My ds7 bored and sad---need suggestions

[Scarlett]

My ds7, an only, has lost tv and computer time indefinitely. Lets just say he needs an attitude adjustment and losing those things REALLY hurts him, but beyond it being a consequence, I felt tv and computer was actually contributing to his bad attitude. Whining, complaining, talking back, not obeying the first time and generally ALWAYS having something else to say about everything.

 

Anyway, this has been since last Thursday I think. This afternoon is the first time he has really begged for tv. He cried and said he was bored and had used up all his imagination playing outside alone--which indeed he did do for several hours. He waited patiently for his friend to get home from school only to be told he can't play today. Ds cried some more.

 

So...I guess I am looking for reassurance that I am making the right decision to severely restrict the tv and computer from this screen addict child of mine...and also I would like some suggestions for keeping busy. At the end of the day especially, when I am brain dead and just want to get supper over with and collapse. This is often the time when he has been allowed to veg out on tv for an hour or more. As I'm typing this I just realized I've neglected the library and really need to go get this boy some books to read on his own. So suggestions in that area would be helpful as well. He is a good reader...Easily reads Magic Tree House....in fact those are probably below his ability level.

[Claire]

He sounds lonely. Are you his only company during the day? It also sounds as if he would benefit from more physical activity in his life. Can you take him out for walks, running, shooting baskets, that kind of thing? At the very least I would probably invest in some equipment that would allow him to practice sports.

 

I don't think you were wrong to take away screen time, although losing everything for an indefinite period of time sounds very drastic. Does he have a way of earning screen time? If he had some jobs to do around the house that would earn him screen time, that might help keep him busy.

[Jean in Newcastle]

You are absolutely doing the right thing!

 

Let's see: legos, drawing/art activities, soap carving (with a poscicle cut into a "knife"), make a fort with a blanket and the dining room chairs (read the new library books under there with a flashlight!), make an obstacle course in the family room and have him time himself as he goes through it. . .

[lynn]

indefinate may be a little much for a 7 year old.

[SnowWhite]

Books on tape, board games with you, card games with you, art, cooking, building a model. . .

[Adrianne]

At 7 time is not a definite concept and it might help him to achieve his better attitude if there was a goal to reach.

 

When my ds9 acts up this way, I like to use a positive/negative reward system. For instance, today he got 15 extra minutes TV time (he gets 30 mins daily). Now, for every bad comment, attitude, whine, or complaint he loses one minute. This works very well for helping him to change is bad habit into a good one.

 

I have come to the conclusion that the bad attitudes are a result of their inability to communicate in an effective positive way. Whining or negative comments get attention (even negative attention) so therefore they do it. After a while it becomes a bad habit that they do without thinking. If you can change this bad habit into a good one (positive comments) then life is better for them in the long one.

 

Taking away the TV indefinitely is punitive but is not teaching him the proper way to behave.

 

Good luck, I know frustrated you are!

 

Adrianne

[Scarlett]

Ok, I am hearing you that 'indefinitely' is too long for a 7 yo. I didn't impose that time period as punishment, but rather because I think the tv and computer affect him adversely. I find it difficult to add time back in. One half hour of tv time and he is begging for more or I forget to make him turn it off.

 

So that confuses me. :( I don't know how to let him have a little tv time. I would think no tv time would not kill him.

 

Still thinking and listening. I do like the suggestions of more physical activities. I need to get out of the house with him more.....

[Adrianne]

I commend you for your attempt to go TV free! It allows time for more creative play. I was just trying to help you deal with the bad attitude issue. (begging being another one). He gets what he wants and you get what you want.

 

Is he involved in an outside activity of some sort? Maybe once or twice a week, something regular he could focus on and look forward to?

 

We have a Geosafari, it is like a question and answer electronic game. you put in a card and then answer questions on many topics. That is educational and interactive. It keeps my boys busy for quite a while and they are learning in the process.

 

Adrianne :)

[myfunnybunch]

Setting up an afternoon game or activity time, something for the two of you to do together. Legos, an art project, fun experiments, building a fort, whatever tickles his fancy.

 

My boys tend to get rambunctious and/or bored in the late afternoon, so I started project time. They can choose to read quietly on their beds, or they can do a quiet activity (puzzles, drawing, Legos), or they can do the afternoon activity with me. I try to make the activities a little more special, something they might not get to do on their own, like painting. Today we made dragon puppets for Chinese New Year. A little structure in the middle of the afternoon seems to help. On occasion, if I'm wiped out or very busy, I will put on a half-hour educational show for a treat, only on the condition that they not beg for more time or ask to watch a show every day.

