have done fine academically and maturity/behavior-wise earlier, but he learned a ton in those last couple of laps around the sun before going. We enjoyed the time with him too.

[Vida Winter]

I graduated at 16 and immediately started college. I chose to co-op in the engineering field which required several semesters of full-time work, and by the time I finished college (with no debt as a result of my co-op salary), my age difference was all caught up and I had two years of work experience.

[Nscribe]

I should not have clicked on the "having a hard time letting go" thread on the college board, given DD is an only I may have to start thinking about how to add 2 more years..... :crying:

[history_junkie]

I turned 18 about two weeks into my freshman year. The only issue I had was having to resign a bunch of paperwork that year, and getting sick the first week and having to ask my roommate to buy me some Sudafed :-)

 

I do remember that on one of my study abroad trips we had a few students under 18 and the professor had to sign things for them and maybe check them into the hotels. It wasn't a big deal, but I do remember something about it.

 

Another factor may be how old the student looks. In my case, it was kind of funny because people assumed I was a senior when I was a freshman, and a "young" freshman at that. But if you have an academically brilliant 16 year old but looks like she's 12, that could present some social problems worth considering. I tutored a student who was 15 and while she was certainly brilliant, she looked like a scared little kid and didn't last the year.

[rieshy]

I looked very young- when I graduated from college at barely 20- it was hard to get people to take me seriously at job interviews. Granted this was in the 80's and I was not only young but petite and female.

 

My dd (also petite and young looking) could have graduated at 17 but she choose to have a second senior year. It took some finagling of delaying an English class, but she was offered the opportunity to be mentored by her piano teacher (at a local university) for an extra year and take an extra year of German. She plans to double major in piano and German. It was entirely her choice- but she jumped at the chance even though all her friends graduated. This daughter was already mature and had already studied abroad for a summer but I have to admit that the extra year at home was an excellent choice.

 

She ended up getting a full scholarship to her first choice school. The other plus is that even though I already thought she was mature, this last year has really put a polish on her and she is finally starting to look her age.

[Jenny in Florida]

Both of my kids are performers, too. And each one is doing/has done college a little differently.

 

My daughter, who wasn't sure when she left home that theatre was really her destination, went into an early entrance college program at age 12. Although the experience wasn't all rosy, and she carried a lot of ambivalence about it for the first year or so after graduation, she now very much appreciates the time and freedom having her degree under her belt early has given her. At 18, she's working in her first "real" entertainment job, continuing to train in dance, voice and acting, doing shows whenever she can and stashing away a nest egg that will allow her to move to the big city when she feels ready to take that step. She looks around her sometimes at her local friends who are just now graduating from high school and simply cannot imagine how miserable she would have been cooling her heels all of that time.

 

My son is now 15 and could complete all of the typical high school graduation requirements by this time next year. (He "skipped a grade" when we started him in high school so that he could stay with his friends in activities and will be starting dual enrollment at the local community college in August.) We've been having nearly endless discussions about "the plan" for him, whether he would try and audition into the dance pre-major at the community college for this fall and go directly into the A.A. program with an eye toward transferring to a four-year university and finishing his bachelor's at 19 or whether it would be better for him to just consider dual enrollment "high school" and apply to four-year programs as a fresheman two years from now (which would have him starting college full time at 17) . . . or something in between or entirely else.

 

He is very conscious of the fact that a dancer has only a certain window in which to dance professionally, and there are days when he feels strongly that sooner is better. On the other hand, we all know that injury is a real risk, and I hate the idea of sending him out into the world without the resources and educational background to change his focus if/when necessary.

 

As of this very moment, I think his plan is to try and combine dual-enrollment-as-high-school with laying the groundwork for a back-up plan -- earning a certificate in theatre tech -- while continuing to train and prep for entrance to a four-year dance program in a couple of years. Assuming he does follow this path, he'll start full-time, residential college at 17 (turning 18 about the middle of the second semester), with two years of community college already under his belt. I have no concerns at all that he will be absolutely fine to be successful and happy in college by that point.

[flyingiguana]

Being mature enough to do college may not be the same as being mature enough to know what one wants to do with life. Some kids seem to instinctively know that they need another year to figure that out, before landing in college and having to choose NOW.

 

If a kid has some concrete goals for the year before college, even if they'll be "old" when they get there, I say encourage them to do it. Even if the goals are things like "read more books", they're still getting the time to figure out what they want to do. With the internet these days, one can get a fairly good informal education -- meaning it's possible to figure out, before college, what fields might be more interesting and which look dull.

 

The only drawback I see is that they will be legally able to buy alcohol before some of their peers. And some of those underage peers may pressure them to buy the alcohol for them.

 

My daughter started a year "late" because she just wanted more time to figure things out. She'd been academically ready for years, but just being able to do the classes isn't all of what college is about. Anyway, by waiting, she's ended up being one of the stellar students, rather just one of the pack.

