Joker Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Older dd is in middle school ps. I have had issues with books her English teacher recommends but overall have been happy with what she's learning. Her phone went off after bedtime and I grabbed it since it was next to me. I admit to snooping a bit after seeing the text, but there is apparently an ongoing conversation about how inappopriate their English teacher is and how often she talks about sex. These are 12 and 13 year old 7th graders. Do I talk with my dd? I'm probably going to do this anyway. Do I ask questions of the teacher? Do I point out the texts to the teacher? Do I take it any higher? This is really bugging me but this dd is my oldest so it's all new. I can say that none of my teachers talked much about sex in high school, much less middle school so I don't know how to handle this. It's also bugging me that these girls would use the word inappropriate. It makes me think it's rather out there, but they're teenage girls and I just don't know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Being as I would be in the same boat as you (my DD12 -7th grader is my oldest too) I would talk to your DD in as adult of a manner as I could and ask her straight out what the teacher was/is saying. I would want to know the context of the conversations and the depth of the discussions. I would also want to stress the importance of telling you these things and discussing them with you (not her friends) only you can help to guide her through these choppy waters. You can help her to decide if the talk is inappropriate or not, and what she (and you) should do about this. This isn't something that two 12yos can deal with, she needs your guidance. After that discussion, let us know about the outcome of the talk with your DD and we can help you to know what to do next. But without knowing what was said by the teacher, I cannot know what I would do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted January 18, 2013 Author Share Posted January 18, 2013 I know I have to ask her first. I think I just freaked a bit there seeing the texts. I'm planning on a talk tomorrow after school. The text that bothered me the most was when one friend said she wondered if parents would care. My dd answered that only weird parents with mental problems wouldn't care. That tells me my dd truly felt this teacher was inappropriate and I'm bummed she didn't discuss it with me. I'm keeping an open mind and staying calm. I really hate this stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 I am sorry that this happened. It sounds like your daughter is trying to figure out the best way to handle this situation also. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 . My dd answered that only weird parents with mental problems wouldn't care. That tells me my dd truly felt this teacher was inappropriate and I'm bummed she didn't discuss it with me. It's middle school so I am guessing that a bunch of kids feel uncomfortable and are discussing the issue before pulling their parents into the conversation. Even if the English teacher is discussing a play like Oedipus Rex, I would still be curious as a parent how sex is discussed. I had a lady biology teacher who was touching her breast a few times during class because she had a biopsy and was waiting results. We thought it was weird but we didn't think it was serious enough to tell our parents about it. Luckily we didn't as she told us later about the biopsy and that the results was benign. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 If it's bad enough that the kids are upset, parents should probably know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Yes, definitely talk to your DD. Try and stay calm, which I'm sure is hard. I think I'd be pretty ticked. There's no need for sex talk unless it was somehow directly related to classwork.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Izzy Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 I would talk to DD. It does sound inappropriate and the kids aren't comfortable with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Usually there's a parent that's in the know. Do you have any parent connections? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Usually there's a parent that's in the know. Do you have any parent connections? Although that may be true, my concern is that this could turn into a well-meaning gossip fest, KWIM? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 Although that may be true, my concern is that this could turn into a well-meaning gossip fest, KWIM? I'm more worried about the kids. Technically anything her child says is "hearsay" but that doesn't mean it should be ignored. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted January 18, 2013 Author Share Posted January 18, 2013 Glad I don't overreact much. ;) The class has been studying and reading Julius Caesar for the past few weeks and the kids didn't understand the fertility festival. The teacher explained and then the students made lots of comments and had questions. Dd said it is the students, not the teacher, who are inappropriate. She says a few students do it often. She says the teacher has her way of moving the discussion past those remarks but dd wishes she would just tell the kids to stop. She also said sometimes it's funny. :tongue_smilie: So, I was upset over not much at all. I guess that's what I get for reading her texts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted January 18, 2013 Share Posted January 18, 2013 It is easier safer for children to start talking about "forbidden" subjects when someone else provides an opening. This opening can be quite subtle. Sex could be mentioned once and in context, but it is all that is needed for the kids to start talking. No one is going to admit that it is "cool" to talk about something so forbidden, and it is safer to bring it up in the context of "Mrs. X made me so uncomfortable when she talked about sex." And the subject is open for grabs now. When I was in middle school our teacher pronounced "six" as sort of like "sex" and that was enough, honestly. I'd investigate with your DD first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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