Having an identity crisis....need some perspective if you have a minute.

[urban_mom]

I know I shouldn't complain b/c I'm sure many of you live in the country or have lots of kids and are busy every second with things that are meaningful, so this is going to sound like I'm pampered or something, but here is is:

 

I'm BORED! I've always been easily bored and the type that wants to feel like there is a purpose behind everything I do. The problem is, I can't seem to find my place or something. We live in the city, with the idea of doing a lot of urban ministry and liking the hustle and bustle of city life. however, there is not so much hustle and bustle for a sahm of two little kids. I'm surrounded by women who work and have ended up alone with my kids most of the time. We don't have much of a community, except at church, but I'm literally the ONLY sahm at my church (wait, there is one other). We live in a condo-type home which requires little maintenance and we have about 3 feet of grass so yard-work isn't much. My big "outside work" is hosing off the bird poop that lands on our walkway from our neighbor's house.

 

The urban ministry idea is important to me, but if you're going to be a sahm, you don't have much time to do much. The other women I know who do work for social justice, etc, have JOBS in that area, so they aren't looking for childcare all the time so that they can sneak out and do "something". My angle in ministry was that I wanted to have an open home to the kids of the neighborhood, etc, but I'm realizing that no one's kids are home in the day! They are all in the public schools and then in after-school programs until dinner time!

 

Anyway, I get up and clean up the house, and then basically entertain the kids. Is that what motherhood was supposed to be? Sitting at the pool or sitting at the park all day? Or, in the cold chicago winters, driving around trying to find a McDonald's playground to hang out at? We are homeschooling, but with a 5 y/o that isn't much of a time commitment yet.

 

Then, in the evening, I feel like my husband and I kinda chill and feel bored. I probably don't have enough work to do around here, but I feel this huge "life is meaningless" feeling right now! I'm also just probably lonely because I don't have a lot of other women around me doing the same thing. I have a very high expectiation for myself and for how we raise our kids which is why I want to homeschool and all, but I'm not sure I'm doing this right. I feel like I have to get up and fill these long hours every day and I'm so bored of it! I'm probably ADHD or something, but it's making me really depressed right now.

 

Maybe this is sort of an "urban phenomenon"....I need a farm. ;)

[Sarah CB]

I think you're in a great place to reach out to people in your area. Can you start hanging out at local parks on the weekends and connecting with some of the working parents at that time? I imagine there are huge needs in your community and you're probably not the only parent who feels lonely and disconnected. There are likely parents who are scrambling to find after school care for their children and are worried about where they are, there are likely single parents there who feel lonely and don't have anyone to talk to who would really appreciate someone who listened while all of the kids played. I know it's hard to get integrated when everyone is so busy, but if you try going to the places where they go during the times that they're home you may be able to make some connections.

[Remudamom]

Well, I'm in the country, and although there is plenty for me to do I'm still the only mom of my type around here doing it. I don't see a dang thing wrong with entertaining/enjoying/just being with your kids. How great.

 

Boredom is a mindset. What you are doing is very important, and it sounds like fun to me. My kids get about two hours a summer at a pool, when their grandpa comes to visit and stays in a hotel in the next town. Pool in the summer sounds great.

 

Are your kids still in preschool? Maybe you could schedule something during those times. Let the church know you are available for whatever in those hours?

 

I'll tell you what I tell my kids when they were foolish enough to say "I'm bored". Get to work. Why not study a language, get ahead on Latin before the kids are old enough to learn it?

[urban_mom]

Well, I'm in the country, and although there is plenty for me to do I'm still the only mom of my type around here doing it. I don't see a dang thing wrong with entertaining/enjoying/just being with your kids. How great.

 

Boredom is a mindset. What you are doing is very important, and it sounds like fun to me. My kids get about two hours a summer at a pool, when their grandpa comes to visit and stays in a hotel in the next town. Pool in the summer sounds great.

 

Are your kids still in preschool? Maybe you could schedule something during those times. Let the church know you are available for whatever in those hours?

