Night Elf Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 So this year, I was all set to decorate our Christmas tree on Thanksgiving. My mom was going to be here and I haven't decorated a tree with her in years and years. Well, I found out that my dd13 was upset at the idea for 2 reasons. First, she worried that putting the tree up too early would cause us to lose some of the Christmas magic by Chrismtas day. Second, she feels strongly about our tradition of putting the tree up as an immediate family. It's sort of worked out who does what and she wanted to keep it that way. So I honored her wishes because really, it wasn't that big of a deal. So I was going to put the tree up on Dec. 1st, but now dd19 is going through a bad time and I don't want her holiday to be bad. Her boyfriend broke up with her out of the blue the day after Thanksgiving. It hit her like a ton of bricks and she has been feeling very heartbroken and devastated. Yesterday she found out he had already told friends a few weeks that he was going to do it the day after Thanksgiving. They were all his friends who lived out of state but who talked with her on facebook. Then she found out he told a mutual friend on Thanksgiving day. Now today she is hearing that he talked badly about her through texting another mutual friend. Each piece of bad news is like another stab in her heart. Even I've been crying because it hurts me so much to see her hurt so much. So now I'm thinking that I should wait longer before putting up the tree. I don't want her holiday to be associated with such hurt. Would the Christmas magic of our decorations help or hinder her recovery? I haven't asked her about it because knowing her, she would feel guilty because she knows how much I love putting out my decorations and tree. This seems like a silly dilemma but i'm trying to be sensitive. The holiday season is such a bad time for break-ups!! What would you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 Ask her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 :grouphug: Many hugs to your daughter right now. And to you as you support her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 Do the tree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parker Martin Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 Stupid boyfriend. His crumminess shouldn't dominate her holiday festivities. Do the tree. If you don't, she'll just be spending the time not doing the tree thinking about him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 Can you get her to set a date to go out, the two of you, and buy new decorations? Would that give her a bit of wallowing time, but with a transition date planned? Dunno. Just guessing. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 I'm sorry she's sad. Do you think putting up decorations would be a pleasant thing for her? Nobody wants to feel like their feelings were just "skipped over," but maybe doing something that's not just about her would make her feel better. I don't remember if you celebrate a secular Christmas or not, sorry. If you don't, maybe you could talk about Jesus' incarnation being God's gift to one day erase heartbreak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 Thanks ladies. I decided to wait until Friday to do the tree. I'm going to have ds15 do his schoolwork in 4 days instead of 5, something he will like since the work load this week isn't awful, and then use Friday as a shopping day. We'll bring in dinner, decorate the tree, and then she'll bake & decorate cupcakes with a friend. Her new "thing" is trying out all the cute cupcake designs in a baking cookbook. This gives her something to look forward to during the week. She feels pretty good about that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 I'd go ahead and put it up. It's an immediate family tradtion, and those are the memories she'll associate with it. putting the tree up as a family tradtion might also serve to distract her from a jerk ex-boyfriend. (I speak somewhat from experience. My mother died a week before Christmas in 2009.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted November 28, 2011 Author Share Posted November 28, 2011 I'd go ahead and put it up. It's an immediate family tradtion, and those are the memories she'll associate with it. putting the tree up as a family tradtion might also serve to distract her from a jerk ex-boyfriend. (I speak somewhat from experience. My mother died a week before Christmas in 2009.) Oh my. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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