To graduate or not to graduate...that is the question!

[Natalija]

5th year of high school or a gap year?

 

Dd will be a senior this coming school year but will be 17 when she graduates. (She will turn 18 at the end of that August)

 

As a music performance major, the music conservatories are all far, far away on the east coast (we are on the west coast). At this point, on many levels, we just don't feel she is ready to leave home in one year. (Nor do we want her to!!! :sad:

 

So our dilemma is whether to graduate her on "schedule" and give her a gap year, give her a 5th year of high school...or graduate her on "schedule" and she goes off to conservatory right away.

In either case, she could use the extra year to gain more life skills, learn to be more self-sufficient in this world, continue private lessons, practicing and some CC classes.

 

Can anyone pls give thoughts, especially on 5th year vs gap year differences?

TIA!

Edited June 16, 2012 by Natalija

[Suzannah]

In a similar discussion recently on the boards, I was surprised to learn that some scholarships are specific to graduating seniors who will pursue college work in the upcoming year. I don't know whether that would affect any scholarship plans your daughter might have, but it is something to be aware of.

 

If that's not an issue, I would think a gap year which allowed her to work and develop a year of maturity would be perfectly reasonable.

 

Although I must point out that my birthday is at the end of September so I graduated at 17 and went away to college in Arkansas while my family was stationed overseas. Granted, I did attend a private, Christian university, but there was a learning curve and I (like most of my classmates) rose to the challenge.

 

Blessings!

[Mommyfaithe]

We chose NOT to graduate...for several reasons. A few: he wanted to retake his SAT, he wanted to be able to include some cc courses on his hs transcript, he wanted to go on a missions trip and had to be a hs student or he wasn't eligible, he wanted to work at least another year with his dad.....

 

There were tons of reasons....a big one was he was NOT impressed AT ALL with the social life his older siblings began once they started college. It really turned him off! He decided he wanted to be a bit older before dealing with the culture that will hit him dead on. I think he was very mature on that issue.

 

Btw, I did not graduate any of my kids before they turned 18. This son will be 18 next week:D

[Quiver0f10]

One of my adult children graduated at 17 and started college before his 18th birthday. It was a huge mistake for him and he wasn't ready. He told me just the other day he wished he had taken an extra year of high school. So that's my vote :D

[Teachin'Mine]

I would go for making next year her junior year. In her senior year, she can take cc classes and do the other things you mentioned. With the "extra" year, she should be able to improve her music performance and her test scores too. Did she take the PSAT this past October and indicate she was in 11th? That would be about the only way there would be any official recording of her grade year so far, unless you are in a state with mandatory reporting. If not, she should consider taking the PSAT this coming October. Not sure if you would need to notify the college boards of an error in reporting her grade year if she's already taken the standardized tests and indicated she'll be in 12th this coming year.

[Natalija]

Oh, thank you all!

Important things I did not consider and that is why I am here! :001_smile:

I need to know all the ramifications of each.

 

We were learning towards a 5th year in HS but unfortunately, she did take the PSAT and took her first SAT and ACT just recently. I didn't think about that. Sniff, sniff.

Is there a way to change that or are we stuck in the grade listed???

Please help!!

 

PS- Her piano teacher said she will be ready musically to audition in 6 months and get in to a top music conservatory. Given another year, she would improve even more and possibly help her get bigger scholarships, etc. However, we are worried about the liberal world she would be thrown into so early. We are conservative Christians and want to protect her soul and morals, as does she.

Edited June 16, 2012 by Natalija

[Laura Corin]

I'm assuming he will take a gap year, but he might want to go straight to university. He's fairly mature - I wouldn't be worried either way. He's likely to be between five and eight hours away from home.

 

Laura

[Ellie]

Graduate her on schedule. She'll have earned it.

 

I don't see a problem with letting her go on to the conservatory. You've had her for 17 years; she should be ready for the big world.

[busymama7]

Oh, thank you all!