 

She discovered that there were a number of kids who entered at her age, for whatever reason. A lot of kids work for a bit after graduating high school. They seem to be the ones who have more direction about what they want to do. A lot of the kids who enter directly after high school, at the "right" age seem to be more interested in partying, because, frankly, they just see college as a way to get away from mom and dad and not a stepping stone on to the rest of life. (Not all kids, obviously -- just talking general trends here)

[Nscribe]

... frankly, they just see college as a way to get away from mom and dad and not a stepping stone on to the rest of life. (Not all kids, obviously -- just talking general trends here)

 

 

Dd is part of a homeschooling cohort (for lack of a better term) of the same age and which tends to be very bright and able. Every one of them has chosen to graduate a year early: 1 - because the can and 2- because they are each in their own way hungry from independence. Dd is very aware of their reasons, but doesn't feel at all the need to follow the pack. What concerns me a bit, is that while she might not now be in favor of taking her sweet time, things may feel very different when they begin to move on 2 years from now. On the other hand, she is very different in so many ways from them. They are all close, but she is by far the most outgoing and likely to have many circles of friends from a big variety of areas. The only thing that sometimes makes her question her path is the occassional encounter with someone who assumes it is due to her not be as advanced or that something must be "wrong". Neither of which is true in any sense, she really is just a very enthusiastic learner with a huge array of interests and a lot of talents. I would add, being an only child she sees family and independence in a different way than the cohort, she long ago was part of a small unit in which she has a great deal of voice and autonomy.

 

I am greatly appreciating all the feedback. It is helping me to think and explore and challenge the issues Dd and I are thinking through. Love the Hive for this.

[FaithManor]

I looked very young- when I graduated from college at barely 20- it was hard to get people to take me seriously at job interviews. Granted this was in the 80's and I was not only young but petite and female.

 

 

 

Boy, can I relate! It doesn't get better when you turn 18. Since I graduated at 16/16.5 somewhere in there, I graduated college at 20 and got married the same year. The following year, 21 years of age, we checked into a lovely hotel for our first wedding anniversary and decided so spend some time in the sauna...I took my rings off and left them locked in my suitcase in my room. Sure enough, the sign was "no one under 18 permitted in the sauna or jacuzzi" and when I tried to enter with hubby, they told him he couldn't take his little sister. All attempts to assure them that I was A. 21 and B. MARRIED, did nothing. I had to troop upstairs, get my driver's license, and go prove my age to the hotel manager. The manager ended up rather embarassed that I had to go through that on an anniversary so he comped the room for the night...nice for us. But, at the time, I was pretty miffed about my "baby face". It didn't help that I weighed about 105 and was flat chested, or as the Hive puts it, packing tracts and not booKs. LOL

 

Believe me, a couple of years later at only 22 and working as an adjunct professor/TA, I can tell you that the incoming freshman class looked like a bunch of middle schoolers! So, there is NOTHING that can be done about looking young and one more year of high school definitely does not guarantee that this issue gets better. Some people just look young and will continue to do so for a very long time. It's not so bad now! I'm 45 and very, very few people who do not personally know my age think I'm old enough to have a 21 year old daughter getting married this Saturday!

 

Of course, I'm on this thread because I'm tired of hemming fabric table skirting. :svengo: Back to the grind!

 

Faith

[Jean in Newcastle]

Faith - I had similar experiences with looking young. And waiting to start college at 18 wouldn't have helped one tiny bit! I was out of college and teaching high school and I got asked out by a student. I told him "No, I'm a teacher." and he said "That's ok!" Um. No, it isn't! (I got asked out as a high school teacher by high school boys much more than I had ever been asked out by high school boys when I was actually in high school. I must have finally looked old enough. And no, none of these kids were in my classes and it was a huge high school where they didn't know me.)

[Nscribe]

Both of my kids are performers, too.

...

He is very conscious of the fact that a dancer has only a certain window in which to dance professionally, and there are days when he feels strongly that sooner is better. On the other hand, we all know that injury is a real risk, and I hate the idea of sending him out into the world without the resources and educational background to change his focus if/when necessary.

 

 

 

Jenny, I am so glad you added to the discussion. The performing arts piece of the decision complicates it for us a bit. It helps that while Dd spends about 8 hours a week in dance classes, she knows that dance is not the end game for her. She is the "triple threat" type, and while her dance is at the competitive level, voice is her strongest and drama a close second. Because it is three pronged, the time she spends to continue strengthening simultaneously in each is great. We just found out her voice coach thinks she should take on a second voice coach so that the first can can continue to focus on classical techniqe/opera, while the new one will focus on broadway and pop. That is another time sink in Dd's already very pressed schedule we are sorting out.

 

Dd doesn't want to compromise academics for the rest. She is driven there as well. Fortunately, she is grounded enough to know that trying to have it all can mean doing none of it extremely well. Her aspirations are about trying to find that nitch that works for her, and not defined by success equating to a starring role on broadway or such. She is very clear that right now, she wants to work on doing her best now and taking the time to find what will work for tomorrow. Trying to know what she will be doing in ten years is like shooting dart in a dark room at moving targets. As long as she is working hard and taking full advantages of her opportunties, DH and I are content to give her that time.

[Nan in Mass]

I would just like to put in a strong vote for travel and time with the grandparents. We altered our children's eduation to include these things and it was probably the best educational decision we ever made. Time with the grandparents alone would have made homeschooling worthwhile. The same could be said of the travel. Those things separately have made my children who they are, and the times when they were combined have been the happiest times of their lives.

 

Nan