Co-ops...I'm scared

[funnygirl]

I'm brand new to homeschooling, and I haven't had the courage to join a co-op yet. I am so afraid of the constant comparisons. I also know that while she is extremely bright, DD13 has a VERY hard time in social situations, so I don't want to fail on our first attempt.

 

Have any of you had luck with a co-op? Are you with a special needs group or NT kids? Is it worth the time and money?? HELP!! :confused:

[Tokyomarie]

My two with learning challenges do not have spectrum diagnoses, but they have had some social challenges. We have very successfully participated in a homeschool co-op for over 10 years. There is more than one co-op in town. I specifically have continued with the one we are in because there is a good balance between academic and enrichment classes. My younger two children have done best with enrichment classes. I tried the academic ones but the compressed time schedule (doing a full year's curriculum over 24 or 28 weeks) didn't work for my son.

 

We have had a number of kids in our co-op who are dyslexic, "mildly" on the spectrum, or just plain quirky without a specified diagnosis. In ours, there tends to be much more acceptance of variation in ability and social savvy than in the local schools. We've had a small handful of more moderately impaired SN students, but it becomes harder to accommodate their needs as they get older. Respect and understanding is good, but the fit for the programs becomes difficult as the gap in skills grows wider.

[chepyl]

I love our co-op. I teach a Shakespeare class to 12+ kids. It is all reading outloud. One student has dyslexia. He struggles with reading aloud, the other kids are great. When he skips a line they gently say, oops and someone gets him back on track. Everyone ignores minor mistakes and he laughs at his big mistakes. They are all great friends and we have a lot of fun.

[Dmmetler]

I do a small co-op that's more social than academic-it's multi-age and parents take turns teaching small courses (a few weeks long) about topics that interest them, whether it's microbiology, cooking, music, making candles and soap, and so on, followed by a shared meal and a playtime. Because it's multi-age it's been really good for my asynchronous kid (gifted, supposedly not aspergers but has a LOT of aspie traits, sensory issues, anxiety issues) because she's able to find her level where she's comfortable, which changes even from week by week. One week she might be comfortable discussing mythology or math with a 12 yr old, and the next week she's not comfortable with anyone her age, and spends the time playing dinosaur with a 4 yr old. The classes help work on group behavior, and the topics are varied enough that DD isn't necessarily always the expert, so she's having to learn to listen and learn from others, and that others, even her age and younger, know things she doesn't.

 

We have a mix of regular and special needs kids, with most of the special needs kids being LD or on-spectrum somewhere. A lot of the special needs kids are 2e. Parents are very understanding of needing to leave because a class gets loud, meltdowns due to frustration, and a lot of the special needs issues, and are very supportive.

 

I can't see an academic/class type co-op working for her, but the non-academic, fun one is worth it, just for the social learning opportunities.

[mschickie]

You might want to try and find a co-op that has a la cart classes. There are some that are all day situtations and then some (like ours) that let you registrer for as little as one class. This is how we got involved with ours. Sd who was in 10th grade just took 1-2 classes a session there and was able to meet a few kids and form some friendships. Now with dd we are there all day.

 

We have several special needs kids in our co-op and a few that have social issues. The classes are kept small so it normally works out well for them. Our co-op board works hard to make sure that all the kids feel welcomed. If a child has an issue that might make it harder for them in a class the parent usually talks to the teacher before hand. I have never heard of one of our teachers comparing but instead supporting the child to work to their individual potential.

[Julie of KY]

Our co-op is very accepting of special needs kids. Others in town aren't as willing to work with or accomodate you.

 

If you have concerns, talk to the administration and/or teachers before starting with a co-op. Also, be careful not to push your daughter too much if you are worried about a first experience.

[PeterPan]

Funnygirl, I don't know if someone from our co-op reads here on the boards, so I'm going to be as polite as I can. My dd ADORES the co-op we participate in, and it has made our year very special. We are able to chose individual classes, and the particular classes we have chosen have all been very good. The instructor makes or breaks the class, which ought to be obvious when you think about it. Now I'll say very chastely that you are also getting tangled with the DIS-advantages that come with the teachers. For instance some of these teachers have NO experience (or effective experience?) with teaching children with SN. Some of them aren't even good teachers. I don't mean to be unkind, but it's one thing to teach *your own* kids and it's another to teach a group. A mom will get very good at creating a dynamic that works with *their* children. If the teacher has some experience with teaching in another setting or has learned about teaching, she might think of seemingly obvious things like using multiple modalities or having options for more wiggly kids or drifting kids. But you're going to get teachers in these scenarios who decidedly do NOT have that experience.

 

And I hate having to say that, because these are marvelous people. I have no beef with the people. But if your kid is one of the kids who gets saddled with a teacher who CAN'T accommodate or is oblivious (or unreceptive), then you're in serious trouble.