Important things I did not consider and that is why I am here! :001_smile:

I need to know all the ramifications of each.

 

We were learning towards a 5th year in HS but unfortunately, she did take the PSAT and took her first SAT and ACT just recently. I didn't think about that. Sniff, sniff.

Is there a way to change that or are we stuck in the grade listed???

Please help!!

 

PS- Her piano teacher said she will be ready musically to audition in 6 months and get in to a top music conservatory. Given another year, she would improve even more and possibly help her get bigger scholarships, etc. However, we are worried about the liberal world she would be thrown into so early. We are conservative Christians and want to protect her soul and morals, as does she.

 

I certainly understand the end sentences. Is there a compromise of a more conservative school she could go to?

 

I really, really, really, do not understand the concept of not allowing our kids to grow up and be adults. HS is the time to teach the skills needed and then they should be able to go out on their own. I left home at 18(to a church sponsered school though, so minus some of the social pressures although I could have gotten into trouble easily if I chose to). I was fine.

 

I just dont get the gap year or not treating 18 year olds as adults. I think this generation is making a huge mistake with regards to teaching our teens/young adults how to handle life and be independant.

 

Your daughter has a choice of what friends to make and who to hang around with at college. She doesnt have to lose her way especially if you have given her a solid foundation.

 

But...my oldest is only 15:tongue_smilie:

[Tenaj]

My son did a fifth year of high school for several different reasons (one was mainly sports) . . anyway . . it has been the perfect choice for him so if you and your dd decide it's the right choice for her, don't let others sway your decision.

 

For my son, he wasn't even on the young side, so he graduated highschool last week as a 19 year old but we've had no regrets about this year. We've seen him mature and become a leader in several different situations this year and that is a completely different personality trait than we've ever seen from him before.

 

We had many people raising their eyebrows at his/our decision in March last year when we decided to do this fifth year for him, but the same people have gone out of their way to comment this spring that it was obviously exactly the right decision and they can see that now.

[Barbara H]

My perspective is that one of the benefits of homeschooling is that we have flexibility. Kids mature at different rates and have different life goals. Leaving the nest isn't just one thing - some kids go part time while living at home, some kids go cross country. Those take different levels of maturity and it is really an individual decision based on a lot of variables that parents and kids will know better than outsiders will.

 

If you opt for an extra year the easiest thing for scholarship and admissions purposes is typical going to be to reclassify her grade rather than opting for a gap year. You can merge together years and create a four year transcript or group your transcript by subject.

 

For the PSAT, for National Merit purposes, she is not going to be allowed a repeat (though can readily accommodate students who skip). Whatever she's listed as her grade on the SAT or ACT before doesn't really matter so don't worry about that.

[Emerald Stoker]

nm

[OLG]

What does she want to do?

 

Our ds graduated at 16, got an amazing scholarship, had it deferred for a year and began college at 17 without a hitch. And girls are more mature than boys, right? ;)

 

As a family, you can make the best decision but it could certainly go either way. I don't think 17 is too young these days unless the student is not mature emotionally. They adjust!

 

Good luck with whatever you do decide.

[Donna in Sacramento]

My son did a fifth year of high school for several different reasons (one was mainly sports) . . anyway . . it has been the perfect choice for him so if you and your dd decide it's the right choice for her, don't let others sway your decision.

 

For my son, he wasn't even on the young side, so he graduated highschool last week as a 19 year old but we've had no regrets about this year. We've seen him mature and become a leader in several different situations this year and that is a completely different personality trait than we've ever seen from him before.

 

We had many people raising their eyebrows at his/our decision in March last year when we decided to do this fifth year for him, but the same people have gone out of their way to comment this spring that it was obviously exactly the right decision and they can see that now.

