Granny_Weatherwax Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 (no flames please, I feel terrible already) :( I put my foot in my mouth this afternoon and I need help in trying to figure out how to apologize. (I need a donkey head smilie.) DD's friend received a new-to-her car a couple of days ago. It was parked out in front of our house and DD told me to look at it. DD has been spending a crazy amount of time with this girl for the last two weeks and has been ignoring her chores and house responsibilities. We have been going around and around about DD's behavior. It has been frustrating for me at best. When DD pointed out the car, it was the last straw. I told DD her friend was spoiled (this is the third 'new' car she has had in a short period of time), that she was able to do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, with whomever she wanted. She had no responsbilities at home and I was tired of being called mean and a **tch because DD has a list of chores and responsibilities to do at home. DD's friend has never said this but DD has. I said these horrible things because I thought the friend had just pulled up and was sitting in the car. Well, she was in the house, upstairs. I know darn well she heard me because our house is very small. I know it was wrong. It was classic displacement. My frustrations about my DD's behavior and our inability to provide DD with a 'new' car, were released via my feelings about her friend. Her friend did NOT say anything to either me or my DD about hearing what I said. -- I am so embarrassed and mortified by my behavior. I realize most of this is typical teenage girl behavior and I should let it go and let DD have fun. But with all of the other stuff that has happened in the last year and a half I just let loose. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Just talk to her the next time she's over. Explain that what you said was, in its entirety, frustration with your daughter's behavior at home and toward your expectations, and that it was unfair of you to dis' her to get your point across. I suspect that, if you're upfront and apologize, you may find yourself more highly respected and, perhaps, find an ally in your daughter's friend. (or, she's a complete brat and she'll slam you behind your back, but at least you will know you've taken the proper course of action.) It's hard raising teenagers. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Just talk to her the next time she's over. Explain that what you said was, in its entirety, frustration with your daughter's behavior at home and toward your expectations, and that it was unfair of you to dis' her to get your point across. I suspect that, if you're upfront and apologize, you may find yourself more highly respected and, perhaps, find an ally in your daughter's friend. (or, she's a complete brat and she'll slam you behind your back, but at least you will know you've taken the proper course of action.) It's hard raising teenagers. :grouphug: :iagree::iagree: Totally!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 I would go with proverb 'least said sooner mended' and just pretend the incident didn't happen at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 (edited) How about the truth? As hard as it will be, "I am so sorry about my rude comment referencing your car. To be honest, I am a little embarrassed that my comment stems from my frustration over not being able to do something nice like that for dd. (whether or not you would like to doesn't matter and doesn't need to be mentioned.). I know how frustrating it is for me to feel like a witch for giving dd chores and responsibilities, and that really has nothing at all to do with you. I am so sorry you heard my pity party. Please forgive me for ever referencing you and for being so immature." It is laying it on thick, but I think that's ok here. Your dd's friend may be embarrassed because of her privileged life. I was as a kid and my parents weren't rich. I was spoiled. Edited June 20, 2012 by Denisemomof4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 And please dont take my words literally. They are, like I said, laying it on thick. You were caught in an embarrassing situation (who hasn't?) and it really did have nothing to do with dd's friend. I think that is what is most important for you to convey.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Just talk to her the next time she's over. Explain that what you said was, in its entirety, frustration with your daughter's behavior at home and toward your expectations, and that it was unfair of you to dis' her to get your point across. I suspect that, if you're upfront and apologize, you may find yourself more highly respected and, perhaps, find an ally in your daughter's friend. (or, she's a complete brat and she'll slam you behind your back, but at least you will know you've taken the proper course of action.) It's hard raising teenagers. :grouphug: :iagree: I third it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 (edited) I would go with proverb 'least said sooner mended'and just pretend the incident didn't happen at all. I must disagree. I came from a family that practiced this "proverb". It usually made things much worse. eta: it was usually worded as "ignore it long enough, and it will go away". Edited June 21, 2012 by gardenmom5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 :grouphug: No words of wisdom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 :iagree::iagree::iagree: with all the others. :grouphug: I can see this happening to me. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny_Weatherwax Posted June 21, 2012 Author Share Posted June 21, 2012 Thank you for the replies. They are appreciated. No problem, Denise. I understood what you were saying. -- DD texted her DD and asked her if she heard me yelling. The freind said she heard something but wans'treally paying attention. She was in DD's room and the air conditioner was running. I had DH go up there and I tried speaking in the same tone of voice I was earlier. He could hear me but he was actively listening for me. -- I'll be formulating my apology tonight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 How about the truth? As hard as it will be, "I am so sorry about my rude comment referencing your car. To be honest, I am a little embarrassed that my comment stems from my frustration over not being able to do something nice like that for dd. (whether or not you would like to doesn't matter and doesn't need to be mentioned.). I know how frustrating it is for me to feel like a witch for giving dd chores and responsibilities, and that really has nothing at all to do with you. I am so sorry you heard my pity party. Please forgive me for ever referencing you and for being so immature." It is laying it on thick, but I think that's ok here. Your dd's friend may be embarrassed because of her privileged life. I was as a kid and my parents weren't rich. I was spoiled. I would totally use your words. I think they cover all territory needing to be covered, whether they are deeply felt or not. Methinks Denise has the art of public grovel mastered. and a snap in a circle! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Methinks Denise has the art of public grovel mastered. and a snap in a circle! SWB would be proud. ;) eta: for those who aren't aware, that was the title of her disertation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Just talk to her the next time she's over. Explain that what you said was, in its entirety, frustration with your daughter's behavior at home and toward your expectations, and that it was unfair of you to dis' her to get your point across. I suspect that, if you're upfront and apologize, you may find yourself more highly respected and, perhaps, find an ally in your daughter's friend. (or, she's a complete brat and she'll slam you behind your back, but at least you will know you've taken the proper course of action.) It's hard raising teenagers. :grouphug: :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 It wasn't that bad after all. You said she was privileged, not that she was a horrible little ____. Even if it wasn't true, it was obviously just a petty rant. That said, if she heard it, you came across as immature and unfair. I would address it by noting that there are times when your stress level is so high that you vent by saying irrational things about other people. That you were having a little tantrum recently and if anyone heard it, you're sorry because it was total nonsense and you shouldn't have been so immature as to take out your frustrations on innocent bystanders. Maybe comment on some better way you plan to deal next time, and add in a little humor. Then move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.