Can we talk about the whole "being home" thing?

[Jonibee]

Story: We live very rural. In the country. An hour from the nearest Wal-Mart. We cannot see our nearest neighbors from our house. So we're isolated.

 

Our high school co-op (an hour's drive) is going downhill in a hurry. I've posted about it before. There is nothing of real value there except a Latin class (this year), the drama performance and the English class I teach. It is hard, hard to teach. Most of the students are below grade level by 3 or 4 grades and seem like they feel like they are done being educated. It's just not the level of academics I had hoped for.

 

I've graduated 3 into college, so I'm not new at this. My 16yo dd is taking an online AP English class and has a somewhat rigorous homeschool class line-up. Well, all my kids do. Everyone I know calls me and my kids overachievers. Ha. The bar here is so low.

 

So if we drop co-op, my kids would just freak out. It is their social outlet. Church is also an hour away and we rarely participate in teen events because they are in the evening and driving conditions this time of year are not nice.

 

So, as I was saying, if we drop co-op, what would we do? How could I ever sell this to my kids? What options do we have instead? The community college is also an hour away, and my 13yo is too young anyway. My kids just aren't interested in horses or animals or old people. They want friends, which is what co-op is to them. I guess I am answering my own question as I type, to stay in this co-op just for the drama and gym time.

 

To get back to my original question: How did you build up the whole "being home" thing? I have taught English writing and history at co-op for so long --- I have forgotten what it is like to "homeschool" highschoolers anymore. Here at home, my kids work with a syllabus. At co-op, I lecture and the kids do group assignments. I just don't know if trying a one-on-one thing with my kids would fly the way it used to. Can we all find fulfillment with being home for "everything" academic?

 

Any thoughts?

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I think I'd feel obligated to stay in co-op until I found something to replace it. I'd only do drama and gym, though. Poor attitudes toward academics are contagious.

[8filltheheart]

Can you start some activity at your house? For example, a game day where kids bring over board games/activites to play and hang out? THere is a group here that does something similar I think at one of the libraries (for us it is about 45 mins away, so we have never been.)

[Mom22ns]

Each of my kids is different.

 

The older one is an introvert. He has friends at church and now has a D&D group he plays with every other week. We also participate in a band program, but they really don't make friends there. His social time is very limited, but he isn't all that interested in hanging out with kids his age anyway. He likes online social opportunities and has a forum and some online gaming that provide him with that. Since most of my social opportunities come online via TWTM I can hardly complain.

 

My younger is an extrovert and very social. She is a competitive gymnast and spends 16 hrs/week at the gym and that is where she gets her social time. She also goes to church and band. The combination works for her.

 

If we lived further out (we live in a rural area, but not as far from civilization as you :001_smile: ) I would do the coop for her just for the social time. For ds, I would just skip it and he would be happy with his family and church. It sounds like you need to maintain the coop until you can find something else that could replace it.

[lllll]

..

Edited December 24, 2012 by ksva

[klmama]

Can we all find fulfillment with being home for "everything" academic?

 

Any thoughts?

 

I think you can, but it's obvious that the co-op can't fill an academic role for your family. If spending that day with their friends matters that much to them, you just have to figure out how to cover all of the academic bases while also allowing them their social time. It can be done. It may require longer school days, or it may require going a few extra weeks at the beginning or end of the school year, but it can be done.

[regentrude]

I have one very social child (plus one introvert), and I completely understand your kids' need to socialize. I would keep attending coop if that is the only way for them to see their friends. As pp said, it is possible to still fit in rigorous academic work. (My DD gets her socialization at the barn where she rides and spends a lot of time there)

 

As for "school at home": until this year, we covered everything at home. Now DD is taking French as dual enrollment, but we do all other subjects at home.

[Colleen in NS]

What I told our dc was that this will probably be the most quiet peaceful time of their lives. Enjoy it while it lasts, because you will likely never experience such another time in your lives once you get jobs or start college or get married or whatever.

