JumpyTheFrog Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Tigger (seven in a few weeks) has been sneaking in our room in the mornings and taking my phone of DH's phone. He's done it at least two days in the last week, possibly more. I'm not sure how many days because previously, I always woke up every time he came in. He's either gotten much, much quieter, or is coming in much earlier than usual when I'm sleeping more deeply. A few days ago, he had my phone, even though the day before I told him he couldn't use it for a week. I hadn't decided a consequence yet, but he knew he was using it without permission. Last night, DH noticed that he had used his phone to go to YouTube and watch TinTin. The history doesn't show when he started doing this, but in probably the last few days, he's watched about 3 1/2 hours of TinTin videos in the morning, before we woke up. We both put passcodes back on our phones. We were going to let him use his tickets (reward system for getting school work and chores done) this weekend to watch TinTin, but since he's already watched it, DH told him he has to pay his tickets for watching it on the phone. What is an appropriate consequence for stealing our phones and listening to audio books when he had already lost the privilege for a week? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somo_chickenlady Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 IMO, losing the privilege for longer. Definitely keep password locks on them from now on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I think not letting him watch the show this weekend is sufficient. I also want to say, from my own experience, that I wish I had listened to people on this board who said grounding a kid that age for a week is pointless. Their concept of time is not what ours is, and it leads to more problems; ie- the sneaking of the phones. I would limit any grounding at that age to 24-48 hours. It would have had a bigger impact, I think. Save the week long grounding until they are pre-teens/teens. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 I would limit any grounding at that age to 24-48 hours. It would have had a bigger impact, I think. Save the week long grounding until they are pre-teens/teens. Do you mean "total grounding" or do you mean not allowing him to use the phone for a week? I told him no phone for a week before and I've never heard anyone call that grounding before. I want to make sure I understand your suggestion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I might get tomatoes for this, but I find that guilt works well when the children overstep boundaries with my stuff. A lot of "it makes me sad and hurts my heart that you would take something of mine without permission" I even can manage a few tears. A discussion about trust and how hard it is to get back and "I don't know what it will take for me to trust you again" Take his points away since he has seen the movie, but no punishment other than "severe lack of trust" --- which should be brought up whenever you can-- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somo_chickenlady Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 FTR - we were having a problem with our DS getting onto his ipad before we woke up and was downloading stuff without permission. We inacted a rule that he could no longer have the password, so if he wants to download something he has to give it to us and we type in the password. Perhaps from now on he can only watch with prior permission, and that means YOU have to type in the password inorder for him to do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I'd say that's a sufficient punishment. He has to pay his tickets for the time he already watched, he loses the chance to watch anymore for a week and he can no longer sneak in and get the phone to watch because you have put a passcode on it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tearose Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I'd also go with passwords on the phone and charging him the tickets and perhaps add charging 25% more than it would have cost him if he had been following the rules Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 The consequence is enough already. The thing that would concern me more is that you've got a 6 year old sneaking around at night. That is dangerous. I would be looking to put some kind of alarm on his door. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 The thing that would concern me more is that you've got a 6 year old sneaking around at night. That is dangerous. I would be looking to put some kind of alarm on his door. I don't think he snuck around at night. I would guess it was probably about 7 am, at least. He and Little Guy usually wake up around 7:30-8 am. In fact, Little Guy almost always wakes up first, from what I can tell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Do you mean "total grounding" or do you mean not allowing him to use the phone for a week? I told him no phone for a week before and I've never heard anyone call that grounding before. I want to make sure I understand your suggestion. Not allowing the use of the phone for a week is "grounding" him from the use of the phone. Grounding doesn't necessarily mean loss of everything-it can be specific. Sometimes it does mean everything (phone, tv, computer, activities), but not always. Clear as mud? My overall point was that punishment at that age shouldn't be more than a day or two of loss. He's 6. Having passwords, keeping phones where he can't get to them, etc. are things we should do as parents. Otherwise, we are just offering unfair temptation. How would you like it if someone set out a nice bowl of chocolate (or chocolate kilt cupcakes) and told you you couldn't touch it for a week. Now imagine you were 6 or 7. Kind of hard to resist! :lol: Crud, now I want chocolate cupcakes... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I'd say that's a sufficient punishment. He has to pay his tickets for the time he already watched, he loses the chance to watch anymore for a week and he can no longer sneak in and get the phone to watch because you have put a passcode on it. This is sufficient at that age. Natural consequences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I'd say that's a sufficient punishment. He has to pay his tickets for the time he already watched, he loses the chance to watch anymore for a week and he can no longer sneak in and get the phone to watch because you have put a passcode on it. I tend to agree with this. The only thing I might add, and only if the sneakiness has been talked about previously, is a 24 hr removal of privilages that are trust related. (I.e. at our house "big kids" can ride bikes out of my sight on a designated route, someone who broke trust with me would be restricted to the "little kid" area that I can see from the window.