 

I DON'T think you'll have an issue with discrimination. Spectrum disorders and SN in general are so rampant among the homeschooling community, she's likely to *find* some people like her.

 

Ok, I'll back up and ask. When you say she has trouble in social situations, you mean she has anxiety and struggles in crowds? That's something you'd have to work up to. That is a serious issue and internal to her. It's not going to go away, and it's not pretty to watch when it happens. I would make sure you've laid a proper foundation of readiness, gone to their open house, etc. Do you know someone in the co-op you're considering? I would talk with them, explain the SN, and tell them you absolutely must be allowed to attend a day with her this year to see if it would work for next year.

 

We've had a mixed year, overall very good. We had one teacher who was unable to accommodate, so we dropped the course. It was just one of those situations where it wasn't going to work. We had one teacher who is amazing, extremely engaging, but who didn't have quite the education background to know *why* the kids were struggling. The marvelous thing is that she was open to suggestions. That class is now on the right track and working out very well (I think). We have one class where the teacher does have a clue, is awesome, and the set-up is just rubbing dd's weaknesses. We make do. And we have one class that is utterly perfect. If you want to know, the teacher of the *utterly perfect* class happens to have an ADHD and a spectrum kid herself.

 

But like I said, we had to pull her from one class, and there are others I've sat in that I know would NEVER work; the teachers just can't teach at the level she needs. Might work for other kids, won't work for her. I'd just take your time, find out all you can. I don't co-op is going to *make* her more social. If she's having trouble in groups, I would find some more gentle ways to work on the social thing. Might be better to start with one person plus a horse, that sort of thing. Then work up to two people plus the horse. Then three people plus a horse. Starting with a crowd of 100 might be a bad idea, even if it breaks into smaller classes. Our co-op actually has 250 kids. It's a real ROCUS in the commons area between classes.

 

BTW, do you know that there are books on social cues, rules of friendship, reading people, that sort of thing? If that's her weakness, it's something you could get books on and work on ahead of time.

Edited January 31, 2012 by OhElizabeth

[samba]

I do not have my ds10 participate in our co-op. He is not able to function appropriately with his age-peers and he's too old for the kiddie classes. There are teachers who would be willing to have him in their class but I have no doubt that it would be a failure. Most times, the teachers don't understand what he needs and aren't in a position to accomodate him even if they did. I'm not just being overly-dramatic when I say that I don't have the emotional and mental fortitude to sit and watch someone else try to deal with him constructively :glare: (and I'm not going to pay for a class where I still have to do all the work...so staying with him is not going to happen). Practically speaking, I can't leave him anyway because he might decide to wander away and no one believes me when I say that you can't take your eyes off of him.

 

Carolyn

Edited January 31, 2012 by samba

[Jasda]

Co-ops can be attended successfully, it all depends on the group of people who teach/attend. I'd suggest going and finding out the vibe of the group first, before officially joining. Then, if you feel it would be beneficial for your child to attend, have her try out a class, or two. If those work out, try a few more the next session. I always alert the teachers at the beginning of the semester about my kiddos' quirks and tell them to feel free to ask me should they have any questions.

[justasque]

Many homeschooling moms are homeschoolers *because* one of their dc has special needs. I have found many thoughtful, sensitive, knowledgeable hsmoms. Be honest with any group you'd like to try; their response will help you decide if their co-op is the right place for your dd.

[Dino]

Our co-op is very accepting of special needs kids. Others in town aren't as willing to work with or accomodate you.

 

If you have concerns, talk to the administration and/or teachers before starting with a co-op. Also, be careful not to push your daughter too much if you are worried about a first experience.

 

Our local co-op says they are open to all, but in reality they are simply looking for similar families in faith, schooling, parenting styles, etc So if you aren't a perfect fit in all the above areas, within the year you feel their pressure that it's not a good fit and most don't return the following year.

 

I would LOVE to find a co-op that was open to special needs, but we are in a small community and there is only one co-op. Unfortunately there are plenty of people that are 'faking' their ways, so they can stay in the group and have a social outlet for their children. I prefer to be more proactive about making playdates at the park with other homeschooling families then fake who my family is.

 

Many homeschooling moms are homeschoolers *because* one of their dc has special needs. I have found many thoughtful, sensitive, knowledgeable hsmoms. Be honest with any group you'd like to try; their response will help you decide if their co-op is the right place for your dd.

 

:iagree: You can feel a sense of belong or not from observation and talking with the group. Watch the actions as much if not more then the words. IMHO. Best of luck, because I hear that if you find a good fit, that co-ops are a life saver for the homeschooling family. I would love to find a group that accepted special need kids.