Prayers, please.

[klmama]

ETA: Thank you for your prayers!

[2cents]

I wish I had something to say that would make it all go away. My heart goes out to you. All I can offer is to look to the place you have always found your strength and hope. Sometimes just when things seem like they cannot get better then somethingmiraculous occurs. Keep trying to find that place. My thoughts are with you and your family. Please keep us posted. (((hugs)))

[Faithr]

Just remember that you are in our prayers. Do you have in IRL friend you can call? I would go and have a good cry and then get busy making a nice breakfast. I'd let them watch a movie or do a lot of things that don't involve direct interaction with you, so that you have a little space. It really is in God's hands so just keep repeating that to yourself.

 

I want so much to give you comfort and words of wisdom and I'm afraid what I offer is paltry stuff. God bless you in your ordeal.

[Remudamom]

When things are going to pieces the only thing you can do is the next thing. Just take the next thing to do, and get it done. Just focus on the next thing you have to do, and do it.

 

And pray without ceasing.

[JudoMom]

I have to focus on God's goodness and the fact that He is sovereign. Last summer ds5 was undergoing some very serious medical testing and the waiting and not knowing was terrifying and paralyzing. I had to be ever vigilant to not let my mind slip into the darkest scenario. I found if I was focusing on God's goodness and his sovereignty, even the darkest scenario wasn't as dark. Heartbreaking, yes, but it was no longer terrifying, if that makes sense. God is good, and He isn't surprised by what is going on and He knows the outcome. And even if the outcome isn't what I would wish, He's still good.

 

I'll be praying for peace for you and healing for your son.

[Twinmom]

We lived with the fear that our children (the twins) were damaged by illegal drug use (a LOT!) on the part of their birth mom for their first 5 years...until now, when we are sure that they are ok save a little ADHD! The stress was enormous, esp. since they did have severe health problems in the beginning and we were unsure if the problems were permanent or temporary. When you couple that with the fact that we hid the situation from our families until just this year (wanted them to enjoy the grandkids w/o fear), we were really in bad shape!

 

Prayer helped a lot, and so did trusting God. It may seem a little glib, but simple faith was our answer. We simply had to believe that God was in control, that He had a plan for our sons and that nothing would happen that would be outside of His plan. We had to trust that He would not have given us more than we could handle (as He promises in His Word!) and that He would give us the tools, patience, calm, finances, etc. to accomplish His goals for the boys. To believe otherwise made us frantic, thinking constantly that we had to do something to fix things when truthfully it was not in our control. We had to leave the boys in God's very capable hands...which brought us to a new level of faith. Sometimes I think that may have been God's plan all along! ;) And, our faith wasn't placed in an impotent God...He was there for us, the twins are fine, we had all we needed and more!

 

How did we cope? First, cultivate trust for God in your heart. Search the Scriptures for verses on God's faithfulness, or just the word trust. Spend time in the Word, whereever you want. It is God's love letter to you, and you need it now.

 

Second, take good care of yourself. Release that stress through exercise, even if it's just a quick brisk walk or a few jumping jacks in the living room! Get good sleep. Get thee to a vitamin store and get some good basic supplements, then add in some GABA (an amino acid), which is a natural calming substance (nature's valium, I've heard it called!) and something with magnesium (often calcium supplements have this added), which has the same effect. Eat right, take it easy, do some things you enjoy. Go on about your day and do your best not to become obsessed in your thinking.

 

Finally, after you've done all those things (or even before!), then call your prayer group, support group, come here, etc. and get some support. Talk, whine, cry, whatever you need. Then, go back and hug your son and let him know everything is going to be alright...God is with him.

 

:grouphug:

[DB in NJ]

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil. 4:4-7.

 

You'll continue to be in my prayers.

[Heather in the Kootenays]

It's so hard on everyone. I think they cope by sharing with IRL friends who can absorb some of their worry and by taking good care of themselves physically - sleep, exercise, diet. They've both withdrawn from all extra activities just to channel their energy into staying calm and supportive.

 

:grouphug:

[Dayle in Guatemala]

Do you have a friend or someone you can fall apart to? Sometimes it helps me to have someone I can totally rely on, someone very trustworthy who isn't going to spread around anything I tell her. If you can arrange to meet with that person privately and just tell her your fears and worries, cry with her, get angry about it, it might help you. It isn't healthy for you to keep it inside. And whether you show it or not, the kids will pick up on it. Kids are good that way.