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Confiscate the tickets. Tell him bluntly, "you lied and sneaked around. That's not cool. That's not allowed in this house. You're going to have to make this up to me and prove to me, over time, that you are trustworthy". Put the reward system away for a bit. Tell him that the things he does now that used to count for tickets now go towards rebuilding trust. Keep the passcodes on. Lock your bedroom door at night, or keep the phones somewhere else where he can't get to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I'd add a surcharge to the tickets so he isn't able to do the fun stuff with the tickets for a day or two extra. He is old enough to know that he loses the tickets for the movie this weekend and can't buy anything on Mondays too because had to pay extra for sneaking. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Not allowing the use of the phone for a week is "grounding" him from the use of the phone. Grounding doesn't necessarily mean loss of everything-it can be specific. Sometimes it does mean everything (phone, tv, computer, activities), but not always. Clear as mud? My overall point was that punishment at that age shouldn't be more than a day or two of loss. He's 6. Having passwords, keeping phones where he can't get to them, etc. are things we should do as parents. Otherwise, we are just offering unfair temptation. How would you like it if someone set out a nice bowl of chocolate (or chocolate kilt cupcakes) and told you you couldn't touch it for a week. Now imagine you were 6 or 7. Kind of hard to resist! :lol: Crud, now I want chocolate cupcakes... I disagree. If her 6 year old boy is neuro-typical, I don't think she should have to keep her phone where he can't get to it and password protect it. Moose is 7, He's not got the best impulse control. But he doesn't use my phone without asking. Why? Because that's the rule. And I keep my phone accessible to him and me. I don't think that at 6 years old she shouldn't be able to expect her son to follow the 'no using phones unless you ask and get permission' rule. Might he break the rule? Yes. But that doesn't mean her expectations are out of line. It means her son needs to develop his self control more. YMMV. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freckles Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I agree there needs to be a consequence for breaking the rules, but what I don't understand is why he is getting in trouble for occupying himself while you and dh are still asleep. Can he watch cartoons on a tv, or does he have a device to watch tin tin until you get up? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Impulse control is difficult and develops slowly, so I think we should do all we can to help limit the temptations that we expose our children to. That's part of solving the 'whole problem' -- the problem is that the child is awake, bored, and probably not at his best (pre-hungry and semi-sleepy) before his parents are prepared to face the day. There are lots of ways to work towards a whole-problem solution. ONE of those ways if working towards a solution is to communicate, "You made a misjudgement when you tried to solve that problem alone. You chose a childish solution that does not work for everyone, and you chose to break a known rule in touching a permission-only object without parental consent. You found that choice very satisfying, so I need to re-balance that sense of 'this works' with a consiquence that makes it not look so good in your eyes. I don't want you to make plans to break rules and expect it to 'work' -- I want you to realize that rule-breaking plans usually don't work out well for you." -- That is the role of consiquences. There are other important strategies -- prevention is key: making it so that his plan :actually: doesn't work is generally more powerful in breaking a habit that the consiquence-based strategy of making it 'not turn out well later'. But, most important -- more than prevention and more than consiquences is :empowering: him to be free and capable of solving this problem :well: instead of poorly. This is the core skill that he (and you) need for the future success of your household. You need to teach him to keep brainstorming past the point of "that plan meets my needs" and into questions like "how will that effect the people around me?" And "how does that plan compare with my values and convictions". He is not too young to begin doing this at a rudimentary level, if you teach it very carefully. This situation is a great case study to walk him through: 1. You had a problem/dissatisfaction 2. You had a desire/idea 3. You imagined what it would feel like to do it 4. You concluded that it would work well for you 5. You did it. -- but you skipped some steps. You must try to 1. Imagine how others will feel of think about it 2. Wonder if it breaks any rules or is against any values 3. Try to imagine things that might happen later because of this choice --- then see if it is actually a good plan in every way, and if not, stop thinking about that plan and look for more ideas instead. (In this case guide him in further brainstorming and illustrate that he might have found a solution that was 'good in every way' -- including satisfying himself, without breaking rules, doing wrong of causing consiquences. It is very important for him to see that this way of thinking leads to good solutions that will satisfy him, not that it leads to him just having to restrain himself and live with his original problem still bugging him.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 If he sleeps less than others and has more energy, then you have to do something to give him outlets and ones that work for him. (Basing this on your other post re: the same child.) It has been my experience that fast brains and/or body need a lot of input. I am still trying to find enough stuff for mine! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.