 

I'll tell you what I tell my kids when they were foolish enough to say "I'm bored". Get to work. Why not study a language, get ahead on Latin before the kids are old enough to learn it?

 

 

You are right that boredom is a mindset, and I know I could learn a language, (I bought a book to learn Russian this year...hasn't happened. Who knew they had their own alphabet?! It's hard! Haha) but I think it may have something to do with how I get my creative energy or something. I'm a HUGE people person and being the only adult around all day makes me kinda depressed. It's probably why I spend too much time on the computer. I'm looking for inspiration from others all the time! I'll sit down to do something like read a book or work on a project and I Just feel tormented with anxiety and thoughts like "WHY are you doing this? Who cares if you learn Russian? No one! When will anyone care what you are doing?! How will this help anyone!" Then I think (and I know this is really bad but I can't help it): "WHY bother teaching your daughter Latin? If she's going to grow up and be a sahm, then when will any of this matter in her life? If her time will be spent driving kids around and wiping off counters, then won't she just be sad that she has all this knowledge and nothing to do with it?" I had a great college education and used to love sitting around talking about all the cool stuff that I learned, but now I feel like I may as well have not bothered with college because how am I using this knowledge?

 

Like I said: major identitiy crisis. Sorry, because I know I wound like a spaz. And it probably is a HUGE mindset problem. And I think I'm depressed or something...

[Renee in NC]

I felt the same way when I was home all the time. We *did* live in the country, though, and we had a small farm. It was terrible! I spent a lot of time on the computer for the same reasons - I needed some kind of interaction, I couldn't afford to actually drive anywhere (when we did have 2 working vehicles), and I was just BORED!

 

I work now, and it is much better. I do hope to find a balance (work less and stay home more), but I don't know that I could ever go back to the "stay home all the time" idea. I need to interact, use my brain for more than housework, and feel like I am doing something other than just wife and mom. Most people seem to have no problem with that, but I need more than homeschooling and housewifing!

 

It would be nice if we were financially comfortable (or REALLY comfortable LOL) because that would open some other options for me. Maybe someday I'll either get over it or figure out how I can do some of the things I want to do (volunteer, study, attend cultural events, etc.)

 

So, all that to say, No, you are not a spaz.

[TXMomof4]

I was just thinking yesterday, "I'm bored!" Of course it wasn't because there weren't things to be done, I just didn't want to do them.

 

As far as finding ways to serve others, how about seeing if there are any elderly people from your church who would enjoy a visit from you and your sweet children? That means SO much to them. You could bake cookies with your kids and teach them that serving means sometimes sitting on your tush listening to old stories. Or maybe you could see about getting a "dinner party" time for your acquaintances at church where you all get together and put together casseroles to go in each other's freezers....and maybe a few for homebound people. Take your kids to the animal shelter and let them love on the animals and see what kind of help they might need. Obviously you don't want your 3 yo scooping poop, but even just loving on them could be a big benefit for everyone involved. I know in our neighborhood there are a LOT of nannies that are at home all day with the kids. I see them at McDonalds playground all the time. That might be a huge area you could be of service....just being friendly with them. They are quite likely as bored as you are! In our area there is a little bit of a language barrier with a lot of them, but it makes it all the more challenging! I'm involved with a soldier care ministry.....get your kids involved in making cards for the troops and then send them to me. We're trying to get 10,000 cards together for Christmas this year. We need all the help we can get. No matter how you feel about the war, those men and women are making huge sacrifices and would love to know they are loved and cared for. Again, you'd be teaching your kids a lot about service also.

 

Just a few ideas to get you going. Hope that helps!

 

ETA: I find myself going down this road alot. Especially with DH gone, I spend a good portion of my day feeling sorry for myself and my situation - unless I choose not to. It is a decision I have to make every day, but if I get up with a plan of attack I do much better. The days are endless and miserable if I sit and wait for someone else to take care of my boredom. I'm not being snarky here....completely talking about myself here.

[orangeblossom]

I get the same way. I'm a doer. I have to be doing something and schooling my kids doesn't fill the void.

