in-laws suddenly having health probs: record forms, book resources for elder care?

[serendipitous journey]

My in-laws, who live an an attached apartment, are together hitting some, well, Senior Moments more suddenly than I'd anticipated and I am not prepared. Today it became clear that I need to be organized around their health, recording interventions and symptoms. They have been generally very healthy and active, mother-in-law is about 76 and father-in-law nearly 89.

 

My mother-in-law's memory and judgment are failing more and more, and I think we should start documenting what we notice so that we can have an organized sense of decline and how real the problems are.

 

My father-in-law, who has trouble with his lungs after years of smoking but is otherwise quite healthy -- we live at a fairly low altitude -- really benefited from, perhaps required, supplementary oxygen today; a neighbor provided this for us, having the equipment b/c of his own elder relatives. We are purchasing a pulse oximeter to measure his blood oxygen levels and I should obviously record that, too, as well as reports of his breathing distress. It's all a bit confused b/c he doesn't talk about his health and my MIL isn't nearly as organized as she used to be, we didn't realize how much until this incident -- apparently he couldn't sleep b/c of strongly labored breathing last night, but they didn't get help and didn't even mention it until this afternoon. Although he's been on oxygen since this morning!!!

 

Yes, I realize he should see a professional. That is a Work In Progress. He's an MD and thinks he doesn't need it. Fortunately DH is a biologist and also teaches respiratory physiology at a med school, so we have a good conceptual understanding and can read the relevant literature. Sigh.

 

sorry if this seems emotional. I am more frazzled than usual, and feel awful for not having our ducks in a row to deal with these things. We are well fit to manage urgent or emergency care, but is there is some system for organizing this info. that people have used? favorite forms? good books for helping elders as they reach this stage?

 

thanks so much.

[brehon]

You can, of course, put everything on a computer and update as necessary. My mom found that having 2 accordion files (1 for my g-mom & 1 for my g-dad) made life easier for her because everything was portable. Each one should have a list of current meds w/dosages, medication allergies, and relevant past medical history. I recommend that you have many copies of this last sheet handy (purse, wallets, etc).

 

One of the most important things you & your dh must discuss with your in-laws is MPOAs, DPOAs, DNRs, and living wills. Many elderly people don't like to talk about these things; but, having all of them in place will make everyone's life much easier. You/your dh probably should also talk with your in-laws about each of them signing a HIPPA release form so their doctor(s) can speak with you about their care.

 

I think keeping a log of incidents is a good idea because it gives you something concrete to speak with their doctors about. If you have the above forms already filled out and handy you're better off than 90% of the population.

[Carol in Cal.]

Get them those medicine organizers for the week if they don't have them already. Lots of times that means the difference between overdosing and not.

 

I have not read this, but have heard very good things about the book, "The 36 Hour Day" about dementia. Also, the Alzheimers' Association is extemely helpful with information and on the spot advice and support.

 

Something else to think about is getting the POA's for finances and medicine in place now, if possible, so that you don't have to go to court to do it later. That's pretty expensive.

[brehon]

Get them those medicine organizers for the week if they don't have them already. Lots of times that means the difference between overdosing and not.

 

:iagree: That's a very good idea. And have them choose different colors. However, save the pill bottles both for refills and (if you or your in-laws choose not to write the names of the meds on paper) showing various medical professionals. Also, I meant to clarify that your mil's and fil's med lists should be on separate pieces of paper. Seems obvious, I know; but, you'd be surprised what I've seen. <sigh>

[kalanamak]

Durable POAs, for financial and medical, and living wills, post haste!

[G5052]

I did this long distance for quite awhile at varying levels for all four of our parents.

 

I had a notebook for each parent and kept a log, protected copies of documents, and had a section for business cards.

 

When our last parent died in September, I had all of the documents necessary to close out portions of their affairs. When I came home I turned it into an estate notebook, although I am not the executor.

 

I tried to do it electronically, but scanning the documents was a pain and it was easier for me to work from a binder.

 

You might also want to begin shopping for an eldercare attorney, at least getting names. I found mine's advice invaluable.

Edited March 5, 2012 by GVA

[TechWife]

Ask them to give all of their doctors, Medicare and any supplemental insurance companies permission to speak to you about their medical care. They will need to do this in writing. Do this now, so that in an emergent situation you don't have to wait to find out what you need to know.

[cin]

Ditto what everyone said about the POA stuff. And the release form from every doctor so they can talk to at least one of the children about what is going on. There is a fuzzy area between being coherent and being obviously not coherent when the Doctors have problems with talking to you.

 

I would also suggest that you get your name on their checks. When the time comes that your help is needed, you need to be able to access the stuff.

 

Will, POA & Living Will. Get those documents updated yesterday!

 

We JUST went through this. MIL passed 2/19. And these are the things that we needed. DH is an only child and they were buddies, so most of the people knew that DH was an 'OK' person, but still had to sign off on that.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: It's not an easy thing. Hope you have everyone's cooperation!

[Liz CA]

We designed and used easy (large print!) to read spreadsheets before my aunt passed away. She was still very sharp mentally and recorded everything herself or instructed her part-time help to record things.

The easier you can make it (the spreadsheet or forms), the better.

Post your own phone number and phone number of nearest able neighbor in plain sight. Even a perfectly lucid person can have a memory lapse in an emergency situation.

[serendipitous journey]

Thank you so much to everyone. Even before I'd seen the replies, I bought Nolo's downloadable forms book so that's in the works. The goal is to have the paperwork ready by Wednesday, when DH works from home & we can probably get everybody to a notary. We're planning on: Medical & Durable POAs, living wills, and HIPPA release forms (I hadn't heard of the HIPPA before, that was very helpful; we'll also try to contact individual offices, but am glad to have a blanket document).

 

On the way from Amazon are two medical document organizers, accordion files, pill organizers, &c.

 

DH is already on most of their financial accounts but I'll check that there are no gaps.

 

And I ordered the 36-Hour-Day, as well as Learning to Speak Alzheimer's and Creating Moments of Joy, and a book on helping wrap up estate matters and talk about inheritances, leaving mementos, etc.. We have a pretty good understanding of the biology of disease around here, but the relationship with my MIL, while strong, isn't easy; and for both of them, and their relationships with the children especially, I am glad to have a chance to plan for a healing and productive caretaking period and for the important elements of their pasts to be carried forward. My MIL, for example, is a Holocaust survivor. We are sure they will require care at some point, we just don't know when.

 

Thank you again, everyone, and for the :grouphug: both smilie and implied. I think I may post a thread in a few days RE planning for homeschooling through the intense parts of a medical crisis.