Michelle My Bell Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 I used to have people over once in awhile when I was still married, but now that I am single... I feel lost. I am introverted and have a difficult time holding conversations and even though I want to have people over so I can make friends, I am terrified. Especially when it comes to having whole families over that include husbands. I think it might be awkward. But I am so lonely for friends. Over the last few years, I have been dropped by a lot of people that used to be my friends. Any advice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen A Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 It's definitely a challenge. If they are not good friends where I can expect them to entertain themselves while I am in the kitchen cooking, I usually try to invite two families or singles or couples over, so the guests can mingle/talk with one another while I am occupied. We also invite others to go out to a restaurant with us, so I don't have be the hostess. But I want to encourage you to JUST DO IT. Even if it's not a spectacular "event" people just feel happy thinking someone else likes them enough to want to get to know them and have them over. It can also help to have an "end time". I might have company for lunch after church, but announce at some point that the kids need to start cleaning up around 3, as we have to (fill in the blank). That keeps visits from getting too long if I'm feeling a little awkward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle My Bell Posted January 5, 2013 Author Share Posted January 5, 2013 Thanks for your reply. I know there are not a lot of people in our situation. I wonder if any of the married ladies could answer from their perspective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMomof4 Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 My sister is newly single and she has started a girl's movie night at her house every few weeks. She's very quiet also so this gives her something where they CAN talk, but don't have to. Kwim? Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LifeLovePassion Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 I am married, but I agree with the Just Do It thought. I need to do that for myself too. With true friends it's not about being fancy as being comfortable. Could you invite more than one married couple/family perhaps? Or find a family event locally and invite others to it (apple orchard, parade, concert, play at the highschool, etc.) Maybe go out for dessert after or invite them over for dessert afterwards? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 Ypu have a young son- if my family & I came over, DH would be hanging out with your little guy playing video games and making superhero & godzilla battles. :coolgleamA: Keep it simple, and plan activities that don't focus on everybody lined up on couches making conversation. Pizza, salad, & lemonade make a great casual meal- don't stress about fancy. For us, video games are standard entertainment. Wii Zumba is hilarious- EVERYONE dances, even though we only have one sensor belt thingy. Board or card games? Make dessert a "project" and have a sundae bar. when you extend an inviatation- include an ending time- makes it easy to say "Whoa! We better get the sundae bar rolling so we can finish up by 10 so the kids can get enough sleep before church/school/whatever." If the guests ask if they can bring anything- LET THEM! Either a food item you're horrible at (I let my guests bring salad- every salad I make end up lookign like a compost heap) or ask them to bring a game their kids like. Remember: keep it simple. Unless you are a fabulous chef with amazing china & decor, peopek will remember how much fun they had way more than they'll remember your fabulous souffle. Have fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TKDmom Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 We have a group of friends that do "game nights". We invite each other to our houses, ask everyone to bring some finger foods, and play party games or board games. There is one woman in our group who is single (never married and no kids) and I think it works nicely to have her over to socialize without being awkward. Game nights are very informal--when someone feels like having one, they call up some of the other families. We've had anywhere from 3 to 8 families involved, depending on how ambitious the host is feeling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle My Bell Posted January 5, 2013 Author Share Posted January 5, 2013 There are some great ideas here! I feel like I can handle it now. Strangely enough, my ex was a Pastor so I had people over often, but I just felt lost on how to do it in my present situation. Thank you all so much! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 I was a single mom for two years, and I mostly just met people for dinner out when I wanted to get together with friends. I like the idea of a movie night for ladies, too. I see nothing out of place about inviting a family (married couple with kids) over for dinner, lunch, games, etc. If you are newly single, it will take some time to break through the awkwardness with the relationships you had prior to becoming single, but I think it is best to press forward and just do it. I also know many ladies are wanting hosts for Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, et al parties, and I think that would be a great way to host some folks without a lot of pressure on you personally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 I have several friends who are single parents, and they do different things. One assigns theme (i.e. Mexican, soup-and-salad) for a potluck and invites a variety of people (all she has to do is invite, clean up, and provide desert/drinks), another meets friends for coffee, and a third takes people out for lunch after church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 Thanks for your reply. I know there are not a lot of people in our situation. I wonder if any of the married ladies could answer from their perspective. I would encourage you to just