Please tell me it's OK to NOT have a plan!

[Dmmetler]

I'm a planner by nature, so realizing that I didn't have a plan when Jillian posted her thread kind of has thrown me for a loop. This year, DD's mostly focused school on specific competitions and interests, and while I think it's worked, I also think she might have bitten off more than she can chew-she's been getting more anxious and stressed this Spring, and I suspect it's because she's very aware of upcoming dates and is concerned about those tests-but doesn't want to admit it. So, I kind of want to see how she does and what she wants to do next year. She's also really enjoyed the online classes she's done this year, and I don't know what will be available yet-and as I've seen this year, if she's doing an online class in a subject, it doesn't make sense for me to do any planning whatsoever, because the class will drive what she does, whether I like it or not.

 

And there's always the "is homeschooling really the right path" feeling. We'd said, when we pulled DD to homeschool, that we'd do it to get through the "learn to read", basic skills stage, and that once she got to the "Read to learn" where there's more room for differentiation, we'd reevaluate. Well, guess what-she'll be a 4th grader next year. And while my gut feeling is that there's no school in the area that's right for her, I kind of feel like she should have input into that choice. And I'm scared to see what she chooses-because I'm afraid it won't be me. It doesn't help any that DH's yearly review for his job is coming up, and moving has been on the table for the last few years. Since this year, he's actually flying to company headquarters for the review (on their dime), my gut feeling is that this year may well be the year it's more than "it's up to you if you want to telecommute or work in the main IT building"-and that would put a whole different set of options on the table.

 

I feel like I'm failing my child either way.

[AmyontheFarm]

:grouphug:

Take a deep breath. Things will sort themselves out. You can plan somethings. Plan to practice a quiet time with dd everyday. A cup of tea, some of her favorite music and a chance to talk about anything she wants. Start building that time for the two of you, it will come in handy when she is in her later teens. You can't correct or discipline her for anything during this 20 min - 1/2 hour time. It's just time for two ladies to hang out. The other thing you can do is put some of this energy into decluttering areas of your home in happy anticipation of a possible move. Take 15 mins a day and just work on one drawer, or shelf and you'll find space in your home start to open up and there will be less to pay movers to move you later on.

:grouphug:

[Dana]

 

I feel like I'm failing my child either way.

 

 

:grouphug:

 

I think (hope) that as long as we're thinking about what we're doing for our kids & why (being intentional), they'll forgive us when we screw up. We know we're going to be making some (many) mistakes with our son. We do the best we can with the knowledge we have and the abilities/energy/resources we have.

 

If he were in traditional school setting he'd be getting some things I can't give him & he'd have a number of problems he doesn't have at home. We decide that home is best right now for us and for the family.

 

Sometimes I find a pros/cons list helps me make decisions. At the very least it helps me set out options.

 

Good luck figuring out what's best for you at this point in time.

 

It's okay not to have a plan.

 

:grouphug:

[jillian]

My plan is mainly just looking at resources that can be used for a few years and incorporated where she is at now and if she springs ahead. I like have a sort of "go to list" if I see something on sale. It looks like we do a lot with my little, but even if we do everything listed everyday (and yes we do science and history every day because she enjoys it) it is small short lessons so we can go deeper in the afternoon or we still have time to play and let her focus on what she wants to learn or do. There have been many days where we just said "nope no school let's go for a walk and talk for awhile" or "nope let's watch a movie" because sometimes it's better to just take a day and follow your child's lead and see where they take you.

[Runningmom80]

Wow, I'm in a similar place, albeit with a much younger child. My DS is only K age here. But, I do get the panicky feeling that I will miss the window to send him to school with minimal effects on his mental developent.

 

We actually are moving for DH's job in the spring. He's telecommuted for 5 years, it was time to make the decision to stay here and start looking for something else, or to move and greatly improve his chances for promotions.

 

Good luck to your DH with the review!

[Crimson Wife]

I have a basic framework loosely based on TWTM but with my own "spin". The specific materials are decided on a semester-by-semester basis.

 

Unless you move to a place where there is a special school for the highly gifted, I don't think your student will be able to find a good classroom environment. I know a ton of folks with PG kids who have tried B&M schools only to pull them out (even some super-expensive private GATE schools that turned out to be geared towards MG kids).

[quark]

My plan is mainly just looking at resources that can be used for a few years and incorporated where she is at now and if she springs ahead. I like have a sort of "go to list" if I see something on sale.

 

This is exactly what I've been doing for a few years now. I am a planner as well and love seeing everything all laid out. I visit all the 5th, 6th, 7th all the way to what are you doing for 9th - 12th grade threads on the Hive because I just love seeing everyone's lists and learning from them. Then I swoop on 8's and regentrude's and Ruth's and Jackie's and Lori's and other cool veteran homeschoolers' threads because I know they are going to throw in a gem of an idea that I can quickly save for the future in an excel spreadsheet. I can gaze for hours at my spreadsheet wondering when we will actually get to these things. Some mornings I wake up feeling very, very unproductive and useless because I'm not "really" homeschooling like how others here are. When the boy was younger, homeschooling used to give me such a high but I can't work like that with my child anymore. I can just stare at my spreadsheets and wait. But I turn to look at my son and he is thriving. He is doing well and still loving to learn without my plans. So I try to forget and another day goes by that I know I haven't actually been his "teacher", just his sounding board and some time co-learner. I often go through periods of wondering if he should be in school too. Especially since he's an only. I know what we're doing works but still...you know, those niggling doubts. They don't let me be for long enough although it does get a little easier the longer we do this.