 

Thank you for writing this. Says Colleen, who doesn't have high school kids yet, but who struggles every so often with feeling isolated because we stay home most of the time during the week due to finances/lack of transportation. Helpfully (to me), my almost 14 year old said to me today that he enjoys being home and not running around to activities, because he likes to pursue his own interests (after chores and schoolwork and meals) in his own good time. Phew! And my daughter always thinks of things to occupy herself, too. They get social time on the weekends or when we go to the library on Friday mornings or when they play with a couple of neighbour kids, so they don't lack for it. They also participated with us over the past four years of helping care for our neighbour who was dying (shoveling snow, raking leaves, taking meals over to him, visiting him, getting his mail, running stuff over to him from us, etc.). But a nagging part of me always thinks I should be providing for more during the week. Anyway, thanks for writing this.

Edited January 24, 2012 by Colleen in NS

[choirfarm]

Staying home has worked really well for us, but we never did the kinds of things you've mentioned. Thus, our dc weren't expecting them and didn't know to 'long for' that kind of thing in the first place. And we are also 45 min - 1 hour from Wal Mart and all our shopping and such.

 

What I told our dc was that this will probably be the most quiet peaceful time of their lives. Enjoy it while it lasts, because you will likely never experience such another time in your lives once you get jobs or start college or get married or whatever.

 

 

Yes, BUT.. I worry that I am now creating a socially isolated kid. My middle child was always social when younger. Now he doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything. He wanted me to buy something for him at a local store, so he wouldn't have to talk to the clerk.:confused: He even admitted that he has gotten as bad as his older brother. So, I'm not sure that his staying home a lot is good.

[mazakaal]

Yes, BUT.. I worry that I am now creating a socially isolated kid. My middle child was always social when younger. Now he doesn't want to go anywhere or do anything. He wanted me to buy something for him at a local store, so he wouldn't have to talk to the clerk.:confused: He even admitted that he has gotten as bad as his older brother. So, I'm not sure that his staying home a lot is good.

 

I'm going through the same thing with my 2nd child. My oldest has always been very social, so much so that he was perpetually frustrated at home and had to sent off to state school. My 2nd ds has always been very quiet, happy to tag along with older brother and his friends, but not in a great need for close friends of his own. Now that his brother is in school and made new friends with whom he has little in common, he doesn't have a lot of interaction with others. He has a friend in the local homeschool group, but that family is very sporadic and we don't see him very much. It's gotten to the point that my son doesn't even want to go to the meetings because he doesn't want to hang out with a bunch of younger kids. Ds sees other kids at church on Sunday and gets along well with them, but that's pretty much the only time he goes out now. The weather has been so horrible the past few months, that he doesn't even want to go out in the garden.

 

I sway between thinking that some kids just prefer being alone and that's okay to worrying that he's alone too much. I think about famous people who lived isolated lives as children because of illness or family situation and hope that maybe isolation in childhood breeds greatness. Maybe. Hopefully.

[lllll]

..

Edited December 24, 2012 by ksva

[Teachin'Mine]

Jonibee could you get a bit creative in coming up with ways for them to participate in the teen activities at your church? For example, could you drive them earlier in the day, when the roads are better, and bring them to another family's home for them to go to the teen activities with them and spend the night and then you could pick them up in the morning? I don't know if you know another family well enough to consider doing that - or maybe another family would be willing to let all of you stay there over night and then you could drive home in the morning. If it's definitely not possible for them to participate at the church level, then I think I'd be inclined to continue with the co-op and not consider it academic, but social. I'd also try to connect with other families - are there any who take their studies seriously? - and invite them to spend time with your family. If you can make enough family get together dates, then you could cut back on the co-op a bit - say two times a month instead of every week. Like you, I don't think it's great for kids to be around kids who aren't taking their academics seriously - the attitudes do wear off and they and you are constantly placed in the position of defending why it's important for your family to spend the time it does on academics - or at least that's the way it's ended up for us. :tongue_smilie: For academics, IMO it would be much more worthwhile to look into your community college. When they take classes, they can join the clubs there and pursue other interests.

[Candid]

Can they continue in coop but you not teach OR if everyone has to teach, could you teach something more "fun" but that would be less work for you and at the same time motivating for the students that sign up.

