Anyone done IVF or know well anyone who has?

[Laurie4b]

Friends are getting ready to embark on this and I'd like to get a better understanding of what will be going through so that I can best be a support. I know that there will be several days of shots, then a surgery to remove eggs, then a procedure to do implantation.

 

What I don't know is what it is like to experience this. I can understand the anxiety/hope/fear part in general, but I wondered about the other impacts. For instance, do the shots affect how one feels either physically or emotionally? etc. Any details would be helpful.

 

I know that some of you may not agree with the procedure and may feel a need to say something about that. Could you please start another thread if that is the case? .For one thing, I am not the one getting it. For another I am wanting to hear from those who have BTDT or who have walked with someone who has and don't want anyone remarking on their decision, either. Our friends chose a procedure that does not result in any embryos being unused or destroyed. Thank you.

 

You can also PM me with your experience if that would be more comfortable for you.

 

ETA: I'm not asking what I can do to be supportive. I am not one of their confidants. I am not a close friend but somewhere between acquaintance/friend who will be participating via care calendar and praying, making meals, and writing encouraging notes. I'm primarily trying to understand the experience so that what I write in my notes will be best matched to the experience. When I went through cancer, I appreciated everyone's notes, but the people who typically said the most helpful things were those who actually understood the experience. So I'm trying to understand well. I have gone through 2 years of infertility. Thanks for everyone's experiences so far.

[mommymilkies]

I used to work as an ART doing IVF. Emotionally, it takes a large toll. Physically, it is also difficult and painful for the egg extraction and the hormones to increase egg production. Yes, the shots can effect them. I agree, please do not judge your friends right now. They need support and your love. Good luck to them!!!

 

http://www.sharedjourney.com/ivf-side-effects.html

http://www.bloggersforhope.com/2012/02/ivf-101-or-youre-gonna-do-what-to-my.html

[Kim in Appalachia]

My sister went through this. The intense hormones combined with the anxiety is awful. Just be there for your friend. Be excited for her, cry with her, and listen to her. Don't comment, don't try to be more hopeful or less, just be there.

[chicagoshannon]

We used IVF for our DD. I was an emotional wreck. Those hormones wreak havoc on your emotions. I remember one day while we were waiting to find out if I was pregnant crying and crying because I wanted pizza for supper and some people didn't. I thought I was going nuts. Lol.

 

It can be somewhat humiliating because you have to start the monitoring process while you have your period. Worry is constantly present throughout the entire pregnancy. The joy kind of takes a backseat to worry.

 

You can't forget even for a brief time what you're going through. It's always on your mind.

 

While I was waiting to see if the procedure worked it would have been nice if someone had brought us a meal or two (you're supposed to take it really easy and some doctors say bed rest.)

 

Try to help them not lose hope. Just because you need IVF once doesn't mean you'll need it again. Of course this depends on the reason for the IVF. I know a lot of people that have had a spontaneous conception after having gone through IVF previously, myself included. My DS is not a fertility baby.

[Um_2_4]

I had 1 person I know that went through it, all of the above and also be prepared for ups and downs. 1st u/s showed 2, next showed only 1. So there was joy that 1 stuck, worry that it would "unstick", grief over the "lost" 1. (Even though a lot of early u/s sometimes show 2 and then reduce to 1, the dr did not prepare them for that possibility from what I could tell.)

 

Bed rest was ordered for her and she stayed on it till 14 weeks I think, then modified bed rest. Her mom helped her a lot.

 

Meals and an ear while waiting to see if it worked would be a huge help.

[merry gardens]

As per your request, I will not share all my thoughts and judgements on this procedure, but I will share about a couple I know went through IVF a few times. They spent a lot of money and had many miscarriages. Infertility was already very hard on them and this process did not help. They got their hopes up, but were never able to carry any of their babies to term. Eventually, after several IVF attempts, they adopted.

[Mom0012]

My brother and SIL are going through this right now. My brother, who is usually so even keeled actually had a breakdown after their second attempt and then loss. He wants another child so badly and gets his hopes up too high. It really looks like it's not going to happen. I am very hopeful that they will put this behind them soon and begin the adoption process, because while I know there can be a lot of heartache there as well, the odds of conceiving with IVF actually seem to be very low from what I've read online.

