Jackie in NE Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 We've just learned of a 15 yr. old foreign exchange student that's looking for a host family. There are 6 of us in our family. Everyone is in favor of hosting this young lady for part of the fall semester (we're moving in December, so she would be moving to a new host family before then), except for our 13 yr old dd. She has come out very strongly against the idea because she "doesn't want to share our family with a stranger", and because "everyone would be paying attention to her, and no-one would talk to me". We are not asking this dd to share a room with the exchange student, as our older dd has volunteered. I think it would be a wonderful opportunity to learn about the French culture, and to practice our hospitality skills. I think it would expand the horizons of our entire family. Like I mentioned, everyone agrees, except one dd. What would you do? I think that dd's concerns are unfounded. I told her that she could be the one to introduce the exchange student to people we know. I told her she might make a new friend. I told her we would be doing some fun stuff together as a family because the exchange student was with us.... things we wouldn't normally do, because, well, that's how it works when you have a foreigner in your home. You want to make their experience a good one, so you do fun stuff. So hive, would you go ahead and host the student, and hope that the experience is great all around? Or would you pass on the opportunity since one dc says she doesn't like the idea? I am :bigear: Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 Just so you know: when we hosted an overseas student, the organisation insisted that the child had her own room. I don't know if it will be the same for you... Apart from that - yes, I'd go ahead. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 Yeah, I'd go ahead and do it anyway. 13 year old girls can be disagreeable about pretty much anything! :tongue_smilie: I'm excited for you. We're hosting a 15 yr. old German girl for 5 weeks this summer. She's arriving at the end of July. She's a friend of a good friend of mine, so we didn't go through any agency or anything. We plan to do all sorts of fun stuff with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 Just so you know: when we hosted an overseas student, the organisation insisted that the child had her own room. I don't know if it will be the same for you... Apart from that - yes, I'd go ahead. Laura We hosted one recently for only a short time, but yes, she took my daughter's room and daughter slept on the sofa. They do require the child to have her own space. But you decide, not a 13 year old kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 We've hosted twice now, once for 6 months, once for 10. We just returned out Pakistani student three days ago. Hosting is a wonderful opportunity, and you may make lifelong friendships. It may change your life. That was our experience with our first student. So we all decided together (I have three children) to do it again. This time, even though it was a good experience again, it felt like more of a burden. It is a lot of work to add another person to a family. It is VERY hard to say no when the student wants to do things they cannot do at home-sports, activities...but you must take on the extra driving and work created by these activities. It is NOT easy to be friendly for months on end, if your student is not friendly back to you. My recommendation is to wait until everyone is up for it. You could have a miserable experience otherwise. Hosting is NOT like having a guest. The best behavior wears off-and you want that. You are adding another family member. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 I wouldn't do it if I had a kid that was adamant against it. Take all the wonderful positives and then add all the possible negatives and that is a more accurate view of hosting an exchange student. I love my host son and he will be coming back in the fall. Not all my kids like him. His idea of people that are not of his race especially younger kids can be negative. His culture is very different. He has no concept of family time or living in a family and that has been hard. He bonded with me and my oldest dd who he goes to school with. I do love him. He's my kid, but he definitely has flaws, flaws that aren't socially acceptable in America, but taught in his country. If you do host be open-minded and don't have too high expectations of family bonding. Not all foreign exchange students come to learn about America. My host son came because of his family's expectation and I suspect to have someone else raise him while he grows up and doesn't shame them anymore. Don't expect a happy family with the host student integrated seamlessly. You will be disappointed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 Between your dd being adamantly against it, and the upcoming move, I'd pass. That doesn't sound like it would make for a great experience for the exchange student. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSMWB Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 I think it is a hard decision - I think that since all of the family except for one wants to do it, it might be better to look at overall with the 13 year old - is she like this a lot? Or is she normally agreeable and just has decided she doesn't want to do this and is now saying 'no'? And personally, I don't think you moving and the student having two host families is a big deal at all. Some students would prefer to get to have two families and experience 'typical American life' two different ways. I would speak more with the person running the program and tell them your issues/concerns and see what they think, they might know more about the student and be able to help make a decision that is right both for your family and for the student. And I am all for exchange programs in general, and this is a big reason why I personally think that parents shouldn't 'wait till the kids are older' as a reason to not host when they would like too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 Between your dd being adamantly against it, and the upcoming move, I'd pass. That doesn't sound like it would make for a great experience for the exchange student. Many students don't have a problem with it. If they agree then I wouldn't call it a deal changer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 Would it be possible to host her only for the remainder of the summer, then settle her into her permanent host family for the school year? It sounds like a great experience, but I'd be concerned that it might be disruptive for the student to have to settle into a new family in the middle of a school term, and about the possibility that a second family might not be found in time. Our general family rule is that one person's disagreement usually doesn't change a family decision. If everyone else feels strongly about hosting, I might ask the 13 y.o. "What can we do to make this work for you?" and address her concerns that way. How can you make her feel that her needs for your time and energy are met? That said, I'd only agree to host if your dd is able to keep her feelings in check enough that she would not be unwelcoming. It would be an awful experience for the student to feel unwelcome. We've hosted many exchange students. I agree that you should check with the program to make sure sharing a room is ok. One program we hosted through, for high school students, encouraged room-sharing for language practice and developing close family relationships. Our current program, for university students, doesn't allow it. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 Many students don't have a problem with it. If they agree then I wouldn't call it a deal changer. True. For me personally, I'm so painfully shy around new people that being around someone who didn't want me there and then having to start over with a new family would be a deal breaker, but for a more extroverted person it probably wouldn't bother them at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 True. For me personally, I'm so painfully shy around new people that being around someone who didn't want me there and then having to start over with a new family would be a deal breaker, but for a more extroverted person it probably wouldn't bother them at all. I would never have applied to be an exchange student. I'm introverted, too, and love home and structure. I have enjoyed hosting though with all it's challenges. I just like people to really know what it is like. Too many people get disappointed by the experience because their expectations were so high. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 Wow. I'd tell dd to get over herself. But switching her in the middle of the year doesn't sound great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted June 24, 2012 Share Posted June 24, 2012 We had a 12 y.o. Chinese exchange student for 4 weeks. It was a total disaster. The child totally ignored us and stayed on her cell phone all day. She refused to do what we were doing, i.e. bike riding, skating, swimming, etc. so we were stuck in the house all day. She was a total brat that ruined our summer. If she were my kiddo, she would have received a swat on the behind. Then, to top it all off, she kept demanding that I send her a scrapbook of her time in the U.S. It took me several weeks to do it, but she emailed every day until then asking if I had finished yet. Perhaps she was too young, but I do not know of any 12 year old who acts as immature as this one did. We will never be an exchange host again because this bad apple spoiled it all. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie in NE Posted June 25, 2012 Author Share Posted June 25, 2012 A little more info: The woman who represents the exchange program is an acquaintance of ours. We attend the same church. When she asked if we would consider hosting this exchange student, I told her thanks, but no; we're moving in December. She asked if we would be interested in being a "welcome family", and host the student for up to 6 weeks, until a permanent family could be found. After discussing it with hubby and family, I told her "yes". The student can share a bedroom. I feel like we have a little experience with having "strangers" as part of our family. We have fostered many children, adopted 3, and generally are very open and accepting. Anyway, thanks for all your words of advice. We have basically decided that we will go ahead with the application process. The facilitator is very confident we will be approved right away. If we didn't do this, this exchange student would apparently miss the opportunity to come to the US this year, as typically, they have already found their host family by this time. Thanks again, Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 Perhaps she was too young, but I do not know of any 12 year old who acts as immature as this one did. We will never be an exchange host again because this bad apple spoiled it all. :confused: Ours was 14 and that was too young. My, she had a grandmother of an attitude! The others in the program were all 16 or 17 and did really well. I don't know if there are more exchange students in my future, but they won't be younger than 16, that I know! Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 A little more info: The woman who represents the exchange program is an acquaintance of ours. We attend the same church. When she asked if we would consider hosting this exchange student, I told her thanks, but no; we're moving in December. She asked if we would be interested in being a "welcome family", and host the student for up to 6 weeks, until a permanent family could be found. After discussing it with hubby and family, I told her "yes". The student can share a bedroom. I feel like we have a little experience with having "strangers" as part of our family. We have fostered many children, adopted 3, and generally are very open and accepting. Anyway, thanks for all your words of advice. We have basically decided that we will go ahead with the application process. The facilitator is very confident we will be approved right away. If we didn't do this, this exchange student would apparently miss the opportunity to come to the US this year, as typically, they have already found their host family by this time. Thanks again, Jackie Wonderful! :) I hope you all have a great time! When will she arrive? Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mosaicmind Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 (edited) i would not do it EVER again. We agreed this last year to. E a "welcome family" for the PAX exchange program. They could not find a home for a boy from France. We were also moving and I said that we would not do it for longer than the 30 days allowed for a "welcome family". Right! Two months later he was still with us with no new family being sought. Huh?! I finally had to put my foot down and give them a date to have him gone. It was beyond stressful due to move, surgery and a family vacation he could not go on. We did have to bring him with us to TX when our son graduated from airforce basic training because they had not found a home for him and then we got to base and was told as a foreigner he was not allowed on base. It was a disaster. The food cost alone went up by $50 a week because they are not used to having food so readily available all the time. He also was involved in sports and other school things and we went through a tank of gas every 6 days. Our family will never do it again. PAX rules were that they could share a room with someone within 3yrs of their age so he shared a room with our son. But, I would make sure the whole family is on board or it will not be fun. Oh and they have until September to find a family so that info you were given is wrong. Our student came September 5. Edited June 25, 2012 by Mosaicmind Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iskra Posted June 25, 2012 Share Posted June 25, 2012 I was an exchange student to the US in my junior year of highschool. I think your dd will come around, but what I'm more concerned with is the fact that you want to switch your student to a new family when you move. That would be very hard on the student. Being an exchange student is not just about having fun and seeing the US, it is also (and I would say most of all) about building a life-long relationship with the host family. I am almost 30 and still call my host mom "mom" and talk with her all the time and visit and have her visit. My host dad passed away a couple of years ago, but this family is my family, just as much as my biological family is my family. I turn to them for advice and to share life's joys and sufferings just as much as I turn to my biological family. If you have the frame of mind "it would be cool to learn more about France this year and maybe speak some french" and then when we're done, we're done, you are IMO not a good choice for a host family. Being a good host family is a life long investment. You may have the student with you for only a year, but the relationship does not end there. If it is truly a successful year, you would bond with your student and consider them one of your own children for the rest of your life IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.