Hurtful comment from my sister is bugging me

[CalicoKat]

Thanks everyone for your indignation for her thoughtless comment and empathy for my hurt feelings.

 

The context of the conversation was around her talking about her 30lb weight gain. I am not svelte either. So she felt comfortable talking about her weight gain I think. I have just figured out how to get some serious treadmill walking in while my girls are at their evening swim practice hour. Her comment came directly after that.

 

I think laughing'd be a good response. Now if I can just remember to do it. :D

[LaxMom]

Really, how was being a work from home mom?

 

Difficult to balance the at home part with the working part. Very nice because I could blend the two to get what I needed to do done on both fronts on any given day.

 

I built software systems for clients that often had a 24 hr shop, so it was a bonus that any shift could call me in their real time and I could walk them through something or fix a glitch while making dinner.

 

 

It was before homeschooling, though. ;)

Edited December 29, 2011 by MyCrazyHouse

[CalicoKat]

Was it an attack on you or was your sister expressing her own frustration in a less-than-stellar fashion?

 

Once I got over my irritation (hopefully quickly), I'd ask myself the above question.

 

If she is attacking you out of sheer orneriness, I'd probably respond with a snipe back because I'm human.

 

If she is just doing a poor job of expressing her own dissatisfaction with her life, then maybe try doing the sister thing. Listen, nod, give a hug.

 

If I'm ever going to be stupid and say something without thinking through the consequences of my words, it is going to be with my sibling or close family member.

It's hard to tell with her. Oneriness is one of her virtues. There was a quote in a Memoires of a Geisha about the difficult character being a teakettle and on a good day you still can get scalded. That fits my sister. You just never know when you'll get a tongue lashing.

[SKL]

The context of the conversation was around her talking about her 30lb weight gain. I am not svelte either. So she felt comfortable talking about her weight gain I think.

 

Oh, that's funny, because my SIL just commented on "my" fat butt on Christmas. Never mind the fact that I'm the slimmest person in the extended family with a jeans size of 8. I have no idea where the fat butt comment came from, but I wasn't about to waste mental energy worrying about it. I wiggled my "fat" butt at her, laughed, and walked away.

 

Gotta love women relatives.

[Lovedtodeath]

Thanks Angela. I assumed it would be harder than SAHM, thus I asked. We have been looking into it.

[Lovedtodeath]

I wasn't about to waste mental energy worrying about it. I wiggled my "fat" butt at her, laughed, and walked away.

:thumbup:

[SKL]

Thanks Angela. I assumed it would be harder than SAHM, thus I asked. We have been looking into it.

 

I'm a WAHM too (full time). In some ways, it's the best of both worlds. I get housework done on my work breaks, so when it's time to pick up my kids (they are in daycare), I can focus on them. I can eat and drink what I like best all day, sneak in some "stair climbing" here and there, etc. I used to have a nanny in the house, and that was harder because I could hear everything and I'd feel like getting involved in stuff that the nanny needed to handle. (Plus, that was an expensive option.) Working at home with the kids underfoot (now that they are 4/5) would be do-able, but it wouldn't be fair to the kids as they would not have the level of interaction they should.

[4kids4me]

My older sis who is well known for her incautious comments said something to me to day that's just eating at me.

 

"Well, you don't work so you wouldn't know how hard it is to do something just for yourself." :001_huh:

 

Haven't read any of the responses, but I was fuming this morning from a very similar comment from SIL. I had been telling her I was thinking of taking in niece's kids for extra money to buy couches, but decided not to. She came at Christmas and suggested I work at the grocery store instead. She goes, "You could do the 5-11pm shift." (She's a JK/SK teacher with 12 kids in her class and works 4 days/week.) Oh ya, I'll work my FULL-TIME job teaching FOUR grades, then go work AFTER that until 11pm, no problem. Meanwhile my dh works 36 hours 4 days/week and if he took on a side job would earn 5-6x/hour what I'd make. Ya, that math makes PERFECT sense. I guess she doesn't know any math beyond SK.

 

It's as if she doesn't think I work.

[coffeefreak]

I'm a WAHM too (full time). In some ways, it's the best of both worlds. I get housework done on my work breaks, so when it's time to pick up my kids (they are in daycare), I can focus on them. I can eat and drink what I like best all day, sneak in some "stair climbing" here and there, etc. I used to have a nanny in the house, and that was harder because I could hear everything and I'd feel like getting involved in stuff that the nanny needed to handle. (Plus, that was an expensive option.) Working at home with the kids underfoot (now that they are 4/5) would be do-able, but it wouldn't be fair to the kids as they would not have the level of interaction they should.

