what am I doing wrong? So far I'm 2 and 6 for having decent sleepers

[razorbackmama]

I started to type out this incredibly long and (more than likely) unnecessary post about my baby and her sorry sleep habits. I'll spare the gory details unless anyone asks about them.

 

The current situation: baby is 10.5 months old. She cosleeps only because I know if I get up with her I'll just pass out in the chair while I nurse her. I do NOT WANT to cosleep...I don't think it creates any better of a "bond," and in our case it HURTS our "bond," so I want to get her OUT of my bed. She wakes multiple times even while in my bed.

 

It has now gotten to the point where she will not nap in her own bed, she certainly won't sleep in there at night. The last few days she barely will sleep with my husband in bed either.

 

Basically it has gotten to where my life revolves around trying to get her to nap or sleep at night. I have 7 other children and a husband who is gone from 7 am to 8:30ish pm. I homeschool 6 of the children and have a home business. I CAN. NOT. allow her sleep "needs" take priority over everything else I have to do. Sure, they weigh in, but they no longer can overshadow everything in our home.

 

I got 4 hours of broken sleep last night. Sadly that is the norm. Something has to change.

 

While I am not a fan of cosleeping (it has always been a disaster with our family...this kid is not the first to have sleep problems due to cosleeping...she's just the worst and I have the least time to deal with it), I'm not a fan of crying it out either. But I have no idea what else to do.

 

I've read Pantley (that book was an absolute JOKE), Ferber, Weissbluth, Babywise, Baby Whisperer, and Sears (at least enough to throw his book in the trash since it was completely unrealistic...and that was back when I only had ONE!). I have prayed for wisdom. I have listened to my instincts. Of course, my "instincts" are what led us here, I'm afraid. And I don't know where to go from here.

 

She USED to go down for naps well. She USED to sleep all night as a newborn. She now flips out if I lay her in bed, even if she is already asleep. The moment she hits the bed she freaks. The only way I can get her to nap (and she HAS to nap) is in her swing.

 

Anyway...anyone else here have a recovering cosleepaholic? How did you help your little one break the addiction? My 7th baby was a fantastic night sleeper...but he didn't nurse (got breastmilk form a bottle). So the all-night milk buffet wasn't available. That makes weaning #8 so appealing, but I can't bear to do that either (I fully intend to nurse until she's at least 2).

 

Suggestions?

[Rosie_0801]

Um. In my limited experience the way this is done is to let them have their way as long as you can, then just before you go completely nuts, you toss them in their own bed and they have to deal with it. I didn't like letting dd cry it out either, but my sanity takes priority over her personal sleeping preferences. I see it as an uneven relationship, but it's definitely not a one sided relationship. Mamma needs to be sane, and everyone else needs her to be sane too. I had dd in a cot in my room, so she still had company, but when she was nine months and the seasons turned cool so she wasn't actually thirsty, that was the end of night feeds. After a few nights, she learned to deal, and this was a kid who had needed to feed six times a night and only napped ten minutes a day, in two five minute blocks...

 

I hope someone has more helpful advice than "suck it up Buttercup" (Buttercup being the baby, not you because you've done your share!) But that's all I've got!

 

:grouphug:

Rosie

[LizzyBee]

I'm no help, because my youngest slept with us until she was 3.5 yo. She wouldn't sleep unless she was touching someone. I sensed that she needed to sleep with us even though I didn't know why. When she was 7 yo, she was finally diagnosed with sensory processing disorder. When she was 3.5, dh finally was kicked in the face one too many times and made her stay in her room the rest of the night. It was really hard for me not to interfere, but I didn't. When she woke up the next morning, I said, "You are such a big girl! You slept in your bed all night!" Apparently, being a big girl meant something to her, because she has slept in her own bed ever since. But she sleeps surrounded by stuffed animals to get the sensory feedback she needs (of her own doing, not ours).

[Ellie]

Although I co-slept with dd2, I also put her to bed all by her onesie for nap and bedtime.

 

The first few months, I went to bed in the evening when she did, just so I could sleep. I took a shower around 9 and got her ready for bed, too; any time after that when she wanted to nurse, we went to bed, and she slept with me all night.

 

Eventually, I would put her to bed when she fell asleep nursng, and she stayed asleep; when she woke during the night I took her to bed with me.

