Kaleidoscope Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 She told me today she feels like a bad person, she deserves to have people hurt her. Sigh. Why does life have to hurt so much and be so hard? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 She told me today she feels like a bad person, she deserves to have people hurt her. Sigh. Why does life have to hurt so much and be so hard? How old is she? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyKapers Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 :grouphug: Awe, how sad. That would be very hard to hear. I am thinking you know what is going on that she is feeling this way. I hope you are getting the irl support you need. It is so hard when our kids are hurting and we feel helpless isn't it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 How old is she? Yes, this is important information. What is her age? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 So sad. Do you have a therapist for her? No one should feel like that. Hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzymom Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 That is heartbreaking. How old is she? And what was the context for saying such a sad thing? (That sounds really nosy! Please ignore if you just wanted some hugs!) :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted January 21, 2013 Share Posted January 21, 2013 Yes, we need to know the age and context in order to have better advice. Believing that you should be hurt by others is alarming at any age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaleidoscope Posted January 22, 2013 Author Share Posted January 22, 2013 She's 10. She is adopted and knows she was abused by her birth parents. She's been with us since 7 months old but you can't erase those first months, especially when you have scars staring at you. Now she's watching her father and I deal with marriage problems and its really upsetting her. She doesn't have a therapist but its high on my priority list now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caroljenn Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Poor baby. And poor momma. Hugs to you - I hope you find her some help soon, but for now, just bombard her with unconditional love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I would seek out a therapist that is experienced with kids adopted through the foster care system. The adoption agency might have a therapist for you to use or at least connections in finding one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaleidoscope Posted January 22, 2013 Author Share Posted January 22, 2013 I would seek out a therapist that is experienced with kids adopted through the foster care system. The adoption agency might have a therapist for you to use or at least connections in finding one. Yes, I definitely will. I have a name for a person and from what I can find on her it sounds like a good starting place at least. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
runbikeswim Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Poor thing. Why is the world so hurtful:( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tearose Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 I'm so sorry for your daughter--I hope that she (and you!) find therapy helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaleidoscope Posted January 22, 2013 Author Share Posted January 22, 2013 I'm so sorry for your daughter--I hope that she (and you!) find therapy helpful. Thanks. She's an amazing girl. I hope she can see that eventually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbara H Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 Very sad... but very good that she is able to put those words into feelings and she trusts you enough to tell you. I hope you therapy helps her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 She's 10. She is adopted and knows she was abused by her birth parents. She's been with us since 7 months old but you can't erase those first months, especially when you have scars staring at you. Now she's watching her father and I deal with marriage problems and its really upsetting her. She doesn't have a therapist but its high on my priority list now. She has a lot to deal with. Children often feel they are the cause of marriage problems. It sounds like you could all use some family counseling. It's not like there is just something wrong with her world view. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galatea Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 She's 10. She is adopted and knows she was abused by her birth parents. She's been with us since 7 months old but you can't erase those first months, especially when you have scars staring at you. Now she's watching her father and I deal with marriage problems and its really upsetting her. She doesn't have a therapist but its high on my priority list now. Yes, therapy is essential. I was adopted after abuse also. The most important thing you can help her to understand is that all of the things that other people do they did because there was something wrong with them, not because there was something wrong with her. Other people have illnesses or make choices that can affect us in bad ways, but that is because of their choice, not because of us. Point out similar situations if you can think of them. Make sure she understands that your current marriage problems are because of the choices you and your husband make and issues that you may have and not because of her. Understanding this got me through a lot of hard times, and therapy really helped me get there. If a ten year old is feeling this way, and is dealing with difficulty at home as well, she needs a safe haven where she can talk about how she feels without feeling like she may be contributing to problems. Therapy can really help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaleidoscope Posted January 22, 2013 Author Share Posted January 22, 2013 Very sad... but very good that she is able to put those words into feelings and she trusts you enough to tell you. I hope you therapy helps her. Considering the fact there was a time she bit, hit, pinched, and head butted me all day I'm amazed at the fact she trusts me enough to tell me how she feels. Yes, therapy is essential. I was adopted after abuse also. The most important thing you can help her to understand is that all of the things that other people do they did because there was something wrong with them, not because there was something wrong with her. Other people have illnesses or make choices that can affect us in bad ways, but that is because of their choice, not because of us. Point out similar situations if you can think of them. Make sure she understands that your current marriage problems are because of the choices you and your husband make and issues that you may have and not because of her. Understanding this got me through a lot of hard times, and therapy really helped me get there. If a ten year old is feeling this way, and is dealing with difficulty at home as well, she needs a safe haven where she can talk about how she feels without feeling like she may be contributing to problems. Therapy can really help. I'm glad that's the right thing to be saying because that's exactly what I told her today. I hope therapy will help. She's dealt with an seen too much in her life. She has a lot to deal with. Children often feel they are the cause of marriage problems. It sounds like you could all use some family counseling. It's not like there is just something wrong with her world view. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: You are right, there are actual things happening so it's not just her wrong view. I am in counseling. My husband refuses to go. There's a lot to deal with there but nothing that can be done at the moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaleidoscope Posted January 22, 2013 Author Share Posted January 22, 2013 Just made an appt for me to go in and meet with a counselor regarding dd on Monday. We will actually be discussing my 10 year old and 8 year old who was recently seen by a neuropsych for an education eval. He was very concerned about her anxiety levels and had recommended I have her see somebody. My girls are falling apart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 22, 2013 Share Posted January 22, 2013 You are there for them and getting help. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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