Audrey Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 (edited) I saw this blog yesterday and thought it was quite interesting. What do you think? http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2012/03/wifey-wednesday-are-you-a-better-wife-or-a-better-mom/ Well, that was a very simplistic and judgmental definition of wife and mother if you ask me. :glare: To answer your question seriously, though... I don't really feel like I can separate myself out like that to say I am a better wife or better mother or better employee or better friend, etc. I don't operate compartmentally like that. I am just always all me all the time. I try to be the best I can be, but I fail a lot, and am grateful that my employers don't seem to notice much and my loved ones keep loving me despite it all. Edited March 30, 2012 by Audrey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I'm a better mother than wife, and I think my son can love his dad just fine. I don't agree with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 I'd probably be counted as a downright terrible wife these days, LOL. I put lots more time into my child... that probably happens when you start homeschooling. We're still trying to find the right balance. If DH wants a dinner-making, house-cleaning, smartly dressed, always happy, cooing love bunny... he's barking up the wrong tree these days, and he knows it!! :D Yes... I remind dh that if he wants a Stepford Wife, he will eventually have to experience the scene where my head spins around my neck, my face explodes and all he's left with is a pile of smoking wires. Probably sooner than later. Fortunately dh is very forgiving. *I* am the one usually guilty of trying to keep all the plates spinning, usually because some "mentor" has told me that's what I am supposed to be doing. How is it that I nearly went all the way to the half century mark before figuring out that the only one I really need to hammer out expectations with is my own dear husband? Where's the slappin'-myself smilie? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Well, that was a very simplistic and judgmental definition of wife and mother if you ask me. :glare: To answer your question seriously, though... I don't really feel like I can separate myself out like that to say I am a better wife or better mother or better employee or better friend, etc. I don't operate compartmentally like that. I am just always all me all the time. I try to be the best I can be, but I fail a lot, and am grateful that my employers don't seem to notice much and my loved ones keep loving me despite it all. This reminds me of an analogy I once heard. Men are the apothecary cabinet, able to compartmentalize issues and areas of their lives. Women are the scarf drawer, where everything swirls together. I suppose that may be a fair generalization, but if it seems sexist to delineate men & women, at least it's a broad example of personality types. Hmm, now I am wondering if there's an introvert/extrovert link to which storage unit a person would be... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gretchen in NJ Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 (edited) I would love your cooking and your company. :D :D :grouphug:Thank you, Paula. Dreaming of being 25 again with a Brazilin accent.:lol: Edited March 30, 2012 by Gretchen in NJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mytwomonkeys Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 i didn't read the blog post because i didn't want it to influence my initial thoughts. so this is based on your question alone, and not the post you shared. i think i'm good at both honestly. being a good wife, however, is easier (for me) than being a good mom. my husband and are best friends. we're both adults. we're both reasonable and fully understand the importance of thinking of others before ourselves. we know how to compromise, laugh at ourselves, see the big picture, etc. with my kids, it is a little more one-sided and involves a lot of patience, teaching, loving through unreasonableness, etc. as they continue to grow each year, my role in their life continues to change with their maturity, and that is always a learning curve for me. i have to continually learn how to meet their needs, & a lot of that "learning" comes through trial and error. i'm not perfect of course, but i think the good outweighs my mistakes. my husband and i have learning curves too, but we are so in sync, that staying on the same page comes very easy to us. i adore him and he adores me, and remaining number one to each other has always been what we do well since we've met. we think of each other's needs in all of our decisions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 It also hit us that there might not BE a tomorrow with your spouse, let alone 10 years from now when the kids are grown and out of the house. Last year dh had a heart attack and it was a wake up call for us that life can change so quickly and I don't want to wait another 5+ years to focus on dh. . Yep. I think DH being military and deployed 1/2 the year makes me appreciate every minute I do have with him - now. Knowing that he has been shot at and that people have tried to throw bombs his way makes mortality feel awfully real. I also agree that the toddler years are an exception, but it should be an exception - not the norm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 :grouphug:Thank you, Paula. Dreaming of being 25 again with a Brazilin accent.:lol: You need neither... No one stays 25 forever Look in that mirror today and remind yourself you are beautiful, you are real, and you are worthy... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gretchen in NJ Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 You need neither... No one stays 25 forever Look in that mirror today and remind yourself you are beautiful, you are real, and you are worthy... I wasn't serious.:lol: I am smarter now then I was back then. I would trade that for...;) ETA: Hey! how did you write over 17,000 posts? When did that happen?:001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Mother. Without looking at the article. I am separated from my husband and have been since 8 months after the wedding. Plus I am driving my son 2 hours to get free comic books to satisfy his geekhood. Yeah definitely mother. THough given how many times I mess up as a mother that may not be saying much about the kind of wife I was lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerbread Mama Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Yep. I think DH being military and deployed 1/2 the year makes me appreciate every minute I do have with him - now. Knowing that he has been shot at and that people have tried to throw bombs his way makes mortality feel awfully real. I also agree that the toddler years are an exception, but it should be an exception - not the norm. I can't imagine having a spouse in the military, I can't imagine wondering if someone is actively trying to kill him. However, my DH works away. He is gone 99% of the time. He was badly hurt (and could have been killed) on the job, so I do understand a lot of what you are saying, and I agree. I would say that my personality is set up to be a better wife. I *enjoy* being a wife. I love my kids, and, as another poster said, I have felt great responsibility to them since I gave birth.....but I don't really *enjoy* a lot of what I do as a mother. I don't enjoy trekking to the unending dr's appts, dragging them kicking and screaming through a lesson, monitoring the TV/video game problem :glare: I don't LIKE it, I wouldn't CHOOSE it, but I DO it because it needs to be done and I love them too much to let it slide. That can put a strain on our marriage because DH and I need each other, when I'm running around here trying to help the kids then I can't be with him (9 hours away) as often. It's hard. We put a lot of effort into "us". We do couple only trips, we do date nights (on the rare occasion we can), we send the kids to my mom's for a night or two and have the house to ourselves when he's in if nothing else LOL I look at it this way: If I do my job right as a mother, the kids will grow up and go on to live an independent life. Yes, I hope they love me and want me involved. I just don't want to be "in charge" of them forever more. At that point, it will be (hopefully) me and DH alone again. I don't want to look over and think "Who is that?" Also, my mother devalued s*x and relationships to me when I was a child. She hated my dad and made it a point to try to discourage me from relationships. She told me how boring s*x was, how you'd enjoy the first 100 times and then never want to be bothered again...she made my dad sleep in a different bedroom until he moved out. I remember desperately wanting my parents to have the relationship that I saw my uncle and his wife having. They held hands, kissed, loved each other and SHOWED it. I have modeled my relationship on theirs, because, even though they have hit rough spots, they are still together and loving to each other. Even now, with two grown kids. My mother is on her 3rd marriage, treating this husband the same as she did my dad, and wondering why men end up ignoring her and choosing to leave. That's just my 2 cents (and poorly laid out/edited to boot...my youngest is about to worry me to death LOL) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gretchen in NJ Posted March 30, 2012 Share Posted March 30, 2012 Mother. Without looking at the article. I am separated from my husband and have been since 8 months after the wedding. Plus I am driving my son 2 hours to get free comic books to satisfy his geekhood. Yeah definitely mother. THough given how many times I mess up as a mother that may not be saying much about the kind of wife I was lol :grouphug:I am sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 Thankfully for me my husband is not a very needy man and he does not like a clingy or doting wife. He is very self sufficient and independent and he wants me to be there for our children 100%. :iagree:I am very thankful for this, but it wasn't "luck". I picked with my head, not my ovaries. When I was a young woman my friends and I called un-independent men "clinging, energy-sucking mother-seekers." :lol: This thread reminds me of when my folks retired. They moved to a beautiful rural place where it was very cheap to live and many people retired there (NW Arkansas). The first think I noticed about them when they got there was that my father went out by himself to play bridge. The evening walks they took together were now sometimes alone. They made he and she gardens.* These "do everything together people" changed. I asked my mother about this, and she said they were purposefully being MORE independent of each other in case one died. "If I die, he's used to going out to play bridge without me. If he dies, I'm used to being alone." I thought: how sensible, and how like my parents to act with purpose. *when my dad got too frail to keep up with his gardening, I asked him what had become of his garden. He said, with a smile I could hear over the phone, "I have a friend who comes in". He meant my mother. :) Oh, how I miss them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 I am freaking amazing at both roles!!! So take that, silly article writer!! :D :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted March 31, 2012 Share Posted March 31, 2012 I am freaking amazing at both roles!!! So take that, silly article writer!! :D :D I could tell that about you, Diane. You rock!! :thumbup1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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