 

At around 3mo, I started putting her to bed around noon for a nap, because she was staying awake all.day.long, and *I* needed her nap. There was some crying the first three days or so, but after that, she took a 2-hr nap every day until she was 4yo. The crying was worth it for both of us.

 

We started solids--gently, as in food on the high chair tray she would mess with--at about 8mo, and a cup of water; one night when she was about 9mo, we sat down to nurse, and she just fussed and snorked, lol, so I just put her to bed, and she went to sleep. So now, I could put her to bed for the 2hr nap, and to bed at 9.

 

Then for a few months, she'd wake around midnight, and I'd go get her and bring her to bed. She was eating some during the day, her biggest meal being at dinner. One night I waited when she woke to nurse, to see what would happen. After a few minutes she settled down and went back to sleep. She woke at 2, and I got up and nursed her, then put her back to bed. Now we're 9p.m.-2 a.m., uninterrupted sleep. YAY! Finally, I waited at 2 a.m. to see what would happen, and she woke a little, rolled around in her crib, and went back to sleep until around 7 a.m. Until she was 26mo, I took her to bed with me in the morning like that to cuddle and nurse. We nursed on demand during the day.

 

So what I'm saying in this long story :-) is to start putting her to bed instead of waiting for her to fall asleep or automatically co-sleeping with her. I'm not talking about letting her cry it out; I'm just suggesting that a little whining in the crib for awhile is not a bad thing, and it could develop into a good night's sleep for you (and her).

[razorbackmama]

So what I'm saying in this long story :-) is to start putting her to bed instead of waiting for her to fall asleep or automatically co-sleeping with her. I'm not talking about letting her cry it out; I'm just suggesting that a little whining in the crib for awhile is not a bad thing, and it could develop into a good night's sleep for you (and her).

That's actually how it started out. I'd put her in bed and she'd drift off to nighty-night land (OK during the day it was nappy-nap land LOL). She'd just lie there looking at the window. So lovely.

 

I have NO clue how we got where we are now.

 

I actually don't "wait" for her to fall asleep - she usually just passes out while she's nursing (if it's time to sleep). So are you suggesting to not let her fall asleep nursing?:confused:

[Ellie]

That's actually how it started out. I'd put her in bed and she'd drift off to nighty-night land (OK during the day it was nappy-nap land LOL). She'd just lie there looking at the window. So lovely.

 

I have NO clue how we got where we are now.

 

I actually don't "wait" for her to fall asleep - she usually just passes out while she's nursing (if it's time to sleep). So are you suggesting to not let her fall asleep nursing?:confused:

Well, no. What I'm suggesting is that you choose bedtimes (nap and nighttime) and put her to bed at those times, whether she has nursed or not. And I'm only suggesting this because of her age; it isn't that 10mo babies don't need nursy-snuggly, only that they are capable of being able to go to bed on somewhat regular schedules; they still need nursy-snuggly...they can just do that during the day

[meggie]

Ok, all I know is my experiences so this may or may not be helpful.

 

Pigby-cried it out when he was 4 months old. Excellent sleeper after that.

 

Digby-had eczema which seems to be affected by gluten and/or dairy. He also seems to have a need to be touched. He might be a sensory seeker or whatever it's called. It would explain the need to be touching someone all. the. time. I don't remember what I did to survive his first year of life; it's all a blur. Sometime around 12 months he started sleeping through the night occasionally, although more often than not, he would cry and wake up. We tried the one where you sit by their crib and over the course of several weeks move further away. Disaster for him. As sleep deprived as I already was, staying up ALL night was even worse. We tried CIO, another disaster for him. He was the type who would never calm down. Pigby and Chuck from a young age would be able to soothe themselves to sleep. Digby would not. EXCEPT for naps. He started not sleeping during the day EVER (like 3 months old) so I made him CIO for naps. 20 minutes of crying for 2 or 3 days and he was taking real naps again.

 

Chuck-Excellent sleeper from 0-6 months. From 6-12 months she was a terrible sleeper (reminiscent of Digby's waking 7 times a night). At 12 months, DH and I slept downstairs and she cried it out one night. Slept through the night for two weeks until I moved her crib into the boys' room. From then til now (19 months) she's been waking two times a night for feedings. What I did to help with that is when I go in there, she's standing up. I hug her without picking her up. I hug her for as long as I can before I think I'm gonna fall over. Then I tell her to lie down. Oh. My. Heck. The first few nights of this were miserable. Baby girl gets super angry and SUPER loud. The shrieking was just awful. I patted her arms and back and rubbed her hair until she calmed down. Then I rubbed and patted until I thought I was going to fall over and I just left. She was still awake and only one time did she cry when I left, but she did stop after a few minutes.