 

Janet: Thank you so much for these words of encouragement. All: we were just dealing with this decision/scenario for our 17 year old, who just finished his jr year. And we are opting for him to have 2 more years. He is relieved. For him, this "bonus" year will give him the extra time to mature, grow in confidence and embark successfully on his first year of college. We're really trying to do what's best for him, that he has requested, and not listen to the court of public opinion. :001_smile: As you stated Janet, there are many reasons (which I won't go into) of why this is needed for our son. I just decided to take a look at the WTM forums this afternoon-and voila, this post that was exactly what I needed to see. Thanks!!

[TippyCanoe]

.

[Natalija]

My perspective is that one of the benefits of homeschooling is that we have flexibility. Kids mature at different rates and have different life goals. Leaving the nest isn't just one thing - some kids go part time while living at home, some kids go cross country. Those take different levels of maturity and it is really an individual decision based on a lot of variables that parents and kids will know better than outsiders will.

 

If you opt for an extra year the easiest thing for scholarship and admissions purposes is typical going to be to reclassify her grade rather than opting for a gap year. You can merge together years and create a four year transcript or group your transcript by subject.

 

For the PSAT, for National Merit purposes, she is not going to be allowed a repeat (though can readily accommodate students who skip). Whatever she's listed as her grade on the SAT or ACT before doesn't really matter so don't worry about that.

 

 

Yes, very well said, Barbara, and very helpful. Thank you! :iagree:And I am relieved to hear about the SAT/ACT grade listed.

 

Thank you all, ladies. You have been very helpful. We will consider all this. Any additional thoughts are still appreciated!

[KJB]

My perspective is that one of the benefits of homeschooling is that we have flexibility. Kids mature at different rates and have different life goals. Leaving the nest isn't just one thing - some kids go part time while living at home, some kids go cross country. Those take different levels of maturity and it is really an individual decision based on a lot of variables that parents and kids will know better than outsiders will.

 

If you opt for an extra year the easiest thing for scholarship and admissions purposes is typical going to be to reclassify her grade rather than opting for a gap year. You can merge together years and create a four year transcript or group your transcript by subject.

 

For the PSAT, for National Merit purposes, she is not going to be allowed a repeat (though can readily accommodate students who skip). Whatever she's listed as her grade on the SAT or ACT before doesn't really matter so don't worry about that.

 

Barbara,

 

I am going through this same line of thought for my dd. She has just finished her sophomore year but she skipped 8th grade so she is currently on target to graduate at 17. She took the PSAT as a sophomore this past fall. Can she wait and take it again as a junior in two years instead of this coming year or would that not be allowed?

 

Anyone know?

[snowbeltmom]

Barbara,

 

I am going through this same line of thought for my dd. She has just finished her sophomore year but she skipped 8th grade so she is currently on target to graduate at 17. She took the PSAT as a sophomore this past fall. Can she wait and take it again as a junior in two years instead of this coming year or would that not be allowed?

 

Anyone know?

 

Yes to the bolded.

 

We had a similar situation with my oldest - he was skipped in b&m school and decided this year that he wants to graduate at 18. He took the PSAT this past October for practice and listed his grade as 10th.

 

I called the College Board a few months ago after my son had made his decision to ask if he could take the PSAT again this year for practice and list his grade level as 10th again. The CB rep told me that was acceptable.

[KJB]

Yes to the bolded.

 

We had a similar situation with my oldest - he was skipped in b&m school and decided this year that he wants to graduate at 18. He took the PSAT this past October for practice and listed his grade as 10th.

 

I called the College Board a few months ago after my son had made his decision to ask if he could take the PSAT again this year for practice and list his grade level as 10th again. The CB rep told me that was acceptable.

 

That is great news. Thanks so much for the reply!

[speedmom4]

Oh, thank you all!

Important things I did not consider and that is why I am here! :001_smile:

I need to know all the ramifications of each.

 

We were learning towards a 5th year in HS but unfortunately, she did take the PSAT and took her first SAT and ACT just recently. I didn't think about that. Sniff, sniff.

Is there a way to change that or are we stuck in the grade listed???

Please help!!