Especially now that they are getting older and more independent in their work.

What I've done to help, is to take my kids to do some volunteer work. There are crafts to assemble and rooms to set up for Sunday School at our church. We go in and do that on Fridays. We also get involved in the camps at church. I took over running a homeschool group, which is right up my alley, but it's only twice a month, so it's not that time consuming. I've also discovered that I have a "I hate clutter" bug, so I'm constantly cleaning out and getting rid of unused stuff. My house is pretty void of clutter but it makes me feel better to get rid of things. I also tend to rearrange the furniture out of boredom. All these things make me feel like I'm accomplishing something.

Remember though, this is only a season...as your kids get older (which goes fast), you can find some common interests and all go do things together. You'll also be freer to pursue your interests.

You might want to find something that interests you and jump into it in the evenings and weekends for now. You need to have something for you or you'll go crazy. I know from experience.

[urban_mom]

into a water oasis (baby pool, sprinkler, etc) for my 3 y/o ds. Between blowing up the pool, washing it out, filing it up, (oh, I cut the tiny bit of grass first) and then bringing out toys and cups and stuff....I got at last 5 whole minutes of fun before he was bored and wanted to come in. Good times! Of course, as usual, the fun part of the whole thing for ds is me setting the whole thing up for him. ;)

 

Thanks for all your tips. I'm considering all of them and trying to just get over myself too...

[cathmom]

It really sounds like you are an extravert and need to have some more interaction with adults. And I totally agree with DramaQueen that it is better to have some form of working/intellectual stimulation outside of homeschooling. I was not as bored but I missed having something for myself that was interesting. That was my motivation with starting my blog 2 years ago, and then last year I started working on my languages again and teaching part-time. I never want to go back to just being a HSing mom/wife again!

[Aubrey]

I get bored, too. I have plenty, PLENTY to do. I've almost got 4 dc, the house always needs cleaning, lessons planning, something sewn, etc.

 

But...there are kinds of mental stimulation that these things do not provide. Sometimes you need more & better books, but sometimes you just need human contact. There's nothing wrong w/ that.

 

And fwiw, some people need more stimulation than others. I need my fingers in a hundred different pies to feel busy. It drives my dh nuts, but I'm happiest that way.

 

So, sure. Look for ways to serve others. Older people are a great idea. But try making a list, too, of things you'd like to do, say in the next yr or 5 yrs. Things that you keep putting off. I *try* to do something constructive when I don't know what to do, so that when the *mood* to paint or write or sew or something hits me, I've got the time.

 

:grouphug:

[Susan in TX]

Sounds to me like you are suffering from "the problem that has no name":

 

"The problem lay buried, unspoken, for many years in the minds of American women. It was a strange stirring, a sense of dissatisfaction, a yearning that women suffered...Each suburban wife struggled with it alone. As she made the beds, shopped for groceries, matched slipcover material, ate peanut butter sandwiches with her children, chauffeured Cub Scouts and Brownies, lay beside her husband at night--she was afraid to ask even of herself the silent question--'Is this all?'" (The Feminine Mystique)

 

I have no answers as to how to solve this problem but I can assure you that you are not alone. I suffer from this myself from time to time even though I have 9 children and no time to be bored...at times it all seems so mundane. Also, the loneliness is a real problem. I am really too busy to go out and socialise much...what would ease the loneliness would be having others to share the burden and work side by side with. My teenagers fill this void somewhat but there are times when I really wish Grandma wasn't 1700 miles away.

 

I think the problem is isolation, lack of community, and the fact that our society is structured in such a way that it is almost impossible to combine childrearing with meaningful work.

 

Having more kids helps:-) but it doesn't make it go away completely.

 

Susan in TX

[Kathleen in VA]

I can relate a little bit. I lived in a townhouse community when my oldest were 2 and 3. I had no car. Everyone around me worked. I got an old $100 piano and tried to teach myself how to play - got to be able to play a few pieces that sounded pretty ok (for my very low standards:)). I taught myself how to cross-stitch and the one picture I finished is framed and hanging in my LR to this day (15 or so years later) - I love it! I tried other crafts too, but X-stitch was the only thing I was able to do well because all you need to be able to do is count:D - no artistic ability necessary. Most everything I made I gave away as gifts. There was no internet then so I was very much on my own. I read a lot of parenting/marriage books.