 

That has only been going on for a week, so I can't tell you if it'll work long-term. But it has given me three nights of sleep. Between her and Digby, I think I'm getting used to the chronic sleep deprivation. I'm still waking on my own at the times they normally do.

 

I don't know. I don't generally believe in maternal instincts about this kind of thing (maybe you'll have better luck with that), but I am a believer of "try something else". I mean, with the billions of kids in the world, any millions of reasons could be making them wake up in the night.

[Shellydon]

No matter what you do she is going to cry. You are going to change the rules you've set for her sleeping and she is going to be unhappy about it.

Start with naps. Nurse her, but do NOT let her fall asleep while nursing. Put her in her crib awake but sleepy. She is going to fuss and cry. You can either stay by her bed sitting on a chair (this is what I did) or you can leave the room. Do what works best for her and you. I would sit and sing until they fell asleep. This could take an hour or more the first time. Repeat this procedure for each nap and bedtime. If at all possible, put something on the floor in her room and sleep there so when she wakes at night you can pick her up, nurse, then put her back in bed. She will know you are there and aren't going to leave, but she will also learn that she is going to stay in her bed.

 

After a week to 10 days, she should be going to sleep easier for naps and bedtime. If you don't already get a white noise machine or loud fan for white noise.

 

Once she is going down without too much fuss, you can then night wean. Start by cutting each night feeding short. If she typically nurses 10 minutes, nurse her 5. After a week, she should be nursing just a couple of minutes. At that point eliminate nursing at night. She is going to complain. You can offer a sippy of water if you want, but don't nurse.

[razorbackmama]

Well, no. What I'm suggesting is that you choose bedtimes (nap and nighttime) and put her to bed at those times, whether she has nursed or not. And I'm only suggesting this because of her age; it isn't that 10mo babies don't need nursy-snuggly, only that they are capable of being able to go to bed on somewhat regular schedules; they still need nursy-snuggly...they can just do that during the day

Oh she is on a sleep schedule already for the most part. Schedules are my life since I have so many kids.:lol:

 

Ok, all I know is my experiences so this may or may not be helpful.

 

Pigby-cried it out when he was 4 months old. Excellent sleeper after that.

 

Digby-had eczema which seems to be affected by gluten and/or dairy. He also seems to have a need to be touched. He might be a sensory seeker or whatever it's called. It would explain the need to be touching someone all. the. time. I don't remember what I did to survive his first year of life; it's all a blur. Sometime around 12 months he started sleeping through the night occasionally, although more often than not, he would cry and wake up. We tried the one where you sit by their crib and over the course of several weeks move further away. Disaster for him. As sleep deprived as I already was, staying up ALL night was even worse. We tried CIO, another disaster for him. He was the type who would never calm down. Pigby and Chuck from a young age would be able to soothe themselves to sleep. Digby would not. EXCEPT for naps. He started not sleeping during the day EVER (like 3 months old) so I made him CIO for naps. 20 minutes of crying for 2 or 3 days and he was taking real naps again.

 

Chuck-Excellent sleeper from 0-6 months. From 6-12 months she was a terrible sleeper (reminiscent of Digby's waking 7 times a night). At 12 months, DH and I slept downstairs and she cried it out one night. Slept through the night for two weeks until I moved her crib into the boys' room. From then til now (19 months) she's been waking two times a night for feedings. What I did to help with that is when I go in there, she's standing up. I hug her without picking her up. I hug her for as long as I can before I think I'm gonna fall over. Then I tell her to lie down. Oh. My. Heck. The first few nights of this were miserable. Baby girl gets super angry and SUPER loud. The shrieking was just awful. I patted her arms and back and rubbed her hair until she calmed down. Then I rubbed and patted until I thought I was going to fall over and I just left. She was still awake and only one time did she cry when I left, but she did stop after a few minutes.

 

That has only been going on for a week, so I can't tell you if it'll work long-term. But it has given me three nights of sleep. Between her and Digby, I think I'm getting used to the chronic sleep deprivation. I'm still waking on my own at the times they normally do.

 

I don't know. I don't generally believe in maternal instincts about this kind of thing (maybe you'll have better luck with that), but I am a believer of "try something else". I mean, with the billions of kids in the world, any millions of reasons could be making them wake up in the night.