 

Like Dana says, a pros and cons list will help. As a highly visual person, seeing it all written out is very helpful for me. And you can still have a plan, just adjust your mindset to know that you won't get to all of them when you think you want to. Our kids will have their own learning journey to discover and regardless of how we feel about not being able to plan or see what's coming, this is the best we can do for them and the best they can do for themselves given all the limitations we have.

 

Someone also once told me to be very careful what I wish for. When DS was younger, I really wished for him to be an independent learner because I used to tell myself that I can't always be there for him, so my job was to show him how to learn, not so much to actually teach him all the way to 12th grade. I used to repeat that "teach a man to fish" mantra over and over in my head. And now he is learning how to learn all on his own and I miss all the planning and scheduling terribly lol. Similarly, I have lately been looking into community colleges or early 4-yr uni knowing that I can't keep doing this at home for much longer...he really needs that outside, intellectual peer-based challenge. But I also know that when it comes, I will miss him terribly. Should I keep wishing for it? I don't know.

 

I guess we can just take each day as it comes. Keep a sort of mental map in place but be willing at anytime to change direction, take a faster route, or a slower, more meandering one knowing that we are making the route work for us and not the other way around. Like a mental GPS. In the meanwhile, we can think of these moments of uncertainty and trepidation as opportunities to drink in and appreciate the scenery.

[kiwik]

I have a basic framework loosely based on TWTM but with my own "spin". The specific materials are decided on a semester-by-semester basis.

 

Unless you move to a place where there is a special school for the highly gifted, I don't think your student will be able to find a good classroom environment. I know a ton of folks with PG kids who have tried B&M schools only to pull them out (even some super-expensive private GATE schools that turned out to be geared towards MG kids).

 

This is depressing. I have a highly gifted/very highly gifted son and unless I win lotto am you going to have to make the local public school system work! There are no gifted schools, alternative schools or funds for childcare while I work.

 

I think op you will be fine. You probably do have a plan somewhere in the back of your mind and if you do move all sorts of new options may become available.

[Tracy]

Oh, if only you had been my mom, and I had had a choice! If only my parents had fretted so much about doing what was right! No words of wisdom, but it sounds to me like you are doing alright.

[Greenmama2]

I don't think you are failing her & I think Crimson Wife is correct - you aren't likely to find a suitable classroom environment anywhere. I'm almost certain this is true for my DD and I doubt she is even close to where yours lies.

[Greenmama2]

Oh & hugs.

[Mukmuk]

:grouphug:

 

FWIW, I didn't have a plan, for years. I spent ds' initial years being confused and looking for some footing to even begin lessons. He's 2E, and his compensation is/was terrific but not consistent. Not being a natural planner helped because I'd wake up everyday and roll with it. I did have moments of anxiety when ds showed some trajectory ("what do I do about early college!!"), but mostly what we did everyday was to reach for familiar books to open to where he last stopped. And it was only 1 subject anyway because he refused to/couldn't do anything else.

 

Last year I started recording down what we did (more like an aftermath kind of thing). These past few months with things actually coming together, I've had to plan, but only for a week at a time. And invariably, we're already faster and slower than anticipated. I have an idea of what books to do if the current set runs out. But I don't know when that will happen. Ds is happy, learning, and life is calm without the roller coaster rides we used to have. He chooses his own subjects and I facilitate. What we do next year depends on what gets accomplished this year, which opens doors for the next level. Yup, we're in a good place. :001_wub:

[Donna]

I have a very lose "plan" year by year....which rotation of history and science we will do next year but I really do take things as they come. I research a lot and have a file of things I may want to use in the future. I also have bins of materials I used with the boys or that people have given me. When the next topic comes up, I simply go through what I have, look at my file to see if I want anything else, and we take it from there.

 

I also tend to be very flexible. For example, we were doing the ancients this year and then in Dec. I found out about a wonderful homeschooling class a lady we know is teaching on the Civil War so we've dropped the ancients for the next 6 months and dd is doing the class along with a writing class and loving it. Dd and I sit down now and then to talk about how things are going and what she'd like to be learning so I can be sure to include things she wants to be learning about.

 

I keep track of what we do each day as we are doing it.

[Barbara H]

 

:grouphug:

 

I think (hope) that as long as we're thinking about what we're doing for our kids & why (being intentional), they'll forgive us when we screw up. We know we're going to be making some (many) mistakes with our son. We do the best we can with the knowledge we have and the abilities/energy/resources we have.

 

 

 

 

Very wise words! There are often posts on this board about kids who struggle with perfectionism, but it is good for us to keep an eye on our own perfectionism too. We aren't going to be perfect planners or perfect parents and if we could be that would be a loss for our kids because they wouldn't get to see us make mistakes and model flexibility.

 

I know it is frustrating not to be able to make plans but I think that's the nature of homeschooling, particularly younger gifted kids. You can plan but you may end up on plan c, plan d, plan e before it is over. It does get easier as they get older in part because it becomes easier to accept that they are ultimately the ones who are really responsible for their own learning.