 

If he needs a little social time, can you try to schedule more play time with a friend or two?

 

My ds, also 7, is a screen addict as well, so I completely get the idea that your guy needs to take a break because of the way it's affecting his attitude. I think that's a reasonable decision. Have you offered him a possible ending to this no screen time, like "We'll try again in three months/when you're eight/when you have done xyz"? Having a more concrete definition of when/how/if this will end may help.

 

My last thought: It sounds like it's been less than a week. He's having to learn new habits and ways to entertain himself, so it may take some time.

 

Cat

[RoughCollie]

DS2 recommends:

 

Deltora Quest series (Emily Rhodda)

Animorph Series (K. A. Applegate)

The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Fairy Tales (Jon Scieszka)

The Time Warp Trio series (Jon Scieszka)

The Magic School Bus series (Joanna Cole; science)

Let's Read and Find Out series (science)

Encyclopedia Brown (Donald J. Sobol)

Captain Underpants series (Dav Pilkey)

The Secrets of Droon series (Tony Abbott)

Space Brat (Bruce Coville)

The Adventures of the Bailey School Kids series (such as "Dragons Don'tCook Pizza") (Debbie Dadey)

A to Z Mystery Series (Ron Roy)

Nate the Great series (Marjorie Sharmat)

Bunnicula: A Rabbit-Tale of Mystery (Deborah Howe)

Marvin Redpost series (Louis Sachar)

Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle (Betty MacDonald)

Third Grade Detectives series (George E. Stanley)

Zack Files series (Dan Greenburg)

The Spiderwick Chronicles (Holly Black and Tony DiTerlizzi )

Freckle Juice (Judy Blume)

Cody Unplugged (Betsy Duffey)

Aliens for Breakfast - series (Etra, Jonathan)

Black Lagoon series (Mike Thaler)

Roald Dahl

L. Frank Baum (Oz series)

 

 

Edited to add:

 

Goosebumps series. DS2 says he and his brothers loved that series and it didn't hurt them one bit, despite my dislike for it, so the books should be on the list. Also, the boys liked books by Dan Gutman and the Arthur chapter books (Mark Brown). DS3 puts in a hearty recommendation for the Blaze books by C. W. Anderson.

 

And, although I feared it would at the time, books set in schools did not make my sons want to leave homeschool.

 

A lot of the time, I Googled "Xth grade reading list" and found lots of books suggestions. The best ones were at libraries which had them categorized by fiction type and age.

 

Here is a huge list of books for reading levels 2.5 to 3.7:

 

http://home.comcast.net/~ngiansante/gradethree.html

 

 

 

As I'm typing this I just realized I've neglected the library and really need to go get this boy some books to read on his own. So suggestions in that area would be helpful as well. He is a good reader...Easily reads Magic Tree House....in fact those are probably below his ability level.

[Scarlett]

I printed the list....never heard of any of these. ???? Your ds2 is how old?

 

Thanks....

 

Scarlett

[RoughCollie]

DS2 is 13. He is a triplet. He and his brothers read the books on the list in 2nd and 3rd grade (and for some, 4th). They read a lot more than those, these are just the ones they can recall off the top of their heads. They didn't remember all the author's names, so I looked up some of them on Amazon.

 

Most of these books are what I call fluffy books -- pure entertainment.

 

We are a family of avid readers, except DD isn't quite so obsessed with reading as the rest of us are.

 

I printed the list....never heard of any of these. ???? Your ds2 is how old?

 

Thanks....

 

Scarlett

[Scarlett]

I think I was really tired last night..I see you have a signature line and I could have read that and then remembered you have the triplets. Also, I read your list this morning and I do recognize many of these books and series. I have the list printed and we are off to the library today after piano. He just finished a set of Jigsaw Jones that I bought for him.

 

Thanks again everyone for all your ideas. I did let him watch a bit of tv last night. And I will think on ways to add back in half hour a day or so if he earns it. The last few days he's been saying, 'Mom have I been a good enough boy to watch tv now?' :( I told him it wasn't because he was a bad boy...but rather because too much tv is bad for the brain...especially 7 yo developing brains.