I'm curious how your boys have been handling her shrieking at night (didn't you say they all share a room?). That has been part of the issue here. It is not uncommon for one of my olders to say the next day, "What on EARTH was the baby's problem last night???????" We have huge box fans in everyone's rooms to drown out the noise, but she still wakes them up.

 

No matter what you do she is going to cry. You are going to change the rules you've set for her sleeping and she is going to be unhappy about it.

Start with naps. Nurse her, but do NOT let her fall asleep while nursing. Put her in her crib awake but sleepy. She is going to fuss and cry. You can either stay by her bed sitting on a chair (this is what I did) or you can leave the room. Do what works best for her and you. I would sit and sing until they fell asleep. This could take an hour or more the first time. Repeat this procedure for each nap and bedtime. If at all possible, put something on the floor in her room and sleep there so when she wakes at night you can pick her up, nurse, then put her back in bed. She will know you are there and aren't going to leave, but she will also learn that she is going to stay in her bed.

 

After a week to 10 days, she should be going to sleep easier for naps and bedtime. If you don't already get a white noise machine or loud fan for white noise.

 

Once she is going down without too much fuss, you can then night wean. Start by cutting each night feeding short. If she typically nurses 10 minutes, nurse her 5. After a week, she should be nursing just a couple of minutes. At that point eliminate nursing at night. She is going to complain. You can offer a sippy of water if you want, but don't nurse.

I've tried that sort of thing with other kids, and I'd like to think it worked...I'm not sure if it did or if it just took so long that they naturally got older and grew out of it. I like the *idea* of it for sure though!

 

Logistics are tough. Currently her crib is in her sisters' room. Prior to all this cosleeping nonsense she had been sleeping in the pack & play in our room while we waited for her to start sleeping better (oh, the irony). I've been told by people (who of course know better than I do;) ) that that is why she has sleep trouble - I hear her and get her too quickly. I have a box fan on high in my room to drown out noise (and so we don't wake her up). My main reason for having her in with us though is so she doesn't wake up her sisters. My 5yo is HIGH MAINTENANCE when it comes to sleeping (I think we've finally gotten her to quit climbing into bed with us!), so I DO NOT want her to be woken up at night!

 

Then of course there is the time issue. I don't have the time to devote to hours during the day getting her to go to sleep in her crib or at night dealing with her. I have absolutely zero "margin" in my life. (But that's probably another post for another time.;) ) BUT I'm guessing that is one reason why we are here now...since I am stretched so thin I took the easier but worse path. So I may have to just suck it up, figure out what to do with the other kids' school for a week (again...I'm so TIRED of their school getting interrupted because of baby issues), and deal with her. Sigh.

[Shellydon]

Oh she is on a sleep schedule already for the most part. Schedules are my life since I have so many kids.:lol:

 

I'm curious how your boys have been handling her shrieking at night (didn't you say they all share a room?). That has been part of the issue here. It is not uncommon for one of my olders to say the next day, "What on EARTH was the baby's problem last night???????" We have huge box fans in everyone's rooms to drown out the noise, but she still wakes them up.

 

I've tried that sort of thing with other kids, and I'd like to think it worked...I'm not sure if it did or if it just took so long that they naturally got older and grew out of it. I like the *idea* of it for sure though!

 

Logistics are tough. Currently her crib is in her sisters' room. Prior to all this cosleeping nonsense she had been sleeping in the pack & play in our room while we waited for her to start sleeping better (oh, the irony). I've been told by people (who of course know better than I do;) ) that that is why she has sleep trouble - I hear her and get her too quickly. I have a box fan on high in my room to drown out noise (and so we don't wake her up). My main reason for having her in with us though is so she doesn't wake up her sisters. My 5yo is HIGH MAINTENANCE when it comes to sleeping (I think we've finally gotten her to quit climbing into bed with us!), so I DO NOT want her to be woken up at night!

 

Then of course there is the time issue. I don't have the time to devote to hours during the day getting her to go to sleep in her crib or at night dealing with her. I have absolutely zero "margin" in my life. (But that's probably another post for another time.;) ) BUT I'm guessing that is one reason why we are here now...since I am stretched so thin I took the easier but worse path. So I may have to just suck it up, figure out what to do with the other kids' school for a week (again...I'm so TIRED of their school getting interrupted because of baby issues), and deal with her. Sigh.