 

PS- Her piano teacher said she will be ready musically to audition in 6 months and get in to a top music conservatory. Given another year, she would improve even more and possibly help her get bigger scholarships, etc. However, we are worried about the liberal world she would be thrown into so early. We are conservative Christians and want to protect her soul and morals, as does she.

 

Another option to consider would be looking at some schools closer to home. My brother and sister-in-law just graduated from Azusa Pacific University (in L.A.) with a degree in theatre. We are also Christians and my mother and father-in-law wanted them in a Christian college. I have also heard that UCLA has a good theatre program and is quite selective but it is NOT a Christian school obviously.

 

I just thought I would throw those ideas out there! :001_smile:

 

God Bless,

Elise in NC

[jibaker103]

My ds has been asking for a 5th year of school since last summer. He wants to have time to master math (serious math anxiety and struggles), hone creative writing skills, enjoy all years of TOG (we just discovered it), take advantage of dual enrollment, and more time to study for SAT/ACT.

 

After graduating hs he wants to continue at the community college while living at home and transfer to a university later. He keeps reminding me when I am ready to downsize to an apartment I must make sure he has a bedroom, lol!

 

At first I was concerned about a 5th year and how it would look to universities but it finally dawned on me that I should stop stressing and follow his lead because he was asking for something he obviously needed and this is what homeschooling is all about. Since I have agreed he has been much happier about school. Seems to have more zest! So I guess we will be calling this upcoming year 10th grade again.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I don't think that sending an 18 year old to college, when the college looks to mom and dad for financial support until a student is married or in their mid twenties is quite like being an adult.

 

When I was a totally self-supporting adult, I had to show up at work on time; work until the work was done; pay for gas, insurance, rent; buy and cook my own food; and advocate for myself with apartment manager, utilities, and employer.

 

I don't think that it's debilitating to look at someone who had not had these sort of experiences and saying that a year of work and maturing is a good thing. Most of the descriptions of gap years that I've heard seem to entail work, getting oneself to and from work without mom's car, and often living away from home. I'd say that these are just the sort of things that do require adult responses.

 

I can't say if my kids would do a gap year or not. I went directly into a military academy at 18. I was pretty much on my own to sink or swim. On the other hand, I'd been an exchange student overseas the summer before and had traveled out of state for sports camps.

 

I think you need to look at the individual student and what their goals are and what they will most get out of the different options.

 

To say that if someone has a good foundation, they won't falter, makes it sound like anyone who falters just didn't have a good enough foundation. I don't think this is necessarily the case.

[Colleen in SEVA]

:bigear:

 

Thank you to everyone who has replied. My oldest has a late August birthday, and we are debating which grade to file for this year (figuring it will be easier to change now, before high school).

 

You've all given us additional things to ponder.

[Natalija]

Another option to consider would be looking at some schools closer to home. My brother and sister-in-law just graduated from Azusa Pacific University (in L.A.) with a degree in theatre. We are also Christians and my mother and father-in-law wanted them in a Christian college. I have also heard that UCLA has a good theatre program and is quite selective but it is NOT a Christian school obviously.

 

Thanks, Elise. Yes, we've searched locally as well and I have looked at Azusa Pacific. It's all about the teacher so I have to check with dd's piano teacher to see if there is anyone there who is good. She has had high level teacher's ( driving her 2 1/2 hrs each way to LA on Saturday) for the past several years. Her current teacher just recommended highly a UC (U of California) school with a great teacher with lots of connections and in a safe location that is only 1 1/2 hours away.We weren't interested at all in UC schools, however, we will definitely look at this as an option. He says undergraduate study at a university is fine, then one can move on to a music conservatory for their masters and doctorate.

 

Thanks all!

[Natalija]

What does she want to do?

 

Our ds graduated at 16, got an amazing scholarship, had it deferred for a year and began college at 17 without a hitch. And girls are more mature than boys, right? ;)

 

Of course, she what she would love most of all to do, is be a concert pianist, performing with piano concertos with symphony orchestras as she was blessed to do once at age 15. However, only a small percentage get to earn a living that way. She has hopes to perform, including in chamber music ensembles, and can fall back on accompanying other pianists,instrumentalists and vocalists, as well as teaching.