 

I know of a blog/website owned by a young lady who has two young children very much like you. She stays very busy and has lots of tips and ideas on how to make the most of your time during this season of your life. I share it in hopes that you might be able to glean some help from her. The link to her blog is in the sidebar.

 

http://www.biblicalwomanhoodonline.com/

 

:grouphug:

[Harriet Vane]

We moved to our neighborhood because dh had a desire to engage in a lifestyle of racial reconciliation. Our neighborhood is a small enclave of mostly blue collar families. Several blocks S, N, and E of us it gets pretty rough. Even in our enclave of stable families there are problems (unemployed, drug-addicted men or undersupervised kids, to name just two).

 

When we came here I envisioned an open home, with folks from the church and from the neighborhood dropping in all the time. I also more specifically envisioned myself in relationship with the neighborhood children, mentoring and loving.

 

The reality has been different. Our neighbors have been very friendly, and I have grown to value many of them. I have a friendly relationship with the kids on the block, but nothing deeper. My own dd is so very, very different from the kids here. She has found it very difficult to find a "meeting of the minds" with any of the kids on the block, so it is hard to invite the kids over. I cannot force these friendships to happen.

 

We end up feeling like oddballs here. I have some good friendships with others from the church, and those friendships sustain me in this difficult environment. In eleven years of trying, however, I have not been able to develop a genuine friendship with anyone here NOT from my church. My neighbors are cordial and seem to like us, but real friendship has not happened.

 

As my kids grow up, I also find that I really do not have time for the life I envisioned. It takes a lot of TIME to raise children! And I have always been determined not to sacrifice them to mine or their father's missionary ideals.

 

Most of our urban ministry opportunities have come through the church. Over the years we have engaged in various church programs, and that is a valid way to minister. In my neighborhood, kids do need a safe place to go, and they do need to learn about God. I cannot seem to get them to my home for that, so providing that through church programs makes a lot of sense. The other thing that has worked for us over the years is to make our home open through the church. We are not presently taking boarders, but over the years we have had all kinds of people with us, ranging from a homeless couple, a battered wife and her child, to summer urban ministry students. One other, MAJOR form of urban ministry for us has been heavy, committed involvement in our block club. There is nothing else that can draw a block together, but it is a TON of work. A block club may be a good option for you.

 

My husband's work requirements have increased over the years, and my own focus right now has to be on both my kids and my little cousins whom I am helping raise (their mother is in a nursing home with an inoperable brain tumor). Between those life pressures and the fact that rehabbing our 100+yo fixer-upper is killing us, we are questioning if our season for being here is over.

 

Are you plugged in to a local church? How long have you been in your neighborhood?

[Starr]

I found this to be the most difficult when the children were young. We moved from NYC where I could put them in the stroller and see life, a busy church, lot's of friends to a smaller town. Nice folk from our church would tell me how nice our yard was for the kids and I would try not to cry. Just me and the little ones and a big yard. I ended up buying my friends. We put our oldest in an expensive (all I could find) preschool in the mornings. Maybe you can find a preschool class or Mom and toddler music or something to meet new friends. It doesn't help alot when you're feeling down but what you are doing for your dc is really important and no one else is "Mom". You're in my prayers. :grouphug:

[Jackie in NE]

I have had similar thoughts/dissatisfactions/frustrations too many times to count!! It is HARD to be an intelligent, hard-working, energetic person, and then sit around and play with your kids! (At least it was hard for me!) It gets easier as they get older and start being interested in things.

 

So often when my kids used to come to me and say they were bored, I'd tell them that if they were bored, it was just because they weren't using their imagination. I have to tell myself the same thing. I'm schooling 4 kids, and I live out on a ranch with a complete menagerie of animals, and I still sometimes feel bored. It's not that there's nothing to do; it's just that the things that need doing don't appear to be very fulfilling.