 

It really shouldn't take more than 3 weeks if you don't give in. I would put her crib in your room until she is solidly sleeping through the night.

[razorbackmama]

It really shouldn't take more than 3 weeks if you don't give in. I would put her crib in your room until she is solidly sleeping through the night.

I think that is the plan. I recently discovered that the crib and the pack & play should fit in the same spot. Yay! Hopefully she won't pull what my 2nd best sleeper did...when she was an infant her crib was in our room (no space), and she would wake up at night and yell at us from across the room. Not fuss...yell. LOLOL. She got moved to the dining room at night.:lol:

[Shellydon]

I think that is the plan. I recently discovered that the crib and the pack & play should fit in the same spot. Yay! Hopefully she won't pull what my 2nd best sleeper did...when she was an infant her crib was in our room (no space), and she would wake up at night and yell at us from across the room. Not fuss...yell. LOLOL. She got moved to the dining room at night.:lol:

 

 

Sometimes, no matter what you do, they don't sleep. Hugs.

[EKS]

I did not do this with a 10 month old (I did it with 3-4 month olds). But I did the cry it out thing and it worked like a charm.

[meggie]

 

I'm curious how your boys have been handling her shrieking at night (didn't you say they all share a room?). That has been part of the issue here. It is not uncommon for one of my olders to say the next day, "What on EARTH was the baby's problem last night???????" We have huge box fans in everyone's rooms to drown out the noise, but she still wakes them up.

 

I've tried that sort of thing with other kids, and I'd like to think it worked...I'm not sure if it did or if it just took so long that they naturally got older and grew out of it. I like the *idea* of it for sure though!

 

Logistics are tough. Currently her crib is in her sisters' room. Prior to all this cosleeping nonsense she had been sleeping in the pack & play in our room while we waited for her to start sleeping better (oh, the irony). I've been told by people (who of course know better than I do;) ) that that is why she has sleep trouble - I hear her and get her too quickly. I have a box fan on high in my room to drown out noise (and so we don't wake her up). My main reason for having her in with us though is so she doesn't wake up her sisters. My 5yo is HIGH MAINTENANCE when it comes to sleeping (I think we've finally gotten her to quit climbing into bed with us!), so I DO NOT want her to be woken up at night!

 

Then of course there is the time issue. I don't have the time to devote to hours during the day getting her to go to sleep in her crib or at night dealing with her. I have absolutely zero "margin" in my life. (But that's probably another post for another time.;) ) BUT I'm guessing that is one reason why we are here now...since I am stretched so thin I took the easier but worse path. So I may have to just suck it up, figure out what to do with the other kids' school for a week (again...I'm so TIRED of their school getting interrupted because of baby issues), and deal with her. Sigh.

 

I sometimes wonder if the reason each successive kid of mine has had so many problems sleeping is because they have to share rooms. Pigby was out of our room at 2 months. Digby out at 6, but then had to adjust to sharing a room with Pigby. THAT *only* took about a year, by which time I was ginormously pregnant with Chuck and got to start all over.

 

Pigby learned how to sleep through Digby crying. Digby eventually learned to sleep through Chuck crying. It did take awhile, especially when Digby first moved in with Pigby. The smallest little squeak from Digby and Pigby was outta there and in my room telling me to take care of it, which would always make Digby cry even more. And I wasn't making Digby CIO, mind you. His reaction time was instantaneous.

 

Regarding the bolded about you getting her too soon; it's always possible. It's also possible that she hears you and your DH and wakes up. I kinda think DH's snoring was part of what made Chuck wake up all the time. :glare: But like I said, there's a million and twelve possible answers; it sucks having to go through them.

 

I would put life on hold as much as you can until this gets figured out. Either that or just try to hang on a bit longer. I had a post when she was 10 months old called, "Would you make a 10 month old CIO?" I managed to hang on another two months before I finally made her. And then went another 7 before I finally got sick enough of having her wake constantly. Either way sucks and there's no guarantee that sleep training will work. It really sucks going through it, but I figure if the one week of training actually works, the rewards will be so great. Lack of sleep can really mess with a person. I've said on here before that I went crazy from sleep deprivation the year after Digby was born. That's not entirely a joke. In fact, most of it is not a joke.

[Starr]

My dc were nursing when they woke up at that age instead of when they were falling asleep. Maybe you could get it changed around and she won't fall asleep before she gets to bed.