[Natalija]

I am new to the Quote thing and just did it wrong. :tongue_smilie:

 

If I am to select a portion of someone's quote, how do you do it without losing the shaded quote? I did it right the first time but I left the entire quote. Thanks!

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Looks like you accidentally erased the

section at the end of what you were quoting. Sometimes that happens if you are trying to only leave a little bit of a longer post.

[Barbara H]

Barbara,

 

I am going through this same line of thought for my dd. She has just finished her sophomore year but she skipped 8th grade so she is currently on target to graduate at 17. She took the PSAT as a sophomore this past fall. Can she wait and take it again as a junior in two years instead of this coming year or would that not be allowed?

 

Anyone know?

 

It looks like you've gotten your answer. Yes, it is no problem. The National Merit Scholarship Corporation is very familiar with kids grade skipping and they handle all sorts of these questions. The one thing they won't allow is kids taking it more than once AS A JUNIOR, but beyond that they tend to be quite flexible.

[Natalija]

Looks like you accidentally erased the

section at the end of what you were quoting. Sometimes that happens if you are trying to only leave a little bit of a longer post.

 

Yup! I thought so! Thanks!

[nykatie]

One of my adult children graduated at 17 and started college before his 18th birthday. It was a huge mistake for him and he wasn't ready. He told me just the other day he wished he had taken an extra year of high school. So that's my vote :D

 

Ditto. We had the same experience; I'd wait.

[4wildberrys]

I don't think that sending an 18 year old to college, when the college looks to mom and dad for financial support until a student is married or in their mid twenties is quite like being an adult.

 

When I was a totally self-supporting adult, I had to show up at work on time; work until the work was done; pay for gas, insurance, rent; buy and cook my own food; and advocate for myself with apartment manager, utilities, and employer.

 

I don't think that it's debilitating to look at someone who had not had these sort of experiences and saying that a year of work and maturing is a good thing. Most of the descriptions of gap years that I've heard seem to entail work, getting oneself to and from work without mom's car, and often living away from home. I'd say that these are just the sort of things that do require adult responses.

 

I can't say if my kids would do a gap year or not. I went directly into a military academy at 18. I was pretty much on my own to sink or swim. On the other hand, I'd been an exchange student overseas the summer before and had traveled out of state for sports camps.

 

I think you need to look at the individual student and what their goals are and what they will most get out of the different options.

 

To say that if someone has a good foundation, they won't falter, makes it sound like anyone who falters just didn't have a good enough foundation. I don't think this is necessarily the case.

 

:iagree: :iagree:

We held dd back a year for various reasons and at the time she was NOT happy about it! She had to watch her only very good homeschool friend graduate and leave for college while she was 'stuck' here in our small town with no friends and feeling left out. Fast forward a year later----she was SO happy we knew better than her and told us so! She watched her friend get into the party scene and become swayed by the ultra liberal atmosphere at most colleges, much to the dismay and shock of dd. this girl had a wonderful foundation! Fast forward 2 years----dd had enough time to mature and really find out what she wanted to do, and so is working to pay her way through school, in her own apartment away from us. She is responsible ( well, 99%) for herself and her bills etc. she does not drink or party and neither does her boyfriend. She is quite mature and VERY responsible. Her friend, who does live in the same town, still lives a very dependent existence, not cooking for herself, not paying any bills for herself and more into the college party scene than ever. She works unskilled summer jobs as if she is still in high school. But she does make Deans List every year :tongue_smilie: So my new take on college---and certainly how dd sees it-----an extended adolescence for too many.

 

I think a gap year or extra year at home in high school can be very necessary for some kids and has nothing to do with sheltering or holding them back from growing up. I think many colleges today take the cake for preventing the kids from truly growing up anyways :001_huh: if you feel like your dd would benefit from another year at home, then by all means do it.