[Tammyla]

Does he take any lessons or activities outside the home like gym, swimming, art, basketball, soccer, art, music, 4-H, youth group or something?

 

FOR limited TV dump the cable and only allow dvd shows or taped ones. You can eaisly control what and how much this way.

 

Consider some simple around the house activites for him to become more involved in. Dusting, sweeping, taking out the trash, laundry or other simple things he can be a help with to you. This will include him and benefit everyone.

 

I'd try not to make this into a punishment, but more of a good for you habit. And try not to expect him to entertain himself all day. Sounds like he needs more activity, and new friends. Try a trip to the park and a picnic. Wear him out and then enjoy a nice quiet evening yourself.

 

[Brigitte]

Get a magic trick set. Usborne has some. Learning a new skill that is fun, exciting, and no one else knows will be fun for him. Just a thought.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I firmly believe that you can't just take something that "immediately gratifying" away without putting something much better in it's place. If you really want to do this, then the times he used to spend mesmerized by the t.v. should be times he's mesmerized by a wonderful book on tape (or better yet, read to him by you). Or he's so busy playing games and all the other wonderful activities suggested here that he doesn't even think about that box sitting in the corner. (And if you're really serious about no t.v. then there should be no box sitting in the corner.)

 

And it should absolutely not be tied in anyway to his behavior. If he lost t.v. in the first place as a consequence, then he should gain it again as a consequence. Then you can start to wean him off of the "t.v. habit". Read him the book "The Berenstain bears and the t.v. Habit" - not great literature but it does talk very nicely about this very issue! If you want to limit t.v. then you should start to have set t.v. times - not just anytime you need an electronic babysitter or when he's bored and doesn't want to work a bit to entertain himself. If supper-making time is a problem then you need to decide if the electronic babysitter is really what you want. If it is, then make it a bit more wholesome with videos and dvds on all sorts of wonderful subjects - good fun shows with nice storylines, science videos, etc. If you want to wean away from that and I got the idea that you do, then you need to bring him into the kitchen with you. A 7 year old boy can peel carrots and other vegetables, get you stuff from the fridge, help open cans with the can opener, measure ingredients and throw them into the pot or bowl for you, help stir, help taste!, sweep the kitchen floor, set the table, get out vitamins. You can have books on tape or fun music on to listen to and dance to as you work together. You can give him art things to do at the counter while you work and you both talk about silly things.

 

But you will have to engage his attention and make it interesting for him. I don't mean you have to make yourself into a clown and that if he complains at all that you aren't doing your job! Kids complain about eating nutritious vegetables and we still make them eat them but that doesn't mean we can't make them as enticing as possible!

[JudoMom]

Ok, I am hearing you that 'indefinitely' is too long for a 7 yo. I didn't impose that time period as punishment, but rather because I think the tv and computer affect him adversely. I find it difficult to add time back in. One half hour of tv time and he is begging for more or I forget to make him turn it off.

 

So that confuses me. :( I don't know how to let him have a little tv time. I would think no tv time would not kill him.

 

Still thinking and listening. I do like the suggestions of more physical activities. I need to get out of the house with him more.....

 

We once took away video/computer games when our older boys were 5 & 4. They'd been playing the games a lot over the winter, it warmed up and they did not want to go outside. So we took them away indefinitely. It turned out to be a year, and I don't regret 1 minute of it. Now they have 30 minutes on Saturday and 30 on Sunday and it's not an issue (most of the time).

 

All of this to say--if you feel TV is an issue, I don't see anything wrong with you taking it away until you feel his habit is broken, then consider adding it back in however you wish. I've taken TV away completely from my boys, too, at various times when I feel it's invading their imaginations or affecting their attitudes.

 

My boys really enjoy the Klutz Books: We have Paper Airplanes, Pipe Cleaners, Twirling Paper, Magic Tricks, and an Origami book.

[Guest Lorna]

Books on tape, board games with you, card games with you, art, cooking, building a model. . .

You are really doing the right thing. At seven you can distract him but for the first few weeks go out of your way to play games, buy him exciting new craft things, small packets of Lego models, read to him and download lots of audio books. He will adjust and begin to make his own entertainment but you are competing with a very compulsive master. It is perfectly acceptable to take a trip to the cinema or theatre too.

This is a great thing to do. It really does make all the difference but with an only child it will be a lot more work for you for a few weeks.