[razorbackmama]

Regarding the bolded about you getting her too soon; it's always possible. It's also possible that she hears you and your DH and wakes up. I kinda think DH's snoring was part of what made Chuck wake up all the time. :glare:

Since we have a fan on high literally right next to her bed, I doubt that we're waking each other up.

 

I would put life on hold as much as you can until this gets figured out. Either that or just try to hang on a bit longer. I had a post when she was 10 months old called, "Would you make a 10 month old CIO?" I managed to hang on another two months before I finally made her. And then went another 7 before I finally got sick enough of having her wake constantly. Either way sucks and there's no guarantee that sleep training will work. It really sucks going through it, but I figure if the one week of training actually works, the rewards will be so great. Lack of sleep can really mess with a person. I've said on here before that I went crazy from sleep deprivation the year after Digby was born. That's not entirely a joke. In fact, most of it is not a joke.

I hear ya. Yeah, I'm wondering if this is a bad age. I really should have done this BEFORE she could pull up.:glare: Of course, she went to sleep on her own a couple months ago too so....

 

My dc were nursing when they woke up at that age instead of when they were falling asleep. Maybe you could get it changed around and she won't fall asleep before she gets to bed.

She does both - nurses when she wakes up and right before she goes down, since she is awake for so long at a time now. I'm a HUGE proponent of the feed/wake/sleep cycle.:D (But then when they move to only 2 naps I tend to do feed/wake/feed/sleep just so they don't go a long time between nursings.)

[emcap]

I am pretty much in the "go with it until mom can't handle it anymore, then let baby cry it out" group. And I'm there right now, my 9 month old is on her fourth night. Tonight was a bit rougher, but the other nights weren't bad at all. Like maybe five to ten minutes of fussing then her normal going to sleep moaning then beautiful silence. In the middle of the night if she wakes I just go in and say, go to sleep now, mama loves you, then she fusses a minute or so and goes back to sleep. To be honest though, she has been easier than my boys so far with this, they cried longer, so it might not be quite so easy.

 

I went through this with all four of my others and for us it really is the answer. I didn't initially think I would be a cry it outer, but oh how lovely a full night of sleep makes life. How I look forward to 9:30 when everyone, including baby will be in bed and I will be oh so free until morning. :lol:

 

Good luck, I hope you can work something out. :grouphug:

Edited September 18, 2012 by emcap
Stupid Autocorrect

[Gentlemommy]

Right around ten months is when I hit my breaking point with co-sleeping and all night nursing as well lol. With dd1, I waited far too long (IMO, and for OUR family, other families have different experiences) and she nursed at night until 2 and slept with us until almost 3.

With dd2, at around ten months, I started to have daddy help me out a bit. Mind you, she was NOT happy with the change, but she was in her daddy's arms, being held and loved, she was NOT crying alone (our family does not practice or promote CIO method). So, what we did was, I'd do the bedtime routine thing, bath, Jammie's, and nurse her. Then hand her off to daddy to walk her to sleep. I'd leave the room, and go put dd1 to sleep. At first, she did cry, and if it got too hysterical, or if dh felt like it wasn't going well, he'd call me over the monitor, I'd go in and try to calm her down and we'd try again. Or not, and I'd put her bed, and we could try again the next day. The hardest thing to remember is that having to take a step back won't ruin them forever, or it doesn't mean that all your efforts were for nothing, kwim?

Once he was able to put her to sleep with minimal/no fuss (took a few days) I started sleeping for the first 'stretch' on the couch. So dh would put her to sleep, go to sleep himself, and when she woke up the first time, he'd put her back to sleep. Since she was already used to him putting her to sleep, this wasn't too hard. The second time she woke, or at a predetermined time, I'd come back to bed. Mostly because that way dh wasn't the one staying up all night, he could take a few hours, then switch and sleep on the couch.

We would move the time that I'd come in back every few nights. So the first night, he put her to bed at 8, and I'd come back in at 11. After a few nights of that, I'd come back in at 1, then 3, ect. It took a few weeks, but eventually, I stayed out all night, and dh was handling all the night wakings...which by this point had dwindled down to once maybe twice a night. After a week or so of me staying out of the room all night, she gave up and stopped waking up at all lol.

 

All in all it took 3-4 weeks, it wasn't traumatic for anyone involved, and no one felt MORE sleep deprived. AND, now at four and a half, she is a fantastic sleeper, who will regularly sleep in until 9!