 

Are you going to homeschool too? I'm only asking because so many of us think about it, but are not sure if it's really possible.

:bigear:

[Audrey]

Are you going to homeschool too? I'm only asking because so many of us think about it, but are not sure if it's really possible.

:bigear:

 

 

It is possible. I work mostly from home with one job (which also requires travel within the area), have one job that is 1 afternoon and 1 morning away from home.

 

I also have a mostly stay-at-home hubby. He saves me a fortune in daycare costs, maid costs, chef costs and s*x toy costs.

 

It's all about having the right kind of helper(s).

[Daisy]

It's hard to tell with her. Oneriness is one of her virtues. There was a quote in a Memoires of a Geisha about the difficult character being a teakettle and on a good day you still can get scalded. That fits my sister. You just never know when you'll get a tongue lashing.

 

Oh man, I understand. I have a sibling just like that. Honestly, ignoring works the best. Anything else seems to just set the tea kettle a dancing, kwim?

[coffeefreak]

It is possible. I work mostly from home with one job (which also requires travel within the area), have one job that is 1 afternoon and 1 morning away from home.

 

I also have a mostly stay-at-home hubby. He saves me a fortune in daycare costs, maid costs, chef costs and s*x toy costs.

 

It's all about having the right kind of helper(s).

 

:lol:

And thanks Audrey! I have friends that do part time jobs outside the home, but it's a nightmare. I just wonder how the WAHMs handle it. Probably should go start another thread.

:D

Dorinda

[Myeightkiddies]

I vote for laughing in her face.

 

:(

Rosie

 

:iagree:

 

:grouphug:

[Embassy]

Are you going to homeschool too? I'm only asking because so many of us think about it, but are not sure if it's really possible.

:bigear:

 

When I started homeschooling I was working from home about 50-60 hours per week. My break was homeschooling. I spent a treasured 3 hours with my kids. Dh was mostly a SAHD which made it possible for me to homeschool and work from home without going crazy. He pretty much handled all the housework too. Now I work 10 hours a week from home and he works away from home full-time.

[Mommy22alyns]

I would definitely be bothered. Wow.

[SKL]

Are you going to homeschool too? I'm only asking because so many of us think about it, but are not sure if it's really possible.

:bigear:

 

So far I've been doing a hybrid of homeschooling / afterschooling. I don't have plans to exclusively homeschool for the long term. I've been spending about 2.5-3 hours per day (sometimes more) schooling in the evenings, and it hasn't been too rough. My problem is that I actually work more than full-time. Right now I'm working 9-6 and then 9:30-11:30 (ideally), plus weekends. I would like to cut that back. If I could be more disciplined during work hours, this probably would be possible.

 

I think with one or two well-behaved, quick learners, I could keep up with homeschooling. But one of my kids has vision problems that make everything take longer. So, I doubt that I could cover all the 1st grade requirements for both girls in addition to completing my paid work. Besides, I would feel bad confining them to the house most of the time (there are no other kids around to play with). However, I have a policy to "never say never."

[coffeefreak]

So far I've been doing a hybrid of homeschooling / afterschooling. I don't have plans to exclusively homeschool for the long term. I've been spending about 2.5-3 hours per day (sometimes more) schooling in the evenings, and it hasn't been too rough. My problem is that I actually work more than full-time. Right now I'm working 9-6 and then 9:30-11:30 (ideally), plus weekends. I would like to cut that back. If I could be more disciplined during work hours, this probably would be possible.

 

I think with one or two well-behaved, quick learners, I could keep up with homeschooling. But one of my kids has vision problems that make everything take longer. So, I doubt that I could cover all the 1st grade requirements for both girls in addition to completing my paid work. Besides, I would feel bad confining them to the house most of the time (there are no other kids around to play with). However, I have a policy to "never say never."

 

I completely understand. DH has always worked a second, part time job because we couldn't see how to make homeschooling my oldest (the challenging one) work with me working too. As she gets older, I toy more with the idea.

 

I have a former friend who told me homeschooling is for the rich. :001_huh: When I pointed out that all the homeschoolers I know have two jobs or are e living in poverty, she argued that we're hurting our kids by living this lifestyle and choosing to live in poverty. Again, :001_huh:?!?

 

Just another example of how mommy v/s mommy is a lose/lose situation. The arguments never make sense.

 

Blessings!

Dorinda

[Impish]

I also have a mostly stay-at-home hubby. He saves me a fortune in daycare costs, maid costs, chef costs and s*x toy costs.

 

It's all about having the right kind of helper(s).

:smilielol5: