astrid Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 Happy Father's Day, everyone. I just have to vent. My dh called his father to wish him a happy Father's Day, and in the course of speaking to both his father and his mother, NEITHER ONE wished HIM a happy Father's Day! Dh was really hurt by this, though his parents are often insensitive and callous. Dh's sister is the "chosen one" and the sun rises and sets on her dc and her husband, while my dh, their only other child, is really excluded from the family. They really treat him like a second class citizen, and it's all because his sister's dh makes more money and loves to drink with FIL.....my dh doesn't drink at all. They're very self-centered, and never seem to have time for anyone but themselves. It's always been like that, since dh and I were married. In fact, our dd was their first grandchild, and although they live 20 minutes away, they rarely see her. Maybe six times per year, and no, I'm not exaggerating. It's heartbreaking, because Molly really, really wants their attention and affection, but they seem oblivious to her while doting on my SIL's kids (who are horribly behaved and spoiled!) It breaks my heart to see Molly and dh treated this way. It's really, really sad, and most of the time I ignore it as does dh, but today, he's really hurt by their callousness. So I zipped off an email to MIL. Not sure whether it will do more harm than good, but I just felt that she had to know how her son was feeling. and why, though I said it very kindly. It was like a knife through my heart to see him hang up the phone and then sit there on the couch with tears rolling down his face. And mind you, my dh does not cry easily. I feel so badly for him. He is such a wonderful husband and father, but he's always completely dismissed by them. I think it just got to him more than usual this time How can they treat their own child this way? :crying: Sorry....rant over. Thanks for listening. Astrid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 Oh, I'm so sorry. This brought tears to my eyes. Just the thought of a grown man being so hurt that he'll cry . . . It's just so sad. I think you did the right thing emailing his mother (provided it was respectful - and knowing your posts here - I'm sure it was!). Give your dh a backrub and extra hugs tonight. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2legomaniacs Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 :grouphug: You just never know why some people are the way they are. It can be so maddening and very heartbreaking. I am sorry for you all. It truly is their loss for not seeing how wonderful your family is.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brindee Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 :crying: This brought tears to my eyes too! I am soooo sorry for your dh, that just stinks, imho!:angry: Happy Father's Day Astrid's DH!!!:001_smile: I know it's not nearly the same, but it's SOMETHING! :) And hugs for him and your poor dd, who I bet is an amazing and wonderful girl! :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elizabeth Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 I am so sorry .It just breaks your heart to see how callous and thoughtless our own families can be sometimes. I think your hubby is a lucky fellow indeed to have found a loving spouse who recognizes the importance of being kind above all else. No one can wound us deeper than those who presumably should love us unconditionally and without reserve. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MJN Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 as my dh is also treated like the second class citizen. His mother knows all the details of his brother's children, but she can't even remember our dc's names, birthdays, grade they are in, what they like to do, you get the picture. We live 10 minutes from his mother and she might come to our house four times a year and that is only when dh's brother comes with her. It's pathetic and so very sad. She always wants us to come to her beckon and call, but won't even come to our house. This has been going on for YEARS, so it's not because of the gas prices. Her own sister lives two intersections from our house and she can't drive to our house, but she'll sure go to her sister's house. She'll also drive two hours away to dh's brother's house to keep his kids!!! Talk about URRGH!! She even hung up on Dh this afternoon because he doesn't know how to fix her refrigerator and dishwasher and she'll have to call an appliance guy! So, vent on, dear, we're right there with ya! (And I promise you, dh sure didn't get a Happy Father's Day from his mother either.) Can you imagine if we didn't tell his mother Happy Mother's Day?!?!?!? URRRGH!!!! and double URRGGH!!! Hugs, Molly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle in MO Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 your husband's Father's Day was so upsetting. FWIW, I think your husband did the right thing by at least calling his dad and wishing him a happy Father's Day. In the future, he may have to prepare himself emotionally ahead of time to "disconnect" from all expectations from his own parents. I admit I've struggled with this issue myself on Mother's Day. My husband does work hard to acknowledge my Mother's Day, so the past several years have been better. It sounds like you and your dear daughter are doing all you can to make his Father's Day special. You are kind of like the "rock" for him right now. As far as families and expectations, that is such an unpleasant struggle. Hopefully your e-mail will speak something to them, but it's sometimes hard sometimes to get people to see where they're "missing" it. All I can encourage you to do is to keep doing what you're doing for him! Hopefully at some point in time his own parents will acknowledge that he's a dad, too, and will be able to see past the more superfluous things like how much money someone makes, etc. :grouphug: to your own family. Hope the rest of his Father's Day is better! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 Happy Father's Day, Molly's Dad!! I'm so sorry he was hurt by his family. That's awful. He's a lucky man to have a wife who cares so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rich with Kids Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 That just sucks. I am so sorry you have to deal with that kind of treatment. He is so lucky to have you. Some people are just mean #$% of %$#&?#%. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 What's that quote, mean people suck. :grouphug::grouphug: I'm sorry he had to go through that. Tell him "Happy Father's Day" from my family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elaine Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 :grouphug:I'm sorry, Astrid. He is blessed to have you, a loving and kind wife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
summer Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 Well, oddly, in my family, we only ever wished happy Mother's Day or Happy Father's day to our own Mother's or Father's. When I saw my inlaws saying Happy M or F day to people who were not their own M or F, I found it very odd. It is not that I come from a crude or crass family, it just was not a part of how I was raised and I found it very odd. That is all. But since it sounds like your DH was raised in a way that they should have said something to him, I am so very sorry they are so horrible. (((hugs))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeachGirl Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 I am sorry your husband was treated that way. Some people are just seriously clueless dumb clucks. Unfortunately, those people usually are family and still have the ability to hurt us. Maybe they just see the need for a son to say it and it never crosses their mind that he is a wonderful father to his own children and would love a bit of recognition from them. Next year, maybe just send them a card. Maybe that will get the point across but if they are really that callous/clueless, even that won't work. Happy Fathers Day to the Wonderful Dad's in your life and the Wonderful Fathers out there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrid Posted June 16, 2008 Author Share Posted June 16, 2008 as my dh is also treated like the second class citizen. His mother knows all the details of his brother's children, but she can't even remember our dc's names, birthdays, grade they are in, what they like to do, you get the picture. We live 10 minutes from his mother and she might come to our house four times a year and that is only when dh's brother comes with her. It's pathetic and so very sad. She always wants us to come to her beckon and call, but won't even come to our house. This has been going on for YEARS, so it's not because of the gas prices. Her own sister lives two intersections from our house and she can't drive to our house, but she'll sure go to her sister's house. She'll also drive two hours away to dh's brother's house to keep his kids!!! Talk about URRGH!! She even hung up on Dh this afternoon because he doesn't know how to fix her refrigerator and dishwasher and she'll have to call an appliance guy! So, vent on, dear, we're right there with ya! (And I promise you, dh sure didn't get a Happy Father's Day from his mother either.) Can you imagine if we didn't tell his mother Happy Mother's Day?!?!?!? URRRGH!!!! and double URRGGH!!! Hugs, Molly Molly, I'm so sorry for your family's trials......believe me, honey, I feel your pain! Awful, isn't it? And I have to LOL at the thought of not falling all over ourselves to wish her a Happy Mother's Day......you want to talk about "End Times?" Yeah...... that'd about do it, I'd wager. :grouphug::grouphug: to you and your family......and thanks for the commissuration! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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