Scarlett Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I Don't know how. His life is cushy. I know this. Today we got home from piano and library at 3 ish. He had the following tasks 1) give dog a bath 2) clean the tub where he bathed dog 3) vacuum my car 4) take trash to curb for pick up tomorrow It is now after 7 and most of it is done....except I just now had to remind him to clean the tub. Is this normal? I have resisted the urge to be angry......I have had to remind him at least 3 times of the list. It is the same with his morning routine Shower Brush teeth Take meds Get dressed Put on do Make bed How much reminding is normal for this age. I am to the head banging against wall stage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Sounds normal to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 You will have to do the reminding until the day he moves out. That is perfectly normal. Perhaps a check list of standard chores with room for writing extras. More in an organizer form for older kids than a chore chart for younger kids Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jessicamcc Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I'm so glad mine is not the only one! I mean, seriously, don't you WANT to brush your teeth!?! :confused1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 14, 2013 Author Share Posted February 14, 2013 Honestly I got weepy when I saw you two saying it is normal. I asked him this afternoon what it would take for him to do his chores without 20 reminders. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 My 17 yo needs to be reminded to brush his teeth and put on deodorant. He is always grateful for the reminders, he forgets. He can, however, do calculus and write computer programs using several different codes. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Sorry. This one is perfectly normal. Checklists worked here for my teens. If I needed something done special, I wrote it on the whiteboard so they wouldn't forget. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
placeofgrace Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Mine will be 13 in a couple of months and he constantly has to be reminded of his everyday stuff!!! Glad he's not the only one, but man is it annoying!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 14, 2013 Author Share Posted February 14, 2013 When I was his age, if my ,mom asked for something to be done I literally jumped up,to do it. I was starting supper before she got home from work. Washing clothes, hanging clothes on the line to dry. At 11 I rode my bike to the grocery store and bought all the ingredients to make stuffed cabbage leaves. I was babysitting for pay. I did have to learn to brush my teeth on my own though. My mom was more concerned with general survival than whether or not I had brushed my teeth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Training/helping your child to become responsible is hard. He sounds normal. You sound normal. It is just hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 14, 2013 Author Share Posted February 14, 2013 So how do I transition to helping him be responsible enough to get a simple list of chores done? Or schoolwork. Although I was a great help to my mom I was guilt stricken and often terrified. ...not of mom...but terrified of life. I don't want that for my ds.....but I also don't want a slacker for a son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 14, 2013 Author Share Posted February 14, 2013 Double post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy in Australia Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I think part of it is just their personality. My DS17 was far more "responsible" at that age. He occasionally had to be reminded, especially for chores he really hated, but overall, I could just assume things would get done and they did. Ds13... ayayaye... Now I understand the saying "he'd forget his head if it wasn't screwed on". It's a constant struggle. He has an organiser AND a chore list. He doesn't like to look at either of them :banghead: He gets caught up in projects & always intends to do his chores as soon as he "just finishes this" :glare: On the other hand, he is the first one to offer to help anyone he can see is struggling & will always cheerfully look after his baby sister & consider it a privilege :wub: All that to say some of them just need LOTS more help & training. I'm just praying that it all comes together by the time he leaves home :o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy in Australia Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 So how do I transition to helping him be responsible enough to get a simple list of chores done? Or schoolwork. The one thing that helps for us is to agree on a start time for chores & schoolwork each day & then for me to periodically check that he's on track. Unfortunately this requires consistency on my part :blushing: :blushing: :blushing: When I'm on track he's much better. What I need is to be consistent for a longer stretch of time, so that new habits can be created- I can see him improving, but then I drop the ball & he does do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 My 17 yo needs to be reminded to brush his teeth and put on deodorant. He is always grateful for the reminders, he forgets. He can, however, do calculus and write computer programs using several different codes. . That is also my 17 year old son too! :laugh: We have nagged my son for years to take his daily meds (3 times a day) and I got so fed up with the system for our meds (I also have to take meds 3 times a day too...) that I finally created a weekly checklist for him. It listed each medicine a la Excel spreadsheet and he tally checks them off. The system is so good, I no longer have to nag. Ironically, it has backfired on me when I forget my meds (I do not have a chart) and ask son if he also remembered... to which, he says, "Look at my chart!" And lo and behold... sonny boy took his meds. I'm the one who was incomplient. Oh my. Son also wears his hair super long (15 inches below the neck). We are Native American/Hispanic and like to on occasion attend a Powwow wearing regalia. But he drives us batty with the fact he often does not brush his hair many times a day -- and suffers from tangles. We tell him he has a choice to wear his hair long, but we will demand it be cut short if he does not keep it neat and groomed. We would suggest a ponytail or braid and he would refuse, preferring it to be long down his back. Fine. But still dealt with tangles on a daily basis. Auugh. Two years of this long hairstyle and drama... this week, he finally realized how handy a PONYTAIL is while asleep. He woke up with NO TANGLES. Imagine that... :svengo: So, now he is walking around the house with his hair in a ponytail which suits me fine. He is still debating whether to donate his 15 inch ponytail to a Locks of Love event soon coming. I told him I don't care if he wears his hair long, but he needs to be