We have also used the same method for dd3, and she sleeps great for the most part (we just got over a NASTY virus, so this past week her sleeping habits have been atrocious lol, but that's unusual).

 

I know you are so very tired, mama. It's hard to be sleep deprived. :grouphug:Hoping things get better really soon and you get rest.

[razorbackmama]

Right around ten months is when I hit my breaking point with co-sleeping and all night nursing as well lol. With dd1, I waited far too long (IMO, and for OUR family, other families have different experiences) and she nursed at night until 2 and slept with us until almost 3.

With dd2, at around ten months, I started to have daddy help me out a bit. Mind you, she was NOT happy with the change, but she was in her daddy's arms, being held and loved, she was NOT crying alone (our family does not practice or promote CIO method). So, what we did was, I'd do the bedtime routine thing, bath, Jammie's, and nurse her. Then hand her off to daddy to walk her to sleep. I'd leave the room, and go put dd1 to sleep. At first, she did cry, and if it got too hysterical, or if dh felt like it wasn't going well, he'd call me over the monitor, I'd go in and try to calm her down and we'd try again. Or not, and I'd put her bed, and we could try again the next day. The hardest thing to remember is that having to take a step back won't ruin them forever, or it doesn't mean that all your efforts were for nothing, kwim?

Once he was able to put her to sleep with minimal/no fuss (took a few days) I started sleeping for the first 'stretch' on the couch. So dh would put her to sleep, go to sleep himself, and when she woke up the first time, he'd put her back to sleep. Since she was already used to him putting her to sleep, this wasn't too hard. The second time she woke, or at a predetermined time, I'd come back to bed. Mostly because that way dh wasn't the one staying up all night, he could take a few hours, then switch and sleep on the couch.

We would move the time that I'd come in back every few nights. So the first night, he put her to bed at 8, and I'd come back in at 11. After a few nights of that, I'd come back in at 1, then 3, ect. It took a few weeks, but eventually, I stayed out all night, and dh was handling all the night wakings...which by this point had dwindled down to once maybe twice a night. After a week or so of me staying out of the room all night, she gave up and stopped waking up at all lol.

 

All in all it took 3-4 weeks, it wasn't traumatic for anyone involved, and no one felt MORE sleep deprived. AND, now at four and a half, she is a fantastic sleeper, who will regularly sleep in until 9!

We have also used the same method for dd3, and she sleeps great for the most part (we just got over a NASTY virus, so this past week her sleeping habits have been atrocious lol, but that's unusual).

 

I know you are so very tired, mama. It's hard to be sleep deprived. :grouphug:Hoping things get better really soon and you get rest.

We did something similar with "yeller baby" I mentioned earlier. I figured out that she was eating so much at night that she wasn't really willing to nurse very much during the day. So Daddy would hold her at night when she woke to help her stop nursing at night (so she'd actually eat during the day when she was supposed to!).

 

Unfortunately he is no longer in the Army and we see him much less. (Ironic, huh?:glare:) His job is way more stressful now, and he's gotten cranky in his old age.:lol::lol::lol: So I'm not sure how well the Daddy Method would work for us. I do like it the best because like you said, they might be fussing but they aren't fussing ALONE. I've done similar things with my other kids (but it was me, not my husband, and it was during the day), but they were much older, like 18 months.

 

Did you have trouble with your dd growing dependent on your husband to fall asleep? I can foresee that being a problem here. I'm still trying to break my 5yo of Daddy snuggle time before bed LOL. When he's not here for bedtime (at least once a week) it can be a very sad time.;)

[Gentlemommy]

:grouphug:Our daddy travels most of the time for work, so I totally understand not having him. It would still work, I think, if you were the one holding off on the nursing, but I imagine it would be harder...for you AND her.

As for them becoming dependent on daddy, no, that wasn't ever an issue. I was always the one to put them to sleep for a nap, so I just took back over bedtime after that first few weeks or so. Prior to night weaning, they wouldn't have ANYthing to do with daddy putting them to sleep, so this just evened out the playing field lol. Almost as soon as we night weaned, (both dd2 and dd3) were able to fall asleep on their own. Breaking the habit of nursing to sleep was the hardest, and from then, making a new sleep association was much easier. With dd2, it was reading the Baby Beluga board book:001_smile:. And with dd3, I walk her around and sing one lullaby of her choice. She know 5-6 to choose from. Then I lay her down in her bed awake and she falls asleep on her own. I just tried it one day, laying her down awake, and she was able to fall asleep. It wasnt something we really 'trained' her to do, kwim? Its not 100%, maybe once a week she has trouble. If she fusses, I listen, and if she cries, I just go in and give her a hug or rock her for a minute and lay her back down. No biggie.