do it. I'd be thrilled to be invited. I would not find it the slightest bit weird that you are single - whether you chose to invite couples, or just ladies. If you are uncomfortable inviting couples, you could ease into entertaining by inviting a group of ladies only. I have occasionally moms from our homeschool group and our book club over for ladies only nights; my husband will either make a brief appearance to say hello or hide somewhere for the duration. You could also make things less awkward by inviting a large group of people, couples and singles, for a seasonal party, a garden bbq, a potluck dinner. I find this the easiest way to entertain. I am extroverted and love to entertain, and I understand that this may be more difficult for an introvert. But it is really easy- the recipe for a good time are fun people, some yummy food, and a kind hostess who opens her home. I have never scrutinized the selection of my fellow guests, the marital status of my host, or the state of the home. I feel that my guests are the same. People are grateful to be invited. It will be fine. Just do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colleen in NS Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 Strangely enough, my ex was a Pastor so I had people over often, So then this is probably a particular flavour of having people over. You don't have to do it that way if you don't want to. What about having social time (hospitality if you wish, involving finger foods, potluck, desserts, whatever you feel like doing) that revolves around your particular interests? You'd definitely find friends that way. And you won't have to think about your single status - you'll be too busy thinking about the common interest in the group. You're crafty, right? How about starting a monthly knitting group? Or stitchery group (knit, crochet, embroider, hand-sew; whatever people want to bring)? Or paper-crafts group? Or an any-handcrafts group? Just something where people can bring something to do with their hands, and you all automatically have something to talk about and can retreat into your craft while others talk if you have nothing to say at the moment. Or what about starting a monthly homeschool Moms' group, just to get together and chat/talk about materials/discuss a particular teaching topic? Or how about a monthly book club, using TWEM as a start? Or if it's family-involved hospitality you're looking for, you can still invite families over (like others said, for game nights, movie nights, perform-a-play nights - all take parts reading a Shakespeare play?, etc.). A friend of mine who is a single Mom invited a bunch of families over last winter every month for a potluck and game night - the one night we were able to go was a lot of fun. You can "practice hospitality" in many different settings, just by offering food, a smile, a place to sit, and a listening ear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 It's hard for we Introverted types to do hostess work. For me, personally, I would hang out with people individually and savor the time together. Big groups would scare me. I always have the food read and out when the friends arrive so there is minimal time spent in the kitchen. Make a date with yourself and invite friends over in small batches. Say you had a standing date on Saturday afternoon - you can schedule out a month in advance. Once you get back in touch with people and comfortable again with hostessing you can make groups larger and mix things up a bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 Double post, no idea ho that happened! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted January 6, 2013 Share Posted January 6, 2013 when i was a single mom, a single dad introduced me to friday night pizza and movie nights. he would select two or three other single parents, and invite them and their children over for pizza and movie night. the next friday, it was someone else's turn to host. so for the cost of two movie rentals (one child, one adult) and pizza, we all got four friday nights of comraderie and food and friends. it was simple and simply wonderful. hth, ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted January 6, 2013 Share Posted January 6, 2013 One of my best friends is single. We invite her over with the kids, or on weekends she doesn't have them. She shares some interests with my husband, and different ones with me. the conversation never stops. Sometimes we invite her brother because he's a hoot too. I think the key is to invite people with common interests. Host a "Mom's Night In" for homeschooling moms and eat all that Girl Food that husbands and kids might balk at. Have a knitting party, or host a book club, or a game night. Sometimes you need an event of sorts to draw people. Dinner at your home isn't generally where you meet people. You do that AFTER you've established relationships. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sditz1 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I used to have people over once in awhile when I was still married, but now that I am single... I feel lost. I am introverted and have a difficult time holding conversations and even though I want to have people over so I can make friends, I am terrified. Especially when it comes to having whole families over that include husbands. I think it might be awkward. But I am so lonely for friends. Over the last few years, I have been dropped by a lot of people that used to be my friends. Any advice? I am right there with you. I don't have any answers for you, but I do understand how you are feeling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sditz1 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I am single too, and I rarely invite people I do not know well over. Homeschooling and working at home both cause messes others do not have. I am a bad host by nature. I am less intimidated by playdates where moms come along with their kids. That way, there are no husbands and no expectation to cook anything beyond cookies. I can totally relate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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