joannqn Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 DD's friend was admitted to an adolescent psyche ward after attempting to take her life. DD, age 12, wants to go visit her. I support this. We love this girl and her family. We want her to know that she is loved. But I don't think DD is prepared for how it could go. Friend knows that DD knows what is going on. She's embarrassed that DD knows. We don't know exactly what is going on in her head...just that she's anorexic, adopted (so abandonment issues might be coming into play), suicidal, and angry. Any wisdom you can provide would be appreciated. I'd like to prepare her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 I have no advice, but hugs to your dd for being such a caring friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Is the young lady willing to see dd? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 Yes. Her mom told her today, and she was ok with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter's Moon Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Do they enjoy doing something together that your DD could easily bring along? A board game, playing cards, drawing, etc.? I have personal experience with this in regards to my sister and best friend. They both just wanted some normalcy back. They were sick of all the doctors, nurses, and their parents asking them how they felt and all that. They just wanted to forget about it for a little while. This is a tough situation, and you have a very caring DD :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Petrichor Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 If I were the friend in the hospital, I would want my friend to play and talk with me, while pretending that nothing happened. If I wanted to talk about it, I would say something to friend (in this case, your DD). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Be prepared for her friend to act normal and not want to talk about it. Be prepared for it to be the elephant in the room. If doctors and her parents are okaying this I would assume that she's not volatile but be prepared to cut the visit short if needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 I think you should have dd talk to the girl's mother first. Get her to describe the situation to your dd to prepare her for what she's going to see, hear, and smell. All of these place are different and it may be no worse than a normal hospital visit, but it could be a scary place for the uninitiated. She might also tell your dd what condition her friend is in (is she scary-thin, physical effects of her suicide attempt, is she lucid or in and out). Just being told about what she's likely to experience can take a lot of the fear out of it once she's there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Since she agreed to the visit I think it's likely to go well. I like Stephanie's suggestions about keeping things normal. Dd's friend didn't want to talk about why she was there or how she was but liked having company. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 We just saw her a couple weeks ago so we know she's thin but she doesn't look too bad. I know she's in street clothes. The attempt was with pills so she should look ok...meaning no cuts or anything. I'll talk to the mom and get more details. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Do they enjoy doing something together that your DD could easily bring along? A board game, playing cards, drawing, etc.? I have personal experience with this in regards to my sister and best friend. They both just wanted some normalcy back. They were sick of all the doctors, nurses, and their parents asking them how they felt and all that. They just wanted to forget about it for a little while. This is a tough situation, and you have a very caring DD :grouphug: I think this is a great idea! Sitting around looking at each other could be awkward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 Yeah, I'm trying to think of something they could do. On past visits, they mostly sat around and talked and giggled. I know the visiting area is a large room of tables with everyone talking to their visitors at different tables. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momacacia Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 This sounds silly and your dd may think it is, but what about doing some coloring/drawing together. Either a coloring book of something the other girl likes (horses, princesses, whatever!) and an art pad of paper and a great set of art pencils. Sitting and drawing together they can visit and personally I find sitting and drawing with my dd sooooooo relaxing (and I'm NO artist). I've also heard that coloring books with crayons has been the rage among college and high school girls. Idk :confused:, sounds weird, but if it works . . . . Just a thought! May their time together be blessed! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Yeah, I'm trying to think of something they could do. On past visits, they mostly sat around and talked and giggled. Mad libs? That leads to talking and giggling. My dd picked up a book of them today at Half Price Books- which is why they popped into my mind. Maybe a Halloween themed craft? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 Thanks for the ideas. I'll run them by mom and my DD. My DD has a favorite board game she likes. I suggested she could take it and say, "Hey, this is my favorite game. Let's play." I need to call up there and make sure DD will be allowed in (thinking of possible age restrictions) and what might be allowed/restricted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 My dd and her friends wouldn't want to color. But I can see them painting nails, or watching a movie together on a portable DVD player, playing a board game, or flipping through a book - dd got a "making of" book about Hunger Games and her friends love it. Even going for a walk around the grounds might be nice if she is up to it. I know the movie idea sounds weird, but just being together in the same space while having something distracting might help talking, or it might not and that might be what the friend needs. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 She'll probably take a game. She can only visit in the cafeteria and only if she has cafeteria privileges. So we have to call before going to find out of she does. Visiting hours aren't long enough to watch a movie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in MN Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Humm, I will be the odd girl out again. When I landed in the hospital at the age of 19 I had very few friends visit - three total. The elephant in the room needed to be talked about. I needed my friends to put the spotlight on the elephant and say that they loved me and never wanted to go to my funeral. If they had acted like nothing was different I could have easily slipped back into the fantasy that no one cared. God blessed me with good friends, and they all talked about what happened and how it impacted them and their lives. I've never tried to kill myself since then. So go, cry, talk about it. Tell the girl you love her and would be hurt forever if she died. Don't take arts and crafts type stuff because we do plenty of that in therapy. Same with board and card games and movies. Don't smuggle anything in that is on the banned list. Books are good, they help pass the time. What to do, then? Talk, tell funny stories, complain about traffic. Normal stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 I would find out ahead of time (from the mom? hospital ward?) what, if any, gifts you could take in with you for the visit. Perhaps a small stuffed animal would be a comfort to her, or a hand-made card from your daughter, or a small jigsaw puzzle that the girls could make together while they visit. Hope it all goes well for you, your daughter, and her friend. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Humm, I will be the odd girl out again. When I landed in the hospital at the age of 19 I had very few friends visit - three total. The elephant in the room needed to be talked about. I needed my friends to put the spotlight on the elephant and say that they loved me and never wanted to go to my funeral. If they had acted like nothing was different I could have easily slipped back into the fantasy that no one cared. God blessed me with good friends, and they all talked about what happened and how it impacted them and their lives. I've never tried to kill myself since then. And I, for one, hope you never do, Elizabeth in MN! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted October 13, 2012 Author Share Posted October 13, 2012 I told my daughter it is ok to cry and tell her how she is feeling. I do think that she needs to know how we feel and that we care. I can also see using something to do as helpful...maybe making it easier to talk. Thank you for all of the suggestions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Humm, I will be the odd girl out again. When I landed in the hospital at the age of 19 I had very few friends visit - three total. The elephant in the room needed to be talked about. I needed my friends to put the spotlight on the elephant and say that they loved me and never wanted to go to my funeral. If they had acted like nothing was different I could have easily slipped back into the fantasy that no one cared. God blessed me with good friends, and they all talked about what happened and how it impacted them and their lives. I've never tried to kill myself since then. So go, cry, talk about it. Tell the girl you love her and would be hurt forever if she died. Don't take arts and crafts type stuff because we do plenty of that in therapy. Same with board and card games and movies. Don't smuggle anything in that is on the banned list. Books are good, they help pass the time. What to do, then? Talk, tell funny stories, complain about traffic. Normal stuff. :grouphug: bless you for sharing. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grover Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Humm, I will be the odd girl out again. When I landed in the hospital at the age of 19 I had very few friends visit - three total. The elephant in the room needed to be talked about. I needed my friends to put the spotlight on the elephant and say that they loved me and never wanted to go to my funeral. If they had acted like nothing was different I could have easily slipped back into the fantasy that no one cared. God blessed me with good friends, and they all talked about what happened and how it impacted them and their lives. I've never tried to kill myself since then. So go, cry, talk about it. Tell the girl you love her and would be hurt forever if she died. Don't take arts and crafts type stuff because we do plenty of that in therapy. Same with board and card games and movies. Don't smuggle anything in that is on the banned list. Books are good, they help pass the time. What to do, then? Talk, tell funny stories, complain about traffic. Normal stuff. to add my voice to this - my bestie had an attempt when we were 14. I used to bike over to visit her 3 - 4 times a week. I took lots of candy and pizza :-) The first time I turned up, I looked at her and said, "what the hell?" she burst into tears and told me everything - I told her I loved her and I'd miss her forever if she was gone, and I'd be mad as hell if she ever did it again and then we talked about other stuff. She told me years later that I was the first (and only) person who ever actually told her what they thought about it all without guilting her, and it made her think about what she'd tried to do. It wasn't terribly PC or tactful of me, but I'm not very PC. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaryE Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 If your DD's friend is in the psych ward, call ahead of time and ask the nurses what can and can't be allowed. The one time I visited someone there, there were very strict guidelines about what could be brought in. You wouldn't believe all the things they considered to be potentially harmful! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tyydae Posted October 13, 2012 Share Posted October 13, 2012 Now is a good time to make sure the lines of communication are clear between you and your daughter. They say birds of a feather flock together, and while your daughter may not be suicidal or anorexic, she has a friend who is. So I would say to you, don't be afraid to spend the next few months showing your daughter how much she means to you, paying her more compliments than usual, and telling her how lovely she is. DD's friend was admitted to an adolescent psyche ward after attempting to take her life. DD, age 12, wants to go visit her. I support this. We love this girl and her family. We want her to know that she is loved. But I don't think DD is prepared for how it could go. Friend knows that DD knows what is going on. She's embarrassed that DD knows. We don't know exactly what is going on in her head...just that she's anorexic, adopted (so abandonment issues might be coming into play), suicidal, and angry. Any wisdom you can provide would be appreciated. I'd like to prepare her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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