 

Hope that helps a little. :grouphug:

[fairfarmhand]

Um. In my limited experience the way this is done is to let them have their way as long as you can, then just before you go completely nuts, you toss them in their own bed and they have to deal with it. I didn't like letting dd cry it out either, but my sanity takes priority over her personal sleeping preferences. I see it as an uneven relationship, but it's definitely not a one sided relationship. Mamma needs to be sane, and everyone else needs her to be sane too. I had dd in a cot in my room, so she still had company, but when she was nine months and the seasons turned cool so she wasn't actually thirsty, that was the end of night feeds. After a few nights, she learned to deal, and this was a kid who had needed to feed six times a night and only napped ten minutes a day, in two five minute blocks...

 

I hope someone has more helpful advice than "suck it up Buttercup" (Buttercup being the baby, not you because you've done your share!) But that's all I've got!

 

:grouphug:

Rosie

 

No matter what you do she is going to cry. You are going to change the rules you've set for her sleeping and she is going to be unhappy about it.

Start with naps. Nurse her, but do NOT let her fall asleep while nursing. Put her in her crib awake but sleepy. She is going to fuss and cry. You can either stay by her bed sitting on a chair (this is what I did) or you can leave the room. Do what works best for her and you. I would sit and sing until they fell asleep. This could take an hour or more the first time. Repeat this procedure for each nap and bedtime. If at all possible, put something on the floor in her room and sleep there so when she wakes at night you can pick her up, nurse, then put her back in bed. She will know you are there and aren't going to leave, but she will also learn that she is going to stay in her bed.

 

After a week to 10 days, she should be going to sleep easier for naps and bedtime. If you don't already get a white noise machine or loud fan for white noise.

 

Once she is going down without too much fuss, you can then night wean. Start by cutting each night feeding short. If she typically nurses 10 minutes, nurse her 5. After a week, she should be nursing just a couple of minutes. At that point eliminate nursing at night. She is going to complain. You can offer a sippy of water if you want, but don't nurse.

as far as sharing a room.... I moved kids to sleeping bags in one bedroom (we have 2 kid bedrooms) during the transitions. But, yes, the shrieking did disturb them somewhat. But the trade-offs were worth it. Eventually they got to where they didn't hear it.

[razorbackmama]

:grouphug:Our daddy travels most of the time for work, so I totally understand not having him. It would still work, I think, if you were the one holding off on the nursing, but I imagine it would be harder...for you AND her.

As for them becoming dependent on daddy, no, that wasn't ever an issue. I was always the one to put them to sleep for a nap, so I just took back over bedtime after that first few weeks or so. Prior to night weaning, they wouldn't have ANYthing to do with daddy putting them to sleep, so this just evened out the playing field lol. Almost as soon as we night weaned, (both dd2 and dd3) were able to fall asleep on their own. Breaking the habit of nursing to sleep was the hardest, and from then, making a new sleep association was much easier. With dd2, it was reading the Baby Beluga board book:001_smile:. And with dd3, I walk her around and sing one lullaby of her choice. She know 5-6 to choose from. Then I lay her down in her bed awake and she falls asleep on her own. I just tried it one day, laying her down awake, and she was able to fall asleep. It wasnt something we really 'trained' her to do, kwim? Its not 100%, maybe once a week she has trouble. If she fusses, I listen, and if she cries, I just go in and give her a hug or rock her for a minute and lay her back down. No biggie.

 

Hope that helps a little. :grouphug:

She actually will fall asleep with him sometimes, provided she has a full belly already LOL. Every once in a while (rare but it does happen) she'll even let me rock her to sleep without nursing.:D

 

How you lay yours down awake is how I started her going down awake back when she did. I just tried it one day and it worked! But now she is mobile so that throws a wrench into things and I can't do it like I did before..:glare:

 

as far as sharing a room.... I moved kids to sleeping bags in one bedroom (we have 2 kid bedrooms) during the transitions. But, yes, the shrieking did disturb them somewhat. But the trade-offs were worth it. Eventually they got to where they didn't hear it.

LOL they'd love that!!!:D