 

"Bear one another's burdens and in this way you fulfill the law of Christ."

 

It's Biblical to do this. I would encourage you to find that person. Have them pray with you. Meet with them regularly to be able to be real with them during this whole situation.

 

In the meantime, I'm praying for a full, problem-free recovery for your ds.

 

:grouphug:

[Perry]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I obviously don't know the nature of your ds's procedure, but if an error was made, I would urge you to consider getting a second opinion. You may have more options than just waiting for complications.

 

Waiting would make me feel like falling apart too.

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I obviously don't know the nature of your ds' procedure, but if an error was made, I would urge you to consider getting a second opinion. You may have more options than just waiting for complications.

 

Waiting would make me feel like falling apart too.

 

 

Good advice. It might help.

[klmama]

I can feel the support of your prayers keeping me going. Thank you, everyone! :001_smile:

[Kathleen in VA]

It sounds to me as if most of your anguish is caused mainly by not knowing what the outcome will be. Since I do not know the nature of your son's condition I cannot *really* offer any practical advice, but I would strongly recommend speaking to your son's doctor and as many other people who are knowledgeable about the condition as you can.

 

I wish there were a more practical way to help you, but without more information it is really difficult to advise. I think you need to talk to someone face to face to get a solid understanding of what the possible outcomes of your son's situation are and then decide if there is any action you can take to improve those outcomes.

 

If there is truly nothing you can do, you need to come to a place in your thinking where you can let go of the worry. You will not be able to hide this from your son or anyone else for that matter and it has the potential of being very destructive to your own health if you do not get to a point in your thinking where you have peace.

 

The only way I have found to have true peace in a situation that was completely out of my control is to place the whole ordeal before God in prayer and then trust Him to deal with it as only He can. God is able to heal your son although that may not be His will in this case. This is where faith and trust come in. We do not know the big picture in most cases so we need to remember that God is good ALL the time. He is Sovereign over all His creation and He NEVER makes mistakes. Nothing takes Him by surprise. We have a very, very difficult time accepting this because we are so limited in our understanding of Him. Again, this is why faith and trust are so very necessary. If we could understand God and His purposes completely He wouldn't be very big - He would fit inside our tiny minds.

 

That would not be much of a "god" in my opinion. I expect that I will NOT understand God and I believe (because the Bible teaches this) that God is perfectly loving and perfectly just at the same time. We see events happen that challenge that truth in our small minds, but God sees all of eternity all at once - He is not nearly concerned with the condition of our physical bodies as He is with our spiritual condition.

 

The truth is, we are all going to die sooner or later no matter how well we manage to extend our lives on this earth. The most important thing is where we will spend eternity. Focus on things eternal. Place this whole situation in God's loving, merciful hands and trust Him to do the RIGHT thing - He never does the wrong thing - it is not possible for him to.

 

I know this is controversial advice. I realize many here on these boards who will not agree and that is certainly their prerogative. I only know that in order to find true peace in a situation like this - one in which we have absolutely no control and very little knowledge - putting our faith in God's goodness and mercy is our only hope of finding a lasting peace.

 

I really think that the "not knowing" will eat you up with worry if you are not able to leave it with God. If there is anyone at all you can call I strongly urge you to do so. The more information you can acquire about your son's condition, the more confident you will feel that you are doing everything you can to help him.

 

I hope this does not come off sounding trite and uncaring. I feel so desperately concerned for you and want only to help you find some peace in what must be a very tumultuous situation.

 

I am praying for you.

[Suzannah]

Oh I've been praying for you since I first read your post yesterday. I'm so sorry and I do know something about waiting and worrying. My daughter was born with cataracts (it's hereditary) and has some complications after her initial surgery causing her to develop glaucoma and also have extremely limited vision in one eye. It is a helpless feeling to know that things are out of your control and wonder if there was anything you could have done differently...even when there wasn't. Trust in the Lord, and love your little boy. Encourage him all you can, but don't mislead him. If you don't know something, there's no need to bring it up, but don't tell him everything is completely perfectly fine if it's not. Tell him you'll need to keep an eye on him to make sure things are going o.k. and if there are symptoms to watch for, ask him to watch out for them in a low-key way. "Hey buddy, how are you doing? Tummy's o.k.? No dizziness? What's the square root of 144? How is a raven like a writing desk?"

 

Bless you all and I pray you will have peace of mind and good news soon.