 

The thing that helps me is to look past my own situation, and help others. And I know that you are trying this, and that it's not working too well, but I wonder if you're looking at small enough things? Even very little things might help someone.

 

I don't have much more time to post right now because my 9 yr. old needs help with her sewing project for fair, and my 13 year old is making a complete mess of the kitchen with her baking project for fair, and my 2 boys are, well...... bored. Darn it!

 

Just a couple of other quick things..... I've been toying with the idea of going back to work because ranching is not exactly lucrative right now. (or ever). But I've done a lot of thinking about why we do the things we do (with respect to home schooling), and what you're doing is VERY valuable. It is also very intangible right now, and so is difficult to measure. But the lasting effect of the time we spend with our children will be very deep. It will cause them to have confidence and natural joy. I'm sure of it.

 

 

 

Who cares if you learn Russian? No one! When will anyone care what you are doing?! How will this help anyone!" Then I think (and I know this is really bad but I can't help it): "WHY bother teaching your daughter Latin? If she's going to grow up and be a sahm, then when will any of this matter in her life?

 

 

The other thing is the movie "Legends of the Fall" Did you ever see it? In that movie, Anthony Hopkin's character is offering an education to a little mixed race Indian girl who will likely never have an opportunity to do anything but tend a garden for someone else. The little girl's father asks "And what will she do with this education? Why should she have it?" Anthony Hopkins looks at him in surprise and says something along the lines of "Well, to enrich her life, and to give her greater enjoyment." Something like that....

 

It's true. You are enriching your dc's lives by being with them and choosing to home school them. You are in a season of your life where you may not feel terribly self-fulfilled. But it is just a season. It will pass. Hang in there. Value the things you are doing.

 

Jackie

[urban_mom]

Sounds to me like you are suffering from "the problem that has no name":

 

"The problem lay buried, unspoken, for many years in the minds of American women. It was a strange stirring, a sense of dissatisfaction, a yearning that women suffered...Each suburban wife struggled with it alone. As she made the beds, shopped for groceries, matched slipcover material, ate peanut butter sandwiches with her children, chauffeured Cub Scouts and Brownies, lay beside her husband at night--she was afraid to ask even of herself the silent question--'Is this all?'" (The Feminine Mystique)

 

I have no answers as to how to solve this problem but I can assure you that you are not alone. I suffer from this myself from time to time even though I have 9 children and no time to be bored...at times it all seems so mundane. Also, the loneliness is a real problem. I am really too busy to go out and socialise much...what would ease the loneliness would be having others to share the burden and work side by side with. My teenagers fill this void somewhat but there are times when I really wish Grandma wasn't 1700 miles away.

 

I think the problem is isolation, lack of community, and the fact that our society is structured in such a way that it is almost impossible to combine childrearing with meaningful work.

 

Having more kids helps:-) but it doesn't make it go away completely.

 

Susan in TX

 

Everyone's answers (and my own ponderings) are starting to convince me that it's no one thing that is the problem. Living on a farm helps you feel like you have work to do, but that doesn't make it NOT mundane. Having lots of kids keeps you busy, but still leaves you wanting adult intereaction. Living in the city (like I do) puts you close to interesting places to go, but daily field trips don't make life meaningful either.

 

I think you are right on that it's the way society is structured now. If we all lived in a big compound with our family, we'd have help, adult interaction, AND meaningful work. As a family unit we coudl work together to help each other, share the burdens, have a good time, but ALSO reach outside of our family to help others. It would be a heck of a lot easier to adopt children in need or to do some other important ministry if I had family around to share the load/childrearing with. And, in exchange, I'd take care of my mom and dad as well, you know? Funny thing is though, that even if my dh could get a job in my hometown, my family isn't like that. We are all so individualistic nowadays that my mom would be all about making sure she had "boundaries" in how much she was with us, etc. You know?

