ProudGrandma Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 to do their chores without going crazy....or going broke? I have tried MANY different charts, systems and such...things work for a while...then I get lazy and don't stay on top of the kids....the kids get lax and they don't do what they need to do. So what am I missing...what am I not doing??? I want kid who are self-motivated...but maybe I am asking too much. And when I say self-motivated, I don't mean without something in return always...but does attatching punishment to lack of doing chores help?? can anyone help me here??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I have a nephew who likes things to be neat and tidy. He wears matching clothes, throws his dirty stuff in the hamper, never makes a huge mess, and helps his sisters clean up their room with no direction from his parents at all. He's the only kid I know like this. I think the key is that we just have to stay on top of them. It's exhausting, but unless they are naturally self-motivated, I don't see any other option. I do explain to my kids that helping to maintain the house is just part of being a family. One person cannot do it all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Besides me being a good example (by this I mean basically channeling Mary Poppins as perfect as I can be - this doesn't happen often) I'd love to hear suggestions too. :lurk5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathymuggle Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 :bigear: My kids will work if I stay on top of them, but it is so exhausting to constantly be after them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProudGrandma Posted December 20, 2011 Author Share Posted December 20, 2011 I just get so frustrated with all of the excuses they have for not doing their chores....UGH!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 (edited) things work for a while...then I get lazy and don't stay on top of the kids....the kids get lax and they don't do what they need to do. So what am I missing...what am I not doing??? I think the key is that we just have to stay on top of them. Besides me being a good example My kids will work if I stay on top of them :lol::lol::lol: Sorry, ladies, but I think we have our answer. For some things, there are no magic pills or ways to avoid the hard path. We have to provide a good example and we can't get lazy with housekeeping ourselves. I struggle with this too but yeah, that's the answer. :tongue_smilie: ETA: As to the not going crazy part, I find that the only thing that works for me is to not check out. I have to be vigilant and guide them as part of my day, as part of my job. I put on my apron and we work together, not necessarily on the same chore but at the same time. I check in with them while they work. It is very hard to cheerfully remind DS8 that the mirror is part of cleaning the bathroom (for the millionth time...how can he not SEE the mess on the mirror :confused:) but being cheerful is precisely what keeps everyone working without meltdowns. I sometimes put on great music with a good dancing/cleaning beat and make it more fun. But I have to be involved, not necessarily directly, but not far off doing something else. One day maybe... One day... Edited December 20, 2011 by Alte Veste Academy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Nagging...:rant: Jk, remind them, remind them, remind them...Eventually they might remember and do it; then hormones will kick in and you get to to go back and remind them, remind them, remind them. (My two are 14 & 17 and need much less reminding;).) to do their chores without going crazy....or going broke? I have tried MANY different charts, systems and such...things work for a while...then I get lazy and don't stay on top of the kids....the kids get lax and they don't do what they need to do. So what am I missing...what am I not doing??? I want kid who are self-motivated...but maybe I am asking too much. And when I say self-motivated, I don't mean without something in return always...but does attatching punishment to lack of doing chores help?? can anyone help me here??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FriedClams Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I've heard it said and I agree, "kids don't do what you expect, they do what you inspect." You have to be consistent. By "you", I mean me. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamrachelle Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I've heard it said and I agree, "kids don't do what you expect, they do what you inspect." You have to be consistent. By "you", I mean me. LOL :iagree: Well said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I've heard it said and I agree, "kids don't do what you expect, they do what you inspect." You have to be consistent. By "you", I mean me. LOL :iagree: It's rotten but yes. I sent my kids to the playroom to clean it up two days ago. I sat here and cruised the internet. They were in there about an hour. The room was 10x messier at the end of that hour than at the beginning. I am old enough to know better. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpidarkomama Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Our kids get $2/week pocket money. If they don't want to do one of their jobs, they can use their pocket money to hire someone else. Most jobs pay $0.25. There are always plenty of takers!!! The work gets done, so I'm happy. :) And actually, jobs aren't given away very often at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Reasons kids don't do chores: *what you want, in detail, is not obvious to them *the task is overwhelming *they have not developed the availability to recognize clean/dirty *they have a different standard of clean/good/done then you do *because of their limited interest they don't remember the steps of what they need to do *they're bored *they're over committed *there doesn't seem to be any motivation (other than you) to do it *you waited to long to start doing chores *they're going through a bad attitude time in their lives One fix won't work for all of these. You have to know which of these applies and then seek a fix for each individual problem. *apprentice them, do the work with them explaining it step by step *posting exactly what steps are expected, in detail, and in writing *point out specific things you will accept and not accept *model behavior *check up, correct, have complete their task correctly *give them time to learn and grow *add music, add teamwork, break tasks into smaller pieces *lower tasks or outside commitments *double chores for skipping, do chores for a sibling, or owe mom a chore (and