[catz]

I have a close friend who went through this and ultimately they were NOT successful and are not likely to be parents at this point. So I do thinking being overly optimistic is not necessarily a good thing. Being supportive and a good listener is great.

[AnIslandGirl]

A few of my cousins have successfully gone through IVF Sure it is an emotional process, but the end result is entirely worth it! My suggestion, as others have said, is to just be supportive. One cousin said it was like a roller coaster in that you want someone to ride beside you to experience the thrills, but also to hold you hand during the scary parts too.

 

To lighten the conversation a little: When we all get together there is no taboo topic in our family, and children are privy to it all. We actually had to intervene one day when we overheard at the kids table, "Well, everyone knows how bad my parents wanted me (this was an IVF kid), you on the other hand were a big fat surprise otherwise known as a mistake". :rolleyes: We had the, we don't hurt each others feelings talk, but the adults still chuckle over it to this day.

[Momof3littles]

We didn't do IVF, but did injectibles and IUI. The stress of infertility is enough to trigger PTSD type symptoms.

[NotSoObvious]

Fertility procedures are incredibly emotional, painful, and humiliating. We decided against IVF, but got right up to it. We lived in a complete state of anxiety and sadness during the procedures, followed by about a year of depression for me.

It's really hard to explain to someone who hasn't been there.

 

The fact that anyone would judge someone for having this procedure is beyond insensitive and I would have no need for anyone like that in my life, ever.

 

Once you enter the fertility world, you gain lots of infertile friends. Many of them have done IVF. Honestly, assuming you haven't been through this, my best advice would be to be caring, send well wishes, ask if there is anything you can do, take dinners, but don't offer any advice.

 

Here is an excellent article about infertility ettiquette:

http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html

 

The most helpful thing my friend (who actually did IvF) did after one of our procedures was to send me a care package and dinner. It was way more than I needed, but it allowed me to grant myself the permission to crawl in bed and hide for a day.

 

Your friend will be on bed rest for several days. A package of magazines, goodies and the sort would be very kind.

 

If it is not successful and they decide not to try again, just remember she will probably grieve for a long, long time. Just be sensitive and understanding.

 

ETA: I just read your update! So, take it for what it is worth. Maybe it will help someone else.

[NotSoObvious]

A few of my cousins have successfully gone through IVF Sure it is an emotional process, but the end result is entirely worth it!

 

But IVF does not work for everyone and the idea that it is a magic fix is incredibly damaging and painful to those couples.

It is wonderful that it worked for your family members, but it doesn't work for many couples. The notion that "it's worth it" can be so, so painful when the result isn't what you want.

[Carol in Cal.]

Personally, I felt that the hormones made me optimistic and gave me a sense of well-being until about the last two days during which I got pretty jangly.

If I had not had IVF I would never have become a mother. My DH would never have agreed to adoption.

I was very careful about the ethics of the living embryos that were entrusted to us. People tend to assume that IVF couples are cavelier about this, but I was not.

More than anything, just say you're sorry or you're glad. What I would have hated to hear is "Just relax and you'll get pregnant right away" or "There must be a reason" or "It's probably for the best" or "God wanted that baby home with Him" after a miscarriage.

[Carol in Cal.]

Oh! Another thing. The schedule is absolutely relentless but pretty unpredictable. IOW, when they say, you must come back in exactly 48 hours or you must take this shot at 9AM, it is exactly that. But they can't give you a thorough schedule in advance because it depends on progress that they monitor. So, you have to be completely available, and utterly flexible, and utterly precise. I can't think of anything else that is like that in life, so it's pretty weird. We had to get a certain blood test on Christmas Day. I kid you not. It's just how it happened to fall.

 

Also, most people don't try IVF all that early in their infertility progress. So they might be a bit beat down by then. I know that I had been trying other things for 6 years or so. When I got pregnant I really didn't believe that I was going to have a baby until I was about 5 months along. I felt like I was 'not not pregnant' up until that time--like I might have a baby, but that it was at least as likely that I would not. You can't really afford to get too excited after a certain point.

[Laurie4b]

Thanks, everyone. This was very helpful!

[Melissa in Australia]

I have met several people that have tried IVF. None of them managed to keep a baby up to full term. I met most of them when I was at training for adoption.