responsible to keep it groomed. Lordy. P.S. As I type this out... I just nagged at son to go into the office and finish up his Geometry homework. Gotta love boys. Comes with the territory, I guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Ds is now 15 and does many things responsibly without reminders. But he still has his blind spots and those things he always "forgets". But then I have a few of those myself. Having set routines helps. Setting up the overall picture but allowing him to figure out how to do it (ie. don't micromanage) helps. Throwing in some interesting responsibilities that allows him to grow and develop in his skills helps. Lately ds learned to drywall and is learning to fix my cabinets. It gets things crossed off my list, allows him to gain valuable skills and allows him to strut a bit once he accomplishes it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosyl Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I made a list of daily routines and posted it on the fridge. I write down any extra chores, too. The nagging..I mean reminding.....has decreased 90 percent. I figured I had more words to say everyday than the same ones over and over and over again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 Sounds normal to me. I agree. Mine is 13 and needs some reminders like that. He has regular farm chores and even with some of those he needs a reminder now and then on some tasks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 I Don't know how. His life is cushy. I know this. Today we got home from piano and library at 3 ish. He had the following tasks 1) give dog a bath 2) clean the tub where he bathed dog 3) vacuum my car 4) take trash to curb for pick up tomorrow It is now after 7 and most of it is done....except I just now had to remind him to clean the tub. Is this normal? I have resisted the urge to be angry......I have had to remind him at least 3 times of the list. It is the same with his morning routine Shower Brush teeth Take meds Get dressed Put on do Make bed How much reminding is normal for this age. I am to the head banging against wall stage. It's normal. Kids have selective hearing. If you whisper to your husband 5 rooms away that you have chocolate, they come running. If you even start to mention that something needs to be done, they scatter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 15, 2013 Author Share Posted February 15, 2013 Our trash runs on Thursday. One of the things he had to do Wednesday was to get the trash cans out to the end of the driveway for pick up. We have 3 cans and always have at least two that need to be picked up. So I see one can set out. I questioned him. He says, " there was only one." I said are you sure? He said yes that he had looked in the other two cans and they were empty. Last night dh came home and asked why there were two bags of trash sitting outside the shop. .?? Apparently ds at some point during the week took trash out of the house but didn't put the bags In the trash can. And as if that wasn't bad enough he doesn't notice them sitting there when taking out the cans to the road. Just mind blowing. But yesterday at Olive Garden the waiter complimented him on how mature ds behaved. Waiter thought he was 15 so ds was thrilled. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dsmith Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 I would have to give my ds that list one item at a time, with a list on how to get each item done. I would probably have to step in at some point, too. I would be pretty happy with most of it being done by 7pm with many reminders. That's not exactly an age thing with ds though. It's more of an executive function thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 15, 2013 Author Share Posted February 15, 2013 I did give him the tasks one at a time. Trouble is he lets them pile up and then he is overwhelmed. On Wednesday he didn't feel good...he had a headache. I told him that sometimes we have to work even when we feel bad. He got the work done and I think he felt good about it.....that has been a big issue for me.....he he doesn't seem to take any pride in being productive. Unless it is a Lego creation or Mindcraft world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 15, 2013 Share Posted February 15, 2013 I can see the trash situation happening with my ds. The thing is, he was technically correct. Only one can was filled and that was what he put out. I think the lesson here is: "Make sure when you take the garbage out that it gets all the way into the trash. Otherwise it can get forgotten." I work with my ds specifically on not letting things pile up. I tell him that making habits on scheduling tasks and keeping to routines will help him immensely in college and afterward. It is a skill and I'm here to help him to develop it. Coming alongside him as a mentor in learning these skills has helped to keep him from getting defensive and angry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 15, 2013 Author Share Posted February 15, 2013 I can see the trash situation happening with my ds. The thing is, he was technically correct. Only one can was filled and that was what he put out. I think the lesson here is: "Make sure when you take the garbage out that it gets all the way into the trash. Otherwise it can get forgotten." I work with my ds specifically on not letting things pile up. I tell him that making habits on scheduling tasks and keeping to routines will help him immensely in college and afterward. It is a skill and I'm here to help him to develop it. Coming alongside him as a mentor in learning these skills has helped to keep him from getting defensive and angry. When dh came home and saw the trash bags near the trash cans he came in and asked me about it. We think it is trash that was from some light construction stuff from last week that we told ds could, if necessary be left out of the trash cans, since it didn't have anything in it that would attract animals. So yes, ds was technically correct....and he even looked inside the trash cans to make sure they were empty! :) Dh suggested it was an intentional fail.....but I don't think so. He just is so....goosey I guess...like he has blinders on and didn't look around and SEE bags of trash that needed to go in empty cans. I hear you though that is normal for this age....and I did have a talk with him on Wednesday when the chores were piling up---along the lines of 'how can I help you to organize and manage your time so that things don't pile up on you and you end up getting defensives/angry/frustrated?' He looked stricken and said sadly, 'I don't know Mom! I just hate doing work!' He gets points for his honesty I guess. I told him I was sorry he 'hates' work, but it must be done regardless and it would be good if he could figure out a way to hate it less. That is the point where I try to get him to take pride in his accomplishments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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