[Aubrey]

I know it's not the same, but I sometimes see how fragile life is, & I get WAY too worried about my dc & the fact that I can't protect them from everything, etc. So much so that it could literally paralyze me.

 

Instead, though, I try to use this fear (when it comes up) in a positive way. How can I use the time that I *do* have (however long or short that is) in such a way that I have no regrets? If something happens to my dc today when I take them out to play, for ex, I *will* regret being so hard on them this AM for cleaning too slowly. I'll regret having had such a temper instead of patiently *teaching* them to do better. Etc.

 

So, worst-case-scenario, if your son *does* have complications, he's not showing signs *now,* you don't have the burden of knowing *now.* How will you wish you'd spent this time? And best case scenario, the worry will have been wasted. (Don't hear that harshly, please. I come from a long line of REALLY worried people, so this is a line I have to tell myself to even function. I worry about LITTLE stuff a LOT.)

 

If there's nothing you can do while you're waiting (the 2nd opinion thing sounded like it might help), then I say you need something to distract you. Fill the time w/ things you won't regret.

 

And, oh, I wish I could make it okay for you. Not just the operation, but the *knowing* that it's ok. If a hug could fix it, you'd be SO ok right now! Or a cup of tea. I'd give you both if you were here, & you're *totally* welcome. In fact, I think you should come over. :grouphug:

[KidsHappen]

My youngest spent a week in NCIU when she was first born. I was exhausted and scared and anguished and I clearly remember asking, "Why me? Why my daughter?" and the answer came back to me clear as day. Why not? Why not you? Why not your daughter? Because, You can handle this! You can do what it takes to get through this. You are a mother who cares and your child will be fine. And both of your will be stronger for it and you will love him friercely because of it. Some children were not so lucky. Some children were not going to make it. And it wasn't because the drs and nurses weren't trying with these children and weren't doing their best to help them. It was because the parents weren't there. There were two six month premies there whose parents I did not see a single time. I don't know why bad things happen in the first place but I know that we are all blessed when it happens to good people who can make a difference. I think that you are one of those people.

 

You take what time you need to scream and to cry and then you get hold of yourself and you put a smile on your face and you go and you take care of your child. You take all of the support and help that you can get. I really need some one to feed me and make sure I was drinking and sleeping as I wouldn't have done those things without help and then I wouldn't have lasted as long as I did. Also someone to take care of the other children so that you can devote your time and energy to taking care of the one. And finally if your child is old enough to ask questions, you answer the ones you can and tell him the truth if you don't know and then reassure both him and yourself that everything will be ok. Finally, pray and ask everyone you know to pray or send good wishes or whatever they do to your family. :grouphug:

[teamturner]

I think you've already had some wonderful advice from others. I do want to encourage you to trust in the Lord moment by moment. When you feel like crying, cry out to Him and ask for the strength to carry on. I hope you will remember His promises and know that he loves you and your ds very much. I will pray earnestly. You and your ds have been on my heart since I read your email yesterday and I will continue to lift you both up in prayer.

 

There is a supplement, L-Theanine, that helps reduce anxiety. It is a substance found in green tea. You should find it at any health food store. I know it helps me when I feel overwhelmed.

 

Praying for your peace and healing for your son,

[ereks mom]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I obviously don't know the nature of your ds's procedure, but if an error was made, I would urge you to consider getting a second opinion. You may have more options than just waiting for complications.

 

Waiting would make me feel like falling apart too.

 

And also about talking with a friend IRL.

[ereks mom]

When I am fearful, especially due to circumstances beyond my control, I find a quiet place where I can take a deep breath, and I pray Psalm 56:3, "When I am afraid, I will trust in thee."

 

This is a verse that my Sunday School teacher taught our class to memorize when I was in primary school, and it has been of particular comfort to me ever since I learned it nearly 40 years ago.

[klmama]

Thank you all! I'm awed by all of the support here and through private messages. Thank you for praying! You all are wonderful! I'm glad to "know" so many people willing to go before the Lord on our behalf. Thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart!

[Mom2legomaniacs]

I just can't imagine how frightened you are for your ds. I pray you can find some peace and some information about his situation. :grouphug:

[Suzannah]

I am SO glad you have more information and some peace now. It's easy to take a doctor's word as the last word but doctor's are only human (as you know) and it's always worthwhile to compare opinions. Bless you and your son and the rest of your family.