make it a good one ;) ) *apply smartmouth correction (whatever you do..rewind, take 10m off bed time, discussion, whatever) *have chores done before fun (computer, tv, video games, etc.) I find most problems with chores have more to do with my lack--my lack of time to check, my lack of patience to teach, my lack of forethought--and maturity. There were times and kids I just had to persevere through, but the longer you do chores the more they get used to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 It is HARD to stay on them! If I'm in the kitchen and ds runs by to throw something away, and misses, it's much easier to pick it up myself then to get him back. But, that's the wrong way to do it. I must call him back to pick it up and throw it out. Same with towels, toys, dishes, books, etc. It's exhausting trying to remember that kids need to be taught, not have things done for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alte Veste Academy Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 It is HARD to stay on them! It's exhausting trying to remember that kids need to be taught, not have things done for them. :iagree: I had a friend who always used to say, "Do you want to suffer now or do you want to suffer later?" I've thought about that so many times, especially in reference to teaching the kids about cleaning up after themselves. It is easier now to do it for them but we're just putting off the suffering until later, when we end up with a teen who can't be bothered to throw his yogurt container in the trash and put his spoon in the dishwasher. Can you tell what my current pet irritation is? :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathymuggle Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 : It is easier now to do it for them but we're just putting off the suffering until later, when we end up with a teen who can't be bothered to throw his yogurt container in the trash and put his spoon in the dishwasher. Can you tell what my current pet irritation is? :tongue_smilie: Yup. My 13 year old made herself some food this morning, left it near the computer, and went traipsing off to school. I am now left with cleaning it or having to sit beside an empty juice box, plate cup and cracker box all day. :glare: Kathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Besides me being a good example (by this I mean basically channeling Mary Poppins as perfect as I can be - this doesn't happen often) I'd love to hear suggestions too. :lurk5: Mary Poppins was mean(read the book:D). Now, Mrs. little Wiggle...she's my gal. Lol:lol: Consequences that are natural.....if you don't do your laundry....you will stink and you can not go with me to the store. If you don't clean up your own toys, you do not get new ones, and might lose the ones you have. If you don't eat a decent dinner, you don't get any dessert. Just regular consequences without shouting...or nagging....or punishing. Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 :lol::lol::lol: Sorry, ladies, but I think we have our answer. For some things, there are no magic pills or ways to avoid the hard path. We have to provide a good example and we can't get lazy with housekeeping ourselves. I struggle with this too but yeah, that's the answer. :tongue_smilie: la la la la la I can't hear you... :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Other than inspecting, which I still have to do, I found something that works well for our morning chores. We get most of our "real housecleaning" done before school spread out during the week. We all have something to do that will take maybe 30 minutes at the most - clean a bathroom, mop the kitchen and sunroom,etc. Our school starts at 8:00 with everyone in the living room ready to do Bible. If someone is late, everyone has to wait on them. The other kids REALLY do not like this. They know they will deal with the wrath of their siblings. Somehow that works. During the day, when I tell someone to do something, if I see they are ignoring me, I just say "one" while making eye contact with them. They know the nunber represents days off all electronics. I have never gotten to "two." :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 I don't use any charts or systems. I also refuse to give reminders or spend my time following them around. We have always had a "you see it, you do it" system. When they were young, I would see it and help them to see it and do it. Now they are expected to do it on their own. If they have enough dirty laundry for a load, they wash it. If they see that the floor needs to be swept, they sweep it. And so on. We do a family cleaning time once a week (and a mini one every other day or so,) and everyone scatters and starts cleaning. Sometimes they like to do the same thing, and sometimes they do different things. I'm also careful to model it for them. If I see trash on the ground when we are outside the home, I pick it up. If someone drops something, I pick it up for them. I help clean up when we are visiting others' homes. They are watching me every minute, and they will ultimately do what I do no matter what I tell them. They have fallen into patterns of what they prefer, and I give them responsibility for those areas. Oldest dd takes care of most of the laundry. She gets it done, and I let her manage it her way, doing it when it works for her. Same with middle dd and the dishes, which she usually does. The best part is that other people love having them over, because they pick up after themselves (and often the other dc there.) They always jump to do dishes after dinner in other homes, they sweep up after crafts at 4H, etc. The system is enforced by discipline. Just like in real life, if they don't complete what they need to or if they step over a mess instead of picking it up or balk when I ask them to do something, they are given consequences for disobedience. I would rather hand down a strict punishment every once in a while (think every few months at the most for the younger guy, almost never for olders at this point) than argue or nag. It is much better for our relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Mary Poppins was mean(read the book:D). Now, Mrs. little Wiggle...she's my gal. Lol:lol: Consequences that are natural.....if you don't do your laundry....you will stink and you can not go with me to the store. If you don't clean up your own toys, you do not get new ones, and might lose the ones you have. If you don't eat a decent dinner, you don't get any dessert. Just regular consequences without shouting...or nagging....or punishing. Faithe Ha! You're right. I'm going to try channeling Mrs P-W instead. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.