rhrice3 Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 Ladies, My dd, 7th grade, made a wonderful public school friend nearly 2 yrs ago. There was a group of 5 that swam on a competitive team, and they were all best friends. My dd and this girl were BFF - their birthdays are days apart so we had joint birthday parties, they spent most of a weekend together, etc Well, about 3 mos ago I noticed a HUGE difference. This friend's mom asked me to pick her up (the mom was working and dad was sick). I had always offered to do this since our girls were BFF's. This time it was so weird. Later I discovered that none of the girls want to be friends with her anymore! I asked my dd about it. She said that this girl had a boyfriend now and she says inappropriate things, etc. My dd would not tell me more details, but all the girls think that she has "issues". So fast forward - it is their birthday time. This girl's mom has invited us to a birthday party, but my dd does not want to go. I mean, this will mean buying a $25 gift so I really think that my dd should say something to this girl about not wanting to go to her party! I am desperate for thoughts! ReneeR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 IF your daughter doesn't want to go, I wouldn't make her. This friend is saying (and possibly doing) things that make your daughter uncomfortable. Why force the relationship? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hilltop Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 I think all you have to do is respond that your dd is unable to attend the party...no explanation necessary. Maybe I am missing something?:confused1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 This girl's mom has invited us to a birthday party, but my dd does not want to go. I mean, this will mean buying a $25 gift so I really think that my dd should say something to this girl about not wanting to go to her party! That's easy: "I am sorry, but I will not be able to come to your party". manners dictate that you don't say "I don't WANT to come to your party" - but there is no need to go into detail about the reasons. If asked, she can say she already has plans. Even if those plans just involve being home and watching a movie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhrice3 Posted September 22, 2012 Author Share Posted September 22, 2012 Yes, this will work. I have already told the girls' mom that my husband and I were going out of town during the time of the party so we were not sure about my dd attendance to the party. I agree - we should just say "she can not attend". it is for the best! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 I don't know--- they have been friends for a while and shared birthday events---I guess I would use this as a "mercy" lesson and have your dd go. Not much can happen as a party (and I would be there to make sure they are supervised).There may not be any other girls there and the B-day girl may have a lame party. Perhaps she should know that she has ONE friend. Can you talk to the mother?-- She may not know what is going on. Can your DD tell the other girl that she doesn't want to hear these things? I don't know what they other girl is saying but I assume it is s*x*al and your daughter might have to learn to shut this down. I don't think they have to associate after this, but for the party- ehh go. Try to BE a friend in every sense of the word (even if it means being blunt). Also --- perhaps this girl is in over her head and needs someone to talk to (not necessarily your child, but someone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 I think all you have to do is respond that your dd is unable to attend the party...no explanation necessary. Maybe I am missing something?:confused1: :iagree: don't make it more complicated than it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth S Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 If I were in your shoes, I would NOT make dd go, but I would definitely have her at least make a card and send a small (possibly handmade) gift--to show that you all are NOT just cutting her off. Relationships change over the years, and it's easier to back away slowly.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 she needs to be honest. I was friends with a gal who suddenly shunned me. She just flat out said she didn't like some of my choices at the time and felt we shouldn't be friends. It hurt but at least I knew the reason and as an adult now I can appreciate that. It was the nicest way for her to tell me my behavior at that time was no longer cool with our group of friends. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 I would just say that you're sorry but your daughter can't make it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 I would politely refuse. That said, if I were the other girl's mother, I would immediately get on the phone to find out WHY you were refusing. That might be a perfect time for you to mention that her daughter's conversation topics have changed quite a bit since she got a boyfriend. I would certainly want to know that if I were the other mom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 I bet some of the other girls will go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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