 

It seems like a lot of European families I know (or other immigrant families) are so much better at this. Part of what I see in my own neighborhood is how the Latino families are ALWAYS together....they aren't out looking for friends at the playground because they are together: cooking, taking care of the kids, having dinner together, etc.

 

In our society today we are so isolated! Sad too because I feel like I would have had more kids if I had felt like it was a family thing. I just feel like 2 is all I can handle with how alone I am!

 

Thanks for your words. They were thought-provoking.

[autumndivona]

Perhaps it is time for "something to do" beyond all the "typical mom" stuff of homeschooling, housecleaning, scrapbooking, sewing, etc.?

 

For me, I adore writing. I have wanted to be a writer since I was 8, so that's what I do. I keep my editors happy and also do some editing. This is my true vocation and easily pursued between all the mom things...

 

Also, pursuing my family tree is my favorite avocation. I am very passionate about it. Not only that, but I help others with their family trees and brick walls. This is a totally self-indulgent activity, and I love every minute of it.

 

So consider your interests and passions, and perhaps find a way to bring those into your life!

[iquilt]

I was bored, too, when I was at home with 2 little ones, but now things have really picked up. My biggest challenge is always finding time for my social life! I have a regular book group and I regular local WTM meeting that give me 2 evenings out per month. It does get easier when the kids get older, we can go out and do more all together. Do you have a MOMS club near you? That really helped me out a lot when my first was a baby and I couldn't even have a conversation with her. HTH

[Cathy in IL]

You can come hang out over here! You can help pick weeds in our garden. You can help plan fun things for our Cubbies in AWANA this fall - it will be here soon. My ds would love to have another boy around to play with. Seriously, give me a call sometime soon.

 

I don't have much on the schedule for next week. There is a class on butterflies at North Park Nature Center coming soon. Your kids are just the right ages.

 

I do remember times like you describe when I just had the two girls and they were younger. I remember the isolation and the sense of needing to have something more to do. As they got older that seemed to change, but it feels like it takes so long.

[Johanna]

Everyone's answers (and my own ponderings) are starting to convince me that it's no one thing that is the problem. Living on a farm helps you feel like you have work to do, but that doesn't make it NOT mundane. Having lots of kids keeps you busy, but still leaves you wanting adult intereaction. Living in the city (like I do) puts you close to interesting places to go, but daily field trips don't make life meaningful either.

 

I think you are right on that it's the way society is structured now. If we all lived in a big compound with our family, we'd have help, adult interaction, AND meaningful work. As a family unit we coudl work together to help each other, share the burdens, have a good time, but ALSO reach outside of our family to help others. It would be a heck of a lot easier to adopt children in need or to do some other important ministry if I had family around to share the load/childrearing with. And, in exchange, I'd take care of my mom and dad as well, you know? Funny thing is though, that even if my dh could get a job in my hometown, my family isn't like that. We are all so individualistic nowadays that my mom would be all about making sure she had "boundaries" in how much she was with us, etc. You know?

 

It seems like a lot of European families I know (or other immigrant families) are so much better at this. Part of what I see in my own neighborhood is how the Latino families are ALWAYS together....they aren't out looking for friends at the playground because they are together: cooking, taking care of the kids, having dinner together, etc.

 

In our society today we are so isolated! Sad too because I feel like I would have had more kids if I had felt like it was a family thing. I just feel like 2 is all I can handle with how alone I am!

 

Thanks for your words. They were thought-provoking.

 

:iagree: You hit the nail on the head! It is unfortunate that we as a society pride ourselves on being soooooo "independent" because all it does is serve to isolate us. My neighbor has been having her inlaws from India stay with her all summer. I asked just recently how they are liking it. She said, "they want to go home...." I was surprised! She then proceeded to tell me, "they are bored and lonely". Things are much different in their community. There is fellowship, commradery (sp?), help, and a REAL sense of community.

 

(OP): You are not alone in what you are feeling.

:grouphug:

[TammyinTN]

It seems like a lot of European families I know (or other immigrant families) are so much better at this. Part of what I see in my own neighborhood is how the Latino families are ALWAYS together....they aren't out looking for friends at the playground because they are together: cooking, taking care of the kids, having dinner together, etc.