[shanvan]

Our high school co-op (an hour's drive) is going downhill in a hurry. I've posted about it before. There is nothing of real value there except a Latin class (this year), the drama performance and the English class I teach. It is hard, hard to teach. Most of the students are below grade level by 3 or 4 grades and seem like they feel like they are done being educated. It's just not the level of academics I had hoped for.

 

That is a lot of time and energy to give up just for socialization!

 

I've graduated 3 into college, so I'm not new at this. My 16yo dd is taking an online AP English class and has a somewhat rigorous homeschool class line-up. Well, all my kids do. Everyone I know calls me and my kids overachievers. Ha. The bar here is so low.

 

So if we drop co-op, my kids would just freak out. It is their social outlet.

 

Is it a healthy social outlet given the attitudes you have described? I'm not saying it isn't--just asking.

 

So, as I was saying, if we drop co-op, what would we do? How could I ever sell this to my kids? What options do we have instead? The community college is also an hour away, and my 13yo is too young anyway. My kids just aren't interested in horses or animals or old people. They want friends, which is what co-op is to them. I guess I am answering my own question as I type, to stay in this co-op just for the drama and gym time.

 

They may want friends, but as their mom, what do you think they need most, friends or academics? I'm not being smart. I know the answer is going to be different for everyone. Could you start up a monthly activity at co-op? Some sort of club, like a book club, or something that reflects your dc's intrests. If not at co-op, maybe you could find a meeting place at a nearby library and do it on a different day. That way they can see friends, but without the huge time commitment you are currently making.

 

To get back to my original question: How did you build up the whole "being home" thing? I have taught English writing and history at co-op for so long --- I have forgotten what it is like to "homeschool" highschoolers anymore. Here at home, my kids work with a syllabus. At co-op, I lecture and the kids do group assignments. I just don't know if trying a one-on-one thing with my kids would fly the way it used to. Can we all find fulfillment with being home for "everything" academic?

 

Any thoughts?

 

I think I'd feel obligated to stay in co-op until I found something to replace it. I'd only do drama and gym, though. Poor attitudes toward academics are contagious. :iagree: See my thoughts below.

 

Though not during high school, I have been the mom who teaches multiple classes at co-ops and drags everyone out the door and exhausts herself one day a week all so the kids can 'socialize'. I had the same problems you are having. Poor academics, poor attitude, very difficult to teach. Kids far below grade level and parents who just weren't that concerned. That and the time I spent planning and preparing sucked the life out of me.

 

I finally had to ask myself just what was the quality of the friendships being cultivated. Some of the parents were nice, but we just had nothing in common. Most were people who were allowing attitudes in their children that I did not want my children to pick up. I also realized that many of the parents were 'friends' with me b/c they could use me for co-ops. In our house, we do a lot of talking about friendship. We discuss what a true friend is. We don't seek to emulate friendship as it is practiced in schools.

 

I don't know what the friendships are like for your dc, but I haven't read any post that addressed the issue of whether or not they are healthy. It would be interesting to see if any of their friends would make an effort to keep the friendships going if your dc were no longer attending co-ops.

 

I have one Ds who will be starting high school (at home) in the fall. He likes to be at home and is so thankful that we do not participate in co-ops any longer, so I don't have to 'sell' it to him. Dd (almost 10) is very social, but has friends through 4H, a sewing club, horseback riding, and church. She just picks them up wherever she happens to be. We just take part in classes (at the library, or through 4H) that meet our needs academically, or further our interests. I no longer want to give up our time and energy for the local co-ops that don't meet our academic needs and provide very poor socialization experiences.

[Bang!Zoom!]

Jonibee, do you in any way sense there might be more than just your family feeling this way?

 

I guess I was thinking that if you do - a possible answer that works for everyone would be to just start your own from scratch. Find maybe two or three other families who's basic outlooks match yours, and just buzz off and go do your own thing in regular expeditions.

 

Where I am at, there is a breakaway inside the main group that hires a bus for major outings & trips. Once a month (of more if something major is happening in a few hundred mile radius) they prep a program and excursion and it's an all day deal. The families get a wide roster of events to participate in.

 

The downside to it is that there is not any pre-qualifications of who can go; so frankly...some of the group dynamics are a little shaky. Just a few parents end up as guides (and they wear the cloak of 'educator') for it...

 

I won't be here next year, but I'm finding out that there have been breakaways and they are being formed- groups outside the main group - who just go do their own thing on their terms with well-matched families. They just keep it private so not to roughen the waters at co-op.

 

I believe it's kept quiet for several reasons, but it is really effective. I host one now and it's going very well.

[Jonibee]

Thanks for all the feedback. It's been a sad situation for me, seeing the academic level fall over the years. I have redeemed it somewhat by being VERY picky about what I allow my kids to take. The outside AP class for my daughter has really kept her determination for rigor intact. I am SO glad I made that choice to enroll her in that.

 

I've spent years trying to "recruit" other moms to think my way as far as academics, but I just want to give up on that.

 

I do not understand moms who let the reading of one novel in a year count for an English credit, or sitting in a Spanish class for one hour a week with no homework makes a credit. The whole time I am thinking, "you should put your kid in PS." Yes, I have a bad attitude about it.

 

Now I'm just going to focus on other opportunities I can find. I hear you all and I totally agree. In so many ways, I am sorry I didn't come to this conclusion years ago. sigh.

[memphispeg]

Can you just find something "non-academic" for the kids to do outside of school? We are v. rigorous and busy with our homemade academics and dd would not trade them for a co-op situation....and she is v. social. However, she does try to get together with her friends for a few hours a week to dance (last year) or socialize at the movies or go hiking in the park. We live in the middle of a large city and hs is still v. isolating.

My oldest dd went to ps and she had to give up a lot of socializing activities in order to study and do her ballet. She's at college, doing v. well now. But, she had learned to recognize the value of hard work and the need to study before she left high school.

[Jonibee]

Okay. As far as "non-academic" activities, I am thinking. My 16yo has dance on Saturdays, where she is also an assistant instructor for 2 hours. My 13yo is in Boy Scouts.

 

Much brainstorming can be done before fall next year. All I know is, I am so relieved to have made the decision not to teach (or teach something totally non-academic). That is a load off of me.

[Bang!Zoom!]

Jonibee, not to get too personal or anything; but I'm seeing this very thing *exactly* the same thing in my day to day life.

 

I just want to say that the last few months of watching/listening and empathizing with another mom's struggle with this exact problem really gives me a soft heart toward where you are at. I've watched this mom walk a path of pain with it.

 

It's going to be okay.

 

One of the choices this other mom has made is to take the initiative to share her feelings with her family, her children and a few wise counselors. They are very caring people and feel for their community and various issues at large.

 

They will be having some most major changes for the next Sept.- start; and I do believe they are dropping out totally from the stress and unhappiness.

 

What they will be doing is going back home 100% - but for the socialization aspect, they'll be working on community projects and charity topics to maintain (and frankly grow personally as a family) - they are going through organizations now and firming up those plans.

 

We had a huge long drawn out conversation about the feelings and reasons...it basically boiled down to "you become what you behold" - what she wants in the young years for her family and children simply cannot be grown through a dying co-op situation which is only growing worse and does not meet their needs.

 

They've simply outgrown it, and it doesn't match their path anymore.

 

These are some really good people, it's a terrific family and I regard them highly.

 

I don't know if in relating this story to you that there is any new thoughts or ideas for you, but I did want to stop and share that with you just in case.

[Starr]

I've never found much in co ops to count for academic work. Often it's good for the arts. And it's fun to see your friends. I wouldn't stop it unless you are willing to drive and find something to replace it. I would happily drive for an hour if it would find us something once a week. An hour just doesn't get us far. ;)

[Colleen in NS]

I've spent years trying to "recruit" other moms to think my way as far as academics, but I just want to give up on that.

 

Yep, you gotta give up on that. Those other Moms might not *want* to be recruited, and you can't change their minds. But you *can* tend to your own kids, and let others in if they ask you about what you're doing and if they show interest. Maybe a monthly book-discussion club or a math-activity club or something. But only if you want to.