lynn Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I expressed interest in their bible study and asked about childcare. I just received a call back and was told that it would not be provided. The lady went on to say we have bible studies in the fall, Friday was precepts and I wouldn't want to attend that it was a very intense study, mind you the lady knows nothing about me and I couldn't attend anyways if my daughter needed child care. WEdnesday connections for women was a nice group to attended and made some comment of it being better suited for you, good luck, have a nice day, again this lady knows nothing about me. Now it's taken me 2 years to decide to go back to church because of this exact thing we have encountered in our last church along with many other first hand bad experiences. I was so turned off by it. It has me in tears that the attitude of "Welcome to our church now don't bother us". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WTMindy Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I expressed interest in their bible study and asked about childcare. I just received a call back and was told that it would be provided. The lady went on to say we have bible studies in the fall, Friday was precepts and I wouldn't want to attend that it was a very intense study, mind you the lady knows nothing about me and I could come if my daughter was in day care. WEdnesday connections for women was a nice group to attended and made some comment of it being better suited for you, good luck, have a nice day, again this lady knows nothing about me. Now it's taken me 2 years to decide to go back to church because of this exact thing we have encountered in our last church along with many other first hand bad experiences. I was so turned off by it. It has me in tears that the attitude of "Welcome to our church now don't bother us". Oh, I'm so sorry that you felt this way!!!! Could it be that the lady gathered from somethings that you said that you didn't want the intensity of the precepts study? I would give them another chance. Perhaps the way you read her response was filtered through your bad experience at the other church. I really hope you find a good fit and that this experience isn't indicative of the church as a whole! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I expressed interest in their bible study and asked about childcare. I just received a call back and was told that it would be provided. The lady went on to say we have bible studies in the fall, Friday was precepts and I wouldn't want to attend that it was a very intense study, mind you the lady knows nothing about me and I could come if my daughter was in day care. WEdnesday connections for women was a nice group to attended and made some comment of it being better suited for you, good luck, have a nice day, again this lady knows nothing about me. Now it's taken me 2 years to decide to go back to church because of this exact thing we have encountered in our last church along with many other first hand bad experiences. I was so turned off by it. It has me in tears that the attitude of "Welcome to our church now don't bother us". Please don't give up. I know a good church is hard to find. Dh & I met in a wonderful one, then spent nearly 10 years looking for another one 1/2 as good. (The old one was too far away, although we went there anyway off & on.) I don't know if you need to look for another church or keep trying at this one, but I do hope that the conversation was isolated--to this one woman or a bad day she was having or something. Not to undermine your feelings, because I do know what you mean. This was one of my biggest hang-ups w/ dh going to seminary: I generally *hate* church. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 Oh, I'm so sorry that you felt this way!!!! Could it be that the lady gathered from somethings that you said that you didn't want the intensity of the precepts study? I would give them another chance. Perhaps the way you read her response was filtered through your bad experience at the other church. I really hope you find a good fit and that this experience isn't indicative of the church as a whole! :grouphug: She does not know me expect for a brief conversation that I was interested in the bible study they were having th emonth of August I did not know anything of the fall studies until today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in WA Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 You need a hug.:grouphug: Don't give up on the body of Christ. I know for a fact that there are many dear people out there who would love on you and encourage you. Keep asking God to show you where He wants you to be. In Christ, Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 Please don't give up. I know a good church is hard to find. Dh & I met in a wonderful one, then spent nearly 10 years looking for another one 1/2 as good. (The old one was too far away, although we went there anyway off & on.) I don't know if you need to look for another church or keep trying at this one, but I do hope that the conversation was isolated--to this one woman or a bad day she was having or something. Not to undermine your feelings, because I do know what you mean. This was one of my biggest hang-ups w/ dh going to seminary: I generally *hate* church. :grouphug: I've encountered this attitude quite a bit over the past 25+ years. I am honestly not looking for it as we seek out another church to attend after 2 years of not being able to think about going because we were so crushed at our last church. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karenciavo Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Now it's taken me 2 years to decide to go back to church because of this exact thing we have encountered in our last church along with many other first hand bad experiences. I was so turned off by it. It has me in tears that the attitude of "Welcome to our church now don't bother us". Don't you know Satan would like nothing better than to keep you out. Please don't let this one goofy person interfere with your relationship with God. Not that I'm saying you need to go to a church to have a relationship with him, but having a hardness in your heart against "the church" aka the body is not good. :grouphug: I pray God leads you to a loving, Biblical church home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frontier Mom Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Sorry you had this experience. At our church, we have a grandmother that volunteers for childcare for our Wednesday ladies study. She is great and says it is her ministry to Moms. We also reimburse anyone in our evening studies for childcare up to a max. hourly amount. We found most Moms preferred in-home childcare so their children were bathed, put in bed, etc. We decided to go to the reimbursement method and provide a list of available youth and/or adults from our church if someone doesn't have childcare. I hate that you had this experience. As a pastor's wife, I would kindly notify the pastor or call and ask who is in charge of bible studies. Chances are you are not the first one to be treated this way. The pastor is probably working very hard to bring others to the flock. I'm sure he would be disturbed to hear this remark, unless it is his wife of course! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teamturner Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Unfortunately, there are clueless people everywhere...even in the church. That was not a loving, Christlike response IMO. Who was this lady? Is she in some kind of leadership role? Perhaps, you could speak to someone else. If you really liked the worship of this church then seek out another person to ask about the Bible studies. If they really don't offer child care for any of their Bible studies, then perhaps this church won't work for you. Some smaller churches can't afford child care for things like that, although I would think they would be able to do it for the really young ones (preschoolers). I'm in a small church and we have child care for the preschool age for the women's bible study. Maybe you should check out another church that is more supportive of families and stay at home mothers! I'm sorry you had this bad experience. Just please don't let someone else's lack of good judgement keep you from seeking out a church. I will pray you find the right place to worship and a loving church family! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manylilblessings Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Us church-going Christians are a horribly sinful lot, huh? I'm so sorry you've been hurt again. It sounds to me like the Holy Spirit is prompting you to find fellowship again within a church. Don't let the people who need God the most drive you away. I wish you could come to our church. Our pastor provides childcare for every group that meets at the church. He understands that moms are an underserved group because of our hearts for our children. I'm going to pray that you find the exact group that God wants you to be in. Hugs... I'm sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alenee Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 :iagree: With the sentiments of the others and want to add my experience. After being in one church for 5 years, we felt God was moving us so we began looking around. Dh's work schedule is odd so we had to find a service on Saturday nights. That really limited the possibilities. We tried one church and went for 2 months. The kids loved the children's program, we liked the sermons, but we never received a reply to two different communication cards we put in. No one called. Only one couple in 2 months introduced themselves to us. The pastor made eye contact with us every weekend but never came to welcome us or introduce himself. We honestly had no hard feelings but we also realized God was speaking to us. That was not the church he wanted us to stay in. We did find an amazing little church and were welcomed with open arms and LOTS of communication from everyone, including the pastor. My advice to you would be, keep looking. There are wonderful churches out there that can serve your needs and give you a place to serve. Don't be discouraged. Try to accept that God probably has a different place for you, and to boot, a better place for you! ;) (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CLHCO Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Honestly, I would sit down and write a polite letter, tell them of your experiences with churches, your usual absence because of this, then detail what happened. I love our church and everyone is so welcoming. That said, people forget sometimes how they may sound or what impression someone can get of a church because of one personality. A father visited once at our church and the people volunteering at the toddler nursery treated him in a dismissing manner. I don't know that it was intentional, the people there were a bit preoccupied and not paying attention to the concerns of a new visiting family and they were brushed off. The pastor read his letter in front of the whole congregation, I assume with permission. His point is and always has been to show the love of Christ to everyone, making them feel welcome. He said they have worked to make amends with the person but he wanted to be certain people in other areas who may just be volunteering were aware how they were representing the church and how nerve-wrecking it can be to attend a new place and trust your child to their care so they need to be treated extra kindly. Let them know. There are churches out there who are rude and do not welcome now people. However, there are also ones that just have a brush-off type personality running around here or there who otherwise are wonderful. This would simply be a way to find out which it is and perhaps help them grow at the same time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Sorry you were treated that way. :ohmy: Want to come to our church? ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beansprouts Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I wonder if you met my friend... She has an amazing heart and will do anything for anybody. She is brilliant and creative and has excellent management skills. However, her social skills are a bit weak and she is often tactless and even offensive in her dealings with people. She drives me nuts sometimes, but I love her anyways. It is no excuse, just a possibility that this is the type of person you encountered. I am sorry. :grouphug: Our church BTW is an amazing and unique group of people who truly have become a family to us. I would hate to think some potential members have missed out because they encountered some of our more "difficult" personalities Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 -- not trying to defend the lady who called you, but trying to figure out if there might be some convoluted logic in her response to you -- but I'm thinking that it could be that she asumes that since you have young children, you wouldn't be interested in a Precept study because of the level of "homework" involved. Or maybe she knows the ages & interests of the ladies involved in each of the Bible study groups, and thinks that the Wednesday group would be a better fit for you because of the "social aspect". When my children were younger, I attended at Precept study a couple of times, but realized that I just couldn't manage to find the time to do it justice. Also, the Precept groups were usually made up of older people, or at least people who didn't have young children. Please don't give up on going to church because of this incident! There is a place for you, if not at this particular churhc, then somewhere else. I'll remember you in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sdWTMer Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 That's awful, I'm so sorry. That's just not right! That would never, ever happen with our studies! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 Us church-going Christians are a horribly sinful lot, huh? I definately am not blameless on this one. I have seen it over and over again over the 25+ years I have been in the church. chose to ignore and forgive it everytime. What happened in the last church we attended completely crushed me and I jsut do not want to be hurt like that again. It's something I have been working through for a while. We are seeking out a church home for my family with all our heart trying to see where God would have us to be then to have this attitude come up yet again just knocked me back a few steps. We are pressing onward and will try another church on Sunday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3lilreds in NC Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Honestly, I would sit down and write a polite letter, tell them of your experiences with churches, your usual absence because of this, then detail what happened. I love our church and everyone is so welcoming. That said, people forget sometimes how they may sound or what impression someone can get of a church because of one personality. A father visited once at our church and the people volunteering at the toddler nursery treated him in a dismissing manner. I don't know that it was intentional, the people there were a bit preoccupied and not paying attention to the concerns of a new visiting family and they were brushed off. The pastor read his letter in front of the whole congregation, I assume with permission. His point is and always has been to show the love of Christ to everyone, making them feel welcome. He said they have worked to make amends with the person but he wanted to be certain people in other areas who may just be volunteering were aware how they were representing the church and how nerve-wrecking it can be to attend a new place and trust your child to their care so they need to be treated extra kindly. Let them know. There are churches out there who are rude and do not welcome now people. However, there are also ones that just have a brush-off type personality running around here or there who otherwise are wonderful. This would simply be a way to find out which it is and perhaps help them grow at the same time. I agree with Cheryl. Write a letter, please! They really need to know that the person who's supposed to be welcoming women to the church is pushing them away as fast as she can. She sounds like a busy-body to me, someone who means well but could be a "poster child" for things not to say. Or, maybe she was having a really bad day. I'm so sorry, Lynn. :grouphug: I have had a hard time with the way I've been treated in almost every church I've been to at one time or another. The thing to remember is that church-goers are just as imperfect as everyone else. I hope you will give the church another chance - don't base it on the poor response from one person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmgconner Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I'm so sorry. I quit going to church for 10 YEARS because of this kind of thing. I went through some serious doubts about my faith before the Lord led DH and me to our current church. I pray that you'll be led to the right church and/or Bible study. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen in VA Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Lynn, I'm so sorry you were treated so rudely. I would have been very hurt and put off by that lady's comments. I can fairly feel the blood rushing to my face as I think of it. However, I'm thinking this lady just has very poor social skills. I wouldn't judge an entire church on one person's behavior and I think, as many others have said, a letter is in order. I called a doctor's office once to make an appointment for a very private matter only to be badgered by the front desk receptionist as to why I needed to see the doctor. Kindly explaining that I didn't care to discuss it with her did not get me anywhere. I certainly did not go to that doctor. I'm thinking he would probably have liked to have known that his front desk help was causing him to lose patients, but I never had the nerve to write to tell him. I agree with Karenciavo. Satan is just sitting back wringing his hands in delight. Do not let the shortcomings of Christians, who will always disappoint you, cause you to stop looking for a place to worship Christ, Who will never disappoint you. We all have to just keep plugging away trying to live for Christ the best we can and hope we don't run over too many people along the way. I'm sure I'm guilty of the same kind of thoughtlessness on occasion. These kinds of incidents remind us how badly we need forgiveness and how badly we need to forgive. If you decide to try again with this particular church and it still doesn't seem like the right place for you, keep looking. Don't let Satan win this one. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauranav Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I think it's because we have to interact with other people. It would be so much easier if we didn't have to talk to and deal with others. We struggle in our church to provide regular child care - it takes a budget to pay someone and then you have to find someone(s) who can consistently be there and be trusted with such a precious thing as the children. Or you have a few moms who sacrifice to do it and then they don't get to participate because they are always in the nursery. Then there is the attempt to describe the current ministries available to someone. You know that the Tuesday study is currently all women over 70 who want to be lectured to. And you probably also know that some variety would be good for all and that they are very sweet ladies. But sometimes what comes out of your mouth sounds really bad and uninviting and you may not even have heard it, but you can be sure the person you were talking to did. Ah, the tragedy of being fallen, surrounded by other fallen sinners. I do pray that you find a good church with good people where you hear the Word and enjoy true fellowship. It is worth the effort it takes to keep looking and keep trying. </div> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracy in Ky Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Wow--I'm sorry. I am a trained Precept instructor, and they are wonderful classes that I think you would love to take. I am so sorry she told you that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Retired Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 been to church in over a year. I really needed to heal from the verbal abuse of one of the ladies. She literally during a bible study came out of her chair and in my face and yelled at me. The other ladies in the group just sat there and said nothing. I sayed about 15 more minutes and got up left and never walked back in the church. This person was out of control. I felt like I was in high school again. I was bullied by a group of girls allot in school and re-experience the same emotional feelings. It took me months to heal. I am praying for a church. I miss having a church family and working with the kids. It's been over year and I finally feel like I can try to trust people again. The church has split and she was a primary cause. I just hate when the devil destroys things. I so loved the church and its people and this one person just destroyed it for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
senunk Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Oh, I've been there. We did not attend a church service for a couple of years after several stupid and hurtful situations. We even did some 'homechurch' for a bit. When we knew the Lord was drawing us back to fellowshipping in a church again, I was reluctant and not real enthusiastic about any church. I seemed to find fault with all of them that we tried. (I'm only sharing what I did, not what I think you are doing). I finally quit doing that. my husband chose a church that I didn't want to attend (large, but I have several good friends there). It has been a year now and I am so grateful for being there. My attitude has changed completely. I'm actually helping with VBS (500 kids!). We are growing in relationship with other families. It is truly a blessing. I am glad though that I had that time of healing and growth outside of attending a church. I learned a lot about God, myself, and the body of Christ. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brindee Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Don't you know Satan would like nothing better than to keep you out. Please don't let this one goofy person interfere with your relationship with God. Not that I'm saying you need to go to a church to have a relationship with him, but having a hardness in your heart against "the church" aka the body is not good. :grouphug: I pray God leads you to a loving, Biblical church home.Beautifully put Karenciavo! This is what I wanted to say, but she put it so well, I'll just quote hers! :) I am so sad this lady came across that way, when there ARE so many who would be loving and supportive! I am praying for you along with these other ladies! :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tweed Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I hate to hear things like that. My parents experienced something like this recently. They started attending a mega church in Atlanta and signed up for info on joining a small group. They were told that "at the time you are not a good fit for any of our groups." What? It was to do with their ages: 80 & 60. I guess it is a youngish church? BUT, the man was so kind to suggest that my parents could get involved in helping direct cars in the parking lot Sunday morning. My mom said, we are trying to figure out if we want to attend your church and you want me to park cars? She said the parking lot was full of elderly people helping park cars---in the dead of winter. :001_huh: What is happening to our churches?!?! This is a big name church, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
percytruffle Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ. ~Mohandas Gandhi We are a very imperfect bunch. I'm so sorry for your experience. I wish I could say it isn't a typical experience, but history would prove me wrong. Don't let that keep you from pursuing godly fellowship with others. I wish you lived near me and I could bring you to our church and our groups. I have never encountered a group of people who exude more grace as the people I have met at our new church. It truly has been a blessed thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSMom2One Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Hi Lynn, Like all the others, I just want to encourage you not to judge the whole church by what happened. This may not be the case, but often times a volunteer takes care of phone calls for the church office and/or for ministry leaders because they are working elsewhere, out on appointments, or whatever. This lady may be lacking in social skills, but was a volunteer going down a call list. You know, "Check!" ...on to the next, "Check!"...etc. Having said that, anyone that handles phone calls within the church (volunteer or not) needs to be careful about how they come across. They are the "face" of the church to strangers and new comers. If you give feedback to the pastor hopefully that will be considered more in the future. If you don't speak up, they may never know. Whatever the case, I hope you don't give up all together. All of these posts have such wonderful, encouraging advice. I hope that you take it all to heart and persevere. Blessings, Lucinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted July 9, 2008 Author Share Posted July 9, 2008 I hate to hear things like that. My parents experienced something like this recently. They started attending a mega church in Atlanta and signed up for info on joining a small group. They were told that "at the time you are not a good fit for any of our groups." What? It was to do with their ages: 80 & 60. I guess it is a youngish church? BUT, the man was so kind to suggest that my parents could get involved in helping direct cars in the parking lot Sunday morning. My mom said, we are trying to figure out if we want to attend your church and you want me to park cars? She said the parking lot was full of elderly people helping park cars---in the dead of winter. :001_huh: What is happening to our churches?!?! This is a big name church, too. Now that is really, really, sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 well she wasn't very nice. who knows why she said what she did. maybe a bad day. maybe just rotten inside :tongue_smilie: keep trying. call and ask to speak to another person or find some one else in the class you want to do. we have been attending a church off and on for a year and finally decide to join and were told the 'class' will be in the fall and can join then. what? I have never been told I couldn't join a church months from the day I expressed an interest. Shocking! But others in the church said I just need to speak to a different pastor....so again, don't give up! every church has people in it that really don't have a heart for what the church stands on. live your faith and I hope you find a bible study you enjoy!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna T. Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 Lynn, I'm so sorry you had this experience. So sorry. We happen to be in a church that has a very, very sweet spirit. That's the first thing we noticed when we started visiting it a couple of years ago. We had been in a church where some terrible things (not personality stuff but a preacher who was going into mysticism) were beginning to happen and the Lord took us out of there with much power. I was so heartbroken but it wasn't long before He lead us to our current church. The members there just displayed this incredible sweetness and gentleness of spirit. The thing is... we are a really small church and it's sad because alot of families won't even consider worshiping with us because we can't provide alot of extra programs and services. We don't have ANY Bible studies other than Sunday School and the Wednesday night service. We are small in number but everyone has large hearts. I am praying God will lead you to that church that He desires for you. Don't give up. Finding the right church is so worth it. Best wishes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tutor Posted July 9, 2008 Share Posted July 9, 2008 That's just crappy! We'd love to have you at our study. Where are you? (You can PM me if you'd rather not post locale here.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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