 

 

:iagree: This is exactly how I feel. I moved out of our European community which was such close group to military housing. It's totally different. Our old community embraced us and taught us so much, they had get togethers every week with family and friends. They would eat and just go a nice long walk together. Here...it's totally different. Everyone is just doing there own thing. I really miss my old community and will be going down to see them this weekend with gifts from our new location. These people are friends for life. No advice for you Urbanmom..but I completely understand.

[Mama Lynx]

I lived in Chicago for nearly a year, as a SAHM in a condo with four kids. You're right, I rarely ever met other moms or saw other kids. If there were adults at a park with children, they were nannies.

 

However, I had no trouble staying busy. We hit museums a couple of times a week, every week. We spent lots of time out enjoying the city. I taught myself Latin that year. Being in the apartment drove me insane, so we spent as much time out as possible.

 

There are so many wonderful and interesting resources in Chicago ... do you go to the museums or zoos much?

 

That said, that kind of boredom is what started me homeschooling in the first place. Homeschooling was something I could be mentally involved with, bringing my mind, my interest and my passions into the often boring and directionless SAHM life.

 

And, too, your kids are young. It gets better as they get older.

[Susan in TX]

I think you are right on that it's the way society is structured now. If we all lived in a big compound with our family, we'd have help, adult interaction, AND meaningful work. As a family unit we coudl work together to help each other, share the burdens, have a good time, but ALSO reach outside of our family to help others. It would be a heck of a lot easier to adopt children in need or to do some other important ministry if I had family around to share the load/childrearing with. And, in exchange, I'd take care of my mom and dad as well, you know? Funny thing is though, that even if my dh could get a job in my hometown, my family isn't like that. We are all so individualistic nowadays that my mom would be all about making sure she had "boundaries" in how much she was with us, etc. You know?

 

It seems like a lot of European families I know (or other immigrant families) are so much better at this. Part of what I see in my own neighborhood is how the Latino families are ALWAYS together....they aren't out looking for friends at the playground because they are together: cooking, taking care of the kids, having dinner together, etc.

 

In our society today we are so isolated! Sad too because I feel like I would have had more kids if I had felt like it was a family thing. I just feel like 2 is all I can handle with how alone I am!

 

 

I totally understand about your mom. My MIL is the same way so even though she only lives about a mile away, we aren't a part of each other's daily lives.

 

Have you seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"? That movie makes me kinda sad because that's the kind of family I'd love to have. I hope that my children have that when they are older...a large extended family that is always there for you.

 

I also totally understand the decision not to have more kids because of having to do it all on your own. I find that having an infant is especially isolating.

 

Susan in TX

[milovany]

NOT that I have untold wisdom, just affection, sympathy and experience. We, too, have chosen to remain "in town" because of ministry opportunity. Our outreach is to international students and we live 4 blocks from campus, looking for a house even closer. We have been here three years and while we've met dozens of students, hosted many of them in our home and visited with many of them on campus, we're still not at the L'abri stage, KWIM? Our dream is similar: to have an open home to which the students can come and spend their extra time with us so that we can in turn bless them with relationship while they are in America.

 

It all sounds so grand! But the reality is I'm the homeschooling mom of seven children (including a 4 month old) and it's hard for me to get going in the morning, let alone stay motivated throughout the day for this extra activity.

 

Something we HAVE experienced, having chosen to live in town, is the development of a desire for community and relationship with those in our neighborhood and city. As well as for the well-being of our city in general (when it comes to parks, buildings, housing opportunities, traffic safety and the like). We see this as God-given, just like the desire for student outreach.

 

I can suggest some great books that I've read:

Bringing Heaven Down To Earth

Sidewalks in the Kingdom: New Urbanism and the Christian Faith

The Great Neighborhood Book

 

I want to purchase all of these as they really describe where my heart is now in regard to being an "urban mom" (your WTM name caught my eye early on!) as a Christian.

 

I don't know that I said *much* but I hope that something I said has been helpful!